


A Second Chance

by Invisibleninja12



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comedy, Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Second Chances, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-01-25 09:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 164,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21353671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Invisibleninja12/pseuds/Invisibleninja12
Summary: A 15 year old Sasori turns up in the Leaf Village almost one year after Sakura defeats him (in canon). Not knowing what to do with this young, (semi) innocent Sasori, Sakura hides him from the world.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Sasori
Comments: 274
Kudos: 532





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a project I have been working on for the past few years. I decided to actually write it after drawing a scene depicting Sasori ending up in Sakura's timeline. I think the best AU for them is one that allows them to be their canon selves, but presents Sasori at Sakura's emotional level. 
> 
> I love playing with the concept of redemption, and if human beings are products of their environments or their biology. Can Sasori change his course, or was he always doomed to become a psychopathic puppet man? 
> 
> My favorite thing about Sakura and Sasori's dynamic is that they challenge each other. I wanted to use this story to put their best and worst qualities on display, and how they effect each other's thought processes. This is technically labeled as a romantic story, but the main focus is Sasori's development as a human being, as well as his friendship with Sakura. Thank you for reading!

_(15 years after the Kyubi Attack in the Leaf)_

Sakura stood before the greatest enemy she had dared to face. The grandson of Chiyo, Sasori of the Red Sand, the legendary killer. He terrified her. Seeing him made her legs tremble. She felt her heart had stopped when she sensed his desire to kill her. Raw fear enveloped her body, her eyes locked on his disfigured form.

She felt drained, as though they had already fought. She valiantly tried to remain unmoved- confident in her abilities. But there was no mistaking it. His combat experience was so vastly far above hers. She was a baby bird about to be slaughtered by a hawk.

His very presence was poison, and it was already coursing through her veins. She could not speak. She could not move. She knew he could sense her terror from where he was standing.

Though Chiyo boosted her confidence, she felt out of place. She was witnessing a battle between two monsters- the big fish of Suna. And she was nothing more than a speck in the wind between them.

She couldn’t understand his hatred. He reeked of it. So much venom in the words he spat out, how much he despised his own grandmother. She could not wrap her mind around it. Why was he this way? What made him want to hide inside of a puppet? Hide from humanity and decency?

When she smashed Hiruko, she felt a surge of relief. A break from the thick air filled with oppressing bleakness. A victory, even if it was only the beginning. She was useful.

Sakura felt safety as she stood by her new comrade, taking her side against the person the old woman wanted to fight the least. She sensed the underlying sadness in Chiyo’s eyes.

_‘How could it come to this?’_ she was saying.

A sense of duty as well as her regret rested in the woman's breast. Chiyo felt responsible for the psychopath she had created. The boy she loved so much had become the worst thing imaginable in any grandmother’s eyes. The boy entrusted to her after her son’s untimely death. The boy who was all alone.

The black fabric covering Sasori’s true form was like a film of silence covering the cave: a false pretense. A pale hand slowly removed the veil, revealing a beautiful creature of poise and arrogance. A boy not much older than her. Perfect long locks of auburn hair curled around his dainty face, his big eyes staring as though he were right beside her. Even from afar, she could see his beauty.

How like a doll he was. For a split second, she feared him even more than before. He was unearthly, like something dropped down from another plane. He stuck out against his cloak, and the cave walls surrounding them. She was entranced, in a way. A spell had been cast on her- a spell of horror and entrapment. An attraction, as one would be drawn to blood or bones.

But he had neither blood or bones, as they would soon discover. He was an empty shell.

Sakura wasn’t in the real world. She had been moved into another place, somewhere where this could exist. A human being without flesh. A man who cocooned himself, and cut into his own skin, transforming himself into an alien entity. The living dead.

She sensed his pain. He was different from before. Bare before them without his shield, he was unable to hide himself. His true desires and fears. His regrets.

Even a monster such as himself was capable of such sadness. As she drew near him, exchanging blows, she felt a connection.

It was always said that when one has mastered the art of battle, they can feel their enemies’ hearts through their blows. Sakura did not feel that she had reached such a level until this moment. It was not that she had mastered this art- rather- she had connected with this particular enemy.

Maybe it was his youthful appearance, or his blatant anger and hatred, but she could see it- his heart. Because he was so experienced in this art, his soul had touched hers, as well as Chiyo’s. Here she was, caught in between two broken people, their sentiments laid down before them on a pulpit. Flashing movements were all her eyes could make out as they dueled... Sakura felt his need to destroy what caused him pain.

Why did he do this? This question haunted her as she was forced to fight this strange man. What brought him to the breaking point? What makes a man sacrifice his own flesh and humanity to remove himself from emotion? From love and suffering? From living?

To no longer be capable of compassion- that was his achievement... To separate himself from the rest. Yes. He did it to relieve himself of his restless desires. The unbearable loneliness.

She was in pain from the sword piercing through her side. His eyes never left hers as he watched her slowly fade. But she could not give in. The woman she had come to care for was behind her, depending on her. If this man would not give Chiyo compassion, she would.

As she punched him in frustration from his cruel and heartless words, she felt him crack. There was nothing there. Only the shell. He was already gone, she realized. It was too late to make him understand. To make him whole again. He has crossed that line long ago.

_‘If only someone had gotten there sooner’_, she thought to herself as she walked alongside Chiyo’s corpse. As they took the saintly old woman to her final resting place, Sakura’s chest felt heavy with sorrow. _‘Then this wouldn’t have happened._’

Chiyo would have been truly at peace, knowing that her loved one was safe from harm. That he knew he was loved. And he did not stray.

_‘This was her biggest regret,’_ Sakura realized.

It was then she understood that she was useless after all.


	2. The Defector

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori contemplates deserting his home village as he delivers a message to the Hokage. But something unexpected occurs.

_(5 years before the Kyubi attack) _

Sasori walked towards the distant village, sighing. He was followed by a few lower-ranked ninja. He wasn’t sure why they were necessary, but it was the Kage’s orders.

He hated them- his companions. He could practically smell his home village on them. They reeked of incompetence.

But more than that, Sasori was distracted. A concept had been burning in the back of his brain. Something dangerous.

_‘This is it. This will be my last mission.’_

He could barely take it anymore. His dreams at night were no longer an escape, only a mirror of his reality. He couldn’t seem to run away from the truth anymore.

He no longer had any purpose.

Nothing held him here, with these people. He felt no tie to the chuunin walking alongside him. No sense of duty. It was all a show.

And he was growing tired.

“Sasori, Sir, the others would like to take a short break.”

Sasori whirled around to glare at the man who spoke. The chuunin all flinched from his cruel gaze.

“We are only a few hours away from our destination and you want a break? And you call yourselves ninja?”

There was venom in his words.

One brave ninja spoke up.

“I... I just really have to pee, sir.”

Everyone was silent. Sasori eventually sighed. He had to pee too.

“Very well. But only a few minutes.”

The men all sighed in relief. He was so commanding, it was easy to forget that he wasn’t even 16 yet. They relaxed, some sitting on the ground and others wandering off to take a bathroom break.

Sasori only stared off at the large forest ahead of them. He was rounding his numbers down a bit. It was more like 6 hours to go, not 2.

He didn’t want to be late.

Human beings wasted so much time with their bodily functions... Constantly taking breaks from doing what was actually important just to sleep, eat and piss. What an absolute waste of his valuable time.

He absentmindedly walked off to relieve himself. He wasn’t used to so much color in the landscape.

Sasori enjoyed the terrain of his land. It was dry, and it didn’t frizz his hair. He could hide his puppets in the sand for ambushes. He took solace in the lonely caves spread around the desert. The endless waves of sand soothed his restless soul.

He would have been at peace in this moment if it weren’t for the obnoxious human beings behind him.

He wanted to kill them.

He zipped up his pants and began walking forward once more.

“Let’s go.”

His tone was curt, and they listened, hurriedly standing up and rushing to his side.

\----

They walked silently for hours. The ninja were all on edge from the lack of conversation, but everyone knew that Sasori hated unnecessary words. And if Sasori wasn’t happy, no one was.

They finally arrived in the Leaf. It was beautiful, as always. The chuunin admired the architecture and perfect weather. Sasori remained focused on his task, the remainder of his mental energy on his predicament.

“You are here to visit with the Hokage? Sasori, correct?”

Sasori nodded, showing his papers. The guards allowed them to continue on. He wasted no time to delve deeper into the village, earning some stares from civilians.

The thoughts were constant. He just wanted to get away from it all to perfect his work. His thoughts went to his grandmother. He bit his lip and his eyes narrowed, remembering his last conversation with her. He angrily trudged on, almost stomping. The chuunin began to whisper.

“Hey, do you think he’s in a worse mood than usual?”

Sasori didn’t hear the comments, since he had all external noises tuned out.

_‘That wench...’ _

He felt his temperature rising, and forced himself to calm down. Emotions were beast-like. They were beneath him.

He stormed past a large building, and took a shortcut through an empty lot. He was so deep in thought, he didn’t notice that something was off.

His right foot landed on the pavement, and a seal appeared for a brief moment. Nobody saw the ancient marking, and for a moment, nothing happened.

But then, Sasori began to feel faint. His eyes widened, and he fell to his knees in one, swift motion, unable to support his own weight.

“Sir!”

He heard the concerned cries of his men, but they seemed to be so far away... He could barely make out their individual voices. He gave in, and completely collapsed, his limp body seeming to melt into the ground.

What was going on?

He didn’t even care, he was so tired... His eyes fluttered shut, and he was completely lost to the world, his mind finally enveloped in darkness. He welcomed it, his constantly tortured mind finally feeling at peace. Maybe he was dead.

He didn’t mind...

He didn’t mind now...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to include a short chapter from Sasori's viewpoint before the time traveling incident, so show you where he is mentally. Hope you enjoyed!


	3. The Alternate Kohona

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura is taking a stroll after returning from a mission, when she spots a familiar stranger passed out in an abandoned lot.

_(20 years later)_

Sakura Haruno waltzed through the streets, at peace with her afternoon. That feeling after returning from a mission was always delectable, and she was feeling like treating herself to some ice cream.

She took a shortcut through the central garden, next to the library. As she passed through the shrubbery, she noticed something out of place- a man.

“Huh?” she mumbled to herself, rushing over. He was passed out in the middle of the abandoned lot. She worried he could be ill or drunk.

She drew closer, and deja vu struck her, the sensation growing exponentially with each step.

_‘He’s familiar...’_ she thought, crouching next to his motionless form. As she grabbed his shoulder to turn him towards her, she gasped.

_‘Wait a second, this is-' _

“Sasori???”

There he was, in perfect condition. She could see his chest rise and fall as soft, peaceful breaths left his mouth. His dainty eyes were closed- a sight she was not accustomed to. And he was wearing a Suna uniform.

A second passed, and something clicked. His skin. She gazed down at his neck, and realized something was different. This was not the Sasori she battled.

Real flesh. He was human.

_‘What is this? Where did he come from? Is this a clone? A jutsu?’ _

He stirred. Her lungs grew tight, suddenly realizing who was below her.

_‘This is bad,’_ her body screamed at her, but she found herself unable to move. She watched his red lashes open slowly, revealing striking eyes.

He stared at her a moment, a look of weariness and slight confusion upon his features. But he still looked so peaceful.

He abruptly burst upward, placing his weight on his elbows, his face contorted with disorientation.

“Who are you??” he asked, his voice silky, dipped with concern. She was surprised by how gentle it was, forgetting what he sounded like without Hiruko.

He looked around, and realizing that he was unfamiliar with his surroundings, he furrowed his brows.

“Where am I?”

Sasori knew he was in the Leaf village. But it was very unlike moments ago, as the building in front of him was now empty and rundown. The girl who hovered over him was lovely, in a straightforward sense. He did not know where she came from.

_‘Did I pass out?’_ he asked himself, his memory foggy and dislocated.

“Do you not remember me?” she asked.

_‘What a peculiar question,’_ he immediately thought, but ignored his initial reaction.

“What? No, I’ve never seen you before.”

He grew more and more discombobulated, his eyes speculating all around him, his face growing slightly hot from the stress building up in his chest. Something was not right.

“Um, if you don’t mind me asking...” she prodded. He turned to look at her again. Why was she so interested in him? Did she see what happened?

“... How old are you?”

She tentatively asked what was nagging at her. Dozens of questions entered her mind, but the one that could lead to answering most of them was his age.

“That’s... personal.” He raised his brow at her, irritated. She was preventing him from gathering his bearings with her hovering like that. She only stared at him, expecting a response.

He took a good look at her for the first time. Short, pink hair that looked like cotton candy, bright green eyes and feminine apparel. Her toned arms did not go by unnoticed either. She was a Kohona ninja, and she seemed to be very uneasy.

Her strange expression lead him to answer her question.

“15...”

He paused. He needed to deliver his message. He felt his side, touching the scroll in his right pocket. It was still there.

“I have a message for the Hokage. Would you mind telling me where his office is?”

“His?? You mean Lady Tsunade?” she asked, head tilted.

“Tsunade... the Sannin?” he questioned, now equally as confused as she was. They stared awkwardly at each other. “I’m here to meet with Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Hokage.”

“What???”

Sakura was thrown for a loop. She didn’t really know how to process this information, but she knew something had to be done.

A man walked up to them.

“Do you need help?” he asked, squinting down at the teens.

“Yes, I need to find-"

“Nope! All good here!” Sakura cut Sasori off, suddenly grabbing his arm and yanking him upwards. “He just, uh... tripped!”

Sasori was opening his mouth again, hoping to get away from this strong-headed woman, but she already had him on his feet, and was now dragging him away somewhere unknown.

“Wait, I have a say in this!” he exclaimed, trying to pry his flesh away from her iron grip. He was terribly confused, and growing more vexed with each second. She was strong. To his mild horror, he realized he couldn’t break free, and looked back at the man who offered assistance.

“Oh... ok, Miss Sakura, you two take care!” the man said, still unsure about the display in front of him.

_‘He knows her??’_

He was dazed as she winded him through alleyways, leading him who knows where. For some reason, he felt she meant him no harm, and he was curious about what she knew.

They stopped in front of the edge of a thick grove of trees, away from any buildings. Sakura looked around, then led him through the underbrush.

“Why are you taking us here?” he asked, annoyed. He just wanted to complete his mission and go back home. He was in need of a good book and quality alone time.

“Sasori...” she scolded him. He was amazed by her curtness. It was as though she were close to him. But he was certain they had never met until just now. Then he realized she knew his name, even though he had never given away such information.

“Ok, I’m determined to get to the bottom of this. Who are you really? Are you pretending to be Sasori? Are you a clone?”

She scanned him up and down intensely, and he furrowed his brows.

“No... What kind of idiotic question is that? I’m myself...”

He raised a brow. He was growing impatient with this stressful encounter.

“That’s impossible. We killed you.”

“Huh?”

He was dumbfounded. What was this lunatic talking about?

“We?” he sighed. Unbelievable.

“Lady Chiyo And I!”

This stopped him in his tracks.

“... Say that again?”

“Your grandmother? Do you remember her?”

Sakura was wild-eyed, a faint sweat upon her brow. Her hands gripped the front of his chest armor and he could only freeze from the shock of being man-handled by a perfect stranger.

“Of course I know my grandmother! She’s waiting for me at home! This is nonsense! I don’t know how you know my name or my grandmother, but I’m officially disregarding you-“

“You’re dead!” she aggressively whispered. “How can you be here now? You’ve been dead for almost a year now... And you’re human.”

“Of course I’m human. What else would I be?”

“Sasori... I think... You’re not the same Sasori I know.”

“...?”

“You... I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you really are 15... aren’t you?”

There was a serious tone in her words that made him pause.

“Yes...”

“And you live with your grandmother? In Sunagakure?”

“Yes-“

Sakura thought for ages. She paced around, a confused but curious Sasori observing her.

“Ok, we need to talk.”

“Aren’t we talking now?”

“... This... is going to be a long conversation.”

He tilted his head. “Is Hiruzen Sarutobi... really not the Hokage?” he asked softly, the uneasiness in his stomach finally getting to him.

“No... The Third... passed away four years ago.” She softened her words, realizing that the boy in front of her was growing worried. “... Ask anyone.”

Sasori did not know what to say. If she was really implying what he thought she was, he didn’t know how to proceed.

“Sasori...” she touched his arm tentatively, by instinct, noticing how shaken he seemed. It was a look on him that made her uneasy, something she otherwise would have never imagined. Sasori unsure of himself was an impossible sight to her.

He looked back at her, his mouth agape as though he were going to say something. She interrupted him, sensing that he didn’t know what to do.

“I think...”

She stopped, realizing how stupid it sounded.

“You think I time traveled.”

He finished her thought for her, his tone giving away nothing as to his thoughts or feelings. His face was deadpan. A moment of silence ensued.

“This is preposterous. I will be delivering this message now...” he announced, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “... and after that, I will go home, take a much needed bath, and make sure I never come here again.”

She blinked. She opened her mouth to subdue him, but realized that nothing she could say would prove anything. She sighed.

“Ok, you think I’m crazy. That’s fine. Just... let me take you to Lady Tsunade myself. I’m her student.”

He narrowed his eyes.

“How do I know you won’t be leading me into some sort of genjutsu nonsense?”

Sakura flared up, immediately pissed off by his accusations.

“Excuse me! How do I know you’re who you say you are! You’re the freak here!”

Her hands broke into fists, her ears tinted red. He couldn’t help but think the reaction, while it was unnecessary, was somewhat cute.

“Fine. Take me to your sensei.”

He held up his hands in surrender, his deadpan expression never changing. He needed to get away from this girl. Her suggestion was improbable, not to mention it required the supernatural to be applicable. Even if he was unsure of what was happening...

“Humph!” Sakura gritted her teeth and turned around. She began to stomp away from him begrudgingly. He decided to follow her.

\----

He looked around. The Leaf was... different. He had visited once before, and he recalled the village being smaller. The giant face of Tsunade Senju carved into the side of the mountain was probably the most disconcerting thing he had ever seen in his life. There she was, next to Hiruzen and some other man who was familiar.

Did he really die?

The pink-haired girl stopped in her tracks.

“Crap!” She turned to face him. “You- you look like a Sand ninja!”

“Of course I look like a Sand ninja. I am a Sand ninja.”

“You look like Sasori of the Red Sand!!” she exclaimed, looking around frantically. For some reason, when she used his full title, it felt distant... And too formal.

“Look, I don’t understand what your problem is here, ok? Whoa-“

She had grabbed him again, and was leading him somewhere else uninhabited. He sighed. What was going on... He was developing a headache.

She hid the two of them behind another tree.

“What do you want?” he asked, irritated.

“You need to change,” she announced. It wasn’t a suggestion. It was an order.

“Excuse me?” he asked, growing angry.

She shook her head, and mumbled to herself.

“What am I supposed to do...” she whispered, smacking her cheeks with her gloved hands.

“Ok, can you just... take off your gear for now?”

He was... offended.

This was chaos. He was growing convinced that he had fallen into some weird hellscape.

“Please!” she begged, clapping her hands together in a praying position. She was so earnest and genuine... He was unsure of what to do.

“How can I trust you. You want me to leave my weapons?”

“You’re fine without them and you know it,” she ushered, shooing him with her hand. “Please, I’m not gonna do anything bad to you, ok? I just... You cannot be seen by any other ninja like that. Especially anyone who worked on your case with me...”

His case? He looked her up and down. Of course he didn’t trust her. But he was confident he could take her on if he had to.

“My scroll stays,” he said. She sighed.

“Ok. We’ll just say...” she thought for a moment. “An artist! Yeah, you’re a traveling artist!”

He sighed. She stared at him intently.

“Fine.”

He carefully removed his village symbol from his waist, and set it down, as well as his Kunai holster.

“The jacket too,” she stated.

He growled, unzipped it, and tossed it onto the ground. He then picked up his belt that contained his puppet scroll, and retied it around his waist. She looked at him up and down, her hand cupping her chin. She was examining him, he realized. And he didn’t like that one bit.

“Ok, the bandages too. It still looks weird.”

“Will I have any clothes left?” he hissed, unwrapping his arm and leg bandages. He felt naked.

She nodded.

“Ok, good. You look boring now.”

He tried not to take that personally.

“Let’s go. We’ll hide your stuff here,” she said, grabbing his things and stuffing them under a rock. Before he could complain, she had grabbed his arm again, and was leading him back into society.

He didn’t know what to think of her. She was very forward and... aggressive.

They headed to the Hokage’s office. Sakura led him up the stairs and as soon as they entered the hallway, she gasped.

It was Shizune. Sakura looked back at Sasori and decided maybe it was best if he met with her instead.

“My lady!” Sakura said, running up to the dark-haired woman.

“Oh Sakura, you’re back? How was your mission?”

“It went fine. Anyway, um...”

Sakura gave Sasori a look and encouraged him to come forward.

“This is a traveling artist! I ran into him on the way here. He wanted to ask a few questions about the village. You know, to get a better feel of... Uh, the village. Cause he’s an artist. And he’s here to draw it.”

Sasori wanted to smack himself in the head.

“I would love to convey the feeling of vitality in this village and its people,” Sasori chimed in, trying to fix whatever the hell that awful introduction was. “I haven’t visited since Tsunade Senju became Hokage, and I was interested in asking her a few questions about what she thinks this village represents in today’s society as a whole.”

Sakura’s jaw dropped.

_‘Oh right! He is actually an artist!’ _

She remembered learning that about him after Chiyo died.

“Oh, well that sounds wonderful! Unfortunately, my lady is very busy right now! Very behind on her paperwork! But I am her right hand, so maybe I can help you!”

Shizune was always so eager to help, and Sakura had hoped for this. Tsunade was too shrewd... She worried the Sannin would quickly pick up on Sasori’s true identity. But Shizune wasn’t as skeptical. And she trusted Sakura’s word.

Sakura hoped this was good enough for Sasori. She looked over at him hopefully. He made eye contact with her, and then looked back at Shizune.

“Yes. That is sufficient.”

Sakura sighed. He was so formal and stiff. Sand ninja were different from Leaf ninja in general. They were less... friendly.

“What would you like to know?” Shizune asked, excited to be a part of this artist’s vision.

“When did Lady Tsunade become Hokage?” he asked.

“It’s the 12th, right? In that case, it was almost exactly four years ago. Hard to believe so much time has passed already!”

Sasori didn’t really know what to ask. He was unbelievably confused, of course. So this was true?

He wanted to ask about the Third Hokage, but felt the questions would stick out as odd.

“And what is the Fifth Hokage’s main goal for this village, now that she is in power?”

“Hmm. I think she wants to change a lot of things. We want to help this village lead others to a new way of thinking. We seek peace and legislation. We want to continue forward and not only provide exceptional service to others, but to give our own ninja better accommodations.”

Sasori was impressed. This woman was well-spoken.

“And what did you do before she became Hokage?”

“Oh, well we traveled the world together. I think this village is wonderful. I really enjoy living here. I think things will only continue to improve in this village of ours. Don’t you think so, Sakura?”

Sakura smiled.

“Certainly, my lady.”

Sasori was very uninterested in pretending to be an artist. He wanted real answers.

“And what of the Sand? What do you think of them?”

Sakura was about to cut him off but Shizune went ahead and answered.

“Well, things have been great with them since we helped rescue the Kagekage!”

Sasori was stunned.

What?

“The Kazekage?” he echoed, wondering who that was.

“Yes, Gaara of the Sand. Thanks to Sakura here, and many others, we were able to strengthen the bond between our villages. Our alliance has never been stronger!”

He had no idea who Gaara was, but figured the Third Kazekage was dead by this point. Or at least retired... Hearing about home from this stranger was... odd.

“Civilians like you should feel safer now,” Shizune continued, “now that some of the Akatsuki are taken care of.”

The Akatsuki? Some sort of organization?

Sakura butted in.

“Ok! Hahaha!” she giggled nervously. “Sas- I mean, Sir, why don’t you ask her about the main attractions in our village?”

Sakura was trying to give him a hint. He was veering off track.

“Oh yes! Well you must try out Ichiraku ramen! One of our ninja- Sakura’s teammate in fact- swears by it. A Kohona classic.”

“Thank you,” he said, smiling.

Sakura got chills. His smile was... so believable. It was unlike any expression she had ever seen on him. He always seemed so... blunt. And cruel.

“Have a good evening, you two! I’ll go ahead and tell Lady Tsunade that you’re back and your mission was a success.”

“Thank you!” Sakura replied, giving her a nod.

“Good luck on your picture! I hope I helped!”

“Hm.”

Sasori was distracted. His thoughts were all scattered into puzzle pieces, and he was attempting to piece them together in a way that made sense. He began to walk away, lost in himself.

Before Sakura could chase after him, Shizune pulled her back.

“Say, he’s pretty cute, isn’t he. Are you going to be his tour guide for the night?” Shizune asked.

She was obviously assuming Sakura had taken an interest in him, thus explaining why she bothered to bring him here.

“Uh... yeah! You know it haha.”

Sakura was very uncomfortable. She had just brought an enemy of the government into her leader’s headquarters. He was right there, just wandering around, staring at the walls. Sakura gave him a second glance. He was just staring at the walls...

She hurriedly ran over to him before he started to look crazy. Shizune smiled, and went on her merry way, completely oblivious to what was really going on. Sakura stood next to Sasori, concerned.

“Are you ok?”

Sasori snapped out of it and stared at the girl next to him. She looked genuinely concerned. He batted her hand away and looked for the way they came in.

“I’m fine.”

He headed towards the exit. Sakura trailed after him, wondering where on earth he thought he was going.

“Wait up!” she called, studying him closely. He was obviously discombobulated. Despite his neutral expression and firm tone, she knew he was acting strangely. Not that she knew him or anything. But he was acting differently from earlier.

He was also walking very fast. Like he was trying to get away from something.

“It’s really 20 years later?” he suddenly asked, stopping in his tracks. Sakura almost bumped into him.

“Yes...”

His face was blank. She felt... bad for him.

“I’m sorry,” she offered, not knowing what one could say in a situation like this. It was just as strange for her as it was for him, but in different ways. To her, a deadly, sociopathic Akatsuki member magically teleported into her village. And to him, he just lost 20 years...

He shook his head slightly, his brow furrowed.

“How is this possible...”

“I don’t know,” Sakura calmly replied. She realized that whatever was going on, no one else could know about it.

“You were just in the middle of the lot,” she explained to him. “It was... surreal. At first I thought you were a drunk.”

“So I already lived?? For the past 20 years?” he asked, changing the direction of the conversation.

“Yes.”

Sakura grew more determined with each second. This Sasori was NOT the Sasori she knew. That much was apparent. He was more... emotional. Not that that was saying much. He was in a very upsetting situation and despite this, he was still robotic and rude.

She suddenly wondered how far along he was... to becoming what she saw in that battle.

“And I died,” he stated. She nodded.

He was lost in thought again. It was a lot to take in. Sakura knew it would take some time for him to process all of this.

“Listen,” she said. He looked at her blankly. “I know you’re probably feeling crazy right now but... I need to take you somewhere.”

He looked around. It was starting to get dark. Evidence that the autumn season was reaching its peak.

“I... don’t really know what to do, but for now, I can at least take you to my house, ok?”

She couldn’t believe what she was saying. She was inviting Sasori of the Red Sand into her home. But it was happening.

“Um... sure.”

He didn’t know what to do other than agree at this point. If all of this was true... he had nowhere to go.

“Come on,” she said, attempting to be comforting. “Let’s... get you something to eat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, what chaos! I had a lot of fun writing this! No matter what happens, Sasori will always have his sharp tongue!


	4. Official Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura invites Sasori into her home, and tells him her side of the story.

An exhausted red head followed a very nervous pink-haired girl down the street. To an outsider, they looked completely normal. At least, that was what Sakura had hoped.

“My parents are out for the night, so you can stay with me I guess... But that can’t be a long term thing, ok?”

He only nodded. Sakura turned back around and almost knocked the wind out of herself with shock.

“Hey Sakura!”

Naruto was waving at her and making his way towards them. Sakura panicked.

“Whatcha up to?” he grinned.

“Um... I’m just showing this traveling artist around haha! He wanted to learn more about the village, so I’m helping him!”

She smiled. She hoped she didn’t seem too chipper. Naruto looked behind her at Sasori, and narrowed his eyes.

_‘Oh no! He never saw Sasori’s real body but he probably looked at his file! What if he recognizes him?!’ _

“Hey,” Naruto said to Sasori. Sakura could tell Naruto was feeling territorial. Phew. At least he didn’t recognize him...

Sasori didn’t give a real response, only nodding and making a grunting sound. Sakura mentally threw herself against a wall.

Naruto didn’t like this guy’s disinterested attitude. Sakura knew what he was thinking.

“Uhhhh you see, he actually hit his head earlier! I checked him out and I think he’s fine, but he’s a little... out of sorts.”

Sakura attempted to come up with an explanation for Sasori’s haughty attitude. Heck, it was like meeting Sai all over again...

“So I was going to help him find where he’s staying! Don’t worry, I suggested Ichiraku to him! Hahaha!”

Naruto was still glaring at Sasori, and Sasori didn’t like this one bit. He glared right back.

“Um... So we’re going to get going. I will see you tomorrow, right?”

Naruto snapped out of it when he heard Sakura promising to see him soon. He smiled warmly at her.

“You bet!”

She smiled at him. Naruto always made her feel better. More grounded. For a second, she almost forgot her situation.

Naruto gave Sasori another look before continuing on. Sakura rushed Sasori down the street with gusto, hoping she wouldn’t run into anyone else she knew.

\----

“Ok, we’re here!” she announced.

Finally...

She took off her shoes and waited for him to do the same before wandering into her living room.

He looked around. It was a nice home... Living spaces in Suna were more minimalistic.

Sakura ran into the kitchen to get some water. When she turned around, she caught him staring at the family pictures.

_‘He... looks so lonely,’_ she thought to herself.

She pushed that thought aside as she poured two glasses of water.

“Here,” she announced, setting his glass down on the living room table. He slowly made his way to the couch, and awkwardly sat down. She sat across from him.

He was so normal... just a normal human being. Right? Yeah.

She found herself staring at him as he gulped down the water. She wasn’t even sure of what was on her mind. Just how strange it was. Sasori was in her house, and she was hosting him. This shouldn’t have been possible.

When he finished drinking, he set down the glass and sat back, his arms crossed. He couldn’t have looked more uncomfortable.

An awkward silence filled the room. It was interrupted by a strange sound. She realized it was his stomach.

“Are you hungry?”

He looked sheepish, almost.

“Admittedly.”

She found herself smiling at him. For some reason, this smile stuck out to Sasori. Something about it made him feel like it was going to be ok.

“I’ll make you something then. I haven’t eaten myself. Make yourself at home!”

Sakura stood up and took their glasses. She wondered what she should make him. He seemed like a bland eater. Maybe she should stick with rice and miso.

She refilled his glass and brought it back to him. She could feel his eyes on her as she set it down on the table once more. She ignored it.

“How do you know me?”

She looked over at him, surprised. She then sighed.

“That’s... a long story.”

She turned away and got out her cooking supplies.

“Well... I guess I should just start by saying... that you’re really different from the Sasori I met.”

“In what way?” he asked. She laughed nervously.

“You’re much younger, of course. The Sasori I knew was 35. And he was a member of the Akatsuki.”

“That organization that woman mentioned earlier.”

“Yes... They are... bad.”

He was silent. She continued.

“You know about the Jinchuriki, right? Well, the Akatsuki want to take their power... So they’ve been hunting down Jinchuriki and... they are a mercenary group. We don’t know a lot about them, but they are...” she sighed, trying to figure out how to explain who he was working for without making him feel like absolute trash.

“They are evil.”

Sasori was taken aback.

“The current Kazekage is Gaara, a friend of Naruto’s. The guy you met earlier.”

“The obnoxious one?”

She couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah. You may not think so, but Naruto is actually a really good guy.”

“Hm.”

She prepared to cook the rice. She decided to make all of it.

“The Leaf got news from the Sand that Gaara had been kidnapped by the Akatsuki. And my team was sent to help them. And it was a good thing too, because I’m a medical ninja.”

“Oh of course,” Sasori realized. “Tsunade’s student.”

She nodded.

“Gaara’s brother had been poisoned while trying to retrieve him...”

“And I was able to make an antidote for him just in time. Your grandmother was probably annoyed at me at that moment,” she laughed, remembering the grumpy old woman with a bittersweet look in her eye. “She wasn’t too fond of us Leaf ninja getting in the way.”

Sasori smirked. Sounded like her.

Sakura stopped cooking for a moment. She sighed.

“You were the one who poisoned Kankuro- I mean- Gaara’s brother.”

Sasori’s smirk faded away.

“And your partner was the one who battled Gaara. My team set out to track you guys. And we found your hideout. But we didn’t get there in time. Gaara was already dead. Naruto didn’t believe it. He was going crazy... "

She sighed.

“Anyway. We ended up splitting up. Naruto went with our Sensei after your partner, and Lady Chiyo and I faced you.”

“She went with you?” he asked incredulously.

“She knew it was you. She wanted to be the one... to fight you.”

He said nothing. Sakura continued.

“And we fought. It was strange... In the end, she claimed you allowed us to win. And we did defeat you.”

She turned around to look at him.

“And it was pure luck, let me tell you. We were both almost dead. You had poisoned us both. I had one antidote left... but she gave it to me. Later, I understood why.”

Sakura had to stop. She was leaving out so much... she didn’t want him to know. How much that battle meant to her. How it effected her. How terrified she was. How evil he was. And that he wasn’t even a human anymore.

She bit her tongue. For some reason, she felt she should leave that part out. So she skipped it.

She turned back away from him.

“We ran to help Naruto... And we thought your partner was dead. They got Gaara back, but he was dead. So...”

Her eyes welled up slightly. She realized a small tear has escaped her eye.

“Sorry.” She wiped her eyes, and continued. “Your grandma died... She gave her life to Gaara. She sacrificed herself.”

She looked up at the ceiling. She tried to regain her composure before turning around again.

“It was a special jutsu she developed. Some forbidden jutsu that allows one to put life into anything... She said she originally made it for you, but it was too late for that. So she saved Gaara.”

Sasori’s blank expression appeared to be indifferent, but the slight widening of his eyes told her he felt very differently.

“After that, we held a service for her. She was a hero... I took comfort in talking to Ebizō, your great uncle. I... I don’t know. I wanted to learn more about her. And you.”

She prepared the miso.

“And then we left. And I helped form a file on you. And that was it.”

She turned to face him. He was listening intently.

“Until you just appeared in my village today.”

She turned back around to finish up her cooking.

“To be honest, that was my first real battle. Well, I’ve been in bad situations before, but this was the first time I was on my own. I had to rely on my own strength. And I had to thank you for that.”

Silence. Sakura was ok with that. She knew it was a wild story.

She finished preparing her meals and set them down on the table.

“So the old bag really is dead...”

Sasori was actually a little upset. This surprised her.

“Yes... It’s been almost a year now.”

Sensing he was dealing with some emotions, she wanted to give him some space. She pretended to get something out of the refrigerator.

“Wow, this is horrible.”

She looked back at him. He was eating the meal she prepared for him. He was making a bad face, ever so slightly, to show his distaste.

“Hey!” she yelled at him. “You will eat it or you can find your own food!”

She was in a huff. He was surprised at how she just scolded him. It was actually kind of funny.

“It’s edible, I guess,” he replied cooly, staring straight at her. She gritted her teeth and pointed at him.

“Like you could do better!”

“I could.”

He was so blunt. She froze, unsure of how to respond to such honesty. After a moment, she fizzled.

“Help yourself then!”

She stormed off.

“I’ll get your gear. Stay here!” she growled. She put on her boots once more and stormed out the door.

He blinked. One second she was there, the next she wasn’t. And he was left alone in a strange house, eating poorly cooked miso.

_‘How does a person mess up white rice like this?’_ he thought absentmindedly to himself, gazing into the bowl.

He was unsure of what to do. He looked around. This was so surreal. In a way, it felt totally within the realm of normal when he was alone like this. As if he were just dropping by someone’s home as a guest...

But then he remembered that everything he understood was just... gone. He had no home.

_‘It’s not like it was really a home in the first place...’ _

A strange emptiness filled him. It made him forget how bad the food tasted, and he ate every single morsel.

The news about Granny was what disturbed him the most. So if he had gone through with his plans, he wouldn’t see her until a battle to the death 20 years later?

He was unsettled by the thought of her death. But he wasn’t sure why. A part of him cursed her, but another part...

If he was really stuck here... he would never see her again.

His body felt tired. Sasori was a focused person, and usually he was excellent at ignoring his body's needs. He didn’t require much sleep, and not too much food either. But at this moment, Sasori felt more tired than he ever felt in his life.

\----

“That jerk... can’t believe him...”

Sakura stomped down the street with a large bag. She had placed Sasori’s belongings in there. It was nearing 9:00 pm and she was exhausted. Her mission was just draining, and then she came home to this mess...

For some reason, she didn’t feel overwhelmed by the impossible situation she was in. Not in a normal sense. She was blurring out the big picture. Thinking about it made her want to fall over.

She felt numb, walking towards her house in a zombie-like state. As soon as she stood in front of her own doorway, the weight of it all suddenly came crashing down on her.

What... was she doing?

Sasori was a complete psychopath. At least... the Sasori she knew was.

How messed up was this Sasori? He said he was 15... meaning he was probably about to turn 16. So only half a year younger than her, just like Naruto.

Sakura had a monologue in her head about what to do with Sasori. The Sasori she knew was a psychopathic killer and wanted criminal. She wondered if the Sasori in front of her was already a killer. She decided to face him, and walked through the front door.

He whirled around, and watched as she removed her shoes. He hesitated, but walked up to her to grab his things. He curled them against his chest, and stood in the middle of the room stiffly. It seemed as through he were waiting for something.

_‘Ah right, he probably wants a place to lie down!’_ she thought, and walked into the nearby closet, pulling a tatami mat and sheets. She contemplated whether she should question him or not.

Of course, she did.

“You’re almost 16, right?” she suddenly asked, placing the mat on the floor next to the bathroom. Her house wasn’t large, but it had spacious rooms. She figured this would be good enough. It felt weird to put him in her parents’ room.

“In November,” he replied, still awkwardly clutching onto his possessions.

“Can you... be honest with me?” She asked, pausing to look up at him. He blinked.

“I suppose that would be beneficial.”

She sighed. So stiff. Everything about him. He was a little off.

“Were you going to leave?”

He was surprised.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Lady Chiyo said you left your village when you were 15... And she never saw you again.”

He had nothing to say. He didn’t expect this question. What unnerved him was that it was true.

“Why did you want to leave?”

He still said nothing. A darkness spread over his eyes. She gulped.

After a few more moments, she realized he didn’t know what to say.

_‘Guess he didn’t think he’d ever talk to anyone about that...’ _

She reworded the question to get to the point.

“Are you going to kill me in my sleep?”

He jerked.

“No!”

“Are you planning on committing acts of terrorism tonight?”

“No- what-"

“Ok, good enough for now.”

She stood up.

“I will get you some more clothes tomorrow. I’m assuming you have your toiletries with you. I think we have both had a long day, so I’ll let you get some sleep.”

He still didn’t know what to say. Sharing a space with this stranger... who asked him very personal questions... was very disorienting and frustrating.

“Well... goodnight,” she said.

“Uh, yeah.”

Her instinct was to hurry to her room, but she forced herself to look casual. As soon as she closed the door behind her, she screeched silently.

“Sasori of the Red Sand is in my house!”

She wondered why and how he came to be here.

Why now?

Lady Chiyo popped into her head.

“He left when he was 15...”

“And the Kazekage disappeared 10 years after that...” she said to herself.

_‘I really hope I’m not being stupid. What if he’s crazy and kills people? Then it would be my fault I didn’t turn him in!!!’ _

She nervously paced around her room.

_‘What If he is really a spy? Or what if he’s not who he claims to be? Or under brain control????’ _

But it was him... It had to be. He was different, but he still had that haughty air about him. And that face... his voice. His reactions...

She decided this would take a lot of research. If he really did travel 20 years into the future... How could that be possible?

She managed to fall asleep after many hours of nervous pacing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wished Kishimoto showed more of Sakura's thought process after her experiences during the Kazekage Rescue Arc. Her battle with Sasori was a huge deal for her as a character, and I wanted some insight into how it changed her. So here is Sasori, in her home, after she and Chiyo fought him to the death. It would be a bit jarring, wouldn't it? To face the most dangerous enemy she had ever come across?


	5. The File

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori wants to learn more about his future self and Sakura needs to find a place for him to stay.

Sakura awakened to the sound of a bird chirping just outside her window. She felt like she had smashed her face through a wall. Groggily opening her eyes, she yawned and scratched her scalp through her ratty hair. Her eyes widened when she looked at the numbers displayed on her nightstand.

“12 o' clock???!!!”

She abruptly jumped out of bed and grabbed her bathrobe, rushing to get her day started. She was supposed to meet up with Team 7 tonight and she had errands to run! She blasted through the door, tying her robe, heading to the bathroom.

She suddenly walked past a person sitting at her kitchen table. Her heart leapt through her throat as she jumped, taking a second look.

It was Sasori, who was casually sitting in her house, drinking what smelled like coffee.

“Ahhhhh!”

_‘I thought yesterday was some weird dream!’ _

Seeing him in her home scared her silly! Her heart was still working double time, an adrenaline rush coursing through her veins. Sasori said nothing, only staring at her with his lazy eyes.

She then realized that he had cleaned her entire house.

“How long have you been awake!?”

”Since around 6 am.”

She was horrified. He had been running around her house for the past 6 hours with no one watching him?!

She noticed how quickly he made himself at home. For some reason, she had thought of him as a very formal person. Now she realized, like her, he could sometimes be a little uncouth.

“I see you aren’t a morning person,” he said, nodding towards her appearance. She instantly turned red, looking down at her robe, knowing her hair was standing straight up.

“Ahhh! How dare you!!!” she yelled at him and ran into the bathroom, embarrassed.

She angrily brushed her teeth, mortified by the situation. Her enemy was in her house and making quips about her ragged appearance.

_‘I’m supposed to feel safe at home!!’ _

She showered and dried her hair after coating it with scented conditioner, and paused. After hesitating, she reached out and grabbed her mascara.

Sakura typically dolled up her eyes some, using natural tones. But she felt strange, preparing to look nice for this guy.

_‘I’m going out, this is my daily routine,’_ she convinced herself, putting on a dot of blush on each cheek.

_‘He better not think I’m doing this for his sake!’ _

Sakura rarely did anything to her lips, but dabbed some tinted balm on, and looked herself over. Flawless application. A subtle but very nice change. She felt clean and ready to deal with... what was outside.

She sighed, and quickly walked down the hall, past Sasori, and back into her room to grab some clothes.

_‘This is real. This is real... What am I going to do??’ _

She had to make a decision. Was she really going to look after this person? She wasn’t sure of the situation or why it occurred. And she didn’t know if he was dangerous or not.

_‘Why did this happen to me?’ _

Yes, why her? It was rather strange that she happened to be the one to find him in an abandoned lot.

Was it... fate of some kind? If so, what was she supposed to do?

After a few more moments of debating herself, she stepped out to find that he had made her a meal out of things in the kitchen. She was amazed by how put together he was.

_‘He made breakfast for me while I was getting ready?’_ she thought, staring down at the full course meal with stars in her eyes. Sasori noticed her eager expression and felt satisfied with his cooking. He prided himself in this area, and it was essential to show this girl what a real meal looked like.

“Wow, Uh... Thank you,” she stuttered, unsure of what to say. Then she paused.

“Hey, how do I know you didn’t poison this?” she asked accusingly, pointing at the food. It looked delicious.

Sasori huffed.

“If I wanted to poison you, you’d be dead!” he blurted, and turned away from her, putting milk back in the fridge. She blinked.

“Ah, I guess so...” she said half to herself, and sat down. Sasori noticed her plate was clean in no time at all.

“You even know my specialities and jutsu...” he noted, leaning against the counter. She looked over at him, gulping down the last sip of milk. “I would be interested in comparing myself now to how I was when you fought me.”

She choked on her milk.

“Uhhhhhh!”

What should she do?! That didn’t sound like a good idea.

She went silent, thinking.

Was he dangerous?

She looked over at him, and he started right back, his deadpan expression reminding her of who he was. But she just ate a meal prepared by him. He... did that for her. And cleaned her house. Why... did he do that?

“You think it’s a bad idea.” he said, crossing his arms.

“I... It might be triggering for you! And...”

“You don’t trust me yet.”

She didn’t know how to respond.

“Ridiculous. You take me into your home and let me sleep here, but you won’t tell me about myself.”

When he put it that way, it was... kind of silly sounding.

“I didn’t know you could cook,” she said suddenly, turning her body towards him. He didn’t know why she brought that up.

“I excel at many things,” he replied cooly, not batting an eye.

Wow, very humble.

“And you cleaned.”

“Your house was a horror.”

She scrunched her face, peeved at his remark.

“Like that’s your business!”

_‘She’s so quick to anger...’_ he thought, standing still.

“It became my business when you brought me here," he said in a monotone.

She was about to reply when she remembered something. Lady Chiyo had mentioned to her that he was an organized person. Maybe it was a condition.

“... Fine.”

Lady Chiyo... What would she do in this situation? Sakura wished she could ask her. Or just dump him off at the front gates of Suna.

“May I shower?” he asked abruptly, interrupting her thoughts.

“Oh! Yeah! Hold on!”

She quickly stood up and ran to the bathroom to make sure he had something to use. She searched for her dad’s things, and found some basic shampoo and conditioner, among other toiletries. She laid them out for him, and appeared once more before him.

“Here, you can use this shower.”

He remained still for a moment, then realized something.

“Do you... have anything I can change into?”

She forget about that. He was wearing his uniform yesterday and said he came to the Leaf to deliver a message. He had probably just traveled many days in the desert to get here. If he was a tidy person, he was probably dying to get out of those clothes.

“Right!”

She could give him her dad’s clothes, but he would notice they were missing.

“I think... I’ll have to get you some.”

She immediately grabbed her wallet off of the table. He stopped her.

“You can use this.”

He handed her his own wallet. She opened it and was surprised. There was not much in there. For some reason, his snotty attitude gave off the vibe that he was loaded.

She was just paid from just returning from a mission. She smiled.

“That’s ok. You hold onto that for something more important. It’s really no problem.”

He stared down into the somewhat barren wallet.

“... I was going to get paid when I returned.”

Sakura laughed. It was the first time he heard her genuinely laugh. It surprised him.

What was so funny?

She noticed his confused look, and it made her laugh even harder.

“You just have bad luck, that’s all.”

He looked down at his wallet once more and closed it.

“Ah, I guess I do.”

She smiled once more, and he couldn’t help but be in a better mood.

“Ok, you shower and I’ll go get you some clothes. It shouldn’t take too long.”

She put on her shoes and her purse, and headed out. And just like that, she was gone.

Sasori did feel awkward here. He was bored earlier, so he passed the time by cleaning, since it felt weird to wake her. He waited to ask her to shower, in case she woke up and walked in on him or something. She did look surprised to see him there. He figured she would forget.

He stripped and then took a very long, very needed shower.

Sakura headed to the nearest clothing shop. When looking through the men’s clothes, she just eyeballed what she thought his size would be. She then went to the counter with many outfits.

“Why are you buying men’s clothes?”

Sakura whirled around.

It was Ino!

“Uhhhh they’re comfortable...” she said, attempting to sound convincing.

_'Oh no! Ino can’t know I'm buying clothes for a boy!'_

“Yeah, you’re right,” Ino agreed. “Sometimes I like to relax in men’s sweaters.”

“Hahaha! Yup! Super comfy!”

Ino raised a brow.

“You ok?”

“Yeah! I just... I guess my last mission was kind of hard, so I just feel out of sorts today.”

Ino nodded.

“I feel you. Last time we set out, Chouji had an incident and lost his snacks. We went to this weird local place and all got food poisoning.” She shook her head. “I didn’t feel right for at least a week.”

Sakura was distracted from her predicament.

“Wow, that does suck.”

Ino nodded eagerly.

“Anyway, I’ll catch ya later! Drop by the shop sometime!”

She waved and walked off. Sakura sighed in relief. Ino was nosy but always assumed she knew what was going on. Sometimes it was best to just let her go wild with her imagination.

She was glad the clothes were hidden in bags. She ran back to her house as soon as she could. She then quickly knocked off her shoes and ran across the living room and knocked on the bathroom door.

“I’m leaving these here! I’ll look away.”

She turned around and heard the door open.

“Thank you.”

The tone was haughty, as always, but she smiled anyway. Hearing him say those words was just too strange, but she was glad he had enough manners to acknowledge when someone did something for him.

Moments later, he emerged, fully clothed. She noticed he had selected the most modest of the options: a turtleneck with long pants.

“Do they fit?”

“Yes.”

Sakura was proud of her accomplishment. For some reason, dressing a person in need gave her a surge of success.

“Ok. We have to figure out what to do with you.”

Sasori couldn’t agree more. He wouldn’t feel at ease until his fate was decided.

He had done a lot of thinking in the shower, and wondered how this situation could turn out well for him. He could just continue with his original plans- to leave and go rogue. But he didn’t know enough about the world now. 20 years lost. He needed more information. And he didn’t feel endangered with this girl. She was useful, for now.

If what this girl said was true, he could be in trouble. If the Sasori they knew was a terrorist, what would they do with him? Put him in a lab? Imprison him?

“Ok, so you can’t stay here. My parents will be home tonight. So we will have to think of another place you can stay.”

Sasori thought for a moment.

“Why are you hiding me? You don’t know me. This act won’t benefit you.”

She tilted her head, confused.

“Hmm. I guess you’re right. Whether this is a good idea or not is entirely up to you.”

He perked a brow.

“Well, are you going to cause me trouble?” she asked.

“It is in my best interest to remain your ally. Becoming your enemy would only endanger me to your superiors.”

So analytical.

“Ok. Then it’s beneficial for me.”

He didn’t understand, and she didn’t except him to. She took a good look at him. He looked like just a normal teenage boy.

_'What would Lady Chiyo do...' _

She came to a realization.

Chiyo... would want her to do what she couldn’t.

“Come on. I’ll tell you who you were.”

————

“I really hope no one will recognize you,” Sakura noted, glancing over at the distinctive readhead beside her.

“You think someone will recognize me from the bingo book?”

“Maybe... But you are dead, so a normal person would write it off.”

“Hm.”

They were heading to the archives. What she was about to do was reckless. But she was confident she could keep a close eye on him. After all, the level she was taking him to wasn't too risky, since information on the Akatsuki was passed around a fair amount among Leaf ninja. If they were caught, the main concern would be Sasori himself.

He wondered where she was taking him. He looked around. It was a very vibrant village. The Leaf was known for its perfect weather. It put everyone in a perpetually good mood. But Sasori disliked humidity.

Fortunately, today it wasn’t so bad.

“Ok, I’m going to need you to suppress your chakra as much as possible.”

“What for?”

“I’m taking you somewhere you’re not allowed to be. I don’t want them to know you’re a ninja.”

He nodded and didn’t question her. They walked into a building, and he realized it was information headquarters. What was she doing?

“You’re allowed in the main building, but not the archives.”

They headed down some stairs. Sakura looked out for other people.

“Hurry. From now on, you can’t be seen.”

They expertly rushed down several flights of stairs, passing multiple doors locked with seals and passcodes.

“Ok, we’re here.”

“You’re allowed into the village archives?”

He was shocked. Only high ranked ninja completely trusted by the Kage were entrusted with these secrets. Most villages stored their contents by levels, each level requiring different clearance.

“I assist my lady with her paperwork often. It’s frowned upon, but she trusts me.”

He assumed she was around chuunin level. She must be extremely resourceful.

She ushered him through the door after placing her hand on a seal and unlocking it. The room wasn’t too large, and only contained a single table and many rows of shelves, all completely stuffed to the brim with boxes of folders. The air was musty, and the walls were dingy concrete. She immediately made her way to the last row, and headed to the back corner. Reaching up, she grabbed a particular box and set it on the floor. He only watched as she shifted through the files.

Suddenly, they heard something. Heavy footsteps- a male.

Fear encompassed her. She jerked up to watch the door, with a confused Sasori pressed closely against her in the hidden corner of the file room.

“Do we really have to hide?”

She could tell he was irritated. The space they had chosen to conceal themselves in was very cramped, and if they moved too much, the metal storage units would slide and make a terrible amount of noise. Not the best spot for two supposedly highly-trained ninjas to select for cover.

“Shhh! He’ll hear us!” she scolded him, suppressing her chakra as best as she could. No way they could use a transformation jutsu. The man would instantly sense other ninja attempting to conceal their presence and assume they were enemies.

“I thought you said you were allowed in here,” he complained, his silky voice barely audible at this point.

“I am, but... I can’t let any jounin see you...”

He adjusted his shoulder slightly, careful not to bang against a cardboard box filled with ancient, dusty folders. They were in the shadows in an attempt to blend in. His cool breath hit the side of her face, her side pressed against the front of his torso. This proximity with another human being was quite uncomfortable for him, but it didn't seem to faze her one bit.

_ ‘He’s coming,’_ she thought, and held her breath.

Just then, Ibiki entered the room casually, and headed straight for them!

_‘Oh no! It was a bad hiding spot!’_ she thought, cursing herself.

Sasori looked over at her to see her face scrunching in frustration.

_'He is possibly the worst guy in the whole dang village to discover Sasori!' _she cursed to herself. 

Ibiki selected a set of binders in the row in front of them. A little too close. He walked around and settled himself in a seat facing away from them... but it was right in front of their row...

_‘If he turns around... it’s over!’_ Sakura gulped.

She instinctively grew closer to Sasori, hoping if they managed to cling together as one nervous ball, they’d be less likely to trip over anything. Sasori almost hit the wall and storage unit when he felt her press herself against him, but he forced himself to stop.

_‘Why is she doing this??’_ he thought angrily. _‘Is she trying to get us caught?’_

_'Why does he keep backing way from me? The more we hide our silhouettes, the better!'_

Her arms were in front of her, pressed against his chest and arm. Her face was... intimately close to his, but her attention was what was across the room. He felt her chest heave as she breathed in slowly, and for some reason, that seemed to put him more at ease. He wasn’t used to contact like this.

They were there for what felt like hours, although it was only minutes before Ibiki finally stood up. He stretched out his back and sighed, completely oblivious to the nervous teenagers hiding in the dark half-aisle behind him.

She held her breath.

_‘Don’t turn around, don’t turn around, don’t turn around...’ _

Ibiki then paused. Sakura felt like her heart was pounding out of her chest. If he saw Sasori...

_‘I don’t know what he’ll do to him...’ _

She pressed against Sasori further as a protective instinct, a hand gripping gently on the fabric of his sweater. He glanced down at her dainty hand and wondered what on earth she was doing. Was this that big of a deal? This guy didn’t look that tough... Then again, Sasori was never intimidated by anyone, and his sense of self-preservation was lacking in some areas. He chose to stay still and silent.

The tall, darkly dressed man then turned, and left with the documents, closing the door behind him. They waited a few moments before moving.

“Do you have to be this close?” he asked, still whispering as he held her shoulders and pushed her away slightly.

“Sorry,” she breathed, her big green eyes staring at him intensely. “I didn’t want to hit anything...”

She backed away, embarrassed. Sasori didn’t want to admit it to himself, but a part of him enjoyed feeling another person so close to him. He chose to ignore those absurd feelings.

“Who was that?” he asked, changing the subject.

“Ibiki...”

Sasori widened his eyes.

“THAT was Ibiki Morino? He looks... a lot older than what I remember.”

Sakura was impressed.

“You’ve met him before?”

“No, but his reputation proceeds him. His photo in the registry I saw... back then... He has gained a lot of scars since then.”

Sakura gave him a small smile.

“Glad you seem to be enjoying your... situation, at least in some ways.”

Sasori looked back at her, not sure how to respond. He blinked, then looked away, a dangerous smirk upon his face.

“I’m still not sure what to make of it.”

“You are handling it incredibly well... Are... you still in shock over this?”

Sasori stared down at the floor for a moment.

“... I tend not to overreact to things... Even something like this.”

“Wow. Wish I could be like that. So... calm all the time,” she sighed, leaning against the wall.

“It’s not as pleasant as it seems...” he mumbled, averting his eyes once more. He then stepped back and out of the crevice in the wall. Sakura said nothing, wondering what he meant by that.

“Your file... here.”

She presented a decently thick binder, with the sticker “Top Secret” over it. He slowly held out his hand, and tentatively grabbed it. Sakura watched him intensely, not sure how he would react to something so brutal. As he flipped to the first page, his eyes widened.

‘Sasori of the Red Sand. Affiliation: Akatsuki. S Rank criminal from the Hidden Sand Village. Defected at age 15.’

He flipped to the next page, which was filled with details of how he made human puppets, with gruesome photographs to accompany the pages of cold facts.

The next page. The disappearance of the Third Kazekage. He froze over the title...

‘During their battle, Sakura Haruno and Master Chiyo attest to Sasori’s admittance of killing the Third, who disappeared 10 years before.’

Sakura knew where he was in the report. She had helped write a decent portion of it...

She was watching Sasori for a reason. Depending on his reaction, she knew just how far along he was on his journey towards what was inside that file.

He was attempting to hide any evidence of emotion in this moment, but she saw a hint of horror in his big doe eyes. So he wasn’t totally out of reach...

He held his breath, reading a quote from Sakura herself.

‘“I engaged Sasori in battle with his grandmother... He seemed to really hate her, saying all sorts of terrible things... He was so cruel.”’

Sasori gritted his teeth slightly, and closed the file.

“Can I... keep this for a bit longer?”

Sakura hesitated. It WAS a secret document on an Akatsuki member, a group they were currently still fighting. Also...

“The whole reason I bothered to sneak you in here was so I didn’t have to take the file out of this room!”

“That’s not my problem... Although it was a waste of time.”

She growled. He was unaffected by her fury, still staring down at the papers in his hands. Her pity for him outweighed her sense of safety.

She grew frustrated. Sasori would have been of great use to the Leaf if he knew anything about them, but this Sasori knew nothing. And there didn’t seem to be a shift in her timeline... After all, she still remembered him from last year, and the Akatsuki were still at large...

She didn’t really know what to do with him at this point.

“Fine. I’ll make a copy for you.”

Sasori was once again impressed with her lack of foresight.

“You would allow a stranger into your village’s archives, and let him keep a file on this supposedly S-ranked mission? How foolish.”

He was picking at her. She gave him a dirty look.

“You’re not a stranger!”

He froze. She blushed.

“Not to me at least.”

“Precisely. I was your enemy.”

“THAT was my enemy,” she said, gesturing to the documents in his dainty hands.

“I... I don’t know anything about YOU.”

Sasori remained silent. He didn't really know what to say. She had just contradicted herself, but he didn't really feel like pointing that out.

He didn't really know what to do with himself either.

“I suggest we make our way into a space available to the public before we are caught in here,” he said, changing the subject.

“Right, good idea.”

They cautiously opened the door, and Sakura looked each way. She signaled it was clear. The two made it out of the building swiftly and with some ease. He was an excellent ninja. She could sense his efficiency- no unnecessary movement and no dawdling, unlike someone else she knew...

“What do we do now?” he asked her. She was taken aback by this attitude. He was leaving himself in her hands? So he really was discombobulated.

“Let’s go back to my place for now. But my parents will be back tonight, so we will need to find you a new place to stay.”

He nodded silently. He wasn’t a big talker. He only seemed to give out necessary information and insults.

“And I will need to copy this for you and return it as soon as possible.”

She chewed on the inside of her cheek. The more she thought about, the more embarrassing it was that she had taken him there. He was right. She could have just made him a copy. But it went against Sakura's nature to steal a file! Sneaking a Sand ninja into the village archives made more sense. At least, it did at first...

What was wrong with her? 

But her rash decision wasn't a total waste. She learned that she and Sasori made a pretty good team. And he did trust her. For some reason, that meant a lot.

\----

When they were back in her living room, a copy of his file under his arm, she gestured for him to sit on the couch, as if he were her guest.

_‘Well, I suppose he is my guest?’ _

So strange.

Sasori continued to pour over the pages of the file on his future self.

“How did I die?”

His dead eyes stared at her intensely. So devoid of emotion. His expression reminded her of when they had battled.

So he was back at square one. She sighed.

“Your grandmother and I believed that we had finally killed you. But you always had some other trick up your sleeve... You stabbed me through.” She pointed to where his sword pierced her side. “And... I was poisoned. But Lady Chiyo... she used the last antidote I had made in preparation for our battle. She used it on me... when she herself was also hit by your poison.”

Sakura found it difficult to tell this story. Sasori listened, his face intelligible. His eyes were like murky waters.

“I was healing the wound around me, and you let go to stab me again... But Lady Chiyo had used some puppet barrier jutsu using the Ten.”

“The Ten?” he said, shocked. She used those on him???

“Yes. And well...”

She felt awkward, telling him all of this. It was so personal, and she was the bystander in that fight. A battle between grandmother and grandson... She witnessed something very sensitive.

“You do not wish to tell me?” he asked, slightly irritated.

“No no! It’s not that! It’s just... Personal. For you, I feel.”

He sighed and leaned back on the couch.

“So you know the details of the family drama? It means nothing to me. Continue.”

He was so callous. But she knew better.

“The Mother and the Father,” she stated. She watched his eyes flood with something... some sort of emotion. But it was hard to read. She continued.

“Lady Chiyo brought them with her. And you thought they had been disabled, but... They stabbed you. And you were dying. Your last words to us were about Orochimaru.”

Sasori was confused now.

“Orochimaru, the Sannin?”

She nodded.

“He was your previous partner in the Akatsuki. He had left the organization... and...”

Images of Sasuke came to her mind.

“We were looking for him, and you wanted to give me the information I needed.”

“To find him? I knew?”

“Apparently you hated him.”

He actually smiled at that.

“That sounds like me...”

She paused. How much did she want to tell him? She supposed it could backfire on her greatly if she did hold back.

She stared at the person in front of her. He was so innocent compared to what he was in that file... She sensed that some of this information could... trigger him.

There were pages missing in that file. Pages she kept hidden from him.

The pages on his own body.

A voice in her head told her not to mention it to him. And she listened.

“Hey. You know that place Shizune mentioned yesterday? The ramen place? Would you be up for that?”

Sakura still had several hours before she was supposed to meet up with her teammates. And she figured they were both hungry. Something in her gut told her to pay attention to him as much as possible.

“Ramen isn’t really high on my list of favorites, but I suppose that is sufficient.”

She smirked. So elitist.

“Alright, lets go.”

They set out. It was starting to get dark, the afternoon fading away. When they were about to enter the main street, she quickly realized there was a problem.

There was Kakashi- talking to Sai. Right in front of Ichiraku.

“Crap!”

“What?” Sasori asked, almost bumping into her.

“Those are my teammates!”

“Is that...?”

“Yes, that’s Kakashi Hatake, the son of the man who killed your parents. We can’t let him see you.”

Sasori remembered how angry his grandmother was when the news of Sakumo Hatake’s suicide reached the Sand. He had heard a young boy was left behind. Another orphan.

Sakura watched as Kakashi and Sai said their goodbyes and walked in opposite directions.

“I know too many people...”

She carefully studied Sai. Suddenly, an idea came to her.

“Sai! Of course!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Sakura is one of those Type A people who follow small rules like they are what separates them from life and death, but have gaps in their judgement when it comes to things that are actually a big deal. Stealing a file? That's bad! Taking an S-rank criminal into the village archives? Pssh. She can handle that.  
I also always headcanoned that Sasori watches people and mentally records everything they say and do so he can use it for future reference. Eventually, he will have a brain file on Sakura that includes all of her little habits she doesn't want anyone to notice.


	6. A New Roommate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura chooses to involve Sai in this disaster. With a new place to stay, Sasori dwells on his goals. Does he still desire what he did before he came here?

“Come with me.”

Sakura dragged a confused Sasori along with her, weaving through the crowd as they headed to the nearest bookstore.

“A bookstore? Why are we here?”

“My teammate just walked in here.”

“How do you know that?”

“He’s always here.”

He was impressed with her knowledge on her teammate’s daily habits. The way she acted around her comrades was very different from how the Sand did things. And in particular, how he did things. He never bothered with his teammates’ interests.

An image of Komushi popped into his brain. There were reasons not to care...

She spotted the familiar white skin and short hair in the back of the store, and made a beeline for him.

“Sai!”

The pale boy looked up from a book he was browsing through. His focus immediately shifted to the person beside her.

“This is Sa- Sateki. He’s a friend of mine.”

Sai looked Sasori up and down.

“You look like Sasori of the Red Sand.”

Sakura wanted to bang her head against the wall. Sasori was surprised.

“But he’s dead, so you can’t be him.”

Sai gave his default, creepy smile. Sakura scolded Sai, bonking him over the head.

“You can’t just tell people they look like dead serial killers!”

“Oh! Sorry!”

He bowed to Sasori, rubbing his head where she hit him. Sasori didn’t know what the proper reaction to this was. Where was this conversation even headed...?

“Sai, you live alone right?”

“Yes. Why are you inquiring?”

“My friend is kind of in a rough situation and he needs a place to stay. My parents wouldn’t want me having a boy over, so I was wondering if you could help us out? It would be super helpful, if it isn’t too intrusive.”

She put her hands together in a praying position, bowing. Sai was certainly confused. He thought deeply for a moment.

_‘There’s no way he’ll say yes. We are perfect strangers,_’ thought Sasori.

“I read in a book that it is good to help out friends during hard times.”

Sai smiled warmly, a hint of enthusiasm in his dark eyes. He was always eager to follow his books’ suggestions.

_‘Seriously?’_ Sasori thought, amazed. Sakura was impressed with how easy that was.

“I will purchase these, and then we can head over to my residence.”

Sasori noticed how formal his speech was. As Sai went up to the counter with his books, Sasori expressed concern.

“What’s... wrong with him?”

Sakura gave him a slightly sad look. “Sai was part of the Root. Until recently, he never interacted with people... So he’s trying to catch up.”

Sasori raised his eyebrows. Sakura then thought of something.

“If I can recall, you’re an artist, aren’t you?”

Sasori was once again aghast that she knew this stuff about him.

“Sai is an artist too. Maybe you will get along?”

He could tell she was hopeful. He sighed and said nothing. Not too promising.

“Ok, we can head over now!” said Sai, who had once again approached them. He led them back to his place.

Sasori was still hungry. He noticed that, strangely, his appetite had grown since the “time travel” incident.

Sakura was rather excited to get Sasori out of her hair. Not that she minded him, surprisingly, but she realized she didn’t have a moment of relaxation since he showed up.

Sai unlocked his front door and gestured for them to enter. They both awkwardly took off their shoes as they looked around the space before them.

“Wow, I’ve never been here before! This is nice!”

“Thank you,” said Sai, feeling light from her kind words.

“Are all of these yours?” she asked, pointing at the paintings on the wall.

“Yes.”

She looked closely, and saw that some of them were titled. That warmed her heart. Sai had come a long way since when she first met him.

“Where are you from?” asked Sai, attempting to exchange pleasantries with this unknown person. Sasori turned to Sakura for guidance, surprising her.

“I... travel a lot.”

“Yeah, I’ll explain more on that later. You deserve an explanation,” Sakura cut in, giving Sai her sweetest smile in hopes to ease him. He nodded.

“Ok.”

He then turned around and pulled out an extra tatami mat, and headed to another room.

“I use this to just store my supplies, but there’s enough room for a person to stay in here. I hope this is good enough.”

“This is wonderful Sai! Thank you so much for helping us! You are a good friend.”

Sai beamed.

Sasori realized that Sakura meant her words, but also used her compliments to manipulate his emotions.

“Oh! I better get your stuff from my place! I will be right back! I only live a few minutes away from here, actually!”

And she disappeared, leaving him alone with Sasori.

Sai finished setting up Sasori’s bed, and turned to him. They awkwardly stared at each other. They were definitely sizing each other up.

Sasori was a little concerned with this guy. He was oblivious to social cues, but seemed oddly shrewd when it came to knowledge on a person. If he was in the Root, this was his specialty.

They stared until she returned. Sasori’s things were hidden in a pastel pink duffel bag. Sasori assumed this was to hide his personal affects that would give away his profession.

“What did you guys talk about?” she asked, hoping they were getting along.

“Nothing,” said Sasori, still staring at Sai.

She sighed. They were both so socially awkward and introverted. Maybe this wouldn’t be such a great combination.

“Sakura, I think you owe me an explanation.”

Sakura began to sweat.

“What’s wrong, Sai?”

“This man is a ninja.”

Sasori snorted. Of course he could tell.

“Ah! Well... yes!” she bowed her head, defeated.

“Is he a criminal?”

Sakura froze.

“No no, it’s nothing like that! But you can’t tell anyone he’s a ninja! He is... Well, the Sand attempted to assassinate him for unknown reasons, and he’s seeking refuge until he can figure out why."

"It’s my mission to hide him,” she added, certainly implying someone higher up OKed this. Sasori internally sighed.

“Is he the result of an experiment?”

Sakura was intrigued by this question.

“What do you mean?”

“He is the spitting image of Sasori of the Red Sand. Is he the result of a clone experiment?”

Sakura and Sasori exchanged a look.

“Yes. I am seeking refuge in the Leaf, until the people who want me dead are taken care of.”

This seemed to really make sense to Sai. He nodded eagerly, mentally putting the pieces together.

_‘Hahaha what the hell?’_ Sakura thought, smiling through this disturbing addition to Sasori’s backstory.

“Happens often throughout history,” said Sai. “I know several comrades who were experimented on.”

“Yes, and Sateki is definitely one of those!” Sakura assured him, still giving a nervous smile.

_‘She is a terrible liar!’_ Sasori noticed. _‘She overreacts when she’s nervous. This is doomed._’

“I’m sure you felt very isolated,” continued Sai, now turned completely towards him. “I understand your feelings.”

Sasori didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure anyone has ever said that to him before. Not that it was of importance.

“Uh, yes.”

"I was part of the Root, and I was not allowed to express emotion, or even have a personality. Sakura and I are working on that now! I always liked art, however, and it's the thing that tied me to my humanity."

Wow. Quite the introduction.

Sasori didn't know what to say. He believed normal people would say-

"It's ok if you don't know how to react properly. I can lend you a book on it sometime,” Sai continued, interrupting Sasori’s attempt of a reply. Sasori attempted to say something once again, but closed his mouth after a moment.

A book? What?

“Sai, do you have groceries?”

“Ah. Not really, since we just got back from a mission,” Sai said, turning his attention towards her. Sasori felt relieved.

“I’ll get some food. Is there anything you want in particular, Sas-Sateki?”

Sasori pondered. The food here was different from Suna.

“Tuna?”

Sakura almost found Captain. Obnoxious to be cute for a moment. So he CAN ask for things politely...

“Sure. I’ll get some rice and miso too. Sai, you want some more of those snacks I gave you?”

Sai perked up.

“Yes please! But you don’t have to pay for them Sakura, I will get them myself!” he insisted, putting his hands up.

“I’ll cover this. Think of it as my thanks for your help. It really does mean a lot.”

As she passed Sasori, she whispered in his ear.

“Please try to make conversation. It will do you both good.”

She left the apartment yet again. He groaned, wondering why he must. But he found himself doing just that. After a moment of silence, he managed to get out a conversation starter.

“So you’re an artist.”

Sai smiled.

“Yes. It is my pastime.”

“So these are all yours?”

“Yes.”

Sasori thought he wasn’t bad. He appreciated his more traditional works. He remembered to maintain a conversation.

“... I’m an artist too.”

Sai smiled again and asked in what way. Sasori engaged and pulled out a journal he kept with his supplies, flipping open to a page he did on gross anatomy.

“It is nice to speak with someone I have something in common with, but I confess, I am still practicing this kind of conversation. I believe here I say this is well done.”

Sasori was intrigued by his funny way of talking. He shut the book with his fingers and held it to his side.

“I’m not good at it either. I’m supposed to say thank you.”

Sai took this as mutual understanding.

“Complimenting others can strengthen budding friendships.”

Sasori couldn’t help but smile slightly at this kid’s blatant cluelessness. Sai continued.

“My book also tells me that living alone can be isolating, and that staying with others is encouraged. I have been alone my whole life. I think this is a good opportunity to practice making friends.”

Sasori was impressed by how open this guy was.

“Sakura tells me to stop referring to my books when making conversation, but I find myself doing it anyway. She says I am making progress though.”

“Why do you refer to books?”

“Because I don’t know things that everyone around me does. I would paint instead of getting to know others.”

Sasori nodded in agreement. Most relatable thing he heard all day.

Sai looked him up and down.

“I think you are about my size. I can offer you some of my clothes, if you don’t have many.”

Before Sasori could say anything, Sai wandered off into his closet, pulling out a pile of very bland, dull-colored clothing. It suited Sasori’s taste. He was fond of turtlenecks. And the color black.

“The shower is in the back there.”

Sasori started to think more in depth of the things he required. He realized he probably would need to get razors, since it was unlikely Sakura would think of such a thing.

She once again burst through the door, carrying multiple bags.

“Ok, that was the last of my spare money, so you better make use out of this!”

Sasori was actually shocked by this. He realized that she really cared about his well-being. He couldn’t imagine why.

All of these details helped the two of them forget the supernatural element of his situation. It was good to stay busy with little things like groceries and toiletries.

Sakura stopped abruptly.

“Crap! Sai, we are almost late!”

Sai was suddenly in a hurry.

“Yes, we were supposed to meet Kakashi, Yamato and Naruto!”

The two were a whirlwind, suddenly heading back out the door. They both froze, realizing they were forgetting something.

“Ah! S-Sateki! We have a get together tonight to celebrate the success of our mission! We have to go, or they will think something is amiss! Can you stay here for a few hours?! Ok cool! Bye!”

And just like that, Sasori was alone in the apartment.

What just happened?

He sighed, and collapsed on the couch.

What was even happening to him? Yesterday, he was here on a mission for his village, contemplating his defection. And now... nothing.

It was all gone. All of the pressure to be a loyal soldier to his village, to please his grandmother... The pressure to stay in line. He could... do anything he wanted.

He pulled the message to the Hokage out of his bag, and opened it, skimming over its contents. It meant absolutely nothing now. He wondered if the people who were sent with him were still able to deliver it without the physical copy.

The concept of time travel always seemed preposterous to Sasori, so he never dwelled on it. But now that it happened to him, it was scientifically possible. And he wanted to spend time researching the idea.

How DID this happen to him? Was it a portal? If so, he should try to find the exact coordinates of where he disappeared.

The other question was... what to do about the girl and her friend.

They were useful but were also preventing him from doing what he directly wanted. Sasori knew he was impatient, and sometimes did things without considering every possibility. He knew this and took measures to prevent that element of his natural personality from interfering with his life. So he should sit back for now and gather more information... Yes.

That was the only reason.

After all, nothing meant anything anymore. It never really did, but the universe, or whatever caused this turn of events, proved this to him even more clearly. He must carve his own purpose out of that nothing.

On the other hand, this incident could be proof that there was a purpose. But he disliked optimistic theories like that.

His depressing thoughts were interrupted by a long growl coming from his torso. He sighed once more and stood up to search through the bags that Sakura brought to him. He then went through Sai’s things, and was much more content with the state of this kitchen. Everything had its place. It was tidy and he could focus.

He zoned out while he cooked. He felt as though his brain were fried. There was a lot to take in, even for someone like him.

He finished preparing his dinner and sat down with several dishes full of food. His thoughts went to the file. He found it buried underneath everything else in the duffel bag. He was glad Sakura brought it. On the cover, there was a note saying “do not let Sai see!”. He ripped it off and crumpled it.

Page after page of corpses. Even photos of what looked like a puppet workshop, filled with very realistic looking puppets.

“Human puppets.”

He did it. He had succeeded.

He thought about Komushi again. The prototype. He had not tried it again, but he was eager to. So much potential.

He remembered his grandmother and grew angry with her, recalling their last conversation.

\----

_(Sunagakure, 4 years before Naruto’s birth) _

“I do not understand the problem.”

Chiyo grew frustrated, her brows furrowing together almost into one continuous line.

“How can you think this is acceptable?! To make tools out of human beings! Puppeteers seek to recreate life, not to steal from it!”

“Maybe that’s what’s holding you all back,” Sasori spat.

Her eyes were so sad.

“How did you turn out this way? I didn’t raise you to-“

“You didn’t raise me. You trained me. And this is the product of your efforts,” he replied, a hint of anger and despise in his tone as he outstretched his arms in a provocative fashion, as if to entice her to scream at him. An evil smirk appeared on his dainty features to cover up something else buried in his core.

“I have presented you with an improved, more efficient weapon. Don’t you understand, Granny?” He said the last word with spite. “I am a visionary. I have perfected puppetry!”

Chiyo gritted her teeth, wishing to cover her eyes and ears from the sight before her. She did not recognize her own grandson.

“You know nothing of what matters. You are still a child, and this proves it!”

He grew enraged.

“You will see! I will surpass all of you pathetic Sand ninja! Even you!”

He pointed his finger at her with hatred, and her eyes flew wide open in pure shock. Before she could react, he stormed out of the room.

“You will not! You will never replace them!” she yelled.

He pretended not to hear her.

\----

He closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead. It felt like it was only a week ago. It WAS only a week ago. At least, to him it was.

20 years... Almost 19, to be exact.

_‘I wonder... what she thought of my work.’ _

He knew what she thought, but refused to accept it. Someone had to see that his work was original, that it was genius.

He flipped through the pages detailing theories on how he went about making his human puppets. He focused on a picture of a body hanging upside down, the blood drained.

He never really thought about it, how many bodies would pile up if he continued his craft.

Komushi was not created out of malice for humankind. It was the opposite. His parents ASKED for this. They wanted him to be saved, and he saved him. He would last forever now.

Sasori didn’t want to turn to the next page. He remembered what it entailed.

The Third.

He killed his own Kage? The man was someone he looked up to. Another person he had seen only a week ago.

To think... this was his fate.

_‘I was strong enough to defeat the Third...’ _

For some reason, he didn’t feel satisfied.

He was unsure of a lot of things now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely adore Sai, and after writing this, I realized that he and Sasori are similar in a lot of ways. I really enjoy writing them in scenes together.  
For reference, it is currently the middle of September, and it is almost a full year since the Kazekage Rescue Arc. I decided I could put Sasori's defection close to his 16th birthday so I could everything into this story the way I wanted it. He is still technically 15, so it works!


	7. A Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sai makes an attempt to include Sasori, while Sakura is called in by Lady Tsunade! What does the Hokage want?

“Hahaha you fell flat on your face!”

“I did not!” said Sai, feeling defensive. “And even if I did, you were the one providing bad support!”

Naruto’s mischievous grin faded into a scowl.

“Not true!”

“So true,” said Yamato at a normal volume. Kakashi nodded silently. Sakura laughed. This outing was definitely good for her.

“You two came here together, did you run into each other?” Naruto asked. Sai and Sakura looked at each other. Oh no.

“Yes! Funny coincidence hahahaha!” she rambled. Naruto squinted at her. She only laughed like that when she was lying.

“Why are you so nervous?” Naruto asked, confused.

_‘Drat. He knows me too well.’ _

_‘Lie better...’_ thought Sai.

“I’m just jittery today! I think I experimented too much with adrenaline boosters in my nutrient balls.”

The boys all nodded in agreement.

_‘Gah! They are so quick to judge my nutrient balls!’ _

“Hey! Don’t act like I’m doing something useless here! One day my efficient snacks will be mass produced and commonly used by ninja all over the world!”

“O-of course Sakura, we wouldn’t doubt it!” Naruto stuttered, worried she would attack him. She was very sensitive about her cooking.

“You will certainly rise to fame,” Sai said cooly, smiling.

“You being sarcastic with me?” she growled. His eyes widened.

“Of course not Sakura! You are very talented!”

Kakashi sighed. Everyone stopped to look at him.

“You guys never seem to lose energy. Remember those days, Yamato?”

Yamato laughed.

“Oh yes, but that was a long time ago!”

Kakashi and Yamato continued to chuckle, making quips about events the teenagers weren’t around for. They usually tuned the two adult men out when they got like this.

“Say, Naruto, your birthday is coming up, right? Did you have anything planned?” Sai politely asked to redirect the conversation.

“Wow Sai, you thought of that?”

Sakura could see Naruto’s genuine shock and happiness flood all over his face. She let out a small smile. He was radiant when he was happy.

Her smile disappeared.

_‘I had forgotten about his birthday...’ _

She paused.

_‘It’s been hectic,’_ she assured herself.

“My book told me that a good way to avoid awkward conversation is to redirect by bringing up a topic about one of the people you’re talking to.” Sai replied.

Naruto looked disappointed.

“Oh.”

“He just means your birthday is a better topic than whatever those old men are chatting away about,” Sakura added, giving Naruto a reassuring smile. Naruto beamed once again.

“Ah well... I didn’t have any plans...” he trailed off, scratching his head.

“My book tells me people enjoy celebrating when one’s birthday comes around.”

Sakura sighed.

“Sai, you don’t have to bring up the book every time.”

He blushed.

“Oh... Of course.”

She felt a little bad when she told him not to mention the books, but knew if she didn’t, he would never stop.

Naruto thought for a moment.

“We could go to-“

“Ichiraku ramen, we know,” Sai and Sakura said in unison. Naruto continued to scratch his head sheepishly.

“Well, it IS my birthday.”

“Count us in,” Yamato chipped in, gesturing to Kakashi and himself. “Unless we get a mission of course.”

“Sure, why not,” Sakura huffed, closing her eyes. It WAS his birthday, after all.

“16 already... and still a genin.”

Naruto sighed dramatically and slumped his shoulders, exhausted by the reality.

“Ah Naruto, you’re not a normal genin!” Kakashi offered, trying to comfort him.

“Yes, like you’ve already told me, I’m a _special_ genin.”

Kakashi began to sweat. He sucked with emotional conversations.

“You are indeed,” Yamato agreed, smiling as he ate the last of his shrimp tempura. Sakura smiled.

“Just imagine what those other genin will think when you take the exam. You’re gonna destroy them,” she said.

“Heh!” Naruto got a devilish grin on his tanned face. “I’ve been fantasizing.”

They all laughed.

She loved moments like these. For a moment there, she had forgotten...

Sasori!

She gulped and wiped the sweat collecting on her neck.

\----

Sai and Sakura said goodnight to the rest of the team, and headed back to his place.

“So he’s really under your protection?”

“Yes, but don’t mention it to anyone. I’m supposed to act like he’s a traveling artist. There may be people searching for him in Kohona as we speak!”

She was making a web of lies, and she struggled to keep up with all of them. Lying to Sai of all people felt particularly disgusting. He was so trusting of her.

Sai opened his front door and they heard clanking noises coming from the kitchen. They rounded the corner to find Sasori washing dishes in the sink. He even had an apron on. Sakura almost snorted at the sight. Sasori of the Red Sand took his cleaning very seriously apparently.

Sai silently walked up behind him and observed the quality of his dish-washing. He seemed to be very pleased.

_‘They are both... anal retentive...’_ she thought, cocking her head. They were kind of similar.

“Did you cook?” she asked.

Without turning around, Sasori replied.

“Yes.”

“Did you like the tuna?”

He nodded, and turned around after wiping his hands dry.

“It was very fresh.”

“It’s hard to get it fresh in Suna,” Sai said, partially to himself. “I remember that from my missions there.”

A question almost jumped out of Sasori, but he bit his tongue. He wanted to ask what current day Suna was like, but that would make no sense.

“How often did you go?” Sakura asked, intrigued. She knew almost nothing about Sai’s previous life.

“Hmm... maybe about 10 times or so. One mission was very extended.”

“Taking us all out?” Sasori asked, a small smirk on his lips.

“I am not permitted to say.”

Sasori exhaled sharply.

“Sakura took out Sasori of the Red Sand though,” Sai added with pride.

Sakura and Sasori froze.

“Ninja around here know who he is, but civilians don’t know of him. He was in my bingo book.”

Sasori remained silent for a moment.

“I don’t... know much about Sasori..." Sasori said, trying to fish for more information on himself. He decided to play into the fictional backstory Sai gave him. He closed his eyes dramatically.

"...All I know is that, in a way- I _am_ him.”

Sai nodded. Sakura internally sighed. This clone story was ridiculous. Like something out of a fictional novel. Sasori may as well be plucking lines out of a trashy drama. And he seemed oddly into it as well. Or he was just that good of an actor.

“Well, I’m sure Sakura was chosen for this mission because she’s just about the only person left alive who did know him,” said Sai. Sakura and Sasori froze once again.

_‘Of course...’_ Sakura thought. _‘It’s very strange that I ended up with this "mission"..._’

_‘Why did she end up being the one to find me...?’_ Sasori wondered, glancing over at her. Sai’s words seemed to strike a chord with her as well.

Was there purpose to this?

Sai looked at his clock.

“Ah, Sakura, is is 10 pm. I figured your parents would be wondering where you are.”

“Oh, yes! Thanks Sai! Today really went by fast!”

She locked eyes with Sasori as if to say ‘follow me’. He complied, and walked with her over to the front door.

“Just stay put, ok? You’re safe for now, but we don’t know enough about your situation to tell others about you yet.”

He watched as she put on her boots. She stood up and gave him a soft smile.

“Don’t worry, I will make sure you stay safe.”

Sasori didn’t really know how to reply to that, which was fine, because Sakura didn’t give him a chance to.

“Goodnight Sai! I’ll come by tomorrow!”

She waved to him as she closed the door behind her. Sasori went ahead and locked it, lost in thought.

“Did you need anything else?” Sai asked with a smile. Sasori shook his head.

“I will retire. I have been up for awhile.”

Sasori was awkward with small talk, but like Sai, he had memorized certain lines for it. He also followed the rule of adding a little extra information to answers, so people felt he was opening up to them. Sai didn’t need to know he had been up for awhile. He just added that on, on purpose...

He was kidding himself. This time, it slipped out naturally. And now he was overthinking it.

He walked into his new room, and shut the door. He pulled on his hair, massaging his scalp as he collapsed on the futon. He still wasn’t over the shock, but he knew he adapted to situations faster than most. After all, he was... Not normal.

Sasori had self diagnosed himself with an anti-personality disorder of some kind. The specifics didn’t matter to him. All he knew was that he didn’t feel emotions like others did. He was called many things growing up: doll, robot, freak, psycho. He didn’t really care, but he did take the reactions from others into account when thinking of how he appeared to people.

No one knew him. Understood him. It’s why he wanted to leave.

He thought about the girl. Sakura. Not only did her name literally mean “cherry blossom’, her hair was also colored like one. And she smelled like them too... She was the personification of sickening sweetness. Until she opened her big mouth...

And she knew him in a way no one else ever had. It was very strange and uncomfortable to know that she was inside his head. That she knew...

Sasori refused to dwell on his grandmother. She meant nothing. His past, his future... No matter what happened, he wouldn’t let it change his current goals. He needed to reach the pinnacle of puppetry. It was his destiny to follow in the footsteps of Monzaemon Chikamatsu, the pioneer of puppetry... No- to surpass him.

Still, Sasori could not shake the unease in his stomach.

\----

Sakura woke up at 9 am. Her parents weren't home from their trip yet, so she went to bed without seeing them. When she walked into the kitchen, they both greeted her warmly.

"Sakura dear, the house looks amazing!" her mom exclaimed. She seemed to be excited.

"Hahahaha yup!" Sakura said stiffly, attempting to look innocent of all wrongdoing. Her father swept her up in one of his crushing hugs. She laughed when he spun her around.

"We missed you, Pumpkin!" he beamed.

Her father was always forward with his affection towards his family. Sometimes it was embarrassing, but it was just what she needed right now.

"I missed you guys too!"

What an understatement. After all, she wasn't a "real" adult. Trying to manage everything on her own was chaotic. At least the source of her stress managed to clean her house for her...

"So what have you been up to?" her mom asked, going through her kitchen. She started mumbling to herself when she saw all of her kitchen appliances have also been moved around. "This DOES seem to be a better place for this..." she whispered, staring at the new location for her spoons.

"Not much, just hanging out with friends," Sakura replied, playing with her hands behind her back.

"My latest mission was a breeze..."

She wondered whether or not she should mention Sasori at all.

"I met a traveling artist too."

"Oh? How exciting!" her dad said, relaxing in his spot on the couch.

"He's kind of stuck up, but I ended up helping him after he hit his head... Maybe I will run into him again."

There. In case her parents spot her with him for whatever reason.

"Oh that's nice dear. You're always helping others," her dad mentioned, nodding.

"You even did your chores and more!" her mom added. She seemed to be REALLY impressed with the house.

"Well, I figured I'm getting older..."

"You can do whatever you want this weekend," her mom said, "as a reward for being so responsible."

"Really?"

Sakura was pumped. Usually they bothered her with errands and chores, even on the weekends.

"Thanks Mom!"

She gave her a hug, and then started to run back to her room.

"I have a lot to do, I'll be back for dinner!"

\----

Sunlight leaked through the blinds, hitting Sasori’s red lashes. He groaned, instinctively raising a hand to block the light out. He had one hell of a headache. He rolled over and buried his hair into his pillow. Normally he was a light sleeper, but he was strangely exhausted.

He had almost forgotten where he was. WHEN he was. He sighed. At least the futon was adequate.

He finally sat up and stretched slightly.

_‘I wonder what time it is.’ _

He looked around for a clock. Not seeing one, he got up and lifted the blinds. Based on the sun’s location, he was guessing around 11:00 am. He never slept that late!

Sasori was ashamed, and quickly rolled up his futon and fixed up the space he was given. He then grabbed his toiletries and made his way to Sai’s bathroom. He didn’t know why he felt rushed. It just seemed that the day was wasting away...

Sai was nowhere to be found. Sasori was relieved. He really needed time to himself. He stepped into the shower, and closed his eyes, sighing. He continued to turn the faucet, the water heating up his skin until it was red.

He ended up wasting another 15 minutes just standing there. The entire room was coated in steam.

When he stepped back into the main room, towel around his waist, Sai had magically appeared, looking ready for his day.

_"_Hello! Would you like some tea?" the pale kid asked. Sasori furrowed his brows.

"Sure."

Sai beamed at him.

"I was thinking more about your situation this morning! Since you are in hiding, I'm sure you haven't had a moment's rest. I was thinking about inviting you-"

The tea kettle beeped, interrupting him.

"Ah, I just meant- What I mean is..."

Sasori stared at him with a deadpan expression. He really didn't have the energy for this.

Sai tried one more time.

"Do you like to paint?"

\----

_'I wonder if Sasori likes sweets at all...'_ Sakura wondered, heading into Tsunade's office.

"Sakura! You're here! Lady Tsunade was hoping you would help train some of the new students this afternoon!" Shizune exclaimed. Sakura smiled.

"No problem! Is that why I was called in?"

"Yes, and no. My Lady wants to speak with you...”

Sakura gulped. It could be nothing. She and Lady Tsunade talked often.

But it could also be very bad!

She stepped into the office, and Tsunade looked up at her, surrounded by her usual overdue paperwork.

“Good morning, My Lady.”

“Morning, Sakura. You’re up for breaking in some new medical ninja next week? I'm too busy, and I know you are free.”

“Of course!”

Tsunade nodded, scribbling furiously onto some poor innocent paper.

“The other thing I wanted to talk to you about...”

Sakura froze.

“How is Naruto doing?”

Sakura’s entire body felt like collapsing from relief. It was just another check up on Naruto.

“He’s doing pretty well... His birthday is on the 10th next month, so Team 7 was planning on celebrating with him!” she said, smiling. She knew why Tsunade was asking.

“And how are you doing?”

Sakura’s smile faltered. She hung her head, and looked off to the side.

“I think we are all trying to forget it, in a way... No one has mentioned it.”

Because mentioning it really soured the mood... Sasuke as a concept did, in general.

Maybe that was why she felt so out of control lately?

9 months ago... they finally found Sasuke. And a few days ago... she found Sasori.

It was too much for any normal person to handle.

“Hm.”

Tsunade seemed to have something on her mind.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

Sakura froze. Lady Tsunade was so keen... It was a good thing Sasori never ran into her.

“Well I... I hung out with the team last night. I’ve been busy.”

Tsunade finally looked up from her papers.

“What happened wasn’t your fault.”

Sakura chewed on her lip. She knew that and yet...

“I know.”

Tsunade sighed.

“You are allowed to be upset”

Sakura looked back at her master. Tsunade was still eyeing her. Sakura thought about it. Her situation with Sasuke was bad, but Tsunade had dealt with Orochimaru leaving... That was worse. Because he was worse. He was... evil.

After thinking on it, Sakura felt a little better. She knew her sensei cared about her. She had a lot of people around her who loved her. She just wished... Sasuke did too. Why couldn’t he accept his place here at home? Where people loved him?

A question popped into Sakura’s mind. She spoke softly.

“Lady Tsunade... Why did Orochimaru leave?”

Tsunade seemed to be taken aback by this question. She was not expecting the conversation to turn to her past.

“Well... Orochimaru wanted things that no one else could have. He wanted power.”

“I know that... I just mean... Why didn’t he understand that he had people who loved him?”

Tsunade leaned back in her chair, and crossed her arms.

“Orochimaru was always an oddball. He was orphaned at a young age and didn’t fit in well with the rest of our class. Jiraiya and I managed to befriend him after teaming up, but I don’t know if we ever really knew him...”

She paused, sadness in her eyes.

“Sometimes I wonder if we did enough... If we reached out to him enough. But you can't help someone who doesn’t want help.”

Sakura remembered Sasuke’s words... He rejected them, basically. He even said he spared Naruto... on a whim.

Sakura played with her fingers behind her back.

He was also an orphan who isolated himself... his whole life.

Sasori entered her mind once more.

_'Sasori... ' _

“If Orochimaru was a kid again... and in front of you right now, what would you do differently?”

The question was odd, but Tsunade didn’t seem to mind.

“Well... I’m not sure. Times are different now. We train our ninja differently. Back then, we all struggled to open up. I still do. But I know that sharing is good for the mind. We studied the effects of a positive environment on the brain...”

She sighed. She knew she was rambling.

“I guess I would try to be more selfless. I would have spent more time with him,” she chuckled, her bittersweet smile bringing out the decades worth of pain in her brown eyes.

"I think we all took him for granted. Assumed he would always be there, doing what was good and right."

Sakura thought carefully.

“Thank you, my lady. That helped a lot.”

“Good,” Tsunade said, smiling softly.

“I... promised Sai I would help him today. I’ll be going now, My Lady.”

Tsunade went back to her papers.

“Have a good day.”

Sakura smiled, and closed the door behind her.

Tsunade paused, and closed her eyes.

Hopefully someday, she could figure out how to help children like Sasuke. Prevent them from falling behind.

\----

When Sakura walked past the lake on the way to Sai’s place, she paused. Two figures standing by the water looked familiar.

She did a double take. That was definitely them.

She hesitantly approached the two boys, and relaxed her shoulders when she saw the canvases.

Sai actually managed to get him out here... to paint??

“And what are you two up to this afternoon?” she giggled, peering over Sai’s shoulder. His work was beautiful as always. Today, he was feeling extra colorful, messing with the saturation. Sai looked back at her and smiled.

“On my days off, I like to paint. I invited Sateki since he’s an artist too.”

Sakura felt a little giddy. Sasori took him up on something as mundane as this?

Her attention turned to the redhead. She was eager to see his take on the scenery. Before she had a chance to sneak a peek, he glared at her.

“Don’t look.”

Sakura backed off, and stood across from him, so she couldn’t see.

“I’m not finished,” he added without enthusiasm.

He was concentrating a lot, his eyes gleaming. By looking at his palette, she could tell his was going to be a more realistic depiction.

A thought crossed her mind. She looked over at Sai. He was deeply invested in his painting. She took the chance to step closer to Sasori, and bent down towards him, her hand covering her mouth. Sasori knew that pose. She had a secret for him.

“I was thinking that we should investigate the incident,” she whispered.

Sai looked over at them and thought they seemed close. He smiled. It was nice to make new friends.

Sasori said nothing for a moment, his eyes never leaving the canvas before him.

“... I want to look at the location you found me in.”

She nodded. “I will see if I can break us away from Sai.”

Sasori grunted, tilting his head at an angle as he stared past her. She smiled. He was very cute. He had striking eyes... They were a strange color. In some lighting, they looked reddish-brown, but outside, they looked like a murky purple. His red lashes glittered in the sunlight, his pale skin appearing almost translucent. He stood out in the Leaf, due to his coloring. He looked angelic.

She was always transfixed by his eyes. She remembered seeing them up close for the first time, last autumn. When he was trying to kill her. His eyes were so large and innocent. They were what terrified her the most. His eyes didn't suit him one bit.

But right now, they did.

"What?" he grumbled.

She inwardly jumped, realizing she was staring.

"Nothing, I'm just working out my schedule in my head!"

"Well do it somewhere else, you're blocking the view."

_'So rude!' _

"Hmph!"

She stormed off back towards Sai. He awaited her arrival with a small, knowing smile.

"You're back," he noted, picking up a fairly large glob of orange paint on his brush.

"He's insufferable. How are you holding up?"

"Oh, I don't mind him one bit. It's nice to meet new people."

"Not when everything that comes out of their mouth is condecending! Or when they look at you like you're a speck of dirt on their pants!"

She was angrily whispering. Sai stared in subtle amusement.

"Really? He hasn't been that way with me."

Sakura fumed.

"Great! I just bring it out in him then?"

"I guess so," Sai laughed. She settled herself a bit, to really take in the sound. She loved Sai's laugh. It used to be a rarity, but it was becoming more commonplace as of late. It made her feel warm inside, knowing that she-

"Ah, this reminds me of when I met you and Naruto," Sai said, closing his eyes and grinning like it was the best memory in the world.

Sakura paused. It was eerily similar. Sai made her want to wring his neck every time he opened his mouth. And now he was pretty pleasent... Sometimes he would slip out a majorly harsh one-liner, but he was learning to keep them to himself.

"Sai, why did you mess with Naruto so much when we all first teamed up? You were always making... crude remarks," she said, blushing.

Sai pursed his lips, thinking.

"I didn't know what I was doing, honestly. Getting on everyone's bad side put distance between us and I guess that made me more comfortable, if that makes sense? I read that in a book. It's a self defense mechanism."

Sakura cautiously looked behind her at Sasori, who was still eagerly messing with his creation. She looked back at Sai.

"I don't remember when you stopped doing that so much..."

"It was when you brought me my picture book," Sai replied earnestly. Sakura only stared at him. He seemed to think nothing of it, but it made Sakura's mind reel.

(_"Try to be more selfless"_)

She bit her lip. She was awkward with that sort of thing usually. Wasn't everyone? But...

"Sai?"

"Hm?"

"Thanks for deciding to stay with Team 7. I'm glad you're here."

Sai was startled. He looked up at her, and gave her the sweetest smile he was capable of. He was so precious.

"Thank you, Sakura."

He took another second to think about what she had just said to him, as if he wanted to preserve it in his head forever. She was happy she said it.

Lady Tsuande's words then rung like a bell throughout her core.

_("You can't help someone who doesn't want help.") _

As Sai obliviously painted, his mind at ease, Sakura's brows furrowed in frustration. She glanced back at Sasori once more. He was looking more pleased with his work, the stern look on his face relaxing into his usual blank stare.

"Hey Sai, what are you doing today?"

"After this, I need to check in with Lady Tsunade. Why?"

"No reason. I just wanted to take... Sateki around, that's all."

It was so hard to remember that fake name of his.

"Do you struggle with it?" he asked suddenly, still staring ahead of him.

"With what?"

"He looks exactly like your enemy. Do you struggle to see him as a different person?"

Sakura stood there, mouth agape. It's like he could read her mind, sometimes. When he wasn't absolutely clueless, Sai was actually pretty intuitive.

"... Sometimes," she admitted. "But he isn't the same person... So, I want to help him."

_'If he ended up being the same person, I would have to kill him.' _

She knew that. But she refused to focus on that possibility.

She had to give him a second chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uploaded these first 7 chapters at once! I plan to post another section later this November, for Sasosaku Month. Hopefully that will pan out! 
> 
> In the next few chapters, Sasori will get to know Sai better, as well as Sakura. I can't wait to share them with you!


	8. Anomaly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori and Sakura investigate how he got there, with the help of two familiar faces!

"It's just an old lot."

Sakura nodded. He was right. There was nothing interesting about the pavement before them. And certainly nothing that could cause time travel.

"It's strange that me coming here had no effect on your past," he mumbled, half to himself. Sakura thought on this for a moment.

"...You're right! The Akatsuki version of you shouldn't exist anymore... Unless that's not how time travel works?"

She instinctively looked to Sasori for guidance on this, thinking he would have a higher chance of understanding the situation than her. After all, the Sasori from her timeline managed to make himself into an immortal puppet. That was in the realm of the supernatural. Even now, she knew experts were working away in a basement somewhere, scratching their heads at his accomplishments.

Sasori crossed his arms, looking bored as can be. Sakura knew he couldn’t help it- his face was just naturally unenthusiastic. She constantly had to remind herself he was engaged in the conversation.

"You are referring to two theories. One is that traveling through time directly effects the present. The other is that it creates an alternate dimension."

"So you're saying by coming here, a second you was created?" she asked.

"Correct."

Sakura kept up with him fairly easily, he noticed. She was sharp.

He looked down at the ground once again. The sun‘s rays were warm on his back, and once in a while, he could hear villagers wandering about. It was so... normal. But something insane had happened to him. He was in the wrong time. He was alive after his own death.

"Time travel just shouldn't be possible..." he grumbled, furrowing his brow in frustration at his predicament. Sakura perked up at this.

"You have looked into it?"

He scoffed.

"Looking into the past is a waste of time. There is only the future."

Sakura actually agreed with him. But still...

"You wouldn't change anything if you could go back?"

"Why would I?"

"Everyone has regrets..."

_'I know I do...' _

"Well I don't."

Sakura sighed.

"Of course you don't."

He glared at her. This girl was always watching him like a hawk, taking note of every microscopic reaction he made. Even right now, she was staring at him expectantly.

"What do you mean it's not possible?" she asked, knowing she was pushing his boundaries. He was grateful that she changed the topic back to something that was actually important.

"Military villages have been looking into it for decades, hoping to weaponize it. If it were possible, everyone would be doing it."

She put her hands on her hips, thinking. If the leading experts couldn't even figure out what powered Sasori's core, how could they possibly figure out time travel? She shuddered at the thought of the power one would have at their disposal if time travel were weaponized. And what kind of person would use such an ability. If anyone were to use it, an Akatsuki member was probably her best guess. All of them were supernatural, it seemed... Experimentations, or just gods among men... She wondered what the rest of them were like- Sasori's mercenary group.

The unknown scared her.

She shifted her weight, staring down at their shadows. If time travel wasn't being used, it was safe to say it had not been invented yet... or, at least, utilized. But...

"But... what if we had just discovered it?"

Sasori pursed his lips, knowing he couldn't discredit her on that. It was always a possibility, and he was willing to pursue it, despite its low probability.

"It would take too much chakra. No one can accomplish such a feat."

"But this happened to you when you walked right here... So it must be possible."

"Are you suggesting that I stepped into some sort of chakra barrier, and it automatically activated and sent me here?"

"Yeah, maybe..."

"Hm."

He was lost in thought. Her proposition was growing more and more plausible to him. He knew that The Land of Wind had legends about things like this. But he had never payed much mind to them.

"But no one would be able to set up something like this. No one has knowledge of seals like that."

“What about the olden days?”

Sasori scoffed.

“You seriously believe in that Sage of Six Paths nonsense?”

Sakura fumed. That furious look on her face was becoming very familiar to him in such a short amount of time. He resisted a smirk just as she blew up on him.

“Ok, smart guy, if chakra didn’t originate from the legends, where did it come from?”

Just as Sasori was about to make a retort, a shady looking guy stepped out from behind a tree.

“If you want, I can show you where to look.”

Sakura’s jaw dropped.

It was Shino!

“Hey Shino, what’s up?” Sakura laughed, trying to look casual. She was as stiff as a board.

Sasori looked the stranger up and down. He certainly didn’t want anyone to know what he looked like. How long was he listening?

“I overheard you discussing chakra origins. If you want answers, you can look to old records written centuries ago. We were capable of a lot more back then.”

“What do you mean?” Sakura asked him. He promptly pointed a finger upwards.

“Do the leaves forget what brought them to the sky?”

He was being extra cryptic this afternoon. Sasori thought for a moment, and asked him a question, ignoring his metaphor.

“Where are they?”

“If you look in the library, there are a lot of copies.”

Sakura was genuinely thankful.

“Thanks Shino, I hadn’t thought of that!”

Shino was usually pretty helpful. He didn't talk with her much, but he was a good guy, and smart too.

“Why are you out here debating chakra metaphysics anyway?”

“Ok haha we have to go now!” Sakura laughed, grabbing Sasori's arm and dragging him away. Sasori got deja vu ... Wasn't she dragging him away from here when he first met her?

As the two walked off, Shino stood where he was, dejected.

"She didn't even introduce me to her friend... People always forget," he mumbled to himself.

As Sakura led Sasori through a section of the village he hadn’t seen before, he noticed that people were working on rebuilding things, as if something destroyed them not too long ago.

“What happened here?” he asked.

“Oh, we got attacked.”

She offered no more information. Sasori was irritated by this, and pressed further. Once he latched onto something, he had to know.

“Is your village attacked often?”

Sakura was unbothered by his impatient tone.

“Hmm. Well, there was the Kyubi attack 16 years ago, Orochimaru at the chuunin exams- that’s when The Third died by the way- and a few weeks ago, some old geezer raised the dead and attacked us.”

There was a lot to unpack there.

"Naruto and Sai actually got pretty banged up during that, but it all worked out. They were recently discharged."

Sasori pondered all of this. A lot had happened in the past 2 decades.

“I want to learn more about what happened since the war. Before I was sent here, I was supposed to deliver a message to your Hokage. He wanted to negotiate terms of a treaty. The war had ravaged everyone's resources, and it was bound to end soon anyway."

Wow. That was probably the most information he had ever offered at once.

“That’s when you got your title, right?”

His mouth formed into a thin line.

“Yes.”

Sasori had no desire to think about that. Not now.

“Do you not like it?”

“I did my job well.”

He didn’t answer her question, at least not directly. But she knew that look on his face. She redirected the conversation to what she knew he was interested in.

“The war was really hard on everyone. Its still a bit awkward among the Five Great Nations, but they are trading a fair amount, so I guess something is going well. Iwagakure And Sunagakure still kind of hate each other though.”

She looked over at him for confirmation. He nodded. Iwa ninja were responsible for a lot of the suffering in his village.

“Kind of ironic that your partner in the Akatsuki was an Iwa rogue then.”

Sasori perked up at new information on the Akatsuki. She mentioned Orochimaru was a partner of his as well... This man must have been his replacement.

“Did we get along?”

“Haha no. When my team finally caught up to you, you were arguing on the true meaning of art or something. You even tried to kill him! But he didn’t seem bothered. At the time, it wasn’t funny, but looking back, it was a pretty ridiculous thing to get so riled up about.”

“Art is the reason human beings desire to subsist. It is hardly a light topic.”

Sakura couldn’t help but laugh, attempting to hide her smile behind her hand. She looked very elegant in that moment.

“You really are an artist," she said, continuing to giggle. She seemed to find his comment funny for some reason. He was about to open his mouth to give her a full explanation on why Art was essential to truly live, but she stopped in front of a building. It was a library. Sasori put a pin in their conversation, wanting to say his piece on the subject. He also wanted to learn more about this partner of his...

Once they passed through the doors, Sakura headed to the front desk. A middle aged woman glanced up and smiled warmly at her.

"Oh, Sakura! Nice to see you back."

It seemed that everyone knew Sakura. And not only that, she was loved by everyone as well. The two of them were very different. Back at home, almost everyone knew him, but avoided speaking to him like he had the plague. And he preferred it that way.

"We are looking for any old records on the land Kohona is on. As far back as you can find, probably. Preferably about chakra," Sakura said in a hushed tone.

"Oh, so nice to see young people caring about their culture. Yes, we have photocopies of most of the scrolls found from back then. Archeologists are still attempting to estimate how old some of them are. They are very fragile, so we are given copies in book format."

The librarian seemed to be filled to the brim with information on the subject. If they needed help, she would probably be the person to ask.

"Why are you looking into this now?" the woman asked kindly, standing up. The two teens followed her to an uninhabited section of the library.

"Just research for potential jutsu. The usual," Sakura replied with ease. Usually she tripped over her words as she scrambled to make up an explanation, so this caught Sasori's attention. She spent her free time on things like this? She seemed like a responsible person, but he didn't know a lot about her interests. Since this woman knew her by name, she must be an avid reader.

"And you brought a friend this time. How nice," the woman said, eying the shelf in front of her.

Why did everyone keep calling him that? It seemed like every time he stepped outside with that girl, some random person assumed they were friends. He had spent a lot of time alongside many people, and he never considered any of them such a thing. He didn't understand what a friend was... He had never bothered to make one. He probably didn't know how to... even if he did desire something like that.

"Let's see... This one, this one, this one and..."

The librarian started pulling book after book off the shelf, a pile quickly forming.

"These are all in an ancient dialect, so I will need to get you translators. Some of them do come with footnotes though. Ok, this looks like everything."

Sakura attempted to grab the 15 books, but the pile was unsteady. Sasori dove in and saved the stack, taking the top half off for himself. This was a lot of material to get through...

The two of them found a table, and grunted as they set the books down. Sakura sighed.

"Ok, you take that half and I'll take this half. If either of us find anything about time travel or... whatever, we'll bookmark it."

Sasori didn't mind things like this. Sakura looked eager herself.

The librarian reappeared with what looked like dictionaries and a few guides on old-school kanji. They then dived in. They were both sharp, but it still took many hours to translate everything. Sasori was amazed by how old the documents were. Some dated back almost a thousand years.

At around 6 pm, Sakura straightened up in her seat.

"This looks promising! It says here that there are certain spots of earth that are said to contain large amounts of nature chakra... And they used to conduct ceremonies, worshipping it. There was one around here!"

Sasori picked up a large book, and flipped to a page he had saved.

"This one mentions nature chakra too. It says that at certain times, special places can cause anomalies."

"Your situation can definitely be described as an anomaly..." she nodded.

She got excited, continuing to read the next page.

"Jackpot! This ceremony they conducted occured every 70 years... Some claimed strange things happened on those dates in the past. But it doesn't give any specific coordinates..."

“Well, since I fainted at that lot and was found there, that is the first place we should look.”

Sakura stretched her arms, and closed her eyes. He averted his eyes.

“If only we could see through the pavement...” she mumbled, relaxing. She stared out the window. It looked like the sky was tempted to rain.

She then got an idea.

“The byakugan! Of course!”

“You know someone you can trust?”

“Yes, I have a friend!”

\----

“Um, why are we doing this again?” Hinata asked with a voice so small, it was practically inaudible. Sakura smiled encouragingly.

“I’m researching the land our village is on.”

“Oh, ok...” she said, the skin around her eyes wrinkling as she activated her doujutsu. She began to squint down at the ground before them.

“Well there is definitely something here. It looks like an old shrine.”

“Yes! Cha!”

Hinata stared at her.

“Um, I mean, yay!”

Hinata concentrated even more, turning around in a circle.

“I had never thought to use my byakugan like this... I had no idea something like this would be buried here.”

She seemed to be excited about this discovery, but her joyful expression soon fell.

“But it’s sad... It’s so disrespectful to build on top of a shrine like this...”

Sakura paused.

“Yes, it is. Maybe a natural disaster buried it.”

Most people were superstitious about things like this. No one would touch sacred ground, in fear of what would happen. It was unlikely that the village elders would have knowingly built anything on top of it.

Sakura glanced over at the tree Sasori was hiding behind. They both figured it would be easier if he didn’t meet Hinata, so he wouldn't have to explain himself.

“Well, thank you Hinata! That’s all I needed!” Sakura said, arms behind her back. They sky was darkening at an alarming pace.

“Really?”

“Yup! I’ll have to write this down as soon as possible!”

Hinata smiled, her byakugan still activated.

“Ok! See you around, Sakura!”

Sakura waved. Hinata turned back to her once more to speak.

"It won't be a bad storm. It will stop before the hour ends."

She could see where the rain stopped. What an incredible ability...

"Take care!" Sakura said, waving with even more gusto. Hinata then walked away, her eyes focused on the ground in front of her. It seemed that the Leaf had a new metal detector, except better.

Seconds later, Sasori appeared next to Sakura in a flash, startling her. She kept forgetting who he was.

_‘He’s so fast,’_ she thought to herself. Sasori may have been half the age he was when she fought him, but he was already a jounin. And a legend in his village.

What an overachiever. It made her want to train harder.

_'As if I don't already have enough competition,'_ she inwardly sighed, thinking of all of the guys on her team. And Rock Lee always made her feel like a loser... She better find time to practice her ninjutsu with Lady Tsunade soon...

“So?”

“There’s a shrine under here, just as we suspected. So the scroll must be accurate.”

“So I’m stuck here then?”

She felt a raindrop hit her cheek, and she blinked.

Sakura did not consider the possibility that Sasori would want to return to his time. For some reason, the thought that he couldn’t leave filled her with relief. She couldn't delve deep within herself to face her primal reaction... because the reason concerned her.

She couldn't accept that she didn't want him to leave.

“That’s not necessarily true. We can keep looking-“ she started.

“It’s fine. There was nothing there for me back then anyway,” he said in a dismissive tone, already walking away from her. It was drizzling now, the pavement slowly darkening with each drop of water that hit its surface.

Was he really ok with being trapped here?

A strange feeling consumed her as she jogged to catch up to him.

She wouldn't stop looking. For his sake.

But she couldn't deny... the feeling in her stomach. One one hand, she was happy he was happier here... That meant... she was doing her job. But... that also meant the Chiyo of his timeline would never see him again. And that fact hurt her soul.

They were silent as they walked alongside each other. Sasori's hair was starting to get damp.

"Hang on," Sakura said, jogging off somewhere. She was in the front of a dollar store.

He only stared as she bought two umbrellas.

"It's a decent walk from one end of the village to another... well, since you are a civillian."

She handed it to him with a small smile. She was referring to him not being able to jump from rooftop to rooftop. The expression on his doll-like face did not budge an inch, but he accepted it, his hand curling around the plastic handle. She already opened hers, and was just... staring at him. He felt it was all she did.

"During this time of year, we get a bit of rain here and there. Not enough to carry one of these with me all the time, though."

He unfolded the umbrella. It was transparent. Water droplets were already coating it. The atmosphere felt serene. Rain was not something he was accustomed to. Normally, he found it to be annoying, but right now, it was almost... soothing.

"Before we head back, was there anything you wanted?"

She had finally had her fill of her gawking, and stepped forward, water dripping off the sides of her umbrella, her boots kicking up the beginnings of puddles. He followed her. He just followed her everywhere. When was the last time he walked on his own? He had only been here for 3 days, but it felt like an eternity.

"There are some really good red bean paste buns down this way. Why don't we get some?"

He stared at the plants covering every inch of unclaimed land. It was so foreign to him. Sakura's words were blurred in his mind.

"You talk a lot."

He had just said what he was thinking. He didn't really mean to say it out loud, but he thought it so often, it was bound to come out eventually.

Sakura stopped, and turned to look at him once again.

"Hm. I suppose you're right. But you didn't answer my question."

She was strangely unperturbed by his comment.

"What question?"

"Do you want to grab some red bean paste buns?" she said, her eyes flickering like the waves in the sea. She was very calm at the moment. This girl could be like a demon one minute, and as sweet as honey the next. She was so volatile.

He said nothing. She only smiled, a hint of sadness on her features. He couldn't place the cause.

"Sure."

He disliked being so agreeable, but he figured he was hungry. And it was nice to walk around like this. This was the first time he was exploring the village with no purpose in mind. And not many people were around.

Sakura turned back around, and lead him down a narrow street. Thunder cracked in the far distance. The sound of water hitting his umbrella distracted him from the wetness of his sandals.

Sakura was growing more and more disheartened by the thought of Lady Chiyo. She missed her. And now, Chiyo would be all alone... Even if Sasori would have left her anyway... She had always held onto the hope that she would see him again. Sakura wished she could assure her... that her grandson was safe.

Her morose thoughts had prevented her from blowing up at Sasori's statement. It had only amused her. Yes, she talked a fair amount, but it was nothing compared to Naruto... Sasori was apparently unaccustomed to a normal talking level. She frowned at the thought of it. He was so alone...

She looked back once again to check up on him. He was still following her, his mind elsewhere. He seemed to be dwelling on what they had just discovered. Even someone like him... would be disjointed.

"You don't talk much," she said. He looked up at her, startled. Realizing that she had turned the tables on him, he scowled. He especially disliked the tiny upturn on the corner of her mouth.

"What is there to say?" he grumbled.

"Well, you could tell me if you like sweet buns, or if you just went along with my idea."

"I... like... them," he mumbled.

"Good. You look like you could use one."

He didn't understand her reasoning half of the time. The other half of the time, they were completely in synch. It's what made her bearable.

That, and she was pleasing to the eye. He found himself staring at the slope of her jawline, and the curvature of her nose. Her cotton candy hair suited her skin tone. From an artistic point of view, she would make a good reference. She looked different from Sunagakure residents. Her attire was striking, her red shirt standing out against the calming tone of the architecture around them. She was much more appealing than those disgusting chuunin who worked under him. He appreciated beautiful people. He appreciated the temporary things he longed to replicate.

Seeing her now, he felt the urge to spend time on his work later.

"Here we are," she announced, walking up to the vendor. The old man smiled as she ordered a set of 6. The buns were on display, still hot. He placed them in a small box for her, and she handed it to Sasori.

"These are so good," she groaned, grabbing one and taking a well-proportioned bite out of it. Steam emerged from the inside. He found himself salivating. He had not eaten a real meal yet, and it was already getting dark. He carefully picked one up, his fingers testing its temperature. Satisfied, he bit into it, and chewed. It wasn't too sweet, which was something he cared about. And the texture was soft and billowy...

"You do like them, don't you," she noted, a slight chuckle escaping from her lips. She was studying his reaction. He only swallowed and glared at her. He seemed like himself again.

"Come on... let's get you back to Sai's place."

The two then marched uphill and down the main road. The streets were soaked now, the lights reflecting on the surface. The sun was slowly setting. The mood was oddly... placid. Sasori had just discovered he was stuck there, but... he found that he didn't mind much. He quickly disregarded the image of his grandmother in his mind. The past was gone.

Sakura felt better after eating. She was prone to overthinking when she was hungry. Yes, things would be ok. Sasori would be ok. And she could manage this.

He wasn't alone anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sasori is a person whose mind is so blocked from thinking on many subjects, as a coping mechanism he developed as a child. He does not think about the past, or consequences. Sakura, of course, was raised very differently. 
> 
> Sasori also does not have normal reactions to things due to his anti-personality disorder (which was directly caused by his training and trauma as a child). 
> 
> I think it is a funny idea that ninja debate on the origin of chakra, and the legends, like we do with history and religion. And of course, Sasori is a skeptic. Which is ironic, since he became something supernatural. I have a theory on how he made his core, which will come up eventually. 
> 
> Red bean paste buns are very good, especially fresh! The last part of the chapter was based on one of my experiences in Japan. In Kamakura, it was raining and I had bought red bean paste buns from a vendor. This is probably one of my fondest memories. 
> 
> I also want to specify that Sasori does not have romantic feelings towards Sakura at this point whatsoever. He just appreciates her appearance from an artistic point of view. I think it is important to note Sasori's thought process on her, since he is an apathetic artist and he would undoubtedly study her. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


	9. Life in Kohona

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the next month passes, Sasori gets accustomed to his new life. Sakura continues to attempt to break him out of his shell.

"Wow, Sasori, this is beautiful!"

They were back at Sai's apartment, and Sasori had unveiled the painting he was working on earlier that day. It WAS beautiful. How did he paint that in one afternoon??

As she had guessed, his version of the lake was realistic compared to Sai's, which was propped up on an easel by the wall. The colors on Sasori’s were not vibrant, like they were in real life. In fact, he had dulled down the saturation, giving the picture a morose feeling. That was very much like him.

"What are you going to title it?" she asked eagerly. He furrowed his brows.

"Title it?"

She groaned. What is up with these artists not titling their work?

"Yes, you need to name it! All artists do!"

He thought for a moment.

"'The Lake'," he announced with his usual bored tone. She sighed, exasperated.

"You can do better than that! Come on, what were you feeling when you made it? What were you thinking about at the time?"

He said nothing for a long moment. She almost thought she broke him.

Finally, he tilted his head and spoke.

"Fine. I'll title it later."

She gave him a big smile, as if to encourage him. Most of her conversations with Sasori were new territory, but this was one topic of conversation she had had before. Sai was even more clueless about his art than Sasori was, but these days, he was titling art left and right. She knew Sasori was capable of it too.

“Hey, you should draw me sometime,” she teased, knowing this would earn a reaction out of him.

“Why would I draw you?” he scoffed. Despite her intentions, her temper got the best of her.

“Hey, you jerk! Sai has drawn me a lot!”

“What does that have to do with me?”

“Oh, you-“

“What about me?” Sai asked, emerging from his room.

“Sai! You’ve drawn me before!” Sakura yelled, making a fist.

“Yes, I have. There are some sketches right here, actually.”

Sai gestured to a pile of ink paper. Sasori couldn't help but be intrigued. Artists were always secretly competitive of each other, and even though Sai's style was very different from his, he saw his talent.

"See, here's one. I have drawn Naruto and Yamato Sensei too."

It was a simple ink drawing, but it conveyed Sakura's essence flawlessly. Sakura blushed at the sight of it. It was a generous display of affection to draw her.

"I don't think I have directly used a live human reference before..." Sasori said.

_'That statement was not creepy at all.' _

"And if you did, it wouldn't be me. I know where you're going with this," she said dismissively. "Well, I better get home. I'll stop by tomorrow!"

She knew he had been through a lot, and she shouldn't mess with him too much. But that pretty face of his made her want to pick at him...

She refused to let him get to her, and put on her boots.

"Ok, see you then Sakura!" Sai said with excitement. His good mood vexed Sasori. As the front door slammed shut, he sighed, staring at the pile of ink sketches.

"Sakura is a great model! I highly recommend her!"

Sasori stared at him, a displeased glare in his eyes.

"I don't enjoy drawing live people."

"Yes, they do move around a lot, don't they?"

Sasori said nothing. If he was going to work on anything, it would be his puppets. He got up, staring at the painting he did earlier that day.

_'A title, huh...'_

\----

The next few weeks passed without incident. Sakura told him more about everything that happened in the past 20 years, and the Akatsuki. He took a great interest in the organization, wondering what drew him to it in the future. His partner sounded obnoxious, but Orochimaru was apparently worse. When he questioned Sakura on this "Deidara" guy, she said he was presumed dead. Sasori hoped otherwise, in case he could ever hunt him down and learn more about himself.

During this time, Sasori often complained about being bored, and Sakura did her best to make him feel at home. She finally conceded and let him leave the apartment whenever he wanted, as long as he was with her or Sai. She had to give Sai very specific instructions. She was always worried Sasori would run into someone she knew.

But nothing bad happened. It became a habit to go over to Sai's practically everyday, to check up on him. Sai's new roommate was not a big talker, but he didn't seem to mind company, and he actually spent a fair amount of time with them. When he was done being social, he would lock himself in the small room Sai gave him. Sai said sometimes he didn't come out up to 17 hours. She figured that's when he worked on his puppets.

Sasori's achievements in general were a mystery, but Kankurō told her that puppet masters used seals often. She knew he probably had access to all sorts of things. Which was weird to think about, because that meant the things he had sealed 20 years ago still worked.

She hoped he wasn't making human puppets, but... She remembered Ebizō told her he didn't really get started on that until the week before he left. Hiruko was his second human puppet. Sasori came back from a mission, and seemed to snap. He had been scarce, and one night, Chiyo walked into his workshop and was horrified to discover Hiruko. That's how she knew things about that puppet.

Ebizō said she tried to confront him, but when she went looking for him, Sasori had managed to sneak into his workshop, take Hiruko, and leave. He was never seen again.

Sakura wondered if his mission to the Leaf was that final mission that made him snap. Did he fall into her arms just as he was on the brink of insanity?

Sakura wondered many things, but did not dare ask. She didn't want to scare him off. She wanted him to open up to her naturally. She knew she was bad at delicate things like that, but she tried her best to stay off his back.

While this was happening, Naruto had started his training with Kakashi Sensei. She and Sai would check up on Naruto often to watch his progress. She knew he would eventually succeed in changing chakra nature.

Her attention was divided between Sasori and Naruto, and she was determined to be helpful to both of them in any way she could.

Naruto's birthday was coming up fast. Sakura wanted to give him something, but she wasn't sure what. She knew he would ask for a date, but that wasn't happening. So...

She worked together with Sai to get him a stack of coupons to Ichiraku. She knew it wasn't the most creative present, but Naruto was a simple guy, and would be more than happy with it.

And she was right. The night of his birthday, Team 7 all went out to Ichiraku, and when Teuchi presented the coupons to him, Naruto's eyes lit up.

"Wow! Thank you so much guys!"

Yamato was half-asleep from constantly monitoring Naruto during his training. Kakashi was his usual, relaxed self, rereading that book of his for the 100th time. And Naruto, despite training day and night, still had plenty of energy to express his excitement.

"So you managed to take a break from training, huh?" Sakura asked, smiling. Naruto's face was stuffed with noodles from his 5th bowl.

"Mhm! I convnshd thmm!" he mumbled through the food.

She laughed.

"Naruto, it's rude to talk with your mouth full!" she scolded.

"But it's my birthday!"

"You're gonna be using that as an excuse for everything tonight, aren't you?"

"Yup!"

Everyone laughed. It felt good to celebrate something. She found herself wishing Sasori could be out in the open like this. She knew he couldn't stay a secret forever. But she had not found a permanent solution for him. Maybe someday, she could explain him to Lady Tsunade...

But she didn't want to risk that yet.

She wondered what he was doing at the moment. She felt kind of bad that he was left alone so much. When Team 7 finally parted ways, she took a little extra time to talk to Naruto. They got some popsicles together, and reminisced about old times. Neither of them mentioned Sasuke that night.

When she and Naruto said their goodbyes, she was on autopilot. She had walked herself to Sai's apartment.

_'Might as well drop by,'_ she figured as she knocked. Sasori answered the door in a form-fitting tanktop and sweatpants.

"Don't you have other things to do?" he asked grumpily. She made a face at him, and forced her way in, taking off her boots.

“Oh, pardon me for the intrusion,” she sneered. Sai was more than happy to see her.

“Hi Sakura!” he said as she found herself in her usual seat on Sai’s couch. She took her favorite pillow of his, and held it in her arms.

“See. Sai is happy to see me.”

Sasori snorted, and walked off. She ignored him. He was a moody guy, and she never knew when he would be up for conversation. Apparently tonight was not one of those nights.

“Did you see Sateki’s painting?” Sai asked, gesturing to the wall. She turned around and froze. Sai had hung it up. And it was titled. She scrambled over to the frame, desperate to see what he titled it.

‘Drowning.’

She frowned.

“How morbid,” she whispered to herself. Sai walked up behind her.

“I quite like it.”

She chuckled.

“It is a torturous title. Very artistic,” she admitted. “So it’s true that all artists had tormented souls?”

Sai grinned.

“I read in a book that it is a common trope to assume artistic geniuses are tortured, yes.”

“Is that unhealthy?” she asked, concerned. She couldn’t believe it, but she was asking Sai of all people for advice on human psychology.

“I don’t think so. Expressing oneself is important. After all, art was the only outlet I had for my entire life up until this year. It would be unnatural to hold in negative emotions.”

She pondered this.

“That makes sense.”

Still, this one word told her more about Sasori’s psyche than any conversation she had ever had with him. And it concerned her.

\----

A few more weeks passed and October was coming to a close. She couldn’t believe so much time had already passed. Sasori’s presence in her life was the norm to her at this point. And she really didn’t mind having him around. In fact, she sought him out. She just couldn’t seem to leave him alone, even though he was rude to her, and sometimes downright horrible. Once in awhile, they would have spats, but she got over them quickly and got right back to trying to befriend him.

One day, he came out of his room just to sit across from her. She didn’t even know if he consciously knew it, but he had no reason to sit there. It made her feel good that she was comfortable to him. This was a huge sign to her that he didn’t mind her company.

This experience had also brought her closer to Sai. Before finding Sasori, she had never even been to Sai’s place before, but now, she was there practically every day. And she could tell that it made Sai very happy. He smiled and laughed more than ever. He was right about spending time with others. It was good for the lonely soul.

Sasori was very perturbed by his situation. He was likely stuck in this time, and with each passing day, he felt like those two were closing in on him. They wanted to be around him so badly. They reminded him of Komushi, but it was a bit different. Probably because there were two of them, and he couldn’t seem to escape.

He sometimes longed to go home, but knew no one was waiting for him there. He had nowhere to go, really, and it made him feel restless.

But deep down, he was growing accustomed to the attention. And once in awhile, he felt odd when it was silent. He found himself looking for them when they weren’t chatting away in the living room.

It was a routine. He would wake up, shower, make breakfast and read. Sometimes Sakura would drop by, and bring him something. Then he would lock himself in his room and work on his creations or draw. He often skipped lunch. Around dinner time, he and Sai would eat, sometimes together and sometimes separately. If Sakura was free, she would come over after that and just... spend time with them.

Why wouldn’t she leave him alone?

He was also grumpy about his lack of physical activity. Sasori was naturally a cerebral person, but he also took great care to maximize his physical abilities. After all, that was his job. And this new lifestyle of his gave him no room to exercise. Sure, he did pushups and the like in an attempt to stay healthy, but his battle prowess would certainly decline if this kept up.

He knew hiding his identity as a ninja was important, but he was growing impatient.

\----

One night, Sakura came home to find her parents studying her. She raised a brow.

“What’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing...” her father said. “We were just wondering where you have been spending all your time lately.”

He wasn’t angry. He just looked curious.

“I told you, I visit Sai and Naruto. They are my friends.”

“So no secret romance then?” he asked. She blushed.

“Of course not!”

“What is the sudden interest in Sai?” her mom asked, peering over at her from the kitchen. She sighed.

“Sai took in that traveling artist. I have been helping him take care of things.”

“Oh, that artist you mentioned last month? He’s still here?”

“Is he the one you’re interested in?”

“No!” she screeched. “I am not interested in any of them!”

Her father grinned. He loved messing with her.

“So this traveling artist is a new friend of yours?” her mom asked.

“I guess.”

“You should have him over sometime then!” her dad exclaimed.

“What??”

Sakura thought about it. She knew Sasori would act like it was a pain, but he was always cooped up in that tiny room. It would be good for him to talk to someone other than her and Sai.

“Ok. I will.”

“Really?”

Her dad seemed surprised.

“You are acting like I always say no! I had Naruto over once, remember? And Sai had dropped by before!”

Her parents both gave her a look.

“Ugh, fine! So I don’t invite my friends over much. Happy?”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, dear,” her mom said.

“I do want to!”

“How about tomorrow at 5?” her mom replied, unbothered by her daughter’s strained tone.

“Sure!”

It was a challenge. The Haruno household never backed down from a dare. Sasori WOULD be having dinner at their house tomorrow at 5 pm, whether he liked it or not.

\----

“I don’t know why I’m here,” Sasori groaned. She had a death grip on his arm, and was aggressively leading him to her house.

“Because I invite my friends over!” she growled. She seemed to be offended by something that had nothing to do with him. As soon as she had brought it up, he knew he wasn’t getting out of it.

In reality, he was a bit curious to meet her parents. He wanted to know what kind of people birthed a monster like her.

They stopped in front of the quaint house. Sakura took the lead, and entered.

“I’m home!” she said casually. He realized he had grown out of the habit of saying that. He didn’t see any location as a home. Not for a long time.

Sasori hesitantly took off his shoes, and followed Sakura further into the house. He already knew what it looked like, but it was somehow different from before. When two middle aged people came around the corner, he realized it was the smell of homemade cooking.

“Hello there! I’m Kizashi Haruno! And this is my wife, Mebuki!”

The man had crazy pink hair. So that’s where she got that from. And he was extremely outgoing. When he smiled, all of his teeth were on display. The woman came over and smiled warmly. While her father had more of her blatant features, he did see some similarities between her and her mother. They had the same eyes.

“Hello. I’m... Sateki.”

He bowed. He still wasn’t used to the silly name Sakura had given him at the drop of a hat.

“Fantastic! Sakura tells me you’re a traveling artist!”

Sasori nodded. Mebuki clapped her hands together.

“How wonderful! I bet you have seen so many things!”

He gulped.

“Yes.”

He didn’t offer any more information, but her parents had already moved on.

“Come in, come in, make yourself comfortable! Sit down at the table! Dinner is almost ready!”

Sasori awkwardly sat down at the table where her mother had pulled out a chair for him. Sakura went ahead and sat next to him in her usual seat.

“Your hair is so striking! Where are you from?” her mother asked.

“The Land of Wind,” he replied smoothly.

“Ah, did you get it from your mother or your father?” Kizashi asked as he took his seat.

Sakura jolted. She didn’t know how Sasori would react to questions about his parents... But Sasori looked as cool as a cucumber.

“My father,” he said.

“Ah, just like me and my little princess over there!” he laughed, making Sakura cower in embarrassment. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all...

“Sateki, Have you had teppanyaki?” Mebuki asked. Sasori was intrigued.

“Only a few times,” he said politely. “I remember enjoying it.”

“What is popular where you’re from?” she asked from the kitchen. Sakura was tempted to chew on her nails in anticipation. She did not know how Sasori would take all of these personal questions. After all, none of this would bring up good memories for him...

“I typically eat whatever is available,” he said, thinking. “I like to make shogayaki.”

Sakura listened with great interest. Hearing Sasori talk about something so mundane was crazy. But here he was, talking about food he liked. Before all of this happened, she never viewed Sasori as a normal person who ate food. It was strange.

“Sateki is a great cook! He has made all sorts of things at Sai’s place!” Sakura offered.

“Is that so? So you’re something of a chef then?”

“It is a pastime of mine.”

“So what brought you here to the Leaf?” Mebuki inquired as she brought the main entree to the table. Everyone looked at the food greedily.

“Same as everywhere else. I just travel to find inspiration.”

“He drew this amazing picture of the lake! It’s so realistic! He’s so talented!” Sakura gushed.

Sasori felt... something. He realized he was... proud? Sakura was nothing but complimentary of him since he entered her home. And it was over silly things, like his cooking and his artwork. He didn’t really know how to handle it. He took it out on his hand, which was nervously clenching his pants from under the table.

“Is that why you thought Sai would make a good roommate?” Kizashi asked, impatiently waiting for his wife to sit down. Before Sasori answered, they all uttered another common phrase.

“Thank you for the food!”

Another sentence Sasori had grown out of the habit of saying. His grandmother was rarely around, so when he came home, he got nothing but silence. Eventually, he found it silly to talk to himself, and stopped.

But today was different.

“Yes, I figured since Sai lives alone, and he’s an artist as well, he would be a good candidate,” Sakura said, answering her fathers question.

“Oh, how nice. So, Sateki, do you have family?”

She could feel Sasori freeze next to her. It was subtle, but she could still tell. Her first instinct was to... comfort him. But as always, she felt limited in her ability to do so. She could never figure out how to express herself with him.

“No. I’m...”

Just then, they heard a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it!” Sakura announced. She was very nervous.

_‘Drat. Why didn’t I tell them beforehand that he’s an orphan?’ _

She walked up to the front door and squinted.

Sai?

She opened it, wondering what on earth he was doing.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

The pale boy opened his mouth, and the words he spoke were like a spike through her heart.

"Asuma is dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I included two Japanese customs in this chapter, so I will explain them, in case someone isn't familiar. 
> 
> When Sakura announces "I'm home", she is using a phrase used by Japanese people when they enter their home, whether anyone else is there or not. The actual phrase is "tadaima", which translates directly to "Just now", meaning "I just came home." Sasori picks up on her usage of this because he never says it, despite it being a custom.
> 
> The second phrase is "Thank you for the food", which is actually pronounced "Itadakimasu." This is said before eating a meal, and can be translated to "let's eat," or "I humbly receive." Some people view it as similar to saying grace. This is something else that is automatically said out loud before eating, even when alone, but since Sasori is always alone, he got out of the habit of saying it.
> 
> These two phrases make Sasori realize how alienated he has become from tradition, and from the concept of home and family. 
> 
> I decided it would be fun to make reference to the filler arc with the grave robbers. I took liberty and had more time pass in between the filler arc and the Hidan Kakuzu arc, because who needs everything to happen in one week? 
> 
> And Sasori's art will come up again in this story, of course. But before that, we will have a lot of drama!


	10. Sudden News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon hearing the news, Sakura is devastated, and Sasori is alienated from the situation. He dwells on his goals, and if they remain unchanged.

The words barely escaped Sai’s lips before Sasori entered the room. He looked at Sai, and then at Sakura, not knowing what this meant to either of them.

"He's... w-"

She... didn't know what to say. She couldn't really process what Sai just said.

"Oh no..."

She slumped into the couch. Her mother walked in, concerned from the commotion.

"What's going on? Sai? What happened?"

"Asuma..." Sakura said softly.

Her mother's eyes went wide.

"You don't mean..."

She gasped, realizing what was implied. Sakura knew Asuma, but her parents knew him better. Her father also joined, and put a comforting arm around his wife.

“Oh, this is so terrible...”

Sakura’s mother was already tearing up.

Sasori was disassociating. It was an instinct to separate himself from emotion, and this was hardly the first time he had been informed of a death. In fact, he was so accustomed to death, he probably spent more time with corpses than with the living. He always felt pressured to express condolences, but he was so disconnected from it, especially in this case... He had no idea who this deceased man was, and he was not a Leaf ninja. He felt nothing for the man. He felt nothing for others in general. Not even people he was supposed to be close to.

Memories of his fellow ninja dying came to mind. These were the moments when he struggled most to fit in. He just... felt nothing.

But this was strange. Even though he knew nothing of this man, or anyone else in the room, his mind shifted to Sakura. She had never mentioned this man before, so he must only be an aquintance of hers, and yet, she was still so devastated. She was overflowing with emotion. It was... strange. Suna ninja weren’t so openly emotional.

She was oddly striking with that tragic expression on her face. He had never seen her wear it before.

He felt out of place, like he was watching a TV screen. His attention shifted to Sai.

_'He shouldn't be capable of true empathy...' _

But even Sai looked saddened by the scene. How did he convey anguish so naturally?

Why couldn't he fit in?

"How..." Sakura started to ask.

"The Akatsuki."

She gritted her teeth. Sasori said nothing. It was like he wasn't even there.

"I hate them..." she whispered. "Why are they so..."

Sasori was starting to feel worse. He was developing a headache. Her mother placed a hand on her daughter’s back.

“Does that fight still bother you?” she asked.

Sakura said nothing.

“We’ve talked about this,” her father whispered to his wife. “She will take a while to completely recover from that.”

“I’m ok,” Sakura said, shaking off their concerns. She finally made eye contact with Sasori. Her anger subsided. He looked so... small, standing awkwardly behind the rest of the people in the room, like he didn’t belong. His giant doe eyes stared right back at her, and he looked so... tired.

“That fight doesn’t bother me much anymore.”

A flicker of something in his eyes. It was gone as soon as it came. She felt a weight off her chest. It was partially true. That battle against him a year ago was no longer the thing her mind went to at night. Her regrets were slowly slipping away. But her new focus came with new fears. Would she fail him?

She had almost forgotten the current situation. Her mother choking up over Asuma brought her back into the present.

“He was a wonderful young man... He didn’t deserve this.”

Sakura stared at the floor, thinking about Asuma Sensei dead on the ground.

“Poor Ino...”

Her parents paused.

“Yes, that poor thing. The boys too. Shikamaru will have an extra hard time with it.”

“Who else knows?” Sakura asked Sai.

“I was in a meeting with Lady Tsunade when Izumo came in with the news. I don’t think it’s common knowledge yet.”

Sakura shook her head.

“I better... see if I can do anything. They may be injured.”

She stood up, and ignored the wooziness she felt.

“Sorry Sateki, but our dinner seems to be cut short.”

Sasori realized she was talking to him.

“That’s ok. I’m sorry for your loss. Hopefully we can pick this up another time.”

Those were his default lines. It’s what normal people said in this situation.

“Yes dear, thank you for letting us have you over. Please come again,” Sakura’s mom said, giving him a sad smile.

Sasori nodded, and then gave Sakura one last look before walking out the door. Sakura noticed Sai followed him.

Sasori was trying to take in the new information he had received back there. He didn't know Sakura apparently suffered from her battle with him so much. It was so surreal to imagine her association with his face and one of the hardest things she had ever dealt with- something he had no memory of.

The look on her face when the Akatsuki was mentioned... It was hatred.

And yet, she still took him in... with practically no hesitation.

He did not know what to make of her.

\----

Sakura ran to the trauma center where she knew Team 10 would be kept. She burst through the doors and received a welcome from the receptionist before running down the halls. She knew this place like the back of her hand.

She heard a sob, and found the room they were staying in. As soon as she entered, Ino looked up at her. Sakura ran over to her, and hugged her tightly without reservation. Ino cried into her shoulder.

“I couldn’t help him... I tried to fix him but I couldn’t-! I couldn’t help my own sensei!!”

“You did everything you could,” Sakura whispered, staring at the blank wall in front of her. She looked over at Shikamaru, who seemed to be completely out of it, and then at Chouji, who was sobbing even harder than Ino was. She then noticed the doctor in the corner of the room.

“I’ll take it from here, if that’s ok?” she asked. The doctor nodded.

“Let me know if you need anything, Miss Haruno.”

Sakura pulled out of her embrace with Ino to take a look at her.

“Are you injured anywhere?”

Ino hiccuped in between a sob.

“I... I don’t remember.”

Sakura looked her up and down.

“No... I... didn’t. I wasn’t... there for it, I wasn’t there with them...”

Sakura was heartbroken. She knew how it felt to feel useless.

“If you were there instead of me, maybe you could have healed him...”

“No, don’t say that. You are an excellent medical ninja, Ino.”

“I’m not you though.”

Sakura held her hands tightly.

“I fail too, you know.”

The door flew open. It was Lady Tsunade.

“Sakura, you’re here?”

“Hello, My Lady.”

Tsunade walked over to Shikamaru.

“What happened,” she asked softly. Tsunade wasn’t known for her gentle side, but she certainly had one.

Shikamaru was as white as a sheet, his expression deadpan. It actually reminded her of Sasori’s from moments ago, in a way.

“We found what we were looking for. They were too strong for us.”

Shikamaru looked down. Sakura noticed he was fiddling with a lighter. Was that Asuma’s?

“One of them didn’t even really fight...”

His face scrunched up in anger, and he hit the wall. Chouji cried even harder. Shikamaru took a moment to calm himself.

“They were freaks... They weren’t even... human.”

Sakura understood.

“Asuma was burned... and impaled. The Akatsuki fled after that. Ino tried to heal him, but he told us it was too late...”

He continued to obsessively fiddle with the lighter.

“Then he was gone.”

Silence filled the room. Chouji wiped his eyes.

“What... were they like?” Sakura hesitantly asked. Shikamaru paused, taking her question seriously.

“Well... the one we fought was immortal.”

Sakura furrowed her brow.

“You mean like Sasori?”

Shikamaru shook his head.

“No, this was... This guy was still human. It was like a... curse jutsu. We even decapitated him! But he just kept talking... The other guy sewed his head back on... We should have done something then, but it was too insane!”

Sakura remembered when she broke Sasori’s puppet body apart. She thought she had won. But then he just... put himself back together again... His head spun all the way around...

She gulped.

“I guess... all of the Akatsuki are like that,” she said quietly.

Shikamaru said nothing more on the subject.

“Lady Tsunade, do you need a report filled out right now?” he asked. She sighed.

“The sooner you can, the more accurate it will be. I know it’s hard but...”

“I know. It’s essential to the case.”

He abruptly walked out of the room, hands in his pockets. Ino sniffled, and rubbed her eyes, her eye makeup smearing slightly.

“I better go with him. You too, Chouji.”

Ino gave Sakura a reassuring closed smile. She was saying she was going to be ok. But Sakura wasn’t too sure about that.

Tsunade waited for the three teammates to walk into the hallway, then started to follow them. She stopped to look at Sakura.

“I may need you later. If there is any way your fight with Sasori could help us connect some similarities to Team 10’s, we may come to new conclusions. But not tonight. Come by first thing tomorrow.”

Tsunade looked drained. To most people, it wouldn’t be obvious, but Sakura knew her sensei well.

“Of course, My lady.”

Tsuande sighed.

“Ino is lucky to have such a good friend.”

She then walked out of the room, leaving Sakura alone.

She simply stood there, staring at the wall for who knows how long. Eventually, a medic walked by, and noticed her through the window.

“Are you ok Miss Haruno?”

Sakura snapped out of it.

“Oh. Yes. I’m just... uh. Brainstorming.”

The medic nodded, and left her to herself once more. She sighed.

So many things were happening this year. First Gaara, then Orochimaru and Sasori, now this...

Her thoughts briefly went to Sasuke, but she shut them out quickly.

He was the bane of her existence. He followed her everywhere she went, haunting her. He was there to remind her that she was a failure. He was always there, buried in the back of her mind. Whenever she had bad thoughts, he arose out of the dark.

“What now...”

She stood there for another moment, and then opened the door. She made her way out of the hospital, and put a hand over her eyes to guard herself from the sudden sunlight. It was only around 5:30, and the village was still bustling with life. Everything looked so peaceful.

How could it look like that when...

She cradled her arms to her chest, and started walking back home.

\----

Sasori lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, still as the dead. The only sign of life in the room was a moth, desperately attempting to find an exit. He watched it flail about, making its way from one corner to another. Eventually, it hit a wall, and fell to the floor. He got up on one elbow to see where it went.

It was fluttering on the ground, its movements slowing. As if in a trance, he got up and knelt on the floor, watching it closely. Its wings were still moving, ever so slightly. He slowly extended a finger, and touched it carefully. It crawled onto his finger. It seemed to be dying.

He did nothing, lost inside his own mind. Even if he healed this moth, it would eventually die. Everything was born to die.

Usually, he would kill it, but he felt too solemn to move quickly. He was sluggish. Too depressed to work on anything either.

His thoughts went to Sakura’s face again. That sad expression...

She looked rather beautiful in that moment.

Sasori didn’t dislike the living. He wished to capture their essence and put it into his work, to preserve it. Sometimes, life was beautiful. But it never lasted. He longed to contain it and gaze at it forever.

He knew he didn’t feel the same way about beauty as other people. He almost had a violent reaction to it, his chest ached so much when he was overcome by it. He had a tendency to crush beautiful things. He had to rely on his replicas.

Her tears were so transfixing... She looked like a work of art. He adored that morbid look in her brilliant green eyes-

He stopped himself.

_‘Don’t do that again...’ _

He had a tendency to obsess over particular things so much, it became unhealthy. His obsessions were always associated with death. This morbid curiosity of his was always trying to dominate his every thought since he was a small child, and by the time he was ready to leave Suna, he was consumed by it. He knew it wasn’t normal, but he simply could not help himself. Since joining the war, he lost all interest in fighting it. It transfixed him, and he did whatever satisfied him.

But those thoughts had been cut off as of late... Since he came here.

Tonight, they were back. Death was always a trigger.

He realized he had been spared from tragedy since arriving at the Leaf. Nothing bad had happened in the past month and a half. He wasn’t in the same world as before. He was... actually getting used to it- a simple life.

But this incident reminded him of the cruel reality that no one can escape from death forever. And all of his old habits came flooding back into him. The urge to... do something.

His eyes refocused on the moth. It had died while he was sitting there. He flicked it off of his hand and stood up. He needed to...

He wasn’t sure what. Not long ago, he was planning on leaving Suna and continuing his human puppet experimentation. Now... he wasn’t sure if he could get away with it.

Or if he should.

His quest for the perfect weapon seemed off to him somehow. In a way, he had already done it. So why redo it?

If his legacy was cut short so easily, would starting over change anything? He had supposedly collected around three hundred human puppets by the time he was 35... An incredible collection. No. It was unbelievable.

And they were rejected. All of his research was.

Why?

His thoughts went to his grandmother once more.

_(“How can you think this is acceptable?! To make tools out of human beings! Puppeteers seek to recreate life, not to steal from it!”) _

Her words stung. Why was his work so unacceptable? Was it so wrong to turn his enemy into his weapon?

He couldn’t stand the hypocrisy. Ninja who killed others without a second thought claimed his ideas were inhumane- an abomination. That he was doing something evil.

He remembered what his file said. That he had even toppled a nation with his puppet army.

It was strength! It was what Suna wanted!

He grew frustrated. This was always what his mind came back to.

Why couldn’t he do anything right?

He sighed. He could hear Sai rummaging around the rest of the apartment. He took a moment to mentally prepare himself for company, and then let himself back out into the living room. Sai gave him a smile, and continued to dust off his coffee table. Sasori was content with this guy as a roommate. He didn’t butt into his business and he was almost tidy enough to meet his own standards.

He made his way to Sai’s fridge, and opened the door to stare absentmindedly inside. Was he even hungry?

“We can go get something, if you like.”

Sasori turned around to look at Sai, and he considered the idea. He didn’t usually eat with others, but Sakura disliked him wandering around the village alone. She was so worried someone would recognize him for who he actually was.

“It’s getting kind of late, isn’t it?”

Sai shook his head.

“There are a few places that are still open. I need to restock the fridge, so I don’t have very much at the moment.”

Sasori stared into the barren fridge once more.

“Alright.”

Sai smiled. The two then put on their shoes and left.

They walked around the streets at a casual pace in silence. Sasori enjoyed the autumn weather in Kohona. It was cool, and the air was drier. The architecture was welcoming as well.

The village was growing on him a bit.

He decided to ask a question.

“Who died?” 

“Asuma Sarutobi,” said Sai. Sasori was surprised.

“The Third Hokage’s son? I see. That’s a huge blow to the Leaf’s legacy.”

Sai nodded. Sasori realized that most people would be offended by what he just said, since he was more focused on the village’s status than viewing the deceased as a person. But not Sai. Sai seemed unbothered by pretty much anything insensitive Sasori had to say.

“Why was Sakura so upset?” he asked.

“Sakura is not as accustomed to death as we are.”

“You make a lot of assumptions about me,” Sasori remarked. Sai blinked.

“Have I been wrong yet?”

Sasori let out a small smirk.

“No.”

Sai smiled briefly.

“I’m sure you could tell the same about me when you first saw me. Its easy to spot our type once you know what to look for. But Sakura isn’t as good at it. I’m not sure if Sakura has even killed a person before.”

Sasori was taken aback.

“She’s a chuunin and she’s never killed anyone?”

How could a ninja get this far without-?

“The ninja under the Hokage’s orders are not expected to. They try to fix problems without killing the enemy.”

“That’s...”

“I know. It’s unheard of. Even my own boss...”

Sai quit talking. Sasori raised a brow.

“Not allowed to say?”

Sai grinned sheepishly.

“I can, but I am still not used to it. As long as it isn’t tied to this seal.”

Sai stuck out his tongue, revealing a curse seal. Sasori’s eyes widened.

“And they say the Sand is cruel.”

Sai closed his mouth again, thinking.

“I don’t really see much of a problem with it. It doesn’t effect my life. But the longer I spend with my new team, the more I learn...”

The conversation died down as Sai spotted the destination he had in mind for them.

_‘Sakura hasn’t killed anyone? I guess Granny did kill me in that battle...’ _

They stopped in front of a soba shop. Sasori was ok with that. They walked in and sat down. The owner seemed to know Sai.

“Your boss... He’s old school, then.”

Sai nodded. Sasori noticed Sai had a tendency to answer questions non verbally if possible. He was a lot like him.

“How did you get out?”

Sai froze. He wasn’t prepared for that question.

“What are you implying?” he asked tentatively. Sasori rested his cheek on his hand, confused.

“They don’t just let soldiers from secret military factions hidden underground leave whenever they want.”

Sai thought on this deeply.

“I suppose you are right. I never realized I could leave until last year. I was put on a spy mission with Sakura’s team, and I ended up wanting to stay. So I requested I be transferred to be under the Hokage’s orders from then on.”

“They didn’t kill you?”

Sai was a bit shaken. Sasori made it sound like it was a miracle he was even alive. Sai knew asking to leave was risky, but he didn’t know it was absurd.

“I... No. They let me go.”

The boys received their meals. Sasori dove in but Sai only played with his noodles.

“Is something wrong?” Sasori asked in his usual deadpan tone, only this time, his mouth was filled with soba.

“No, it’s just... I guess I never really thought about that in that way.”

“That’s because you were trained to believe your boss had your best intentions at heart.”

Sasori slurped up another huge bundle of noodles. Sai stared down at his bowl, visibly perplexed.

“I... guess that makes sense.”

“It’s a training method. It’s sometimes used in Suna too.”

Sasori remembered his home village.

“... Your handler will pretend to care about you, and then discard you when they are done with you.”

Sai thought for a moment, and then finally slurped up a single noodle.

“But Kakashi and Yamato Sensei aren’t like that. Neither is Lady Tsunade.”

Sai seemed to be very confident in this fact.

“Must be nice.”

Sai looked over at the redhead.

“Was it the same for you?”

Granny Chiyo came to mind. He was totally alone except... She would never leave him be. Even if she was doing a bad job, he could tell she tried.

“Not quite. But sometimes it felt that way.”

Sai started to eat at a normal pace. He swallowed and then smiled once more.

“Well, Sakura seems to be your handler now. And she definitely cares.”

Sasori snorted.

“She is very dedicated.”

_'And very annoying...'_

But he couldn't get that scene out of his mind. Her eyes... She was overflowing with emotion. It was beautiful.

He wished he could replicate that. He knew he couldn't. 

He could never be like her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, especially Sasori's inner monologuing. Sasori had unconsciously forced himself to become inured to death, and he doesn't think he will ever be a normal human being again. He is frustrated by this, it is likely a big reason he left his village. If he is alone, he can't compare himself to others.
> 
> Sociopaths and people like that spend a lot of time studying others in an attempt to blend in. Sasori knows he can't mimic extreme emotions, and this frustrates him. This will be important later <3


	11. Disconnected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura, not knowing what to do with herself, decides to seek comfort in the company of Sasori and Sai. She later attempts to bond with Sasori, but things do not go as planned.

Sakura was unsure of what to do with herself. She wanted to see someone... Just so she wasn’t alone. She had spent the remainder of the day walking around aimlessly, and running errands as she happened to walk by the stores that had what she needed. Now, it was getting late, and the village was growing quiet. But she wasn’t ready to try and go to sleep yet.

Surprisingly, Sasori entered her mind. She wasn’t sure why exactly, but she was already heading over to Sai’s place.

She knocked on the door. It opened immediately.

“Oh, hi Sakura! We just got back from eating out,” Sai said. She realized they were still in the process of taking off their shoes.

“I don’t mean to bother you, I’m just...”

She trailed off, unsure of what to say. What did she want?

Sasori peered through the door, wondering why she was here as well. Today was an odd day, and quite eventful. But apparently it wasn’t over just yet.

“I guess I don’t really have a reason. I just wanted to see if you were free?”

Sai tilted his head. She could tell he was confused. He still wasn’t used to the concept of hanging out just for the sake of company. There needed to be a reason for it.

“Well, I don’t have anything to do. Do you, Sateki?”

Sasori shook his head. She sighed. She could tell both of them were clueless. She took the lead.

“Wanna skip rocks at the lake? I know a good spot.”

Sai seemed to be amazed at her suggestion. She had no idea what was about to come out of his mouth, but she knew that look. He was going to mention-

“One of my books listed skipping rocks as a possible activity to do with friends!”

-the books.

She gave him a small smile. Sai had a lot of energy, it turned out. He was always up for anything.

“Have you ever skipped rocks before?” she asked him. He shook his head.

“I have never had a reason to!”

She giggled.

“Ok, come on then. You too, Sateki.”

She gave the red head a knowing smile. He averted his gaze.

“What a waste of time...” he grumbled.

“You have something else to do?” she countered.

He grumbled some more. She had him.

“Ok then, let’s go!”

She aggressively reached out and grabbed him by the wrist, yanking him forward. This was the second time today that she had bodily grabbed him like it was nothing. Sasori sighed, but did not fight it. Sai grinned and hurriedly put his shoes back on.

The three teens were soon running down the streets. Sakura’s chest felt light. This was exactly what she needed.

When they got to the lake, Sakura immediately started looking for good tossing stones. Sai and Sasori waited, standing awkwardly.

“Ok, this is how you do it~”

She yanked her arm back, and tossed the rock across the lake. It skipped perfectly, eventually sinking. She turned back to them.

“Ok, your turn.”

She handed a rock to Sai. He eagerly grabbed it, and attempted to copy her. His rock sank. Sakura laughed.

“Don’t worry, it’s hard to get it right the first time. Here, you move your arm like this-“

She adjusted his throwing arm. As she talked to Sai, Sasori studied them closely. This was so strange for him. Back at home, his teammates tried to get him to do things like this with them, but he was never interested. Even right now, he thought it was stupid.

But he was always fascinated by Sakura’s vibrant spirit. She was always expressing herself clearly. No one could mistake her feelings or intentions. She was like an open book.

This was different from how other ninja acted. She was a terribly-behaved ninja, in a lot of ways. Ninja weren’t supposed to wear their hearts on their sleeves like this. But she didn’t seem to care.

Sakura turned to him, her beautiful green eyes twinkling with glee.

“Ok Sasori, your turn!”

Sasori blinked. Sai turned to her, open-mouthed. Sakura didn’t seem to catch onto her mishap.

“Uh... it’s... Sateki...” Sasori mumbled, never breaking eye contact with her. He felt a warmth in his chest from hearing his name, but ignored it.

“Oh... uh...”

She looked over at Sai. They were both holding their breaths. Sai only looked at her confusedly. She realized he just thought she screwed up due to the similarity in appearance.

“I’m sorry, Sateki, I didn’t mean to...”

She bowed. Sasori had never been apologized to for being called by his name before. But he was experiencing a lot of firsts lately.

“Uh... it’s fine.”

Sakura looked up at him and smiled.

“Don’t worry. You are different from him.”

He didn’t know what to say. To Sai, this just meant that he was a clone, and not Sasori himself. But to Sasori, this meant something entirely different. Sai smiled.

“I’m glad you are not upset. Sakura, I will keep practicing!”

He ran to the shore and began picking up rocks left and right. Sakura watched him, a small grin upon her lips, and then walked over to Sasori. She stood right next to him, and they both watched Sai try his best.

“Am I different?” Sasori asked.

“Extremely.”

Sasori didn’t know if he was happy to hear that or not. Sakura laughed.

“Oh, don’t worry. You’re still a jerk. You just aren’t...”

She tried to figure out what words to use. Sasori waited.

“You are more connected.”

He raised a brow.

“To your humanity, I mean. It’s... nice.”

He said nothing for awhile.

“I always felt disconnected from others.”

Just as Sakura was about to reply, Sai had mastered the art of stone skipping and challenged Sakura to a duel. She ran to him, and Sasori stared at her intently.

She thought he was connected...?

Sai went first. His technique was beautiful, and he got a good 4 skips in.

Then Sakura went. She overdid it. The stone skidded all the way across the lake and blasted into a tree, knocking it over.

“Oops!” Sakura exclaimed. “I didn’t hold back enough!”

Sasori was horrified. He knew she had a strong grip, but he didn’t know she was actually a monster. Sai laughed at Sakura’s achievement and then looked at Sasori.

“You have to try it at least once!”

Sasori sighed. After a moment of intense staring from the other two, he unenthusiastically knelt down and picked up a stone that looked promising. He tossed it in his hand a few times before eyeing his mark. He suddenly got serious, a scary expression in his eyes.

Sakura was stunned. It skipped 7 times. It was perfect. He was a master.

“You were hiding this from us this whole time?!” she said incredulously.

He smirked.

“I never said I was bad.”

“When did you learn?!”

“Just now.”

It grew silent. Sai was amazed.

“You... just learned from watching?” she asked.

Sasori nodded. Sakura was stunned. He... was a genius.

For the first time since he got there, Sakura really looked at him, remembering who he was. Not just as a strong ninja, but as gifted in general. On paper, it said that Sasori was brilliant in pretty much every way. He was blessed. He picked up on things faster than anyone else in his village. But she had never viewed him as a prodigy. He had no opportunities to show off, really.

This really put things in perspective.

“So I win then?” Sasori asked, grinning. She growled. That ass...

But his smile was very engaging. She had only seen it a few times so far. And she was determined to draw it out of him more often.

“If you judge it by the number of skips, I’m the winner,” Sakura countered.

“But if you judge by grace and precision, I am obviously the winner.”

She fumed. Sai only laughed as the two battled it out.

Eventually, they all headed back. Sakura felt a lot better than she did earlier. And Sai seemed to be extremely content with his evening. Sasori would never admit it, but he didn’t mind that little outing.

Sai entered the apartment, wanting to head to bed.

“Goodnight Sakura!”

He disappeared into his room, leaving them alone.

Just as Sasori was about to close the door, Sakura stopped him.

“About earlier...”

Sasori silently waited for her to continue. He never assumed anything. Most people automatically filled in the blanks in conversation, but not him. It was a bit unnerving, but it also gave her an opportunity to actually talk. Which was nice.

“I haven’t had a chance to ask you in awhile. How are you doing?”

Sasori wasn’t expecting that. What did she mean?

“I am fine, as you can see.”

She shook her head. So clueless.

“No, I mean, emotionally.”

She could tell by his blank expression that his brain had shorted out from the question. Sasori did not compute.

“What I mean is, how are you handling all of... this?”

She gestured to the world around her. He blinked.

“Why would I not be fine?” he asked, his expression unmoving.

“Because you have been taken away from everything you were familiar with. And everyone you know is dead or 20 years older. And... there’s probably no way to send you back?”

“Hm.”

She sighed. Was he really already comfortable here? With no worries?

“You... earlier, you said something that caught my attention. You said you always felt disconnected... from others. Do you still feel that way?”

“Yes.”

Her heart sank. Sasori could tell by her expression that she was hoping for a different answer. Usually, he would have given her the answer she was looking for, just to keep her satiated. But for some reason, she made him want to be honest.

“Why?” she asked.

“Does there need to be a reason?”

“There is always a reason.”

Sasori didn’t know what she meant. She continued.

“I just mean... Today, when Sai told us Asuma died, you looked...”

His eyes flickered with something. He looked... irritated.

“What do you want?”

His tone was harsh. She was taken aback by how closed off he had suddenly become.

“I don’t.. what do you mean? I just want to make sure you’re ok-“

“I am fine. I feel nothing.”

Sakura froze. His eyes were almost blazing now.

“What do you mean you feel nothing?”

Her eyes were so sympathetic. He hated that look.

“You are in no position to pity me.”

“I’m not pitying you! I’m trying to be your friend!”

“I don’t want your friendship. I don’t want you to expect anything out of me. You are wasting your time.”

His mood had shifted so quickly, and she didn’t understand why. What did she do wrong? She struggled to keep up.

“How can you be so... indifferent with everything? It’s so hard to please you!”

His frown grew, his brows furrowing slightly. She couldn’t quite place the emotion associated with his expression.

“Don’t you feel anything?!” she blurted.

Sasori’s mind was blank at this point, his tongue speaking before he even processed her words. Just earlier she was saying he was different!

“... I’m quite content with myself, thank you.”

She felt she had stepped over a line somehow. But that’s what she was good at. Trampling all over sensitive nuances in social conversation. She cursed her brash nature.

“But how am I supposed to know that when you don’t show it! It’s like you’re-“

“I’m what.”

He looked at her coldly. She wished she hadn’t started that sentence.

“Not... human.” she said softly, regretting her words. A twinge of pain hit her chest. She felt she had just hurt him.

“What does it matter to you? I don’t need you to determine whether I am human or not. I don’t require you for anything.”

His voice was not raised, or giving away any sort of emotion whatsoever. But it sent chills down her spine.

They stood in silence. She lowered her head into her shoulders, feeling small.

“I... didn’t mean that.”

She rung her hands over each other, a lump growing in her throat.

“I just... want to understand you... that’s all.”

“I don’t need you to understand me,” he sighed casually, that detached tone making her feel like a total stranger once again. She could now hear the anger in his voice. It was disguised by haughty impatience, but she still sensed it.

She looked up at him, her mouth open to say something. But she realized that she had nothing to say to that. If he didn’t even want her there... then she should respect his wishes.

“I think... I’m going to leave now,” she almost whispered, her pitch coming out squeaky. She made sure to avert her eyes as she turned around to walk away when a sudden rush of sadness and anger ran through her.

“Sorry I bothered you so much, since I’m apparently nothing to you!”

She felt tears coming on and quickly ran off the porch and as far away as she could go. Her mind was blank.

_‘I thought... we were... _

_Friends...’ _

How could she assume such a thing when it came to him? After all... if he hadn’t landed here, he would have become one of the most heinous killers in the world. She had to keep reminding herself of that.

She wished she could help him. Alter his course.

“I’m just a fool,” she whispered, running parallel to the river that ran through the village. All of the stress that had been built up since their first meeting a month and a half ago had been released. She realized she was so tightly wound. So much pressure to understand him, to help him... When she already knew what he was.

_‘I thought it was going so well... He seemed happier... What did I do wrong??’ _

She was crying so much, she didn’t even realize where her feet took her. She was on the bridge... The one where she last saw Sasuke.

She sat down on the bench she woke up on after he knocked her out all those years ago... And she sighed.

She failed Sasuke. And now... she had failed again.

“I guess he is just doomed to be a lone monster...” she whispered, her cheeks wet, lips puffy from the rush of blood to her head.

“But...”

She thought of the times they had shared together. When he smiled for the first time in front of her. When he showed her his passion for his art... When he spent time with her and Sai. And when he was at her house earlier that day, sharing himself with her family. She felt that he was opening up to her. She didn’t understand...

What just happened?

She sat in silence. As she calmed down, her thought process became more clear.

_‘I hurt him...’_ she realized.

_‘I shouldn’t have said that. It was cruel.’ _

She stared down at the wooden bridge and listened to the water rushing below her. It calmed her nerves. She tried to piece together that conversation. Where did it go wrong?

_‘When I mentioned Asuma’s death... it seemed to upset him. But... he got really mad when I told him he always seemed indifferent.’ _

Yes. Of course. It clicked. That would fluster him. After all, he was probably always told he seemed... inhuman. That he didn’t react to things the way he should. So saying that would certainly shut him down...

“I’m an idiot,” she announced to herself, wrapping her arms around her knees in self pity. She knew feeling sorry for herself wouldn’t do any good, but she didn’t care.

She didn’t know how long she was there, but it felt like hours. She had spaced out by this point, staring at nothing.

She knew that she had two choices. Either she leave him alone, or she initiate contact with him again. Because lord help him, he wouldn’t do it even if he wanted to. He wouldn’t even begin to know how to go about it.

But... did he even care if she was there?

She deliberated on this.

_‘He must... he has to.’ _

Because he was still human. And it was up to her to prevent him from giving up on humanity altogether. She made a promise to herself to stop him. For Chiyo’s sake...

_‘Yes. Lady Chiyo. What would she tell me?’ _

Her thoughts went to his beloved grandmother.

_‘She would tell me... not to let him slip through the cracks like she did.’ _

Sasori came here for whatever reason. But because of that, he had a second chance. Sakura wasn’t about to let that go to waste. She felt it was her responsibility, since she was the one who found him... Fought him.

She sighed. She knew she would have to get back on good terms with him. But how? It was so hard to get into his inner circle of trust. And she felt she had been kicked out when she said what she did.

_‘Even if it is true...’ _

Even if it was true, that didn’t mean that he was always indifferent. Or that he was always robotic. Or that she couldn’t read him. Every day, she felt she could understand him a little bit more...

And that little bit counted. For a lot.

The only thing she couldn’t figure out was why that comment she made about Asuma’s death bothered him so much. It was like he was uncomfortable that she was watching him when Sai broke the news. But... why exactly? Did she witness something she wasn't supposed to?

“Sakura?”

She looked up in the direction of a familiar voice.

Naruto stared down at Sakura with a confused look on his tanned face. His ocean blue eyes were filled with concern.

“Naruto? What are you doing up?”

She quickly wiped her tears, attempting to hide her distress. She knew it was pointless. She was a mess.

Naruto took it upon himself to sit down.

“... I heard about Asuma Sensei.”

She sighed, and put her head in her hands.

“Yeah. Me too.”

“Is that why you’re here?” he asked.

“... I don’t know.”

They remained silent for a few minutes. His body was warm. Kohona’s weather didn’t change too much throughout the year, but it was almost November- and right now, Sakura felt chilled. She soaked in the warmth that radiated off of him. One didn’t even need to touch Naruto to feel it. He had an incredible metabolism- probably from the Nine Tailed Fox. But he was also just warm in spirit.

Naruto was just what she needed right now.

“Naruto... do you remember this place?”

Naruto knew exactly what she meant.

“This is where you were found after you tried to talk Sasuke into staying.”

“... Yeah.”

“Why are you thinking about that right now?” he asked softly. She finally leaned back against the bench, closing her eyes.

“I am a failure.”

Naruto didn’t like that one bit.

“No you’re not.”

“I am. I couldn’t help him. I was too wrapped up in myself. I thought I knew him, but I didn’t know jack squat about what he was going through. I was embarrassing.”

Naruto was silent.

“And I was so cruel to you. I acted like you were the embarrassment. It was me."

“Sakura-“

“I don’t think I ever really apologized for that.”

She turned to look at him intently.

“Naruto, I’m sorry.”

Naruto smiled softly, and shook his head.

“Sakura, what is bringing all of this on? Is it Asuma?”

Mentioning the news of Asuma’s death made them both choke up slightly. Asuma was dear to all of the ninja in the Leaf.

“In a way...”

It was true. Asuma’s death was what Sasori was so sensitive about. And she still couldn’t figure out why...

Naruto thought for a moment, and then spoke.

“Sasuke was always really sensitive about his clan. He always got mad when anyone tried to understand him...”

Sakura listened to Naruto’s words with intensity.

“I think he pushed us all out... So that he could rationalize leaving... you know?”

Sakura once again remembered her conversation with Tsunade.

“He... He didn’t want help.”

Naruto leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. He looked dejected.

“No... he didn’t.”

“Naruto.”

He looked over at her.

“You did everything you could. It’s not your fault.”

He gave her a small smile.

“It’s not your fault either.”

Sakura felt her eyes well up once more.

“I... Then why do I feel so guilty? Like it’s my fault? I think about him every single day. I punish myself... I...”

Her voice was cracking. She not been this open in front of another person in awhile. Naruto turned towards her. She could tell he wanted to comfort her, but he was always tentative about touching her. His face was contorted with sympathy.

“Sakura, you feel guilty because... you are kind.”

She wiped her eyes.

“Am I? I used to think so, but lately I have been wondering about that. If I ever truly thought about others...”

“Yes, you are one of the kindest people I know. Don’t you ever think otherwise.”

“But, it was shallow kindness. I only helped others when it benefited me... Lately...”

She thought about Sasori.

“... I have been challenged. And I know I still have a long way to go.”

Naruto wasn’t sure about what to say. Sakura was very honest tonight. And different from usual.

“You think Sasuke is your responsibility, right?” she asked.

“Yes. He... He is my best friend.”

She smiled. He was so determined.

“I... have responsibilities too. For others. You are one of them.”

He laughed at that.

“I know I’m a handful,” he grinned. He was teasing her. She giggled.

“You are a knucklehead.”

They both laughed. Naruto was familiar. He was comfortable. She could be herself with him. She wanted Sasori to be able to feel that way with her.

Her mind shifted back to something Naruto had said only moments ago. Something just clicked.

“You said Sasuke was always sensitive about his clan... and that he got mad when you tried to relate to him.”

Naruto nodded.

“Doesn’t that mean you were getting to him? If it meant nothing, he wouldn’t have been defensive, right?”

Naruto made a fist.

“That’s why I keep trying. I know I will get to him someday!”

“Even if he rejects you?”

“Especially then! I will never give up!”

She smiled at him knowingly. He was predictable. And that’s what she loved about him the most.

“I think... I feel better now. Thank you, Naruto.”

Naruto looked over at her and blushed.

“Oh, I hardly did anything.”

“You were here. That’s enough.”

They smiled at each other with confidence. It seemed that they had cheered each other up.

And she was determined that she was getting to Sasori, even if it was a little bit with each passing day. And what had set him off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter I post tonight! I will probably post more tomorrow (It will definitely be this week)
> 
> This argument was made based on personal experience with a person a long time ago. I think one of the hardest things to hear from a person you care about is that they don't care about you, and they don't want you. This is how Sakura is feeling, and it's a difficult thing to go through. But Naruto refueled her! She won't give up! Who cares if she annoys him- She has a job to do! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! I love all of the comments you guys make! It means a lot! <3


	12. Facing the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura is determined to make things right, but Sasori believes she is wasting her time. Can they make up?

Sasori sighed. He remained motionless in his seat in the living room, replaying the vision of her leaving in a huff.

Despite his rough exterior, he did feel... down. He tried to place his emotions. He took great care in organizing every single one of his thoughts and feelings any time he felt unbalanced in any way. But it took awhile to figure out this particular arrangement of emotions.

He realized that he was disappointed. But... why? Nothing was different from before.

The silence in Sai’s apartment grew deafening. He closed his eyes, and leaned back into the chair, rubbing his hair into the fabric.

_(“It’s like you’re... not human...”) _

Those words cut him. He disliked that fact. Why did he let her get to him? It was no different from any others.

Maybe he WASN’T human.

He couldn’t understand humanity. Humans relied so heavily on external cues. It was all a performance. Sasori simply did not understand this performance.

Deep down, he always longed for that connection to someone... maybe that’s why he didn't reject her help at first. But people were cruel, and he looked down on them. In the end, investing in them was always a waste of time. He had decided that long ago.

But... this girl...

_‘She’s different...’ _

He had never met someone so assertive and persistent. No one has ever tried this hard to...

To what?

Understand him?

What did that even mean? He gave up on the belief that two people could truly understand one another a long time ago. So why was she so desperate? Didn't she realize it was futile? It was like she was banging on a brick wall over and over again, expecting something to change. 

He ignored the thought that Sakura could physically break brick walls with ease, and slowly got up and plopped himself onto the couch. He gently rested his head on the pillow Sakura often used as an arm rest. He turned his face into it, and inhaled. It smelled like her. She always smelled of... well, cherry blossoms. He figured it was a perfume she wore.

The scent put him at ease, in a sense. He closed his eyes and lay still, letting the smell of of fluttering petals fill his mind.

The scent of another person... Someone who came to visit him. Someone who cared.

His lips curled into a snarl.

“It is only superficial! No person can understand another!”

He threw the pillow across the room.

That’s when it hit him. Those... urges.

“I don’t understand humans,” he said curtly to himself, and stared down at his hands.“I don’t think I am one, after all...”

The desire... to kill. It enveloped him like a strong scent filling his nostrils, setting off the synapses in his brain. He did not quite understand why he always felt this way when isolated.

_‘Simply base emotion,’_ he figured. ‘_I may pretend otherwise, but in reality, I am nothing more than a complex animal._’

He did nothing for a minute, and then sighed, getting up to pick up the pillow. He plopped back down on the couch and reclined once more.

He didn’t feel like going into his room and setting up his futon. He was drowsy, and without realizing it, he was intently smelling the cherry-blossom scented pillow like it was giving him a high. Deep down, he wanted to sense something. Anything. And smelling this... made him feel grounded.

He was unsure of what to do at this point.

She was so sad. The image of her eyes brimming with tears from his words was so vividly imprinted on his brain.

He never felt bad for how his words and actions effected others. It was a waste of time.

He refused to let that change now.

\----

The next morning, Sakura got up with a newfound determination. She would force Sasori to see how much she cared. She knew, somewhere, no matter how small, there was a weak spot. And she would make him crack.

She knew she should just apologize for her part in this. He started it, but if she was going to ever gain his trust again, she needed to focus on herself first. So she promised herself not to mention what had set him off. They could talk about that another day.

She flung herself from the rooftops with extra gusto, practicing what she was going to say over and over. When she dropped down in front of Sai’s place, she knocked on the door. She didn’t get an answer.

She grumbled to herself. Maybe they weren’t home?

But she thought she heard something on the other side of the door.

Her instinct was to break it down, but knew that Sai wouldn’t appreciate that. So she snuck around the back, and slipped through the open window. Sai tended to keep it unlocked, and today was no exception.

And there was Sasori, standing by the front door, dumbfounded by her audacity.

“Sasori... listen. I came here to apologize for what I said. It was-“

“I don’t care about that,” Sasori said expressionless, his monotone voice cutting into her chest like a knife.

She turned red, her hands balling into fists. She knew he would probably poke at her, but his lack of emotion was really pissing her off. Her carefully crafted speech went out the window. She didn’t even remember why she was there anymore. All her sense disappeared when he was in front of her, goading her.

She power walked across the room and grabbed him by the front of his shirt.

“Now you listen here, you little twerp, that’s a lie and you know it!”

She poked her finger into his chest, her eyes boring into his soul.

“You ungrateful-... Argggh!

“Quit pretending that you don’t have feelings! I know that you care! Why else are you hanging around?! Huh? I know you can leave any time you want!”

“Maybe I will,” he said, irked. This set her off to a whole new level, because it scared her. She knew he was capable of just... leaving. And she couldn’t let that happen.

“No way!” she screeched, pulling his shirt into more crumples, her lips curled back into a snarl. “You like it here! Admit it!”

_‘She’s man handling me...’ _

He wasn’t sure how he felt about her aggressive tactic. He disliked people getting in his face- it was a good way to get killed. But her anger was so...

“I can’t admit to things that aren’t true.”

Sakura hesitated, and pressed her lips together tightly into a thin line, her eyes boiling with anger and betrayal. He didn’t expect his morning to be so explosive, but here she was. And he had never seen her this enraged.

“Quit being like this!! Sasori! Why are you doing this?? Why are you pushing me away?”

She pounded on his chest like a drum. It hurt quite a bit, but he refused to show weakness.

“I won’t let you!”

“I will do as I please!” he exclaimed, feeling a slight rush of blood to his ears and cheeks in anger. “I never pushed you away. It was like this from the beginning.”

He said his last words more softly, contemplating their meaning. Sakura looked into his eyes, desperately looking for a hint of compassion. She sensed something, but only a speck of it.

She then remembered that she was there to apologize to him, not to beat on him.

_'I can’t give in. I have to force it out of him! Cha!’ _

“It wasn’t like that for me. You- matter to me,” she said quietly, looking down. Neither of them moved for a moment.

“You barged in here just to tell me that?”

“No! I-“

She sighed.

“I came here to apologize for my part in what happened last night. I was immature.”

“Why bother?”

She was confused. Was he seriously this clueless about relationships?

“Because... that’s what people do. What friends do.”

“I don’t have friends.”

“Well you do now!”

He gave her an unimpressed look that made her brain go haywire. He was like an immovable statue. She hated it.

“Why can’t you accept that!?” she yelled, her hands still pressed against his sweater. “I’m your friend!”

“I told you, I don't have f-"

“Just deal with it already!!” she sighed, and leaned forward, her head turning away from his as she slid him into an aggressive embrace. He struggled against her steel arms.

“Sakura... let me go,” he squirmed.

“No! You’re gonna leave!”

“I’m not going to leave. Just-“

“Admit it. You’re happy here with me and Sai.”

“Sakura, please-“

“You like me!”

She bellowed the words loudly, and then widened her eyes, realizing the implications. She froze, hoping that because he couldn’t see her expression, he didn’t catch on to those implications. She remained frozen, clinging to him with all her might.

“... Sakura... you’re... crushing me...” a weak voice muttered.

“Oh!”

She abruptly released her grip, and backed away to see him stumble as he caught his breath. They did their best to avoid looking at each other.

“Uh... sorry about that. Sometimes I forget,” she mumbled nervously. Sasori sighed, and slid down to the floor. He remained still in contemplation, his hand rubbing his forehead.

“You... are so stubborn...” he grumbled.

“You’re stubborn!”

He looked up at her. She pouted. He couldn’t help but think she looked cute like that.

“... When are you going to realize that I’m a lost cause? Why put so much effort into someone like me?”

“I don’t understand...” she said, furrowing her brows. She knelt down before him, now at his eye level. She was hopeful- it seemed like he was finally giving in and admitting she did effect him. Her conversation with Naruto last night was useful after all.

“I excel at killing. Nothing more,” he said sternly. “They made sure of that.”

“... You mean your village?”

Sasori said nothing for a minute.

“I don’t know why I even bother explaining this to you-“ he started, but was cut off.

“Lady Chiyo regretted that.”

He widened his eyes, startled by her statement.

“Granny...” he echoed.

“She told me that she resented the village for what they expected of you. And her biggest regret was not knowing how to raise you.”

Sakura spoke softly, realizing that he was giving her an opening.

“You were her only joy. She continued to go on, just to take care of you. But...”

Sakura paused, checking to see if she still had his attention.

“Because of what the village did to her, she didn’t know how to. Too much had already been taken from her. She was... too broken to give you the love you needed.”

Sasori said nothing.

“I think... she wanted you to know that. But you didn’t want to listen.”

“You mean before she killed me?” he asked calmly.

“... Yeah. Well, the whole time we were fighting. She was trying to get you to realize... but you were too far gone... I think.”

Sakura looked down, saddened by the memory. She looked back up at Sasori.

“You look so different... from then...”

He didn’t know what to say. He opened his mouth, and then shut it again.

“What... was I like?” he breathed, closing his eyes. He opened them after a moment of silence from her to see her staring at him with a faraway look on her face.

“... Scary,” she said, remembering him. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders. “I knew I was going to die.”

Her eyes were filled with... fear.

“I could feel you... your... aura. You were so much more experienced than me... in combat. I... couldn’t move.”

Sasori was taken aback. Seeing Sakura so shaken just by asking her to recall... what he had become.

“Then Lady Chiyo told me it was going to be ok because she was there. And because of her, I could fight...

"As we fought, I grew more and more confident. Not in our victory, exactly, but more in the sense that... I felt more comfortable being there.”

“Did... we communicate?” he asked her suddenly. She blinked, coming out of her reverie.

“I had never felt that way with an opponent before... not like that.”

She paused, staring at him intensely.

“It was like... I could feel your pain through your actions. You were... sad.”

Sasori snorted.

“Sad?”

She tilted her head, as if confused by what he found to be so ridiculous about that statement.

“You were the loneliest man I had ever met.”

He was as still as the dead. She knew it was time... to really talk to him. Deep down, she always knew it would have to happen. But it felt too soon... What would he do?

“Sasori,” Sakura said abruptly after a long silence. “I have not told you this yet... I hid this from you before... but..."

Sasori gave her his undivided attention. The fear in her eyes told him that this was something important.

But he had no idea what was about to come.

Sakura breathed deeply, preparing for the worst. She was really going to say it.

“... You had turned yourself into a puppet.”

.

.

.

Sasori almost felt as though he were in a trance. Her words made no connection to what he understood to be his reality. Not unlike many other things this girl had said to him since they met. But this statement was the most deranged of them all.

Then he hesitated. He could foresee it. She had put it into words. The urges... his desire to disappear. Become one with his work. He had not come to the conclusion yet. At least... not seriously.

Did he really? Did he actually successfully transform his mortal coil into a work of art strong enough to support his philosophy?

“I...” he started, still unable to form a coherent sentence. Sakura continued.

“After our battle, I was amazed at the medical feat you had accomplished. It was a procedure you had completed yourself, too. You really were a genius.”

“By myself?”

He was dumbfounded.

“Of course... I couldn’t understand one simple thing... WHY. I just... couldn’t.

“Can’t,” she corrected herself, placing the word into the present tense. She gazed at his shell-shocked expression with a gentleness he had never seen her wear before. She placed a hand on his forearm.

“Why would you want that? I... always wanted to ask you.”

Sasori remained motionless. His brain attempted to catch up to the explanation he had just received. After some time, he ignored her question, and took the topic into his own hands.

“Why... did you keep this from me until now? Didn’t I deserve to know this from the moment you first explained my future?”

He was annoyed. But it wasn’t quite as bad as she was expecting. At least, not yet...

Sakura sighed.

“I didn’t... want you to focus on it. The concept. I was going to tell you eventually but...”

“But what? That I finally did what I needed to? To truly live?”

He grew more and more upset. This was more of the reaction she was prepared for.

She realized he felt like he had been deprived of what he thought was relief.

“That you took extreme measures and you failed,” she stated firmly. This caused him to go silent once more.

“What... do you mean?”

“It’s what you said to me. As you were dying, you said that you were incomplete. A failure. You were a human masquerading as an immortal puppet, and you could not escape the desires of humanity. You tried to achieve perfection, but perfection doesn't exist.

"You... were still alone.”

Sasori felt a lump in his throat. He felt sick. Hearing this was... upsetting. He thought nothing could bother him anymore, but this proved him wrong. It was so disturbing. So final.

“You were so strong. You told us that you had taken out an entire nation with your puppet army. That you didn’t need people. It was only you and your art.

"But it wasn’t enough! Even then, it wasn’t enough! So please-"

She crept closer, grabbing his arms.

“Please don’t do it again!

“I’m begging you...” she whispered. “You are great the way you are.”

Sasori blinked. This was a lot to take in.

“I... hid the pages on your puppet body when we hid from Ibiki in the archives. If you want, I can show them to you,” she said shyly, ashamed by her censorship. "I did it because it was too soon at the time to predict how you would handle it. I was worried it would... set you off, in some way...

“I’m... really sorry.”

And that was that. The conversation sloped down into a valley. What more was there to say?

“I... need to... think...,” he mumbled, staring down at his feet with nothing concrete on his mind. She understood. She smiled sadly.

“Of course... um. I will be on my way then...”

She stood up, her fingers sliding down his arms as she separated herself from him. He felt the absence of her touch, and craved more of it, though only subconsciously. There was too much to contemplate to focus on the physical craving his body gave him. His human body...

“But...” she turned away from him, wishing to speak once more. “Just to let you know... There are people who like you now. And... will be heartbroken to see it all repeated once more, so... um... yeah.”

She then sighed, and walked away, this time using the front door. She hoped that she hadn’t left him in a dangerous mindset...

And he was alone once again.

He stared at the wall. All of those feelings... Clawing and scratching at the air, trying to find a way out, any way to get away from himself...They were finally overflowing.

Suddenly, he had an instinct to scream. He fought it, and gritted his teeth until his jaw hurt. He pulled at his hair, and shut his eyes tightly. He just wanted it all to go away.

Why couldn’t he just disappear? Why did she tell him all of that?

_(“You are great the way you are!”) _

His knuckles turned white as he squeezed his hands into fists as hard as he could, the cold hardwood floor feeling too impersonal. He was feeling flushed. What was that even supposed to mean?

But out of all the things she had said to him, that was what stuck out the most. Even more than the bomb she dropped on him that he had turned himself into a puppet. Why was that?

He realized he wasn’t even angry at her for keeping this from him. He knew why she did it, and he understood her reasoning. And that pissed him off. She insulted him last night. She was always pushing him, prodding him... That angered him. But she had kept the truth from him! That was worse, wasn’t it?!

She was always butting into his personal business, but she had kept secrets from him on himself! Why didn’t he want to kill her right now?!

He should kill her. She had embarrassed him in a way no one else ever had. But...

He didn’t mind her.

He quickly smashed that thought into oblivion. How dare she mess with his head like this??

He finally got up, exhausted, and flopped onto his futon. He wasn’t in the mood to do anything for the remainder of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sasori grew up in an environment that left him emotionally stunted. He never felt like he could express himself with others, and that is why he turned to puppets. Sakura refuses to give up on him, and her faith in his humanity is strange to him.  
The only reason Sasori would really consider a different path is because he knows for a fact that it failed. So now, he has nothing, leaving him vulnerable (well, Sasori's level of vulnerable, so there's a little crack). 
> 
> Sakura kept the knowledge of his puppet body from him initially because she didn't know enough about his mental state at the time. But now, she has known him for over a month, and he forced her to show her hand. He would never believe her about how messed up he was, unless she told him. I think if her hand wasn't forced, she would have failed to tell him, and she would have gotten into trouble haha. Sakura doesn't strike me as the type to be good with things like that. She is a very forward person, but she still doesn't say the things she really needs to. 
> 
> This is one thing about her in the show that frustrated me, because it was never addressed. 
> 
> I am using this fic to really force Sakura to express herself properly... To Sai when she was watching him paint at the lake, to Naruto on the bridge, and now to Sasori.
> 
> Sasori's presence is forcing her out of her comfort zone, because she knows she is responsible for how he turns out this time. And it is maturing her, slowly but surely.


	13. Loneliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori delves deeply into his own mind in an attempt to wrap his head around his last conversation with Sakura. That he had become a human puppet, and that she refused to accept it as his destiny for a second time. He is angry, frustrated and depressed. What did it all mean?
> 
> Fortunately, he has a great roommate.

Asuma’s funeral was the next afternoon. All of the Leaf ninja were going to attend. Sasori watched Sai as he adjusted his top in front of the only mirror he owned.

“You didn’t even know him. Why bother?” Sasori asked, deadpan. Even Sai could tell that he had been grumpy the past few days.

“All of my friends did. And I want to be there for them,” Sai calmly replied, looking himself over once more to make sure there were no creases in the funeral wear. “Have you been to a funeral before, Sateki?”

Sasori didn’t move a muscle, but he was not expecting that question.

“Haven’t you?”

He bounced the question back onto Sai. Sai was unbothered, and answered with ease.

“Not really. In the Root, when one of us dies, we say a quick mantra, thanking them for serving the Root. Then we are told to forget about it.”

When Sai talked about the Root, even he got the creeps. It was like a cult. This future Kohona seemed to have made a lot of supposed progress in many areas, but they still trained “real” ninja. Killing machines. They acted so high and mighty for being progressive, but they weren’t much better than the other villages if he looked really hard... Right?

_(“I’m not sure if Sakura has even killed a person before.”) _

The contrast between her and Sai was immense. How could this village be so divided?

Sasori wondered if Sakura knew all of this about Sai. Or how much the Hokage knew. This boss of his seemed to be working in the shadows.

Sasori was growing more and more interested in Kohona politics. And even more than that, its secrets. He couldn’t help himself. He made it his business to know the dirt on every living being.

Sai’s words brought him out of his drifting thoughts.

“It does feel strange to go to a real funeral,” Sai said, half to himself. “I don’t know much about them.”

Sasori sighed.

“Just stand by Sakura and look depressed. Follow her lead.”

Sasori had been to many funerals. During the war, so many men died, they didn’t even have separate ceremonies. They just stuck groups of corpses into one room, and let the grieving families stand by their loved ones’ coffins. Sasori was forced to attend many of those.

He detested them.

The dead were dead. The ceremonies weren’t for them. They for for those still left alive. And having a formal gathering was supposed to make people feel better in some way. He never understood this.

His thoughts went back to his dinner with Sakura and her parents.

_(“Do you have family?”)_

He glared at the floor in front of him. His grandmother never even had a funeral for his parents. He was sure it was just so she could avoid dealing with the truth for that much longer. So she could hide it from him.

“Well, I will get going.”

Sasori only grunted in response. Sai wished he could solace his roommate in some way, but didn’t even know what the problem was to begin with. So he just let it be.

As soon as Sai left, Sasori groaned and flopped onto the couch, facedown. So much was on his mind. It was like his whole life was flashing before his eyes like one does before they die. But he wasn’t dying. He was just discovering that his whole life up until this point was...

Worthless?

His work meant nothing. His training meant nothing. His status meant nothing. And his relationships meant nothing- not that he cared much about that anyway.

He realized that he would have come to this conclusion eventually in his own timeline. When he decided to severe his ties with humanity and become the ultimate weapon.

He dwelled on this fact. In the end, wasn’t becoming a machine a result of the training he received since he was a child? His whole adult life, he tried to break away from his childhood expectations, but in the end, he did exactly what the elders would have wanted. He made himself into a tool of mass destruction. He had carved his own path, and did what he wanted for 20 years, yes, but his thoughts and desires were crafted and put into his head by the village. He only fulfilled the destiny they had chosen for him.

They took away his ability to feel, and then abandoned him... Leaving him with the few tools he knew how to work with.

He had only deceived himself that entire time as a rogue. How could he have been so blind? How did he manage to live that way for 20 years?

_(“'He could have dodged Lady Chiyo’s last attack, apparently... But he chose not to.'”) _

Sakura’s words in that file haunted him every single night. And now, he finally had the context.

He didn’t WANT to live anymore. He had accepted death by the hands of his own grandmother.

What a pathetic death...

Death. Wasn’t his true goal to escape from all suffering, including his own end? To become immortal?

And he was practically indestructible, but he still managed to die at the young age of 35. Was he that miserable after accomplishing everything he set out to do??

The Sasori of this timeline was everything he dreamed to be. And the Sasori of this timeline disgusted him.

He was a coward.

He sighed dejectedly into the pillow that smelled like Sakura. But the scent was wearing off. She hadn’t come by since she broke the news to him that everything he aspired to be was a lie.

Maybe she was waiting for him to contact her?

Why would she ever assume he would want to?

Sasori flipped over and stared at the ceiling, his thoughts swarming around him like a nest of wasps. He wanted them to go away.

When he was with others growing up, he only grew restless. Being alone was the only way to rest his mind.

Since coming here, it had been the opposite. It drove him mad. Since when did he feel comfortable around people?

No, comfortable wasn’t the word. He was still stiff when it came to being around others. But he was distracted, at least.

And right now, that’s all he wanted.

He abruptly stood up and put on his shoes. After thinking on it, he grabbed a dark cloak Sai had in his closet, and put the hood up to cover his fiery hair. He then jumped out the window, and made his way to where he thought the ceremony was located.

\----

The sun was dim that day, and it matched the mood of the villagers. A huge mass of black had gathered in the cemetery, and they all waited silently.

Sasori watched from a tree, entranced. He could make out Sakura from all the way out there, due to her distinctive hair. She was in all black, and she was comforting a blonde teenager.

When the ceremony started, he could immediately sense who the deceased’s lover was. She was a beautiful woman. He could tell by her body language that she was suffering more than anyone else there.

Funerals were both draining and entrancing. On one hand, they required a lot of pretending on his part: pretending to care, pretending to be emotionally available. But on the other hand, they exposed the true human condition. No one really cared until you were dead. Sasori had learned this from close observation over the years. It was the only time people really opened up, revealing their genuine sadness or selfishness. The lies rolling off peoples’ tongues as they claimed that they loved the dead, that they were close- they entertained and disgusted him.

Humans were despicable.

And he prided himself in outmaneuvering them in every way. He could mold them, direct them in any way he pleased, using their own selfish desires as bait. All that was required was mimicry. Manipulating others to keep their prying eyes off of him was an expertise of his. It was required to blend in. To survive.

Sasori could never decide if he wanted his fellow ninja to worship the ground he walked on, or to just die already and leave him be. If they were all dead, he wouldn’t have to pretend anymore. But then, he would be bored.

He loved the game. And he hated it.

But funerals... induced a guttural distaste within him.

Funerals... reminded him that sometimes, people did genuinely care.

And this funeral was very unlike the others he had attended. This one felt raw. Like the heart of the village had been ripped out, and the people were moaning in despair. The strained cries of the ninja in front of him were so real. As if they had nothing to hide. They genuinely loved this man, and they were mourning the fact that he was gone forever.

This was why these events exhausted him. He couldn’t mimic that kind of pathetic expression or sound of devastation. It was too real to replicate. And he hated it. He felt exposed.

And Sakura. Every single thing she did was genuine, even if it was subconsciously selfish. She was a force to be reckoned with. She did not pretend. And if she attempted to, she was terrible at it. She couldn’t even lie properly.

She was a horrible ninja! How could someone like her be in this profession? Everything about their lifestyle was built on propaganda and apathy! The sole purpose of their existence was to be a militant force that could wipe out the enemy. They were not trained to think for themselves! Or to feel!

He gritted his teeth.

He was staring at her again. Lately, he did it often. He just couldn’t figure her out. What was her angle? She was so genuinely forgiving and kind. She didn’t seem to be stupid... so why was she so vulnerable? It almost hurt to look at her, she was so open to manipulation.

And yet, he couldn’t bear to do it to her. When she pointed that raw emotion at him, dumped it at his feet, it was as if she was challenging him. Daring him to drop the mask, even just for a moment. And he could never back down from a challenge.

And he was awestruck by this power she had over him. He had never met anyone like her before. She was equally as stunning as she was aggravating.

He didn’t understand her. He didn’t understand any of these Leaf ninja. How could they kill while being so emotionally open?

Sasori grinded his teeth harshly as he watched the display in front of him. How could they do it? When he...

When he couldn’t?

In that moment, Sasori recognized why he came there. Why he hated funerals. And why he was... jealous of her.

He was lonely.

\----

_‘What a waste of my time,’_ Sasori thought, slipping back through Sai’s living room window. Why did he follow his instincts and follow Sai there? It served no purpose other than to torture himself with the endless questions that prodded his brain.

Sasori was actually very bad at introspection. After years and years of training, he had built up walls in his mind, so he would never have to feel anything ever again. And at this point, he couldn’t even recognize what he felt and why without spending a horrible amount of time studying it deliberately. Sometimes, even then, he couldn’t process it.

He didn’t know how he worked. He couldn’t afford to know. It would open up things that he couldn’t bear to face.

But after that conversation with Sakura, things had been set loose, he realized. Pieces were coming together. He sought to understand his future self, and she gave him everything he needed to know. She had practically spelled it out for him.

_(“You were the loneliest man I had ever met.”) _

He was forced to face it. Everything he had done in his life was to run away from the reality that he was alone.

And he was lonely.

Logically, he knew this stemmed from his parents’ deaths. But he had never associated all of his goals with that event. Or what had occurred after it. He always told himself that he couldn't empathize with others because he was stronger than other ninja. He was the best of the best. He was the genius who shaped the Puppet Core... The one who killed the most in The Third Great War. The one who invented the deadliest poisons on the continent. He accepted his solitude because he thought it was a sign of his brilliance.

He didn't want to be like other people. He wanted to be better than them.

And he had let the aching feeling in his chest fester, all of these years, pretending it wasn't there. Pretending that he wasn't rotting from the inside out.

He couldn't pretend anymore. Not when his future was displayed in front of him. Sakura had given him a prophecy. And he didn't like how his story ended. He died longing for something he couldn't have. The one thing he did not understand. It was maddening.

Why couldn’t he make it go away??

Sakura told him that even after carving into his own flesh and making himself one of his creations, it wasn’t enough to make the pain go away. So why bother with his work? Why bother with anything when it was apparent that he could not defy human nature?

What was his purpose?

He was staring blankly down at the floor. He forced himself to move, and make something to eat. He settled on rice and tuna. As he prepared the grill, his thoughts continued to race.

Why was he alive? What was the point of enduring?

He found some mixed vegetables, and decided to add another dish to his meal.

He remembered his situation. He was brought here by a chakra anomaly. The earth itself brought him 20 years into the future, right into the arms of the only person left alive who knew him. It was... a little too strange to be a coincidence... right?

It was as if... the chakra could read his deepest desires, and took him to where he never had to worry about his problems again.

But that was ridiculous!

He flipped the vegetables in the pan furiously. He just couldn’t accept that life had any real purpose. It was all a sham! If he wanted purpose, he had to make it himself! That is what he always believed. But now, his beliefs were being trampled on.

He almost didn’t notice the door open.

“I’m back!” Sai called. Sasori noticed that Sai had begun to say that as well, even when he thought no one else was there. It was a custom people like them didn’t pick up on. Because that would mean that they had a home.

Sai was almost an even bigger conundrum to Sasori than Sakura was. How could someone like him change so much? And enjoy it?

“Smells good!” Sai said cheerfully as he walked into his kitchen. Sasori only grunted in response, still cooking aggressively. Sakura’s anger seemed to have rubbed off on him.

Sai stood there awkwardly. He knew Sateki was... different. As he watched him use excessive force to open up the cabinet to grab a plate, he knew he should say something.

Sai didn’t let on, but Sateki intimidated him a little bit. He was stoic to a fault, and almost impossible to read most of the time. And he could tell that he was dangerous. Probably quite a bit stronger than him. But right now, he was acting very... exposed.

“My book told me to help out friends when they are struggling with something...” Sai said hesitantly. “And that sometimes, people need a nudge in order for them to open up... Because talking about it can be a good thing.”

“How can it be a good thing?” Sasori growled, flopping the perfectly cooked tuna onto his dinner plate. Sai gulped.

“Talking to another person can reveal different opinions... and help come to a good conclusion on how to solve the problem.”

“Who said there’s a problem?”

He was testy. Nevertheless, Sai ventured on.

“Sometimes, friends don’t want to talk, because it makes them uncomfortable...”

“I’m not uncomfortable, I just don’t like to talk.”

“... But if they want it to get better, they need to.”

Sasori glared at Sai with the fire of a thousand suns. Sai didn’t back down one bit.

“... Why do you think I need to talk?”

“Because you’re making a lot of noise like Sakura does when she’s mad...”

“I’m not like her!” he growled, clanking his spoon against the rice cooker as he scooped out a healthy amount of the grain. He then purposefully dumped it into a bowl with disdain.

“I just mean that you seem upset.”

Sasori stared down at the dinner he had just made for himself. It was perfect in every way. Everything he made had to be perfect.

“I don’t... get upset...”

Sai cocked his head and smiled.

“Ok then. Since everything is fine, I will make myself dinner.”

Sasori quickly grabbed his food and moved aside as Sai boldly took his spot. The tuna smelled delicious, so he took it upon himself to make his own.

Like Sasori, Sai had an unbeatable poker face. He was a trained killer. He was created from scratch to serve one purpose- to be a puppet. But he was growing more and more of a personality every day, and he seemed to welcome it.

How could he be so comfortable ditching everything he was told to be his entire life?

Sasori thought of a question for him.

“You said you went on an undercover mission with Sakura’s team... why?”

Sai perked up at that.

“I was given a mission.”

Sai pulled out another bowl and gave himself a portion of rice.

“They were told I was there to fill in for Sasuke, but in reality, I was there to kill him.”

“Kill who?”

“Sasuke Uchiha.”

“An Uchiha?”

Sai paused.

“I just realized. You probably aren’t aware, since you weren’t around.”

Sasori was growing more and more intrigued. There seemed to be a story here.

“The Uchiha clan does not exist anymore.”

Sasori was not expecting that. The Uchiha were one of the strongest clans. They were responsible for founding the Leaf Village. How could they have been wiped out?

“Itachi Uchiha killed them all.”

It was like he was giving a report. It didn’t bother Sasori at all. 

“Who?”

“Sasuke’s older brother. Sasuke was the only one spared.”

“This Sasuke was on Sakura’s team?”

“Yes, Team 7. Sasuke Uchiha deserted at age 13, and is now training under Orochimaru.”

Orochimaru again... Sasori noticed he seemed to be involved in many things.

“And you were sent to kill him?”

“Yes. He was a threat to the Leaf. All deserters must be taken out.”

“But it sounds like a lot of effort to place you there... Why was your boss so eager?”

“Lord Danzo...”

Sai quit talking.

“Can’t say?”

“I am afraid not.”

Sasori dwelled on this new information. It was a nice break from his incessant thoughts.

“Why did you decide to join Team 7 permanently?”

Sai looked over at him and smiled.

“Sakura showed me that I am a person.”

“What does that mean?” Sasori asked bitterly.

“The picture book I carry around. I had lost it. Sakura returned it to me. And she told me that it was evidence of my humanity.”

Sasori had indeed seen that picture book. He didn’t care enough to ask about it.

“So you just left?”

Sai nodded.

“Sakura, Yamato And Naruto made me realize... that I wasn’t happy. I wanted what they had.”

“And do you have it?” Sasori pressed. Sai noticed that he was oddly inquisitive tonight.

“Yes, I believe so. I have purpose now.”

Purpose. That word again.

“I see...”

Sai finished making his tuna, unbothered. Sasori’s mind was racing once more.

“Do you believe... that they really care about you?”

Sai froze. That question bothered him.

“They proved it to me. Not just with words, but with actions. If you haven’t seen it yet, you will.”

That was a promise. Sasori disliked promises.

Sai stared at his grumpy roommate, and decided to turn the conversation back on him.

“I will ask you a question now,” Sai announced, his dinner finished. Sasori realized his food was getting cold. He cursed, and sat down. Sai followed.

“Does Sakura have anything to do with your mood?”

Sasori refused to look at him. He hated that he guessed it.

“Sakura is a very dominant person. She doesn’t know how to hold back. I can be the same way. Apparently, I was very rude back then. She actually punched me in the face the first time we met.”

Sasori widened his eyes, slightly entertained. Sai laughed softly.

“Has she never punched you before?”

“What? No.”

She was pretty physical with him the day before, but he didn’t know she was a puncher. Apparently, he got off easy.

“I’m surprised,” said Sai. He then decided that was a good time to dive into his feast, saying nothing more. Sasori was impatient. What did that mean?

“Are you implying that I annoy her?”

That was a stupid question. He went out of his way to annoy her and he knew it.

“Oh, Sakura gives us all a smack or two here and there. I’m shocked that she holds back with you, actually.”

She holds back with him??

“Maybe she wants to make sure you aren’t discouraged,” he said, chewing.

“Discouraged from what?”

He genuinely had no idea what Sai was referring to. Sai swallowed.

“From her. You were assigned to her after all. Technically you are a client.”

“Right...”

“But you are also alone.”

Sasori felt his heart leap through his chest. Why was this conversation bringing up everything he was questioning earlier?

Sasori then realized Sai knew Sakura well, and probably understood her more than he did. And he wanted to know more. Before he could quiz him, Sai continued.

“I mean, you are alienated from your village. You are alone here. She wants you to feel welcome.”

“Welcome...” Sasori echoed.

“She is a very giving person. I think she doesn’t want you to run away like Sasuke did.”

“So it’s about him.”

Sai shook his head.

“Not completely, I don’t think. Naruto always tells me that Sakura is really kind. I think she was always that way. But since Sasuke left, she and Naruto have had a hard time.”

“...”

Sasori didn’t know what to ask next. He felt like the conversation had died down. Mainly because he had gotten the information he wanted.

Just as he finished eating his lukewarm dinner, Sai settled back and opened his mouth again.

“Sakura asked about you today.”

Sai had grabbed his attention once more.

“She said you two had gotten into a fight. That’s how I knew it was about her.”

“What did she tell you?”

That argument was extremely private. And Sai still supposedly didn’t know who he really was.

“Just that she overstepped and she is worried you won’t trust her anymore.”

“And she talked to you?”

“Well, I am the only other person who knows you are here. Perhaps she felt like she needed to talk to someone.”

Sasori grunted. Talking to others was pointless. It only left one open for attack.

“So, are you still angry with her?”

Sai seemed oddly pleased with himself.

And that’s when Sasori realized that Sai’s goal this entire time was to talk about Sakura. And it had worked.

“Did you... plan this conversation?”

Sai didn't know why he was actually upset... His anger at Sakura was only for her insults, not what she had kept from him. Yes, he was frustrated with her for that. But those feelings were overshadowed by his worries about himself. She had revealed parts of his psyche that he left unattended for years.

Still, this conversation really helped Sasori work out his conundrum. And the fact that Sai went out of his way to coax him into talking...

Sasori wasn’t even upset, mostly just stunned. And impressed that a guy like this was so smooth. He was so awkward with social nuances, but he really was calculating at times.

Sai grinned sheepishly.

“I was hoping I could explain her to you. Since she can be... a lot.”

Sasori crossed his arms.

“Did she tell you to do this?”

“No. I was sad to hear that you weren’t getting along. Friendships are important. I’m sure whatever she said can be forgiven.”

On that note, Sai got up, carrying his empty dishes. He then walked over to the sink, and washed them. Sasori was speechless. Mostly because he didn’t know what to say that was worth saying.

“How are you sure?” he finally asked.

“Hm?”

“How are you sure it can be forgiven?”

“It is up to you to move on. But I can assure you, Sakura is a great friend.”

“We aren’t friends.”

“You aren’t? But she visits you every day.”

“... Wasn’t she coming here for you?”

“Of course not. I see her often in the village. She only started coming here to check up on you. I assumed that you two were close.”

Sasori grew upset, and he didn’t even know why. He steadied his breath, and calmed himself down, replaying his usual mantra that emotions were beneath him.

“I do enjoy her company though. Is she still allowed over?” Sai asked thoughtfully.

“Why do you care about my opinion? It’s your apartment.”

“Well... because you live here?”

Sasori was aggravated. He stormed past Sai and headed for his room.

“Fine.”

He slammed the door. He was a bit shaken. This was a lot to take in.

So he went to bed early, and read a book on recent history, in an attempt to learn more about the last 20 years. But every once in a while, his thoughts went to Sakura.

Sakura when she first saw him. Sakura when she brought him into her home. Sakura when she proudly told her parents about him. When she smiled at him at the lake. When she yelled at him, when she was confused by him, when she was hurt by him. And Sakura when she told him that he was great the way he was.

She was putting an awful amount of effort into him. It was too bad it was a waste.

Sasori ignored the voice in the back of his head entertaining the possibility that she was right about him, and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sai saves the day!
> 
> I enjoy Sai very much as a character, because he is still very socially stunted, but because of all of the books he reads, he is actually more knowledgeable than most other characters on human psychology. (Aka, everyone should read self help books more often hahaha)  
And he is so eager to make use out of his knowledge. I think he was an excellent addition to the show's protagonists. What a guy!
> 
> Sasori is a very quiet, private person but he is also a huge busy body. I mean, he has dirt on everyone in Shippuden. He is a spy, and he has spies all over the place. He likes to know everything juicy. It was his job to keep tabs on Orochimaru and he probably loved every second of it.  
So he wants to know more about Sakura and Sai, but he would usually dislike asking them directly. He is more of the type to steal their files so he doesn't have to deal with their baggage directly. But this time was special.
> 
> I really enjoyed this chapter, and I hope you did too!


	14. The Autumn Festival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura and Sai are assigned to provide back up for Team 10 in their battle against the Akatsuki. When they return, they realize that a special event is coming up, and it should be celebrated!

The next day, Sasori awoke to the sound of Sakura yelling. He rubbed his eyes, confused. What was going on?

Not bothering to put on a shirt, he peeked outside his door. Sakura was waving her arms around wildly, dressed in her ninja gear. It looked like she was ready to depart on a mission. Sai was listening intently, packing a bag.

“I can’t believe they went on a mission like that! No preparation at all! Although I guess they have Shikamaru, so they will hopefully be ok...”

“I’m surprised she OKed that! Kakashi Sensei probably convinced her!”

Sai ran off into his room, probably to change. Sasori grabbed a baggy sweater, and pulled it over his head. As much as he wanted to avoid Sakura, his curiosity was begging to be quenched.

As soon as he entered the room, Sakura and Sasori had a stare down. Seeing each other was awkward. It felt like ages since they had spoken.

“I’m glad you... stuck around.”

She was looking down at the ground, tracing her foot along the hardwood floor. Her hands were behind her back, and she had a sheepish look on her face. Her body language told him she was being docile, as if she were yielding to him.

He looked away from her.

“Humph.”

“Aw, I AM in the dog house, aren’t I?”

She sounded so defeated.

“I didn’t say that.”

He was uncomfortable. Wasn’t he always? It always felt like she was peeling away layers of his skin, and eventually she would reach the center.

Would there be anything left when she got there?

“So... are we... ok for now?”

She gave him a hopeful look. He didn’t move an inch, like he was made of marble. Sometimes she wondered if he actually breathed air like the rest of them. She would find herself focusing on his chest, waiting for it to expand as it filled with air. Just to remind herself that he was real, and not a figment of her imagination.

“For now.”

His tone was not encouraging. But he wouldn’t say that if he didn’t mean it. He was a decently confrontational person. Sakura sometimes worried he just went along with what she said so he could gain her trust, though deep down, she figured he was too prideful to do that. She confronted him too directly- she got under his skin.

And he could really get under hers.

“I’m glad,” she breathed. She could finally relax. She sensed there was a lot more to uncover, but for now, this was good enough. She was just relieved that he was still here. That he still accepted her presence in his life.

She didn’t want him to disappear. It was her greatest fear.

Sasori remembered his conversation with Sai last night. It was like he was seeing her in a new light. He had learned things about her. Like why she did things. And that she visited him everyday to make sure he felt at home.

He realized he still wasn’t really angry with her about her secrecy. Sure, he was mad, but it wasn't the kind of rage he was expecting from himself. He hated that.

Sai ran back into the living room and hurriedly put his backpack on.

“What is going on?” Sasori asked.

“Shikamaru and the others went off to hunt down those Akatsuki last night. Our sensei joined them. Lady Tsuande is worried, so she is sending Team 7 for back up.”

“Wait. Weren’t these the two who killed Asuma Sarutobi? I thought one of them didn’t even fight. And they think they can take them on?”

Sasori was unimpressed with the decision making of Leaf ninja back in the day, but now, he could say without a doubt that they were as dumb as he always assumed they were.

“I know, it was rash! But Kakashi Sensei is very strong. Probably about as strong as one of them. So I hope we can get there in time!”

A part of Sasori rooted for the Akatsuki. He assumed it was because he was a member once, and therefore, he wanted them to be strong. That would mean he was one of the best.

“Ok, we have to go! Naruto and Yamato Sensei are waiting for us!”

“I’m ready!”

The two were out the door. Sakura leaned her head back in.

“Be back soon!”

“If you come back at all.”

He said it with such a deadpan expression, it was almost comical. She smiled, seeming to find his harsh statement entertaining, rather than boorish.

And then she was gone.

He sighed. Something told him that she would make it back. How could she continue to annoy him if she died? The universe simply wouldn’t allow it.

He sat down and contemplated on how to waste time.

\----

Team 7 returned from their mission successfully. Naruto was injured from his jutsu, but the rest of them were unharmed. Well, other than poor Kakashi... He seemed to always get the short end of the stick.

After showering, she headed over to Sai’s once again, and collapsed on the couch in his living room. The two boys stared at her, both drinking their selected beverages.

“We didn’t even do anything other than stand there. I was hoping to at least get a punch in!”

Sai smiled.

“You saved Naruto more times than I can count.”

“Gosh, that’s true...” she sighed. “He’s so thoughtless, always just running in.”

“But that jutsu did the job.”

“So this Naruto is... cerebrally underwhelmed?” Sasori inquired, involving himself in the conversation.

“You could say that,” she groaned, rubbing her neck. She paused, and looked at the calendar on Sai’s wall. There were no markings on it, and she assumed it was placed there as a decoration.

“Say, Sateki...” Sakura blurted, half to herself. “Isn’t it your birthday next week?”

Sasori blinked.

“Why do you know that? That is personal information.”

“You are such a Scorpio, it’s not even funny,” she said, ignoring his complaint.

_'What does that even mean?'_ he asked himself. He glared, pursing his lips in a fashion that was actually pretty adorable.

“Hey! We should go to the festival!” she announced excitedly.

“There’s a festival?” Sasori asked.

“In the nearby town. It’s the annual Autumn Leaf Festival in the Land of Fire,” Sai said.

“It’s so fun! You should come!”

Sasori stared blankly, like being invited to an outing was unheard of.

"Why would I do that?" he blurted, a confused expression on his face. Suddenly, Sai started laughing. The two others could only stare in shock. Sai didn't laugh like that often.

"What's so funny?" Sakura asked, genuinely confounded. Sai settled down slightly before he spoke.

"Ah, well...You should go. It's good for people like us."

"Like us," Sasori echoed. He wasn't sure of exactly what Sai was referring to. Sai stared at him knowingly.

"I've come a long way since my time at the Root. All I had was myself. But making friends and doing things normal people do... It really helped me."

Sasori pondered on this.

"Are you implying I don't have friends?" Sasori asked quietly. This time, Sakura was gawking.

“Just the other day you told me you don’t!"

"Maybe I was lying."

He never felt ashamed for living a solitude life before. How did they manage to make him feel cornered all the time?

"You weren't, but you're wrong," Sakura sighed. She gestured to herself and Sai, smiling warmly.

"We are your friends, whether you like it or not. And we are inviting you out to celebrate your birthday."

They waited for Sasori's response. It was everything she could have possibly expected from him.

"What is the point of it."

He said it more as a statement than as a question.

"To feel connected," Sai said, in a serious tone. “I don't know much about how things work, but... I have been a lot happier since I left the Root. Taking blind orders and..."

He looked over at Sakura for guidance. She nodded encouragingly at him. He continued with added concentration.

"-I was brainwashed. At least, that's what my friends tell me. And my books say that it was unhealthy as well. I hope this makes sense."

Sakura was taken aback with Sai at the moment. He was very articulate and relatable. And he jumped into it with zero hesitation. He spoke to Sasori like they had gotten closer since rooming together. That made her happy.

She was also nervous about how serious this conversation had gotten. She hadn't attempted to address this topic with Sasori yet... That his isolation was actually making him worse.

_'I guess he really cares about Sasori too..._' she thought. '_He's trying to tell him something.... and it means more coming from him than me.' _

"As a clone, you were probably not allowed outside, right? I bet you were trained privately. That way, they can get you to do anything they want. That’s what you said to me when we went out for soba.”

Sakura still thought this clone concept was outlandish.

"All of the ninja training in Suna is like that," Sasori blurted. Sasori seemed a little irritated when he said that. Sakura made a face at him, trying to let him know that didn't line up with the clone story. Sasori caught on.

"I mean... That's what I heard."

Sasori seemed bothered by this topic. She noticed his eyes turning darker.

"Well, Suna needs to change that then, if they haven't already," Sakura said with passion. "Human beings aren't machines. The village leaders need to stop treating them like they are. It just..." she made eye contact with him, "... messes them up."

"But they are better at killing when trained that way," Sasori countered. She raised a brow.

"Sometimes killing isn't the only answer. And besides..." she crossed her arms confidently, "If that is really true, why can I hold my own against Sand ninja?"

Sasori snorted.

"Are you really that strong?"

"Literally," Sai said. "She has been taken in as a student of the Hokage. Her strength is almost unparalleled. Not to mention that her medical skills are only overshadowed by Lady Tsunade herself."

Sai seemed keen on defending Sakura's abilities, Sasori noticed.

"Aw Sai, that was sweet!" she said, blushing. She nervously rubbed the back of her neck. "I just meant that despite not enduring damaging training, I am considered to be on par with Suna chuunin."

She turned back to Sasori, who was sitting across from them with a dark look on his petite face. It seemed he was thinking a lot on her argument.

"Anyway, back to the point. You weren't treated as well as you should have been. But it's not too late to change, you know... You can be a normal teenager."

Sai joined in.

"If I can change, so can you."

Sasori felt like he was sitting on nails, with all of this focus on his supposed issues. He got defensive.

"What if I don't want to?"

Sakura fumed. Sometimes he really did remind her of Sasuke...

"Stop being edgy. You are coming to the festival with us. You have no choice!"

Sai sighed. When she got like this, she always got her way.

"No choice..." he repeated quietly. "Are you kidnapping me then? Doesn't that go against treating me 'well'?"

His tone was snarky. She only laughed, her mood abruptly shifting once more.

"Will it kill you to come?"

She used her best smile on him, her eyes twinkling with hope. He sighed.

"I suppose not."

"Then it's a deal!"

She got up, and put her hands on his hips.

"I'm determined to make you have fun!"

\----

The night of the festival, Sai and Sasori walked up to Sakura’s house. Just after Sai finished knocking, Sakura opened her door, holding onto a small purse. She was sporting a pastel pink yukata with a plum blossom print, and a red obi. She even put a flower in her hair. She was really into festival wear.

Sai wore a black yukata with a white print. He looked very put together. She looked past his shoulder and spotted Sasori leaning against a wall, his arms crossed. He looked as bored as possible, even in his brown yukata that suited his coloring. She assumed Sai had something to do with that.

“It’s so nice that you guys dressed up too!”

“I’ve never been to a festival before,” Sai smiled. “Well, for fun, that is.”

“I’m glad you’re going all out! I mean it, it’s a good look on you!”

“Thank you,” he said shyly, a slight blush on his cheeks. Sakura stepped past her door, and walked right up to the elusive redhead.

“Your yukata looks nice on you,” she said softly, clutching her purse. He looked annoyed.

“It’s Sai’s.”

He ignored the compliment all together. She frowned.

“You’re supposed to say ‘thanks Sakura, you look great too!’”

“Why would I say that?”

“Ugh!”

She growled, stomping away. Sai caught up to Sasori and smiled.

“She does look nice, doesn’t she?” Sai said simply. Sasori looked over at him incredulously, arms still crossed.

“Hmph.”

Sai was unbothered, his default smile plastered onto his face, and followed Sakura. He knew they had sort of made up, but it would take time for them to really get along. They were both stubborn.

Sasori sighed, and walked behind him. This evening was off to a great start.

Masses of people were heading there, and it was about 50 minutes outside the village, so everyone hopped on wagons. It was part of the experience. Everyone wore their best outfits, and chatted away while they traveled. As usual, Sakura was worried someone she knew would see her with Sasori.

When everyone hopped off the wagon, Sai helped Sakura get down. She was very impressed with him. When did he develop such good manners?

“Ah, there’s Kakashi and Gai Sensei!” Sai blurted. Sakura immediately blew a gasket.

“Ah! They can’t see him!” she screeched, waving her arms in front of Sasori in an attempt to hide his face. Sasori only sighed.

“Why not?” Sai asked. "They can be trusted."

“He’s a secret, remember?!”

“Even from them?”

“Yes, they can’t know he’s a clone of Sasori!”

Sai got a determined look on his face.

“Got it!”

He then ran off towards them to distract them. Gai smiled at Sai eagerly and smacked the poor boy on the back so hard, he leapt forward several paces. Kakashi was his usual relaxed self, calmly standing next to his extroverted friend. Gai was a lot to take on, but Kakashi was used to it.

Sakura took this opportunity to grab Sasori and run off towards the festivities. Sasori groaned. Was he doomed to be pulled along wherever she chose for eternity?

“I’m so stupid,” she cursed.

“Yes.”

“I wasn’t asking you to agree with me!” she hissed, pulling him behind a stall.

“What did you expect when you invited me here?” he grumbled.

“I! I don’t know! I just wanted you to feel like a normal person!”

“Normal people don’t have to hide,” he muttered.

Just then, she spotted it. And idea formed in her head.

“Perfect!”

“What?” he asked, annoyed.

“Stay here, I’ll be right back!”

He watched her hurriedly walk across the street, to a mask stall. He couldn’t quite make out which one she pointed to, but the vendor took it down and handed it to her. She then stood there for a moment, carefully choosing something. She then asked for another one, and took out her money.

When she returned, she had a cutesy neko mask on the side of her head. She then proceeded to hand him his. It was a red oni mask.

“Are you trying to tell me something with this?” he said. She laughed.

“I just thought it would look good on you. Also, it kind of reminds me of your puppets.”

“Hm.”

“Does mine suit me?”

“Yes, it is very childish.”

She smacked him on the arm. He could finally tell Sai that she had physically abused him.

“It’s cute, ok?”

It was cute. He said nothing and put his on.

“Wow, you look pretty cool! Now you can go wherever you want!”

Where did he want to go though? Festivals weren’t really his thing. Not that he had been to one... since he was 8... with his grandma...

“Come on, let’s find Sai again!”

She ran off, expecting him to follow her. Begrudgingly, he did, since he had no idea of what to do otherwise. She weaved through people left and right, once in awhile greeting acquaintances. He stood by her silently. He saw a little boy point at him and bury his face into his fathers yukata. The father laughed, and picked him up, consoling him.

What a disgusting display.

Though the mask was apparently not child friendly, he did feel comfortable in it. He felt hidden. He could do anything, anonymously.

He wondered what it would have been like hiding away in his Hiruko puppet 24/7. He read that no one even knew what his real body looked like anymore.

When did he become so uncomfortable with himself?

“Ah, there he is!” Sakura announced, waving to Sai. It looked like he was with some other people. As they approached, he recognized the tan blond as that teammate of hers- Naruto.

“Naruto, you came out too!” she said, beaming at him. Naruto grinned. He was wearing an orange and yellow yukata with a fox mask hanging off the back of his neck. He had a large, half-eaten Ikayaki in one hand, and a frog-shaped wallet in the other.

“Sakura, you look amazing!” he said, boldly complimenting her. Sasori still didn’t like him.

“You do too! Even Sai dressed up!”

“Maybe next time I can make my own print,” Sai said softly. He was obviously unsure of the idea.

“Wow, that would be really cool, Sai!” she exclaimed. “You better make one for me too!”

Sai blushed considerably. Sasori found his reactions to be fascinating. For someone who was raised to have no emotion, this guy was really easy to embarrass.

“Hey, me too!” Naruto chimed in.

“Who did you come here with?” Sakura asked the blond.

“Rock lee invited me! He’s over there with Kakashi and Gai Sensei.”

Sakura looked over and laughed. Lee was wearing a yukata over his jumpsuit. Apparently, he didn’t take it off even for special occasions. She strained her memory, and managed to recall a few times she had seen him without it.

“Who’s your friend?” Naruto asked, gesturing to Sasori. Sai was practically bursting at the seams, but refrained from speaking.

“This is that traveling artist you met awhile back. The one I helped out?”

“Oh, you’re still in town?”

Naruto was considerably more friendly than he was last time, but Sasori could tell he was still sizing him up.

“I plan to stay for awhile,” he replied coolly. Sai finally spoke.

“This is my friend Sateki! He’s staying with me!”

Sakura held her breath. Did she want Naruto to know that?

“Your friend? Well, nice to meet you officially. I’m Naruto Uzumaki!”

He bowed. Sasori bowed back. So this guy wasn’t a total animal.

“You haven’t mentioned him before,” he said, turning to Sai.

“No one asked.”

Sakura concealed her smile. That was a very in character thing for him to say.

“Huh. So you’re an artist?”

_‘They literally just said that,’_ Sasori thought.

“Yes.”

“Like Sai, huh? No wonder you’re rooming together.”

“He is very talented! I enjoy working with him very much.”

Sai was very eager to talk up his roommate.

“He is an amazing cook too. And we skipped rocks-“

“Hahaha yes, they skipped rocks together at the lake. They have been spending a lot of time together.”

Sai did not pick up on this subtle social cue. Sasori watched him butcher this interaction with mild glee.

“Sakura, you were there too, remember?”

Naruto furrowed his brows.

“You guys have been hanging out?”

Sakura gave Sai a glare. Sai looked like a puppy who was just punished and didn’t know why.

“Not a lot. Sateki is...”

She had no idea what to say. No excuse came to mind.

“I don’t do well with crowds. It takes awhile for me to get comfortable with people. It's a condition”

Sasori saved the day. She was caught off guard by that. While Sai was completely oblivious to what she was trying to do, Sasori picked up on it and helped out. It was... unlike him. But it wasn’t the first time he had done that... She remembered when he introduced himself to Shizune with ease.

Even though he was off, and sometimes he couldn’t blend, he was extremely clever.

“Oh, I see...” Naruto still looked disappointed. Sakura felt bad. He was such a good friend, and he really helped her out that night at the bridge.

“Naruto, you can hang out with us, you know.”

Sasori didn’t want to share.

“Really?”

“Of course. I enjoy spending time with Sai, but it’s not the same without you.”

He looked like he had just won the lottery. Sakura may be a direct person, but this guy was 10 times more than her. He was almost blindingly expressive.

“So, what are you kids up to?”

Kakashi walked up to them. Naruto smiled.

“Sai has a friend!”

“This is Sateki!” Sai offered. Sai wanted to share his friend with the whole world, it seemed.

Sakura finally realized why. This was... probably his only friend other than them. And he was proud of Sasori, like he was a trophy. She couldn't help but be excited for him, even though he had no idea who his roommate actually was. 

“Nice to meet you.”

“Same,” Sasori said, bowing. It was strange to come face to face with this man. If time were normal, he would be older than him. But he was currently half his age.

And his father was the one who killed his parents.

But he felt no resentment towards him. He was just a stranger.

He remembered wishing his grandmother would get over her desire for revenge against The White Fang. He saw no purpose in it. But maybe they was because he was too young when it happened.

There was a short silence.

Kakashi felt awkward with kids, if he was honest with himself. He loved his team, but he had a hard time making small talk with teenagers, even when he was one himself. He cleared his throat, trying to come up with something.

“I see you have gotten into the masks.”

Naruto promptly grabbed his and put it over his face. Sakura giggled, and put hers over her eyes as well.

“I guess I need to get one,” Sai said, mostly to himself.

“You should get one too, Kakashi Sensei!” Naruto exclaimed with gusto.

“But I am already wearing one,” he replied, pointing to his face.

Sasori wondered if he ever took it off. This man was wearing a navy shirt that went up all the way to his nose underneath his green printed yukata. The bandages covering his arms did not go unnoticed either. And his right eye... was scarred. Something about it was off-putting.

Sasori decided then and there that he would have to research this man. He seemed interesting.

“That doesn’t count Sensei, you always wear that!”

“It doesn’t?”

He was teasing them. Sasori could tell by the playfulness in his eye.

“No way!”

Kakashi smiled underneath his mask. They were getting older, but sometimes they still reminded him of when they were little.

“Well then. Sai, we better get ourselves some.”

Sai perked up at that. The two then walked off.

Sasori noticed how all of them looked up to this man. It was like they worshiped the ground he walked on. When he was young, he idolized his grandmother. But when he got older, he could only see her flaws. It was strange to him that Sai, Sakura and Naruto seemed to love their teacher so much at their age.

“I’m amazed he’s out of the hospital already,” Sakura said. Naruto nodded.

“Yeah, he was pretty messed up after that mission.”

“So he’s a ninja too?” Sasori asked, playing dumb.

“He’s not just any ninja! Kakashi Sensei is the best!” Naruto said with passion.

“When we were new genin, our first mission ended up becoming more than we could handle. Kakashi Sensei took down one of the Seven Ninja Swordsmen while protecting us.”

So this guy was good.

“Yeah, and he just took on two Akatsuki!”

“Without him, we would have been dead a long time ago,” Sakura nodded.

“So he is a legend, then?”

“Hell yeah!” Naruto said, his hands in fists. He reminded her of Sakura in many ways.

“He is known as the Copycat Ninja,” Sakura added, lifting her index finger.

“Why?”

“Because he can copy any jutsu, just as quickly as the original caster can.”

Sasori was confused. How was that possible?

“He has a sharingan,” Naruto whispered, his hand by his mouth, as if it were a secret. Sasori wanted to know how a non Uchiha managed to have a sharingan inserted into his eye socket. Instead of asking, since it would seem too nosy, Sasori pretended to be impressed. He then noticed Sakura’s eyes drift.

“That looks so good...” she whispered, watering at the mouth.

The three of them walked over to the booth. It was a crepe stand. He rolled his eyes. Sakura had quite the sweet tooth.

The three of them traveled from booth to booth, ordering food left and right. Even Sasori found himself eying some kaarage, and got some. But he never completely revealed his face, knowing that’s what Sakura would want.

And he couldn’t help but understand her concern. Even though most people wouldn’t recognize him, if he seemed familiar, he would be asked questions. And if someone did figure out who he was, he felt he would be immediately sent to the Hokage. That didn’t seem like a good thing.

Many food stalls and festival games later, Naruto parted ways to hang out more with Rock Lee.

Sakura was licking caramel off her fingers. Sasori wanted to eat one more thing.

“Anything else you want?” Sakura asked. He contemplated this deeply. He refused to eat anything that wasn’t worth his time.

“What are those?” He asked, pointing to what looked like fish-shaped pastries.

“You’ve never had taiyaki before? You haven’t lived!”

She rushed him over to the stall.

“Two, please!”

Sasori held the foreign item in his hands. He tentatively took a bite and chewed. It was pretty good. It had a warm, red bean paste filling.

“Good?” she asked. He nodded, taking another bite. She was happy.

He seemed... at ease. That mask seemed to help a lot. She was glad he was managing to enjoy himself.

“Happy birthday,” she said. He stopped chewing. Her voice was soft and gentle. She had said that so only he could hear it. 

“I don’t know how to respond to that and you know it,” he grumbled.

“You don’t have to. It’s just something you say to celebrate.”

She played with the edges of her purse.

“I... got you something.”

Now he really didn’t know what to do. He could only watch as she opened her petite purse and pulled out his gift.

It was an ink bottle. Sasori studied it. It seemed like normal ink. She noticed his confusion and laughed.

“It’s special. I heard it’s the best kind for artists. I saw you eyeing Sai's ink drawings last month, and I remembered that. I’m not very good at picking out gifts, but I wanted you to have something.”

He could tell that she was nervous. She was very vulnerable in that moment. He could crush her spirit if he wanted to.

“... Thank you.”

She was amazed they he uttered those words. She had only heard them once before, when she had bought him clothes. She didn’t know if he meant them, but he was clutching the bottle tightly in his hands. She knew he would use it.

“It seemed like something practical to get you. I figured you would value that aspect of it.”

He took a moment to read the side. This was expensive ink. It was probably a dream to work with.

He was grateful to have a chance to use it. It had been a long while since he had worked with ink.

“I hope you enjoyed tonight,” she said. “If anything, the food.”

“It was good.”

He was playing it cool, but he was actually pretty impressed with her thoughtfulness. He stuffed the ink into his yukata, where he kept a small pocket for his money.

His stoic expression then slowly turned into a frown. He wanted to say something that he had been thinking for awhile now.

“I want to go back home.”

Sakura was stunned. He had to bring that up now??

“Uhm... I don’t know if that’s a smart idea...”

“I want to visit my grandmother.”

_'Did he seriously just say that?'_

Sasori knew the only way he would be able to get to Suna is if Sakura thought he was feeling sentimental. He glanced at her. She was definitely feeling more empathetic to his cause.

“People are more likely to recognize you there.”

“So I’ll hide my hair.”

His hair was the dead giveaway. It was like a trademark: a sign above his head saying “Tell me I look like Sasori of the Red Sand!” Combined with that pretty face of his, he was very recognizable to anyone who studied his face. She had recognized him instantly when he was unconscious in that lot.

They both knew that. But he disliked covering his hair. She knew that he was serious about this, since he offered it.

“...”

She couldn’t really think of any excuse. She knew if he had made up his mind, she couldn’t stop him. It was surprising that he even bothered to tell her this.

Why did he tell her? It was like he was seeking her permission!

“I’ll be worried...” she mumbled, playing with her hands.

“I assumed you would be coming with me.”

Sasori had a logical reason for this. Sunagakure WAS dangerous for him. If he for some reason was detained, he would need someone around to defend him. Sakura fit the bill. That was all.

As Sasori stared at her with his dead eyes, she looked over at him with an absolutely stunned expression on her face. He wanted her to come with him?

She blushed. He made a face, and looked away. Why did she always assume it was personal?

“...Since you are my handler now.”

He was attempting to backtrack, but it was too late. Sakura was very touched. And Sasori was feeling very awkward. How did she manage to twist everything so it seemed like he cared about her?

She sighed. She couldn’t believe she was saying this...

“Ok. Let’s go pay Lady Chiyo a visit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoooo gotta have a festival scene in a fanfic!  
Sometime I will have to draw Sasori in his oni mask and yukata! It would be very cute!
> 
> I will be posting 3 more chapters very soon, for Sasosaku month! The story will really be moving forward from now on! 
> 
> To confirm, in case people are wondering, yes, I will be taking this fic through pretty much all of the canon events in Shippuden. But it will go a bit differently, because Sasori is a very strong ninja and he would definitely influence the timeline.


	15. Journey to Suna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori gets his way, and the two teens depart to Suna under the guise that Sakura is his bodyguard. Sakura learns more about the Land of Wind, and Sasori is eventually forced to talk to her again.

“I’ll be back in no time,” Sakura said with gusto. Tsunade hummed in response, staring at her paperwork through baggy eyelids.

“Take care,” she mumbled, stifling a yawn. Sakura’s chest loosened slightly. So far, this was going... well.

She exited the building at a calm pace, overthinking her appearance. Ever since HE showed up, she had been second guessing every single thing she did, even her own breathing. It was exhausting. Her shoulders were so tense...

She massaged her neck, sighing. And now she was off on a mission across the desert...

She welcomed herself into Sai’s apartment, and remained in the foyer, not wanting to remove her boots.

“Sasori, are you ready to go?”

The redhead popped out of nowhere, dressed in his usual bland attire with a very large backpack. She was impressed with the sheer mass of the thing.

“You want to carry that all the way to Suna?”

“Hmph. In Suna, we are used to carrying such necessities.”

She thought for a moment. Come to think of it, all of the ninja she knew in Suna carted around huge weapons... Gaara with his gourd, Kankurō with his puppets and Temari with her fan. All of the puppet brigade carried their puppets with them, and if they had more than one, they stored them in huge scrolls. Sakura assumed his scrolls were hiding inconspicuously in that backpack of his.

Sasori quickly put on his shoes and she followed him out. She unconsciously let him take the lead, since they were heading to his hometown. As she walked behind him, she found herself staring at his blindingly red locks, and wondered how his hair managed to form such perfect waves. Why were boys always blessed with natural beauty??

He was a fast walker, and extremely quiet, of course. She wasn’t really in the mood for talking either. They had a long journey ahead of them and they both knew Sakura was nervous about the whole idea. She continued to absentmindedly stare at the back of his head, her mind taking many bunny trails about haircare and the best way to eradicate neck pain using acupuncture. Before she knew it, they were at the front gates of the village.

“Take care, Miss Sakura!” Izumo called, waving. She waved back, attempting to look at ease.

_‘I am escorting this artist back to Suna, and I am also visiting Lady Chiyo’s grave... I am doing this artist a favor. We just so happened to want to go to Suna at the same time and that’s great! I am just being helpful. Very normal...’_ she thought to herself.

Sasori confidently walked through the open gates, ignoring the guards. Everything about him was so haughty...

After walking a ways down the main path into the forest, she moved next to him.

“How far did you want to go today?” she asked.

“There is a cave I always stop by after the first day back. I’m assuming it will still be there... We should get there at around 1.”

“1 am??? Why so far? We aren’t in a hurry, you know!” she exclaimed. The last time she was heading to Suna, she was definitely in a hurry... To stop the man next to her.

It was strange, traveling with Sasori to Suna.

“You may not be in a hurry, but I am,” he grumbled. “I want to see if everything you have told me is accurate.”

He was even more serious than usual. Her lips formed a thin line. His mood was effecting her.

“I suppose I would feel the same way, in your shoes...”

“Hm.”

“... When I was heading to Suna last year, we camped at around the same time on the first night, but we didn’t see any caves.”

“Your guide was the sister of the current Kazekage?”

She nodded.

“She should know about them then. Maybe she didn’t want you Leaf ninja in on the Land of Wind’s secret hideouts.”

“Secrets?”

“Some of these caves are very old, and our people used to live in them. Some of them still hold cultural value, and are considered sacred. We also used them to hide from the enemy during the Great Wars. The fewer outsiders, the better.”

“Wow, I had no idea.”

“Some of the cave systems haven’t even been completely explored yet. People think there could even be a hidden city underneath the desert.”

Sasori was actually giving more information than absolutely necessary for once... Did she discover an interest of his?

“Have you explored them?” she asked, genuinely interested. She was an adventurer herself.

“Many times. If you know your way around, you can get ahead of enemies to ambush them. Or, if you just want to get some peace and quiet for once.”

“Are there any right by Suna?”

He hesitated.

“Oh, if it’s a secret, you don’t have to tell me.” she assured him, waving her hands in front of her. She was curious, however, and her eyes gave away her inward begging. He thought for a moment.

“We can stop there the third night if you wish.”

He got quiet again.

“It’s not out of the way?”

“No.”

She covered up his awkward silence with more banter.

“It would have been nice to have stayed in a cave the second day... We ended up in a really bad storm,” she said, changing the subject.

“We will probably deal with a few of those.”

“Aw man...”

He snorted a bit.

“I know what I’m doing.”

She laughed. She was growing accustomed to his arrogant retorts.

“Pssh. I certainly hope so. I’m no local, and it’s not like I’ve spent a lot of time in the desert, so... I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m the reason you’re coming at all,” he said. She smiled slightly.

“That’s not true... It’s been about a year since she died. I would probably have ended up visiting her sometime soon.”

They both grew silent after that.

\----

After a very long, uneventful day in the woods, the trees started to thin out. By evening, the ground was almost barren, and it had gotten distinctly hotter. They had stopped a few times to eat and rest, mostly remaining silent other than a few exchanged words here and there. Traveling with him was very different than traveling with Team 7. It was a bit dull, but not so bad. She could take in her surroundings more than when she was with Naruto. He always had something to say.

Close to midnight, they came across the first dunes. It took more effort to walk through the endless hills of sand, and they slowed down slightly. There was nothing ahead of them except an endless sea of desert.

The sky was gorgeous. Nothing was in the way of the view. She wanted to say something, but refrained from doing so, worrying that he would mock her for caring. But then she saw a shooting star, and words escaped her lips.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Yes, it is,” Sasori replied smoothly, without any restraint. She was relieved he agreed. She was always a bit on edge with him. She was always wondering if he actually cared about the things she said, or if she was just a nuisance.

“Is the sky always like this?” she asked, straining to climb up an extremely steep dune. She ended up using her chakra to balance herself. He was very quick on his feet, even in this landscape.

“Yes. The air is also fresh here.”

He stopped, and craned his neck upward, placing his hands on his hips. She took a moment to focus on him. He was looking up at the brilliant stars, his eyes almost twinkling. For a moment, she thought he looked like he was at peace. His eyes locked on hers, and he stared at her for a moment before abruptly turning away. He seemed to speed up, strolling away from her at an impressive pace.

“Wait up!” she complained, almost tripping. He did the exact opposite, and slid down the dune like he was on a water slide. She attempted to do the same, but was not quite as graceful as he was.

They traveled for another half hour, and then he suddenly came to a halt. This gave her a chance to finally catch up to him. When she got closer, she realized he was waiting for her.

“Are we at our stopping point?”

He nodded, and pointed to a small disturbance in the perfect beige waves. If she wasn’t looking for it, she wouldn’t have noticed it.

They walked up to it, and she noticed it was a hole, large enough to crawl through. He took the initiative, and bent down, eventually disappearing completely underneath the sand. She did the same, and was then enveloped in complete darkness.

Sasori lit a small lamp, allowing her to see the inside of the cave. There were drawings on the walls, and a shrine was located in the back. It was simple and cozy.

“Wow. This is much nicer than being out there,” she mumbled to herself, wandering around with wide eyes. She wondered how old the drawings were. They seemed to be depicting some kind of story. 

The two settled in, and relaxed. Sasori took the far left corner and she took a space next to the entrance. She made sure to give him space.

“Hey Sasori... We don’t need to worry about being attacked or anything, do we?”

He scoffed.

“Non ninja travel this route all the time. If it was particularly dangerous, they wouldn’t.”

“Oh... right. Of course.”

Sasori and Sakura sat silently, thinking on the possibility. The only people who could give them trouble would be high ranking ninja. And there weren’t tons of those, especially those that would want to hurt them instead of help them.

They had both passed out quickly, and before she knew it, it was morning. She assumed around 10 am, based on the sun’s direction.

“You let me sleep in this late?” she asked, yawning. She looked over, expecting a reply. She then saw his cot was empty. She hurriedly looked around, and ran outside.

“Sasori??” she called, hoping she wasn’t in some dream, or worse- abandoned.

“What?” he yelled back in annoyance. He was on the other side of the hill. She started to run towards him, but he yelled at her again.

“Privacy!”

She stopped.

“Oh- OH! Sorry!”

Her cheeks turned red.

“I didn’t mean to-“

“Never mind that, lets get going,” he said, appearing in front of her after finishing his business. She blinked.

“Well, I need to go too!”

He sighed.

“I’ll pack up.”

He then disappeared back into the cave. She ran away from him and found a safe spot to relieve herself.

This was probably the worst part about traveling in a barren landscape... Especially with someone she didn’t know that well. And of the opposite sex...

It was so bright out. It took her eyes some time to adjust. She then noticed how much she was already sweating. She went back inside, and found her deodorant. Sasori waited while she brushed her teeth and straightened up. She was nervous, with him watching her like that.

“Stop staring, or you’re going to bore a hole into my skull,” she said, not bothering to look up as she packed. She noticed he seemed to be caught off guard by her observation.

“You’re just taking a long time,” he huffed, disgruntled. He stomped back outside.

He was quite the traveling companion.

When she was ready, the two set off again. Hours passed, and around 4 pm, they noticed the first signs of a sandstorm brewing in the distance.

“Right on time,” she said. He was not impressed by the weather.

“We’ll keep moving for now.”

“Seriously? That looks like trouble to me!”

“Hm.”

He kept walking. She had no choice but to follow him.

“I’ll be getting sand out of my boots for weeks,” she groaned. He only smirked and said nothing.

Just as the wind was picking up speed, he stopped. She awaited his instructions. He set his giant backpack down, and pulled out a scroll. He then rolled it out, and summoned a familiar puppet.

“Isn’t that Salamander?” she said, surprised. That was Kankurō’s puppet, wasn’t it?

“You know of it?”

Now he was the one who was surprised.

“I figured by the time you fought me, I wouldn’t be using a puppet like this anymore,” he muttered, gesturing to it.

“No, you weren’t, but Kankurō does!”

“Kankurō?”

“The Kazekage’s brother. The one you fought... and poisoned?”

“Oh, yeah...” he mumbled, only now remembering the name. She was irked by his lack of compassion for the guy, and it showed on her face. He knew she was expecting him to sympathize with someone he had never even met, and he sighed.

“Well, surely he didn’t expect to beat me with my own puppets.”

She raised her brows, and was about to reply, when a gust of wind almost blew her off balance. The chakra on her feet hung onto the sand for dear life, and they both knew it was time to get inside.

The two huddled underneath the shield just in time. The storm was getting really rough. There was enough room for multiple people, but it was still fairly cramped, and their legs overlapped slightly as they sat across from each other.

She realized they would be there for awhile.

“Um... how long do you think this will last?”

“Probably around 40 minutes or so.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought...”

They sat in silence. Things were still slightly awkward between them since that big argument in Sai’s apartment. Even Sasori felt a bit uncomfortable with the lack of noise coming from her. Usually she wouldn’t shut up.

After about 10 minutes or so, she felt she should say something.

“About that conversation we had...” she almost whispered, averting her eyes. “... I know the whole thing happened because I was asking you this, but I guess I can’t help myself...”

Sasori stared at her blankly. But he didn’t shut her down, so she took that to mean she could continue.

“How are you... feeling about what I said to you?”

He only continued to stare. She felt embarrassed for some reason. Like her question was out of line, or stupid, even though it was a totally normal thing to ask under the circumstances. He had such an intimidating gaze, and it made her gulp.

“Ah... never mind...” she whispered, almost inaudibly. She tried to give him space by not making eye contact.

_‘Damn, I just made this even more awkward than it was before!’_

Sasori thought on her question. But more than that, the faces she was making during that one-sided conversation. She seemed to be very unsure of herself.

He was used to making people feel this way, especially chuunin who had been assigned to work with him in the past. He was an intense person. He didn’t know how to tone it down, and he didn’t care to learn. It wasn’t his fault that people couldn’t handle brashness or lack of reciprocation. Once again, he came to the thought that human beings were all about external cues that he thought were a bother.

After staring at her for a few solid minutes, he finally looked down at the ground.

“I was angry.”

She looked at him. He actually answered her?

“Are... you still angry?”

He pursed his lips. He didn’t know why he was entertaining this conversation.

“You make decisions without asking others,” he replied emotionlessly. “You act like you are sensitive, but the truth is that you are self focused. You talk a lot, but you don't say what is important.”

She bit her lip. She wasn’t expecting a lecture... that was so accurate. He thought she had lost the will to talk further, but after a moment of contemplation, she faced the challenge.

“You’re right.”

He blinked. That was it? She was going to accept his criticism of her?

“My whole life, I have been given a lot. And until recently, I think... I haven’t been grateful. I didn’t tell you about your body because I was worried about how it would effect you... but... I also wasn’t thinking about what YOU would want. So you’re right. I made a decision that was risky, and entitled. You deserved to know...”

She sighed. He frowned.

“I’m not... angry about that much anymore.”

She was confused.

“That’s not what was bothering you?”

“No.”

She stared at him expectantly. He hated it, but he knew he had to answer her.

“You just assume you know everything... about me.”

She didn’t know what to say.

“Tell me what I said that bothered you.”

Now he was the one feeling uncomfortable. He disliked this sort of thing very much, and he rarely ever opened up to people in the least. In fact, it barely ever happened at all. Partially because... no one asked him.

“You said that I’m not... human.”

She sighed deeply, covering her face in shame.

“Oh... that was a horrible thing to say. And I didn’t even mean it... Please don’t take that to heart.”

She gave him a look of desperation.

“I... I think I apologized before, but I’ll say it again. I’m really sorry. I was just frustrated... Because you were shutting down on me and I didn’t understand why...”

Sasori refused to look at her in the eye. Because if he did, he would give himself away. He knew why he had shut down on her that night. And there was no way he was going to talk about it. He barely even understood it himself. But he knew he had started that argument. And he felt... restless about it.

Sakura continued to ramble.

“Anyway... I didn’t mean that. I feel the opposite, actually. You are very... ...human.”

They were both staring at one another now. A softness filled her eyes, and he felt himself relax.

“And I will try my best from now on to actually listen.”

She knew if she ended her speech like that, he wouldn’t know how to respond. Sasori was probably way out of his depth here as it was. There was no need to put him on the spot.

“I’m glad you talked to me... I feel better, and I hope you do too. Otherwise, you might be tempted to ditch me out here.”

She smiled. She was making a joke.

He only sighed.

“How could I? You are my bodyguard, right?”

It was true. That was the story they had agreed upon in case anyone asked. After all, if a situation did arise, Sasori could not defend himself without giving his identity away. Sakura smiled at the thought of the made up job she had been assigned.

“That’s right. How would you ever get by without me?”

He snorted.

“Don’t be too self assured. I am stronger than you.”

Her smile curled into a smirk.

“Oh yeah?”

“I am confident in my abilities. Didn’t you admit yourself the first day we met that I could take you on?”

She pouted.

“I think I would put up a good fight!”

He actually grinned at that. Sakura could be very cute when she wanted to be. When she wasn’t angry...

“I would hope so, since you, along with my old grandma, managed to defeat me 20 years in the future.”

Was he actually... complimenting her?

“You haven’t even seen me fight,” she shooed, still blushing from his acknowledgment of her skills.

“Maybe someday you will have to fight me again.”

That was out of nowhere. She frowned.

“But I don’t want to fight you!”

She had leaned forward earnestly, her hands balled into fists again. He noticed she tended to do that when she was passionate about something.

She could be... persuasive. Sometimes he found himself wanting to please her. And he never wanted to please anybody. It was a waste of time...

He didn’t know what to say. So he chose a mocking comeback.

“If you don’t have the will to fight, then I will surely win.”

Her lower lip was still jutting out, her eyes boring into his soul.

“Why are we hypothetically fighting? Why can’t we just... get along in the future?”

He looked away. Her gaze was too much.

“What if I don’t do what you want?”

The look on her face was of pure desperation.

“Sasori...”

She had gotten even closer, which made him more uncomfortable. He realized they had been talking for awhile now. And the storm was letting up. He talked to her so easily...

“I know you’re probably feeling really lost right now but...”

She had placed a hand on his, with a determined look on her face. His instinct was to move his hand away, but he forced himself to remain still.

“I know you were feeling lost back then too. So why not use this experience as a chance to get the happiness you have always wanted?”

He opened his mouth. He actually had not thought of it that way. He always thought...

“It’s not impossible. You have me. And I will keep you safe.”

She said those words again. She said them often. That she would keep him safe. He didn’t know the purpose of repeating them every so often, but in this moment, it hit him. She meant... she would protect him from himself.

He was worn out from all of this. Before coming to this time, he never talked to people about trivial things, let alone heavy topics like this. And Sakura knew this. She gave him a very welcoming smile that almost made him forget where he was.

“Do you think it’s safe to start moving?”

She had taken the initiative to end it. He was relieved.

“Yes.”

He flicked his fingers and Salamander opened them to the world once more. The two stretched, and set off again. They said nothing the rest of the day, but they both felt more at ease.

Sakura was proud of herself. She definitely handled that well. And he did too, surprisingly. She knew bringing it up was risky... He might have reacted like he did last time...

_(“I don’t want your friendship. I don’t want you to expect anything out of me. You are wasting your time.”) _

His words were seared into her mind. The memory would bother her for awhile. He could be so cruel...

She looked over at him. His bland expression at this moment was not intimidating... she felt... like he WAS her friend.

Today, he was actually kind of sweet.

\----

They made camp outside, and slept for around 7 hours. When the sun rose, they set off again.

Sasori was perplexed about where he was taking her. He was overthinking. But he kept his thoughts to himself. He didn’t have to show her the cave on the third night... But he wanted to stop by, and there was no way he could slip away from her. 

Sakura wiped her brow, and drank some water. In that moment, Sasori stopped, a serious expression on his face. 

“I see something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, nothing better than bonding inside of a puppet! 
> 
> What does Sasori see? :0


	16. Incognito Killer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori and Sakura run into trouble on the third day of their journey (because this is a fanfic and we need drama).

The silhouettes of four people could be seen in the far distance. The sun prevented them from making out any specifics.

Sakura looked over at Sasori as if to ask what to do next. He squinted at them, and his form stiffened when the figures stopped.

Before Sakura could speak, he grabbed her arm roughly and forced her down on her knees next to him, out of sight.

“What is it?”

“Those four are heading straight for us.”

She was puzzled.

“Is that bad?”

Sasori was once again reminded of how naive she was. 

“They either need help or they are up to no good. Usually, it’s best to avoid these situations, in case it’s the latter.”

Was this seriously happening?

"You said this route was safe!"

"As safe as it can be! I have no control over who comes and goes!" he aggressively whispered.

He was trembling slightly. She narrowed her eyes, wondering what was wrong with him. Surely he wasn’t scared...

When she saw the look in his eyes as he stared at the figures in the distance, she realized. He was shaking with... excitement.

“Sasori...” she whispered. He looked over at her.

“You aren’t going to cause me any trouble, are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just... You... well. Have a reputation...”

He opened his mouth to speak when a shuriken flew past them.

“Oh great.”

She cursed. Of course they were attacking them.

Sasori smirked. She growled in frustration.

As ninja, they were accustomed to their lives being endangered, as if it were a common occurrence. And sometimes, it WAS a common occurrence. Even though they could possibly die in the next 10 minutes, they treated it like it was only a nuisance.

“I’m taking care of this ok? If I need your help, be discreet,” she whispered back in annoyance, pointing her index finger at him. “You are a civilian.”

She paused, adjusting her gloves in thought.

“And no KILLING.”

Sasori rolled his eyes.

“No promises,” he said, his big doe eyes staring at her intently. She groaned, and he smirked.

“I guess I will get to see you fight after all.”

She was about to reply, when she sensed the enemy approach, and whipped around just as three men reached them. Sasori watched as a large hand flew around the dune to grab her.

She gripped the sturdy wrist with a single hand, and easily threw the man down in front of them. The earth shook from the force.

_‘The sand is softening my blows,’_ she thought to herself, ax kicking the assailant just as another leapt through the air with a block chain. While the first man was large, almost 7 feet tall, and bald, this man was thin, with messy, dark hair. Their attacks were swift, but Sakura was not worried. Since her battle against Sasori's 100 puppets, fights like this seemed too easy.

_‘Hmph. Just chuunin,’_ Sasori pouted.

He remembered what Sai had said about Sakura. That she could hold her own against Sand chuunin. She was certainly holding up that statement.

Her intensity was making him tingly. He itched to fight.

Just as the third man, a short blond, attempted to swing at Sakura with knuckles covered in brass, Sasori let an invisible chakra thread trip him. The man appeared to trip over his own feet, and landed headfirst into Sakura’s uppercut to the gut. The man groaned, collapsing.

“Who are these kids?” the big guy asked, attempting to make a swipe at the girl.

“Go after the boy! He’s the one she’s protecting!”

_‘I’m the one protecting you from him!’_ Sakura thought, hurriedly dodging the quick lashes from the second man’s chain.

She realized that they were Sand ninja. And by the looks of their headbands, they were rogues.

“A Leaf ninja huh? So your Hokage sent you off to guard this guy alone?” the blond guy taunted, exchanging blows with Sakura. She gritted her teeth.

“That’s right. You better think about who you’re ganging up on then!”

Sakura grinned, grabbing the man by his ankle. The man looked perplexed, and then startled as she began to swing him around in circles, hitting the dark-haired guy from the side with his friend's body. She then released him.

Sasori watched the man turn into a blip in the bright sky. Who knows where he would end up.

This girl was a monster.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the big guy running towards Sasori, who looked incredibly unimpressed.

_‘I can’t let any of them know he’s a ninja!’ _

She grabbed ahold of the dark-haired man’s block chain, and yanked it out of his hands with pure strength. She then circled it around her head, and flung the blunt end at the big man’s head. It wrapped around his neck, and she pulled him backwards, away from the slender redhead.

“Tsk,” Sasori grunted. She really wasn’t letting him have any fun.

But they both sensed things would eventually become more difficult. The fourth man watched from afar, studying the display. He seemed like he was deciding whether to join in or not.

_‘He’s a jounin,’_ Sasori and Sakura noted.

She was steadily getting more hits on the three chuunin, with Sasori’s very subtle assistance.

“Why are you guys doing this? Why did you leave your village?” she asked, genuinely confused. Since Gaara became Kazekage, the amount of rogues had dropped considerably.

“You’re gonna be dead soon anyway, so why do you care?” the big man asked angrily. Sakura promptly punched him in the jaw, sending several teeth into the air to likely be lost forever in the endless desert.

"Takero!" the dark-haired man yelled. Just then, the jounin acted. He seemed to fling something invisible at them. She prepared for a hit, but then realized he wasn’t aiming for her. She gritted her teeth. These guys were such assholes!

“Don’t touch him!” she growled, and caught the invisible weapon, using the wind current to detect its position. It was only a few feet from Sasori’s face.

“She caught that?!” one of the chuunin gasped.

Sakura had even surprised herself. This weapon was, for all intents and purposes, completely nonexistent to the naked eye. But she could sense it's movement. Once again, her fight with Sasori a year ago was coming in handy.

The jounin jumped, and landed not far from her. He was very annoyed at her impressive display. Even Sasori was entertained. Although he was hoping he would have a chance to block it...

“If you’re going to get him...”

She ran right for the jounin, and flung a kunai that he blocked.

“-You have to come through me!”

She appeared from behind him, using the substitution jutsu. Sasori continued to watch her. She was very forward in her fighting style, but utilized the basic jutsu well in battle. She was tricky. If she wasn’t good at it, an enemy of that caliber would see it coming.

This man did not see it coming, and barely managed to dodge her.

Sasori had picked up on the fact that Sakura only needed a few direct hits to take someone down. Even the big guy she fought was recovering on the ground at this moment.

She had serious strength.

That blond man was still nowhere to be seen, she had flung him so far. And the dark-haired man was standing still, seeming to give the jounin his chance to fight. It looked like she broke his non-dominant arm when she slammed his teammate into him.

Sasori realized that her strength was probably what got her so far when fighting the future him. She could crush his puppets with ease. Not many could do that.

As the two fought, the Sand jounin had finally gathered the upper hand, slicing her arm with his invisible weapon. Sasori was intrigued by this technique of his. And even more so by the blood that was shed. It took all of his willpower not to act.

Just then, the second man's block chain had wrapped around Sakura, preventing her from moving. The big guy got up and placed her in a chokehold. And the jounin was coming right for him.

Sasori smiled like the devil himself, preparing to attack, but a pair of hands came out of the sand, and grabbed him by the ankles. He frowned. These men acted like they had worked together often in battle.

The dark-haired man pulled out another chain weapon and attempted to whip him with the sharp end, but Sasori easily dodged it, even with his limited motion. As an instinct, he released his chakra threads, and-

Something was moving in the sand. Lines of disturbance in the sand were heading towards him. That invisible weapon.

The chuunin were nothing, but the jounin was tricky.

Sasori wrapped his chakra threads around the hands on his ankles, and cut off the blood flow. The hands released him just in time to dodge the myriad attacks. Sakura watched, amazed. He was so graceful.

But she was in a bit of a pickle. The grip the big guy, Takero, had on her could be bad...

Just as Sasori landed, the jounin attacked him head on, and Sakura saw something flicker around him. It was a trap buried in the sand! Her senses told her it would kill him instantly if he didn’t move.

“No!” she screamed, the adrenaline rush giving her the strength to break free from the chains. She head butted the big guy, and he fell over instantly, knocked out cold.

And she ran.

Many things happened in that instant. Sasori could see her running towards him. He could see her yelling. He noticed the trap around his feet. And he noticed the jounin pulling back to stab him with something.

He jumped just in time, the jaws of the sand creature narrowly missing his flesh. This guy had a summon.

Was that beast responsible for the invisible weapons?

As the man tried to stab him with what looked like a sharp stick, he noticed it looked odd. It had moving parts. Before he had a chance to dodge, it suddenly burst.

Senbon.

He put up his arms in defense, and grimaced in preparation for the pain. But it never came. He only felt Sakura’s hand on his upper arm. She was flinging him into the air, out of the way of the needles. Not a single one had hit him.

But they had hit her, and she was bleeding. Sasori’s eyes widened. Why did she do that?

And how did she have time to get him out of the way? It was like she saw it coming.

He attempted to regain control of the direction he was headed, and used his body weight to move her away from the jounin, who was making another dive at her. He whirled around, using the momentum from Sakura, and kicked the man directly in the face. It was a satisfying kick, and the man fell backwards with a thud.

Sakura then realized that she had been poisoned. She gasped, doing her best not to fall over.

“They’re poisoned!” she yelled to warn him.

_'This jounin... His techniques are different, but so similar to a puppet master's...'_

She noticed that the sand creature was gone again. That would be a pain to deal with.

_'That creature is unlike any other summons I have seen... It seems to bury itself in the sand.'_

Sasori glared at the jounin, who was now standing up. Sakura immediately began to heal herself. It wouldn’t stop the poison, but it would help. All of her wounds closed as she pulled the needles out, grunting.

_‘She can heal herself in seconds... she is efficient at it,’_ he noticed. His attention turned to the enemy.

“Why fight us?” Sasori asked calmly, a hint of condensation in his voice. He was goading him. The man smiled, blood dripping down from his nostrils to his chin.

“We were tired of those false ninja who took over our village! We haven’t killed anyone in over a year!” the man growled, spitting blood.

Sasori understood. The new rules implemented on the Sand ninja were probably welcomed by most, but some would dislike it.

“They aren’t training real ninja anymore!” the man yelled. He was very passionate about the topic.

Sasori couldn’t have cared less. He made a move, and the two fought. Sasori used his chakra threads, and the man’s face grew perturbed.

“You fight like a Sand Ninja,” he said. "And not only that... A puppet master."

Sasori only smiled.

“Don’t tell him!” Sakura yelled.

Sasori could see the block chain guy was heading straight for her. He began to whip the chain around, striking her with all his might. She managed to block most of them with her kunai, but a few hits got in, scraping her cheek and thigh.

She grimaced. Her reflexes were slowing.

The ground shifted under Sasori's feet, and he jumped in the air just as the sand creature emerged once more. This time, he got a good look at it. He felt something whip past his ear, and a wetness followed. He knew something just cut his skin. Blood trickled down the side of his neck as he landed low on the ground, his leg sweeping to trip his opponent. The two men continued to exchange blows, seemingly equal in terms of skill.

His hypothesis was correct. That creature was producing this invisible weapon from its mouth. And the man collected them, and kept some on his person.

Sakura was growing tired, her limbs aching as the poison flowed through her, but she continued to fight off her assailant. 

_'Just two more to go and we win,'_ she told herself. But she had to rely on Sasori a fair amount at this point. There was no way she could defeat that jounin on her own, especially when poisoned. Fortunately, they had gained information on the enemy from that. He used mechanical blades with senbon inside. And he probably had more of them at his disposal. 

The dark-haired man attached something to the end of his block chain. It looked like it was designed to scrape the skin, with space to contain something. It was probably coated with poison.

_‘If he hits her with that, she will probably die,’_ Sasori noted. And he didn't think Sakura had long distance attacks. But he was busy fending off the jounin.

She threw a kunai at the enemy, ruining his aim just as he had lifted his arm. She still had some fight in her.

She had been in worse situations.

Sasori ran towards the dark-haired man, and jumped on top of him. He flipped backwards, and crossed his arms, chakra threads wrapping around the man's neck. He then yanked downwards harshly, causing the man to fall. The man started to choke as he stood back up and pulled the strings taught, cutting off his air circulation. He was slowly asphyxiating, and Sasori showed no sign of stopping.

Sakura ran to him and yanked on the string, forcing it loose enough for the man to breathe. He fell down into the sand, unconscious.

Sasori was a very good fighter, even without using his puppets. His taijutsu impressed her, since puppet masters weren't known for hand-to-hand combat. And he was merciless, as expected. He made a great asset.

But she was upset that he was fighting at all. She was failing to keep his identity a secret from these men...

And she had to babysit him, so he wouldn't kill them, which was annoying.

Sakura could see the jounin lunging for him once more with one of those senbon weapons. She hurriedly placed herself in the way, knocking the weapon out of his hand just as he was about to hit Sasori. But he had a knife in his other hand, and stabbed right at his mark. She knew Sasori didn’t have time to get out of the way.

Sasori’s heart pounded in his chest when he heard the sound of metal hitting flesh.

“...Sakura?”

Sakura wanted to sigh, but could not due to the blade in her lung. How did she even end up in this situation? This was supposed to be a nice, harmless trip to visit Sasori's grandma...

She was pissed off.

"Get... him...” she hissed, spitting blood through her gritted teeth, holding the man in place with her iron grip. The man had no chance of escape, even in her weakened state.

Sasori obeyed, and wrapped his chakra threads around the assailant’s neck, and forcefully pulled him away from her. The knife, slick with blood, was no longer in her chest, and she collapsed.

Sasori didn’t have time to think about her. She would be a deterrent.

But he still found himself reaching out to her, and picking her up over his shoulder. He then jumped, creating distance between him and the Sand rogues. She couldn't help but feel honored that he took the time to do that for her. Sasori didn't seem like a team player in battle...

"Looks like they're retreating," the dark-haired man yelled, his voice hoarse from being choked earlier. The jounin smiled, unaware of how bad his situation could quickly become.

“Don’t... kill them...” Sakura whispered, clutching her chest. She was already healing herself, but he could tell the poison would knock her out soon. He analyzed the wound. It did not pierce her heart, but it was just below her collarbone. It was not good.

The sand creature leapt out of the sand, its jaws snapping at his head. He dodged with ease, and the creature passed over them, and swiftly disappeared once again. He was growing tired of that thing.

“I told you I couldn’t promise that,” he muttered, setting down his backpack. He pulled out a scroll.

She gripped his wrist.

“Please...”

Sasori could see the jounin throw another one of those invisible blades, and he grew irritated. He blocked it, suddenly holding out his hand and using a fire jutsu. The flames blew into the men's faces, and they drew back momentarily. 

Sasori was full of surprises. Sakura was grateful to have him on her side this time.

He stood up, and placed himself in front of her, closing his eyes. It had been so long since he had a chance to fight properly. His fingers ached to kill.

“You fools... have no idea who you are dealing with,” he whispered.

His fingers moved. Several puppets emerged, the perfect blue sky dotted with black.

"Sasori, no!" she whispered so only he could hear. He ignored her.

The men stopped.

“Those... those are Lord Kankurō’s puppets!”

“I beg your pardon? I think you mean mine.”

He walked closer to them, steadily, thinking about his next move. What should he do to them? He considered Sakura's plea. He knew it stemmed from her bleeding heart, but there was a logical reason not to kill them too. If he did kill them with these puppets, their corpses would reveal a puppet master killed him. But if he left them alive, they would certainly talk...

“You’re crazy! You stole those!”

He had made his decision.

“You are only alive right now...” he sighed. “Because she wanted you to live.”

The puppets surrounded them.

“But I am not so forgiving.”

Sasori closed his eyes and felt a microscopic change in the earth. One of his puppets moved, so quickly it was almost impossible to follow, and stabbed into the sand. It pulled out the jounin's summon, now impaled on the puppet's jagged blade.

The men gasped in fear. Sasori assumed it was because that thing was so easy for him to kill. 

"You don't want to play anymore?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. He relished the terror on their faces, and breathed in deeply. This was exactly what he needed. He had been so bored...

Sakura could hear the men scream. She felt a hot tear roll down her cheek.

_'No... Please don’t kill them...'_

“Don’t kill them!” she cried, unable to move. She could feel her consciousness slipping away with every second.

Her thoughts were filled with worries. She knew that they were no match for him... not when he fought seriously.

He had shown them his abilities... If he didn’t kill them... they could talk. But if he did kill them, there would be evidence... These concepts made her feel helpless. She couldn’t do anything. She couldn’t control him.

She couldn’t DO anything...

She cried in pain. The poison was coursing through her veins, finally dominating her senses. But it was nothing like Sasori’s poison. Nothing was as horrible as that...

After a few more minutes, she felt herself pass out.

.

.

.

When she awoke, she sensed a hand hovering over her shoulder. She could feel the wound closing.

"It's over," she heard someone say. She couldn't even remember where she was.

The accelerated healing exhausted her, and she sighed in relief, falling into darkness once again.

. 

. 

. 

The next time her eyes opened, someone’s arms were wrapped around her thighs, her chest on his back. The sun was setting. The man carrying her was tired. She could barely make out his features, but he was so familiar to her...

She gripped onto him. Something about him was comforting...

Just as he stopped walking, she lost consciousness again.

Would she ever wake up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you could visualize what was happening! Writing battle scenes with this many people is not easy, especially when half of them aren't named haha! (But it takes way less time to write action scenes than to draw them, that's for sure!)
> 
> Did Sasori kill all of them? *gasp*


	17. The Cave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori carries a wounded Sakura to a place that is sacred to him. How will she react when she wakes up?

Sakura felt pain. The white hot sensation encompassed her, and she wanted to scream. She could not, and she squirmed.

“Don’t move,” a voice said. Her ears focused on the sound. The voice was pleasant- soothing even. The tone indicated annoyance.

“Where... are you...” she breathed, reaching out blindly. Her hand landed on something warm. She felt a hand grab hers, and gently place it back where it was.

“I said don’t move. I don't know why I have to explain this to you..."

The voice was stern.

She didn’t want to listen. She was frightened. She couldn’t remember... anything.

The voice sighed.

“You have been poisoned. I just made an antidote, and I am going to give it to you now.”

A hand curled around the back of her head, and lifted her, placing something in between her lips. A bad tasting liquid poured into her mouth, and she forced herself to swallow. The voice intrigued her. The man sounded like he was irritated for having to explain himself, as if she were a bother. But he was gentle. And she soon fell asleep once more, the pain subsiding.

“... Thank... you...”

.

.

.

She opened her eyes, gasping. She felt horrible.

It was dark, the only source of light being a lantern. The candle flickered, revealing the grooves of cave walls.

Where was she?

“Finally awake?”

She looked over. Sasori was sitting against a wall, staring at her. He looked... exhausted.

“Where are we?” she groaned, her body aching too much to move just yet.

“The cave I told you about.”

“Oh... The one by Suna?”

He only nodded. She looked around. It was not empty. There was a lot of stuff piled in it actually. Even though Sasori’s backpack looked like it contained the 5th dimension, she knew there was no way all of this stuff came from there.

“What... is all of this?”

There were piles upon piles of books, scrolls and sketches lying around. Puppets too. It looked like... he lived there.

“My belongings.”

“How did they get here?”

She sighed, rubbing her head in an attempt to eradicate the dull ache in her forehead.

“They have been here for the past 20 years.”

She immediately tensed, giving him a wild eyed look.

“This... this was... IS your hideout!”

She looked around more closely. This stuff... was never found. Everyone wanted to know where he kept recordings of his experiments... But not much was found other than a journal he kept on his person.

This would be considered a treasure trove for the researchers back in Suna.

He managed to hide this stuff for 20 years?! No one ever found this place, and it was right next to them the entire time!

Sasori shifted awkwardly. He had taken her into a place he considered to be his sanctuary. No one else had ever been here. Her gawking was concerning.

“This stuff is amazing!”

He didn’t move a muscle, but he was suddenly proud. She was impressed with his work.

Good.

“Is this... where you store everything you summon?”

He hesitated.

“Yes.”

“Amazing...”

She tried to sit up, and finally looked down at where he had placed her. She realized she was on her cot, with a blanket over her torso. The blanket was not hers. As she gripped it in her hand, he spoke.

“The desert can be very cold at night.”

He was keeping her warm? How very... kind.

She looked down at herself, and noticed she was topless, with only bandages covering her shoulder and... important parts. She blushed.

“When did-?”

“You were stabbed. Or did you forget?”

He did not move. She wondered if he was ok.

“That’s right...”

But she was still red in the face. She was impressed by his wrapping.

“Um... how much did you see?”

Sasori furrowed his brows. She was worried about something as trivial as that?

“I have medical training, you know. And I have seen countless bodies.”

Ah, she had forgotten. He was basically a medical ninja, like her. He worked in pathology in the war. But still...

“But I’m not a corpse! I’m alive...” she said, wrapping her arms around her chest. He scoffed, and looked away from her. Why was she making a big deal out of this? It was putting him on edge.

He was already worried about the whole thing. Sakura sensed his frustration, and prepared for a nasty comment. Usually, under these circumstances, she would get a comment about her lack of a chest. But surprisingly, he didn’t make use of the obvious insult.

“... Are you ok?” she tentatively asked. He said nothing. That gave her an answer.

“Come here,” she commanded.

“What?”

“You’re injured. I can tell.”

“You are still recovering from that poison.”

“And you probably used a lot of chakra to carry me here and heal me.”

He didn’t want to admit that she was right.

“Fine, I’ll come to you-“ she started.

“That won’t be necessary,” he growled. In that moment, he reminded her of when he talked inside Hiruko. He was grumpy.

Sasori winced slightly as he crawled over to her. Normally, he would ignore the pain, but he knew the wound on his back was bad. And it was in a spot that was difficult to reach.

And he couldn’t ignore it, even if he wanted to. Sakura would reopen her wound trying to force him down to take a look at it. And he didn’t want his work on her to be a waste.

She gingerly got up on her elbows as he sat in front of her, his back turned. She managed to sit up all the way, and focus on the man in front of her. He was a patient now.

He winced when she touched the cut through his shirt.

“Did the same knife that stabbed me do this?”

He only nodded.

“So that guy managed to get one last swipe at you before you killed him?”

She said it calmly, but he knew she was upset by the way she was roughly handling him.

“I didn’t kill him.”

She froze.

“... You didn’t?”

Sakura was shocked, but she believed him. She decided she could quiz him on that subject later.

She urged him to take off his shirt. He complied, but required her help when it reached his scapula. The blood around the wound had dried, and he had to pry it off his skin. He gasped as she tore it from his flesh. She wasn’t being very gentle.

“Ooh, this is an angry wound. How long did it take for us to get here?”

“About 2 hours.”

She paused, her hand barely touching his skin. He carried her on his back for 2 hours?? Like this?

“That means I’ve been asleep for about 12 hours.”

She could tell by the wound. Sakura knew she wouldn’t be at full force, but she had some chakra left. She attempted to heal him, but he grabbed her wrist.

“Don’t overextend yourself.”

She smiled.

“I’m fine now... thanks to you.”

He felt odd. It took him a moment to place the feeling. He was embarrassed?

She felt warm and tingly. She realized it was because he was worried about her. So he DID care if she lived or died...

“Why... did you do that?” he grumbled.

“Do what?” she asked, focused on the task in front of her.

“Take that blow for me?”

She tilted her head.

“I just moved. I didn’t think...”

“Obviously.”

She frowned.

“Quit acting like it was pointless. I saved you a lot of trouble by doing that.”

“By sacrificing your body?”

“Yes. I didn’t have time to do anything else...”

“It was stupid.”

“You were more important than me in that battle! Only you could stop all of them!”

“I could’ve handled it without your sacrifice.”

“Oh yeah? Don’t forget the senbon, buddy! Were you going to dodge that by yourself too? I don’t think so!”

“I didn’t ask you to help me!!”

He had practically yelled it. His ears burned in shame, realizing how shrill he was. They both grew silent for a moment, as the echo of his words passed through the cave.

“I don’t care. I wanted to do it.”

Her voice was soft again. She rested her hand fully against the wound on his back, and sighed. He could feel her breath on his skin, and it gave him chills.

“I didn’t want them to know who you were. And I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

She hung her head, suddenly feeling the exhaustion from using her chakra. She wouldn’t be able to hold out any longer. She stopped her healing, and closed her eyes. Before she knew it, she was resting her forehead against him.

He didn’t move, only staring down at his hands. He didn’t WANT to move. She was... comfortable.

“And therefore your life means nothing?” he asked, so softly she could barely hear him. She sighed once more, opening her eyes. She didn’t want to move either.

“It’s not that...”

“I...” he started. He clenched his teeth. There was no way he would finish that sentence.

“Thank you... for saving me,” she said.

He crossed his arms. His back felt a lot better. She was a very talented medical ninja.

“...”

Nothing that came to his mind could be said. He started many sentences in his head, and then ditched them.

“Are you angry?”

Her voice was so small. So different from how she usually was. It was like... she was asking for his forgiveness? What for?

“Why would I be angry?”

“Because you think I didn’t do the right thing...”

He froze. He realized she thought he was upset that she saved him. And... he was.

“Just... don’t do it again. It was reckless. You wouldn’t last a day on a battlefield.”

She smiled at that.

“Sasori...”

Whenever she said his name, he felt a strange sensation in his throat.

“Was the war... as terrible as people say?”

Her forehead was warm against him. He had no willpower to push her away. Before he could answer her, she shook.

“You’re right- it’s really cold in here...”

She moved away from him to burrow under her blankets once more.

“Are you cold?”

She asked it in a way that told him his answer wouldn’t matter. She had already decided.

“Where’s your cot?”

“Over there,” he said, pointing to a back corner.

“Get it and bring it over here. Our recoveries will take longer if we are cold.”

She was right. He cursed. But he grabbed the cot.

He couldn’t get over this situation. He had spent countless hours in this cave. It was his sanctum. And now, this girl was here with him, making herself at home. She had no idea how strange it was to bring her here. At first, he was considering not taking her, but after that battle, he knew he would need supplies. And this was the only place nearby that had what he needed. He did have most of the ingredients he needed in his backpack to make the antidote, but that poison ended up being sneaky.

Sakura was very unconcerned with what had just taken place. She had no idea how bad she was earlier. If he wasn’t prepared for that exact situation, she would have been dead. She was lucky he happened to be a medical ninja. And not only that, a poison expert.

It was weird to think if their places had switched, she would have been just as capable at healing him. Usually, ninja teams never had more than one medical ninja on them. It was nice to be able to help each other out.

He thought back to when she took those blows for him. She didn’t even hesitate. She just shoved him out of the way.

She was careless.

“Lie down next to me. We can lie back to back if you want.”

He liked that idea. It was way less awkward.

She seemed to take care to make him comfortable. She was so giving... He disliked it, because he didn’t know how to react to it. So he often chose not to react at all.

He hesitated, and then got under the cover, positioning himself so their backs were touching. Her skin was hot against his. He realized he had forgotten to put his shirt back on, and grabbed it. As he pulled it over his head, she gave him half of the blanket that he had put over her. They both settled, and rested against each other.

He closed his eyes. It was definitely better than sitting alone. He was already warmer. Lying like this, he could partially ignore that she was invading his personal space. That she was seeing things no one else was allowed to see.

“... Will you tell me?”

He had hoped she would let that go.

“About the war?”

“...Yes.”

He stared into the lantern light. His head felt fuzzy from weariness. He had been awake for a day and a half now. And carrying her on his injured back for 2 hours was exhausting. Not to mention the concoction he had to make to cure that poison. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t nearly as good as his of course, but the man they had fought... was pretty strong.

He wondered who he was. To happen to run into a ninja like that... was just plain bad luck.

It was a good thing he was who he was.

Sakura was about to give up on him when his thoughts finally went back to her question.

“It was just as bad as they say.”

He was... nervous, talking about it. Thinking about it. His thoughts went to the fight he had with Sakura. The one he started.

He didn’t want to talk about that moment, but he knew she didn’t understand why he got defensive. And she would always wonder. When she pointed out that she was observing him that evening... when she found out Asuma Sarutobi was dead... it made him feel exposed.

He had a strong reaction to that. He knew... She could read his face at that moment. She knew he was feeling out of place. Like he didn’t belong there.

He wanted to hide from her. He knew she had seen something that he didn’t show anyone.

And he was angry that she had seen it.

“You aren’t a very open person in general...” she said, pressing him. “But you never talk about the war.”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“That’s a lie.”

Unlike him, she seemed to have some energy. At least enough to harass him about his worst memories.

“... Why are you asking me about it?”

She expected him to get angry with her for pushing him, but he only sounded tired.

“Because I think it’s what broke you.”

He knew what she meant. He knew that she was searching for answers. He wasn’t sure he wanted to give them to her.

“I was just another soldier.”

“No you weren’t.”

He bit his lip in frustration. He wanted to be alone suddenly. But there was nowhere to escape to. And she was so warm...

She felt his chest rise and fall as he sighed. Normally, she would let it go, but this was probably her best shot at getting him to open up. Even Sasori didn’t seem to be immune to post-battle bonding.

“I...”

His voice was becoming quite beautiful to her. He paused.

“Before the war, I was the youngest to ever join the puppet core.”

He couldn’t believe himself.

“And... it wasn’t terrible. I got to work as much as I wanted, and my inventions paid well. Not that that sort of thing mattered, living with my grandmother and all.”

He was referring to her income. Lady Chiyo had the highest title of honor a ninja could receive in his village, and she was provided a steady salary for her achievements.

“So I saved it. The money. I guess even back then... I wanted to leave.”

This was the most he had ever spoken about himself. She held her breath, not wanting to ruin the miracle that was happening right now.

“I had a teammate...”

Sakura knew about him. Komushi. His first human puppet.

“... He died because of me.”

She froze. Sasori could feel her tense up. He knew she wanted to know more.

“He lost an arm during a mission. I made him a new one. But...”

Sasori realized he had never told this story out loud. It was almost impossible to verbalize it.

“I had... put poison in it. It was one of the weapons I built into it. I didn’t take his stupidity into account...”

He sounded insulting of his teammate. She frowned. He had told her she was stupid not too long ago. But he didn’t seem angry at her. He was just lashing out... because he was worried.

“He died.”

Of course...

On paper, the Komushi incident looked like a sociopath experimenting with his fantasies. But... what if it wasn’t like that at all? What if this incident is what put him on the path to destruction? When he talked about it, it was like he was just trying to help his teammate. She had never considered that possibility.

After a long pause, she realized he was looking for a response.

“That sounds terrible...” she whispered. She was going to tell him she was sorry, but she knew he would hate that default line people gave as a condolence.

Sasori was uncomfortable. But he kept talking.

“You probably know this already. I made him into a puppet. I thought... that’s what his parents wanted. It’s what they asked of me...”

He scrunched his face in frustration. Her mind raced. Her hunch was correct. Komushi was the beginning. Sasori’s warped sense of humanity got in the way of his sense of compassion. How... sad.

“When the war started, I was already a pariah. I was untouchable in many ways.”

He said it so nonchalantly. She knew he was hurting deep inside. It’s why he didn’t talk about it.

“I was good at two things- killing, and medical jutsu. At first, I was in the front lines. I killed so many enemies, I had heard people call me... Of The Red Sand. It wasn’t... a compliment.”

Sasori remembered those days. At times, he relished the title. He wanted his enemies to tremble when they heard it. But he disliked hearing Sakura say it. It was... off.

“And I enjoyed doing my job. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had purpose. But then I was ordered to study the bodies of the deceased enemies. It angered me, but I ended up enjoying that just as much.”

Saying he enjoyed it disturbed her.

“Did you really... like it?”

He froze.

“Did you not enjoy beating those men earlier?”

Now it was her turn to freeze.

“I do enjoy a good beating, but... The way puppet masters kill... It is so...”

She curled her arms around herself.

“Killing is killing. Does it matter how the job gets done?”

He was on edge. If she wanted him to keep talking, she would have to stop herself from sounding judgmental.

“You’re right. I’m just not used to it, that’s all. Your battle experience compared to mine... is immense. I just have trouble imagining it.”

“And I cant imagine living the way you have.”

Out of all the things he had ever said to her, this was... different. It meant he actually dwelled on her life, and tried to put himself in her shoes. Sociopaths weren’t capable of such a thing. But he tried to?

“It’s nice to live peacefully...” she said. “But I still chose to be a ninja. I will experience plenty of tragedy in the future. I already have...”

He didn’t know what she meant by that. He realized he still didn’t know a lot of things about her.

But after a second, it clicked. She was probably referring to her old teammate. Sasuke.

“I sometimes think... having both of my parents has held me back in a way. From being better at fighting. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.”

He raised a brow. What an intriguing statement.

“Your parents are...”

He didn’t know how to say what he was thinking.

“They are a lot to handle, I know,” she chuckled. “But I love them. And they liked you a lot too.”

“You are lucky to have them.”

Her face was hot from this stressful conversation. And she felt a pain in her chest. She wanted to...

Sasori felt her squeeze his hand that was resting on his side.

“I wish...” she started.

He didn’t know what to do. And he had no idea what she was going to say. He never did.

“... I don’t know. I guess I just wish that you didn’t have to suffer so much.”

He felt his cheeks flush. She grabbed onto his hand harder. She was so far away, but so close.

“I wish I could give you everything.”

His mouth opened to speak, but he was unable to. How could he follow up with that?

He had never felt this way before. He was never effected by others’ words like this. She was so forward... And he knew she meant every single word.

He didn’t know what to do with the flood of emotions that were crashing into him. It was so unlike anything he had felt... since he was young. No one... ever spoke to him that way.

“Sasori? Are you ok?”

She had felt him tense after she said what she did. She was worried he was upset, and released his hand. He disliked that very much.

“Yes.”

He felt like he should offer her something. For once, he felt... giving.

“That night when I was angry with you...”

She waited patiently.

“You saw something you shouldn’t have. And when you pointed that out to me...”

“You always act like you don’t feel anything...” she sighed. So she was aware of what had set him off, after all.

“That battle with you a year ago... It made me feel a lot of things. I felt so powerless. I couldn’t help you. I couldn’t help Lady Chiyo... You were too far gone.

"And then you just showed up! And I felt like... maybe I could make a difference this time. When Sai told us Asuma died... You looked so... sad. It was the first time I felt like I really saw you. It comforted me... because I felt like maybe I could help you.

"I don’t mean to be offensive when I say that. I just mean that you looked like you were still open to letting people in. And that’s why I asked you about it that night.”

He just wanted her to hold his hand again. That fact upset him.

“Why do you feel like you aren’t allowed to express yourself?” she asked sadly. He burrowed more into the blanket.

“Emotions... serve no purpose.”

“Of course they do! You can’t truly live if you don’t feel!”

“But what if... I don’t want to feel?”

She started to say something, but faltered. She wanted to show him... that she cared. Nothing she could say or do could express the depth of what she felt. And she was frustrated at that.

“I understand why you did what you did. I mean- your future self. Why you left and made yourself into a puppet.”

He closed his eyes. Talking about things like this just didn’t happen. No one in Suna talked about this. It was meant to somehow be conveyed without saying it. That people cared about each other. But he never felt like he received that message.

“Feeling nothing at all is better than feeling what you felt,” she said, partially to herself. He stared ahead of him at a section of the cave. A stack of his old drawings were what caught his eye. A particular sketch was not rolled up, revealing itself to him. It was just a picture of the human form, but he could remember when he drew it. What he went through at that time.

This place contained all of his memories. Most of them were bad.

“I can’t imagine what you went through. Feeling like you did for so long...”

He was unable to reply to statements like that.

“This place means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”

That caught him off guard.

“... Yes.”

“Thank you for sharing this with me. It means a lot... that you trust me.”

“You did sacrifice yourself for me twice.”

“So you are grateful?” she teased, smiling sleepily.

“You allowed me to see the enemy’s hidden weapons. The senbon almost had me.”

That was harder to admit than anything else he had confessed to tonight.

“So I... am trustworthy?”

“... Maybe a little.”

She smiled warmly. He could tell she was smiling, even though he couldn’t see her face.

“Good,” she yawned. “I only... want the best for you.”

She was half asleep. She was on painkillers. He was amazed she lasted this long.

“Goodnight Sasori...”

The words got stuck in his throat, but he pushed them out, repeating after her.

“... Good.. night.”

He didn’t have the heart to tell her it was the middle of the day.

He found himself yawning as well. He was... dead tired. He had done a lot. And this conversation... felt like he had just passed a milestone of sorts. He felt different from before. He had never told another living soul all of this. And he didn’t even have to tell her a lot of it. She had figured it out herself.

She thought about him a lot. That made him... feel strange. He never took the time to think about others like she did. It was foreign to him. 

He could sense her body completely relax. She was asleep. And still pressed against him.

He got lost in his memories.

_(“... When are you going to realize that I’m a lost cause? Why put so much effort into someone like me?”) _

_(“You are great the way you are!”) _

He couldn’t deny that she cared for him anymore. But he didn’t know... how to reciprocate it. But right now, knowing that she cared was enough.

A weight had been lifted off his chest... one he had been carrying around for years. He didn't want to accept that talking about it felt... good. He remembered Sai trying to get him to open up to him last week. Sai was right. But he would never let him know that.

He found himself listening to Sakura's even breathing, and drifted off to sleep. It was the best sleep he had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this is all I have for Sasosaku Month! Obviously I will continue this story, but I will take a short break to finish the rest of my prompts! Thank you so much for reading up until this point!
> 
> This chapter is a big break-though for their relationship, but Sakura still has a ways to go with him. After all, Sakura travelled with him to Suna under a false pretense... Sasori has hidden intentions, which will be revealed in the next few chapters. 
> 
> I took care to write in Sasori's contradictory thoughts on his past. He thinks to himself that his memories were bad, but when he talks about him, he claims he enjoyed the War. This is because he is split about the experience. He enjoyed killing the enemy, but deep down, he feels empty. And he does not understand why.
> 
> Sasori's character is all about denial and control. He wants control over everything, so he chooses to ignore anything that doesn't suit his desires. Sometimes he ignores blatant truths, so that the false world he built for himself doesn't crumple.  
For example, at this point it is obvious Sasori wanted Sakura to come with him, as a companion. But he will never admit this to himself.  
And he opened up to her, because he actually wanted to. But once again, he will not accept this truth. 
> 
> We will find out how long it takes him to accept that she IS his friend haha!  
(Sai was much more accepting of the drastic changes in his life. Sasori is very stubborn, and has deep-seated psychological issues such as extreme denial)
> 
> Another thing I want to mention is my use of physical touch in this fic. In Japanese culture, people do not openly talk about their issues, and physical comfort is not as common as it is in other cultures. So Sakura feels conflicted about how to comfort him, because it is a big deal to touch him. I also used this when Naruto attempts to comfort Sakura on the bridge. He is hesitant to touch her, partially because she sometimes hits him for it, but also because it would be considered a big step in their friendship. (I'm just saying this so more emphasis is put on these moments for Western readers)  
As you already know, Sakura has been bold with him- touching his hands, even hugging him. She wants to comfort him, but even this doesn’t seem to convey her feelings. And this frustrates her.


	18. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori wakes after a disturbing vision. As he and Sakura prepare to head to Suna, they talk more.  
(This chapter is long haha sorry)

Sasori stirred, his eyelashes fluttering as he dreamed. Though he was asleep, he had a sense that he had been out for a while.

The visions his brain had selected for him that night were of his childhood. It was blurry, but he could tell where he was. It was the street his house was on. The sun was setting, and particles of sand blew past his face as the wind flowed around the stucco houses. He breathed in deeply, taking in the nostalgic scent of his home. For some reason, it did not bring him displeasure. Instead, it filled him with a dizziness, and he grew into an elation he was unfamiliar with.

He had no questions. Everything surrounding him gave him clarity, and he stood still, waiting. He knew what would come next. He had this dream before.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned, and a film of rose-tinted glass coated his eyes as he looked up at the figures before him.

His father smiled, and picked him up, pulling him into a deep embrace that soothed him to his core. From over the man's shoulder, he could see his mother had joined in, her arms wrapped around him tightly. He smiled. Everything was as it should be.

He spoke.

"Everything is perfect now."

As he leaned back to get a better look at them, a strange sound escaped his lips. He was laughing.

His small hand reached up and pulled on his mother's dark hair.

"We are back," she said. Her voice was so clear, and it could not be mistaken for another's.

"Where is your grandmother," his father asked him. He pointed towards his front door. She emerged, her face expressing enlightenment. He watched her approach them.

Suddenly, the setting changed. He was in the cave. But he was not alone. Something about it was familiar, like it had happened before, but it was different somehow...

"Everything is perfect, Sasori. It’s safe now.”

It was Sakura. For some reason, it made sense that she was there. She stretched out her gloved hand, and he instinctively took it, willing to go wherever she took him. They walked deeper into the cave, and it grew darker. But he knew it was safe. She told him so.

They finally reached a large cavern. Everyone he knew was there: his parents, his grandmother and great uncle Ebizō, his old teammates, the Kazekage, Sai, and even some of the dead soldiers he was in charge of during the war.

"I do not have to make any adjustments," he said.

"No. You did it," she replied, her smile captivating him. He felt whole.

He was home.

The setting changed once more. He awaited the continuation of this story with glee. His head was consumed with everything that was good. It all made sense.

He was now in the cave, but it was empty. He knew he had to do something, but he couldn't exactly remember what. It did not bother him at first, but as he traveled forward, an eeriness set upon him. The path he took was familiar somehow, though he was certain he had never been there before.

Ancient drawings coated the stone walls, depicting customs from thousands of years ago. As he progressed, the subjects grew darker and darker. He stopped in front of a particular image. It showed people forcing what looked like the shuukaku down into a pit.

Further down, it showed the shuukaku entering a child host.

"You have to get it," his grandmother told him, appearing from thin air. He nodded.

"I will succeed."

But his legs wouldn't let him continue forward, and he became frustrated. He looked down the dark pathway, and it seemed to go on forever. Something thick mixed into the air, and he couldn’t breathe.

"You have to try harder!"

His chest heaved as his heart pounded against his ribs, a terror encompassing him. He needed to-!

The ground gave out underneath him, and he fell, grasping onto whatever he could. He cried out for help, and his grandmother caught his hand.

Before he could speak, a thousand hands came up from behind her, reaching for him. He was relieved. They would help him.

But they were pushing him down.

"No!" he screamed. "Grandma!"

She was gone, and he was consumed by black, the sea of arms clanking together as they passed by him.

He attempted to cry for help again, but his body would not listen. He was paralyzed in fear. Something in his mind told him that he should be able to overcome his senses, but he could not break the barrier.

He was going to die.

How could they betray him like this?!

Without ever landing, he was now standing in pure darkness.

It was silent. And he was alone.

A chill ran up his spine. Something evil was down there with him.

The wind whistled, and he gained a sense of direction. He made his way towards the source, ignoring the impending sense of doom that was dominating every inch of his being.

He thought he could hear something... something speaking.

“Sasori...”

It was a whisper. And he was terrified, but he continued forward.

Then, his dream shifted, and he was no longer himself, but a bystander looking at his body. His body was now young, only around 7 years old. He was motionless.

Sasori tried to speak, but his voice was gone. He couldn’t seem to grab the child’s attention.

“It’s down here,” the young Sasori said, finally looking up at him. The boy opened his mouth, and Sasori jolted, his soul seeming to leave his body as the boy appeared inches from his face, his skin no longer fitting. A full set of teeth appeared inside the child’s throat and spoke, its voice hushed and overlapped.

“You’re safe now.”

\----

"!"

Sasori awoke in a rush, sweat collecting on the back of his neck. It was dark, and there was only a hint of light from a flickering source. He immediately realized he was in his hideout.

Something warm was pressed against him. He felt a lock of hair tickle his face, and confusion swept over him for a brief moment. He then completely came to his senses.

_'Right. The battle...' _

Sakura was turned towards him, her head resting on the corner of his chest. Her body was pressed against his side, and his arm was slightly numb from lack of circulation. Her heavy, deep breaths were the only thing he heard.

But he did not move. His heart was beating erratically, and he could feel his pulse in his neck. He had a nightmare, and he needed to recollect himself.

He closed his eyes and sighed.

What was that?

Normally, Sasori did not dream. His brain seemed to shut off entirely once he passed into a meditative state. This was out of the norm.

His thoughts raced, and he sensed that he felt... disturbed.

The dream was not difficult to piece together. It was strange that Sakura had managed to creep into his subconscious. He disliked that during the dream, she seemed to fit in there.

The beginning was a dream he had once in awhile since he was a young boy. But the end... he had never seen that before. It felt oddly real, like it was a memory...

He sighed. That jump scare at the end really got him.

_(“It’s down here.”) _

What did that mean?

Attempting to dissect his dreams was something he had given up on long ago, but this one stood out.

Was he worried about going home? He refused to accept that.

He wondered what time it was. Judging by the ache in his neck, he knew they had been sleeping for at least 12 hours.

Something prevented him from waking her up. Perhaps it was the warmth she gave him. After all, now it was actually nighttime, and the cave was colder than before. The sensation of her skin against his was foreign to him. She smelled like the herbs he had rubbed on her wounds. It was soothing.

He attempted not to dwell on it, but he could not help himself. His parents’ faces were so clear to him in his subconscious, but right now, they were unfocused. He was unable to remember the exact measurements of their features for a few years now.

Still, his heart ached for them.

He assumed his conversation with Sakura was what triggered it. Ridiculous.

"Mm..."

Sakura stirred, rubbing herself further into the groove of his armpit like some burrowing creature. This was making him uncomfortable.

She felt... good.

He suddenly became aware of her leg slightly overlapping his. She appeared to be a chaotic sleeper, managing to turn all the way around at some point during their rest. He felt like his nerves were on fire. Her skin was hot, and unfamiliar. A part of him wished she were even closer. Her touch was effecting him, in a way he was not certain of just yet.

A sensation tapped on the back of his mind, and he realized what was happening. He abruptly sat up, with Sakura face-planting into the ground with a thud.

"Ow!" she groaned, too tired to rub her throbbing head.

Where was she?

"We have slept for too long," Sasori announced, quickly getting up and picking up his cot. Sakura slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"Huh? Oh... ok."

She was not in a hurry. He pushed down the weird lump in his throat, covering his groin as he walked to where he kept his supplies. That dream must have done something strange to him. That was the only explanation.

"... Can you relight the lantern?" she asked, yawning. She stretched, scratching the back of her head. She felt much better now that she was well-rested. And the wound on her chest felt a lot better.

Sasori ignored her, rolling up his cot in silence. He couldn't just yet...

"What time is it?" she asked, unbothered.

"I'm not sure."

His tone was sharp. Sakura inhaled, filling up her lungs with a sense of relief. She then noticed a hint of something... a pleasant smell, almost like a product. She realized it was likely something from his skin or hair. She began to blush, remembering why she was so comfortable all night.

_'Ah, darn... I must have cozied up to him without realizing it.' _

She moved around a lot when she slept. One time she kicked Naruto when they were on a mission, so she was usually given extra space. Naruto was the same way. She hoped she didn’t hurt Sasori, but he looked ok, from what she could make out of him, at least. He did seem very unfriendly, which could be from her closeness, either physically or emotionally.

_‘That conversation with him about his past couldn’t have been easy for him...’_ she thought. _‘Maybe I shouldn’t mention it.’ _

He still had not done as she requested. She frowned, and felt the bandages on her torso. She needed to change them before they departed that day.

“I had the strangest dream last night...” she said. He was amazed she thought he cared.

“I think you were in it,” she yawned. “Ha. You were working on your puppets, except they were really realistic looking dogs. They barked and everything.”

“That is preposterous,” he said. “I would never waste my artistic vision on recreating a base animal.”

She laughed, slowly standing. She was still a little woozy, but she practically felt good as new.

“It was a good dream.”

“Hm.”

One of them was refreshed, at least.

Moments later, he lit up a small flame and put it to the wick on the candle, the area lit up once again. Sakura took in the endless grooves of the cave walls that were filled up to the brim with books, scrolls and tools. She remembered where she was.

"Do we have to leave right now?" she asked lazily, searching for her supplies with her gaze. Her companion was in a far away corner, stuffing things into his backpack.

"Why would you want to stay?" he asked, not turning around. They weren’t going to leave. It was still dark out, and traveling at night was frowned upon. He forgot she was clueless as to the time.

"Well, I wanted to look around more, if that's ok. A lot of your time was spent here, right?"

His body stiffened.

"Anything in particular you are looking for?"

She ignored his tone.

"The future you probably stored everything here, don't you think? No one knows anything about you."

He inwardly sighed. He already knew this. While Sakura was recovering from her poison with his antidote, he was refamiliarizing himself with his old hideout. And he found a lot of things he was not expecting.

_'Maybe that was why I talked about it,'_ he thought to himself.

Sakura wanted him to talk about himself earlier, and he did without much fuss. He assumed it was because his past was already on his mind. And he had to admit, it was... a lot for one person to take in.

He had shared a lot with her. More than he had with any other person. Thinking about it now, he wanted to bury himself alive, never to be seen again. It was embarrassing. It was a moment of weakness. It was...

"I was thinking..."

He waited for her to finish her thought, still refusing to look at her.

"I remembered something about our battle. The one with the future you."

He was intrigued.

"From the start, you were a real jerk. Calling me names, and telling me I was nothing.”

_‘Sounds about right.’ _

“But at one point... I guess you decided I wasn’t so bad after all. You invited to make me into a puppet like you.”

Sasori did not move a muscle. He tended to become motionless when receiving unsettling information. And this was most certainly unsettling. A lot of what she told him fit into that category.

“At the time, I couldn’t tell what you meant by that. I thought maybe you were threatening me, or just insulting me, in some weird way. But looking back, I really thought about that. It just kind of stuck out to me...

"Do you think... maybe you wanted me to understand you?”

How did she always manage to drop something huge like this on him at unexpected times??

“Why are you asking me?” he muttered. He tended to redirect questions he was unsure of how to answer.

“Well, he WAS you. The person who has the best shot of understanding him is you.”

He made a face. She couldn’t place it exactly, but it looked like he was thinking and displeased he was doing so.

“... I thought you already knew.”

“Hmm... I only thought of it just now, looking at this stuff. Getting to know you now, it crossed my mind that maybe you did respect me after all.”

He made a dismissing noise in the back of his throat. She smiled.

“So what is your question, exactly?”

“Was that your way of complimenting me? It almost sounded like a proposition.”

He ignored the heat in his cheeks.

“As if I would proposition a girl like you.”

“Well, I did smash that Hiruko puppet of yours. I smashed you into bits too,” she grinned, posing. She was getting too cocky.

“Don’t assume things you don’t know.”

“I thought you just said I already knew.”

She got him. He was infuriated. He was already having a rough time since waking, and she was harassing him again with her prodding questions... Usually he was the one irking her. She dropped her teasing, and walked over to a shelf of scrolls.

“Do you think he would have minded me being here... after his death?”

Her tone was serious, so he answered her seriously.

“No.”

It came out with more confidence than he intended upon. Sakura whirled around. She apparently was not expecting that answer.

“... I think I would want someone to appreciate my work...” he trailed off, his voice soft.

“Someone?”

“You, probably.”

She felt flushed. That was oddly pleasing for her to hear, knowing only she was allowed to see this place.

“Because I fought you?”

Sasori thought on this.

“I would say more than that. You are a medical ninja who counteracted my poison. And you managed to survive a battle with me. I think I would respect you as a medical professional.”

She looked away, a strange smile on her face.

“So you think I would be able to understand all of this?”

“Perhaps.”

She walked up to a table with an unfinished sketch of a human puppet on it. The image disturbed her, and technically, the man next to her drew it. But she did not feel worried. She felt safe with him.

_‘He saved me last night...’ _

She figured most of the journals were on his research. She flipped one open to a random page, and read the first line. It was on developing seals to contain chakra in a set volume.

“You won’t tell anyone.”

It was a question that came out as a statement, but it was a threat either way. She turned to him. He was intimidating, despite his short stature and fair features. His eyes were cold. Still, she did not worry.

“Sasori, I am your friend. Your secrets are safe, ok? As long as you don’t go off and start killing people for experimentation, things will be fine.”

She smirked at her own words. Sasori couldn’t imagine why she found such a dark topic amusing.

“Then I would have to fight you.”

She paused. That again?

“Yes. But you will kill me.”

“How do you know?”

“Because... I don’t think I could bear it. And I won’t allow that to be anyone else’s burden. It’s mine.”

She was saying he was solely her responsibility. He... didn’t mind.

They were both silent. The cave was foreboding, almost. The puppets lining one section did not help. She walked up to them tentatively.

They were human puppets... they had to be.

When she battled him... there were only 100. He claimed to have around 300 in total. Both the Leaf and Sand always wondered where the rest of them were.

She glanced down the wall, and noticed the cave continued on. His hideout was large, and there were puppets sitting in the dark as far as she could see. The hairs on her neck stood up. If she closed her eyes, forgetting that Sasori was there with her, she could imagine the more sinister version of him bringing a fresh kill here to create a new puppet. He did it over and over again... For decades.

These... were all people.

“I still don’t understand how you did this...” she whispered, looking into the eyes of one of the corpses that hung in front of her. Sasori walked up behind her, also observing the wall of puppets.

“Do you mean physically or morally?”

She looked over at him, and a corner of her mouth tilted upwards. So he did have a grasp on the concept of right and wrong.

“Both, I guess.”

“Hm.”

He had learned a lot about his craft in the past 24 hours. Everything he needed to know was stashed away in this very room. But he did not want to share those secrets. Not yet. He wanted to study them himself first. Because he had discovered techniques he was astonished by.

Sakura wondered how he felt about seeing this many piled up, displayed proudly like they were trophies. But she held her tongue. She was making progress with him... If she pushed him too far, he would probably push back.

“The thing I wanted to know the most... was how you made your core," she said, deciding to discuss the physical technicalities of his... accomplishments.

He wanted to know how his core was made too. He did not find an answer in the hours he spent scrutinizing journal after journal, written by him for the past 20 years.

“You claimed to be immortal, but I just don’t know how you could make skin last forever... It would still eventually decay.”

She was too smart. Still, he offered nothing.

“So, did you learn anything while I was out? Surely you took a look around.”

She was annoying at this point.

“I learned how to improve my poisons,” he said, deadpan. She smiled.

“I don’t know how you kept this place a secret for this long...”

“A barrier jutsu.”

Of course.

“... Ok, what CAN’T you do?” she whined. He was too knowledgeable and talented. “Leave a little bit for the rest of us.”

He smiled. She adored that look on his face, and committed the moment to memory.

“I do not intend to.”

She laughed. He only continued to smirk. She was happy he joked with her once in awhile. Every day, he was revealing his true self more and more.

“Oh yeah... those men from yesterday. You said you didn’t kill them. What did you do?”

“I cast a genjutsu on them. They are probably wandering about in front of the village gates.”

She was stunned. She had forgotten about his talent with genjutsu.

“You really like to mess with people, don’t you?”

He looked away from her, a coy smirk still upon his rosy lips. He played with his fingers behind his back and wandered off to the other side of the cave enclosure. Sakura continued to think about what this meant for both of them. Sure, he took care of the men, but... the village would find out someone cast a genjutsu on them right?

“Damn...” she mumbled.

“What?” he asked, picking up some gauze.

“My shirt. It’s ruined. They will see that I was injured.”

“Taken care of.”

He pulled out her top, and offered it to her. She reached out for it, amazed. He really thought of everything...

It was flawless. If one looked really hard, there was a slight difference in the stitching, but it was practically good as new. Apparently he happened to have the right shade of red thread somewhere in this place... And he did it while injured.

He was so practical, even thinking of the little details, while bleeding. This was why he excelled in the war. She wondered if his heart rate had even raised while struggling to keep her alive...

“How did you do this?”

“I sewed it, of course.”

She imagined him crouched over her top, concentrating as he pushed a needle through the fabric with the utmost precision. It was a much better image than the one she was having earlier.

“... Of course you can sew.”

He raised a brow.

“How else would I mend my clothes?”

She was constantly blown away by this guy.

“Ok, I can sew too, but this looks like I took it to a professional tailor.”

He frowned.

“I feel that you are mocking me somehow.”

“No, of course not! It’s just... Wow. I’m serious- is there anything you’re mediocre at?”

“I can’t feel my big toe,” he said sternly. She burst out laughing.

“Ok, WHAT?”

“I have no nerve endings there.”

“That’s not a skill,” she chuckled. “However, I’m sorry to hear.”

“Now you are mocking me.”

She had to take a moment to settle down. Why was that the first thing that came to his mind? And he answered it so quickly!

“Sasori, you’re a tailor, artist, cook, poison and medical expert, puppet designer and engineer, and you seem to excel in pretty much all forms of jutsu," she listed, using her fingers to count in order to accentuate the point.

“I am also musically acclimated.”

She stuttered.

“You are so full of it!”

“You were asking.”

“I was asking what you suck at!”

He thought for a moment. She was entertained that he cared enough to answer these silly questions.

“I am not physically strong, like you. And I am not as good of a healer, either.”

“Oh, well thank heaven for that!” she exclaimed. He continued to think.

“Apparently I’m too focused- I’m bad at introspection. I don’t know how to be honest with myself. And I’m impatient.”

Her jaw was slack. Now he was taking it to the next level. She had never heard him admit failure of any kind to her.

“...”

He felt awkward. He had gotten carried away. He was enjoying himself too much, watching her explore this place. He didn’t even realize how much he was talking.

“Since you admitted that, maybe you are improving at that introspection thing,” she offered, a twinkle in her eye. He looked away from her.

“You are due for fresh bandages,” he said quietly, changing the subject.

“Oh, right. I did say that, didn’t I?”

She walked over to her cot and sat down. She pulled out a small hand mirror, and observed the wound through the gauze on her chest. She then began to unwrap them, first peeling off the ones covering her shoulder. She winced as specks of dried blood attempted to stick to her skin.

“Can you look at this for me?”

He only nodded, and approached her with the fresh gauze. She kept the bandages out of the way, craning her neck so he could examine her clearly. Without hesitation, he pulled the bandages on her chest lower, exposing the wound entirely. For some reason, she was not embarrassed like she was earlier. He took it seriously, which helped a lot. She felt like she was with one of her professional colleagues.

“It will be completely gone in a day. I will heal it more now.”

“Good, thanks.”

“The blade had a jagged edge. It had torn your flesh, rather than simply punctured it.”

“I better check yours too.”

The only sign of acknowledgment was a small grunt he made in the back of his throat. He began to heal her. She finally gathered the courage to look over at him while he worked. He was so close to her now, she could smell him. That aroma she picked up earlier was definitely from him. She didn’t know how he managed to stay so fresh after that journey. He didn’t appear to sweat much. She didn’t either, but that poison had her entire body drenched. She knew she was disgusting.

It made her self conscious. Ninja didn’t care much about their appearances while on missions, but if they were extended, they did bring things for their hygiene. Sakura needed a shower, badly. And he seemed like the type to care about that sort of thing. But he showed no sign of disgust, even at this proximity.

He was so pretty, especially when he concentrated like that. She never got to watch him work before.

After a few moments of silence, she spoke up.

“Musically acclimated?” she said, her eyes still on his face. Her comment seemed to faze him subtly. He looked ashamed.

“... Yes.”

“What do you mean exactly? Do you play an instrument?”

“... I... dabble.”

Now he was acting shy? Why did he mention it if he didn’t feel comfortable talking about it?

“Do you sing?” she asked excitedly. A strained sound escaped his throat.

“Why would I do that?” he blurted.

“I can sing a little bit, but I’m no soloist. I don’t think I have the confidence for that sort of thing.”

“... I guess I can sing.”

“Really? I bet you’re really good at it. But you seem shy.”

“Shy?”

He was offended. How dare she... This girl took so many liberties with him.

“Don’t think you can call me such things. You are too comfortable.”

She only smiled at his discomposure. Their relationship was definitely different from the day before... It was like... his words lacked venom. He delivered them with the same condescendence, but somehow, she could tell he didn’t intend to do anything about his feelings.

“It’s not a bad word, you know," she offered, soaking in the look in his eyes as they stared at each other.

“I hide nothing for useless reasons like that. Only for self-preservation.”

He was done healing her. All that was left was a pink scar. He rethought his gauze, and got up to search for a bandaid. The skin was still delicate, but there was no need to drown her in bandages.

“Then you will have to sing for me sometime.”

He almost dropped the box.

“That is too personal! As if-!”

He was actually flustered. Incredible.

“Sasori, if I knew you were so embarrassed about singing, I would have used it against you in battle a year ago.”

His nostrils flared.

“You are much too comfortable with me. I am beginning to regret bringing you here.”

She switched the topic with ease.

“Ok, you’re turn,” she said happily, patting at the ground in front of her. He begrudgingly stomped over to her, and sat down, removing his shirt once more.

“I should have just left you out there...” he grumbled. She decided not to take that too literally.

“But then you would have to face Suna alone,” she countered, her feminine voice coaxing him to relax. Her hand hovered over him, and started her work. His wound was similar to hers.

“I could do it.”

“But is that what you want?” she asked. He was getting goosebumps from her breath on his skin. He ignored her and said nothing.

_‘He’s actually acting his age...’_ she thought. Whether he liked it or not, he was acting differently towards her. He was almost... petulant.

Their conversations flowed so easily... And he... made her happy, she realized.

His skin was so pale, it was almost translucent. Besides the wound on his back, it was flawless. She found herself staring at the back of his head. The locks of his red hair curled at the bottom, flipping outwards. It was very... cute. She resisted the urge to touch it.

She was distracted. She needed to do this job well. She had to prove herself.

As she stared at the cruel red mark on his back, she thought more on what had happened. She remembered he did some first aid healing on her at the battle site before carrying her all the way here. And then he took care to place her on her sleeping bag, and study the poison that was killing her. She remembered waking up at some point to ingest something gross, which must have been his antidote. He did all of that...

And then he wrapped her up, and watched over her to make sure she was stable... At some point, he managed to walk around and sew her shirt. Surely he explored the place, since he was mobile.

But by the time she had awoken, he looked terrible. Usually when people were stabbed, they panicked, causing an adrenaline rush, pumping more blood throughout the body... But not him. He just calmly took care of her and made himself at home... Which was why he lasted so long. Though he could have healed himself enough to prevent an emergency, he would not have had enough chakra to do any more than that.

Why did he bother with such things and strain himself?

“You know, you were even paler than usual last night.”

“It was actually the morning.”

“Oh... Yeah, I guess you’re right. I suppose we added an extra day to our trip, huh.”

He said nothing. He was actually in a fair amount of pain from everything. He had pushed himself... But there was so much to do. He felt an abrupt pain up to his shoulder, and he held his breath. She sensed his tension, and slid her hand over to his rotator cuff.

“You let this fester a long time,” she commented. He huffed.

“Is that a critique?”

“Were you too tired to look at it?”

He sighed. Of course he was.

“You look much better today. I’m glad...” she said to herself, resting her hand on his shoulder. Her jutsu was helping exponentially.

“If I didn’t, you would be a terrible medical ninja.”

She shook her head, holding back a smile. So grumpy.

“I’m curious. You’ll have to show me what the antidote is made of.”

“It was not too complicated. After we got here, you worsened rapidly. It was like a timer puzzle.”

She resisted the urge to smack him.

“Well, it tasted awful, but it worked wonders.”

“I gave you various things,” he muttered.

“For what?” She asked.

“For the pain. To knock you out.”

“Wow, was I that annoying of a patient?” she teased. He frowned.

“...”

When he didn’t say anything, she continued.

“Well, the herbs you used are nice. I was probably swimming in sweat, but I don’t feel too gross.”

“I washed you.”

She froze. So that was why...

She looked around, and finally noticed the small pile of towels close to where she was sleeping. He went out of his way to take care of her. He... fussed over her. It was something she would certainly do, but him?? Maybe he just couldn't deal with how disgusting she was, with him being such a neat freak. Or maybe he was just trying to keep her body temperature down. Still...

“... Was I that bad?”

“You almost died.”

“Oh...”

“You assumed the enemy’s poison wasn’t designed to kill you?” he asked flatly.

“Well sure, but I just felt like you would have it under control.”

He chewed on his lower lip absentmindedly, thinking. She had complete faith in him. She knew he would... save her.

“You must have me doped up,” she said suddenly. “I feel really good!”

“You slept a lot.”

She smiled, and finished up the last of her work on him.

“... Well, thank you. Again. I just wish you didn’t have to sit around for so long with this festering...”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

She stared at the back of his head again. He was so used to suffering, both physically and mentally. All ninja were, but he was in that war...

After all he told her last night, she could not stop imagining him fighting countless enemies, fighting until he was drained of chakra... Every day, for so long... Alone.

“Well, I think it looked really painful. But you’re good as new now!” she announced cheerfully. Sasori noted it took about half the time he took. She was very talented. He wondered if she knew that she was far above average in that department. And he felt she had more tricks up her sleeve. Surely Tsunade’s student would have chakra stored somewhere...

“I don’t need to cover it?”

“Nope. You may be a bit tender, but the flesh has healed beautifully. You are lucky he got you where he did. It missed your heart. But still... I can’t believe you carried me with that.”

“I healed myself before healing you.”

“You have to tell me how you beat them. Were they shaking in fear? Did you smack them around real good?”

She was still behind him, her mouth close to his ear. He did not dare move, but his lips curled upwards.

“It was over quickly. The jounin had a few hidden clones. One of them got me. I captured him in my puppet.”

“And then you used that genjutsu?”

“Yes. I could not find the last ninja you threw at the beginning of the battle.”

“Hmm. Well, he didn’t see you fight, so I guess it doesn’t matter.”

Sakura then stood up, and looked like she was ready to depart. Sasori had several shirts in the cave, though they were a bit frayed from age. As soon as he put the replacement over his head, she made a declaration.

“Well, let’s get you home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A mix of silly and serious convos... I want to portray Sasori as a dead fish, of course, but he is also a 16 year old kid. So I want aspects of his age to show through at points. Even the most mature 16 year old is still a 16 year old.
> 
> Haha in reality, they would both be waking up and immediately using the bathroom, but that's boring! It's no wonder Kishi never bothered making ninja travel/comas realistic. So I won't really bother either. Maybe ninja use mediation and chakra to slow down their body functions? Let's not forget the Akatsuki take 3 days to seal tailed beasts without any food, water, or bathroom breaks! What a bother! 
> 
> Also the dream is totally the sort of dream I would have hahaha, I based it on some of mine! Tell me your creepiest dreams in the comments! <3
> 
> Also, planning to update a lot more very soon! The next 10 chapters are all about Sasori and his issues haha! Can't wait to share them with you!


	19. An Ever-Present Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Sasori and Sakura arrive at Sunagakure, Sasori realizes this trip will not be easy for him. The two teens see many familiar faces, including someone close to Sasori...

The two teens departed for their destination after eating and relieving themselves. It was early, around 7 am. Sakura strained herself attempting to think of something that could stump him in their current conversation.

“What about dancing?”

“I don’t dance,” Sasori growled. She laughed smugly.

“Ha!”

“Do you?”

“... Not really,” she admitted, her posture deflating. "I'm not bad at it though..."

He waited for her to try something else. It was becoming a bit of a game.

"... Hm... Go?"

"What do you think?" he sighed. He refused to reveal that her questions weren't actually bothersome to him.

"... Of course you would play..." she groaned.

"Do you play?" he asked, surprising her.

"I do, actually," she said, smiling. "We should compete sometime."

"Hm."

His true emotions betrayed him, a closed smile forcing its way out for her to see.

_'I thought he would be fed up with me by now, but he seems to like the attention...' _

"Ok, last one. Getting along with people."

"You know I do not excel at that, so there was no purpose in asking."

"At least you're honest," she said, pleased with herself. Sasori knew she only brought that up to give herself a win. He was silent, and she began to wonder if she had offended him somehow.

"... What do you know about genjutsu?" he asked quietly. She blinked, caught off guard.

"... Well, Lady Tsunade told me I'm naturally gifted at it... But I haven't learned any. I know how to dispel them."

"... If for some reason it is found out that we were involved with those rogues, you will tell the Suna officials that you cast that genjutsu."

She made a face.

"... Then you better teach me how to do it for real! Otherwise, with my luck, that lie will come back to bite me!"

"What do I get in return?" he asked without missing a beat.

"Get...? I'm taking you here, aren't I?! Isn't that good enough?"

"No."

"Ughhhhhh. You really are an opportunist. Fine. Let's just say I owe you one."

She said it with attitude, but he knew she meant it. He was interested to see how quickly she would be able to pick up on genjutsu. He had never taught anyone before... Not officially, at least.

"Oh, I see it!" Sakura suddenly said, pointing at the shape in the distance. It was an ugly structure- an impressive wall that contained an entire city. That was definitely it- the source of his suffering.

Sasori's expression changed, and she picked up on it.

"Are you going to be ok?"

He looked over at her, irritated.

"When are you going to stop asking me that?"

"When you tell me the truth," she said boldly, surprising herself. He narrowed his eyes at her, but said nothing. After last night, and this morning, he was in uncharted territory with this girl. And he had no idea how to handle her.

When they got closer, Sasori took the initiative to cover his head with a scarf. He and Sakura exchanged looks before making their final steps to the front of the village. The two walked up to the front gate in silence. Sasori was as casual as one could be, and Sakura was her usual, uptight self. Once again, Sasori worried that she would blow their cover with that disastrous poker face of hers.

A guard approached them, and asked for identification. Sakura replied calmly, and handed the man a scroll signed by the Hokage. The man read it, and squinted at the two teens suspiciously.

"Send for Lord Kankurō," the man said to another, who sped off without a word. The two waited there for a few moments before there was commotion further down the path. Kankurō soon appeared, a smile on his face.

"Sakura! So good so see you here!"

Sakura gave him a warm expression and bowed. He returned the gesture, and focused on Sasori as he straightened his back once more.

"Who is this?"

"This is a traveling artist I ran into on the way. He was heading here as well, so I figured I would look out for him."

"Oh, well I hope you enjoy your visit. What kind of work do you do?"

"I work with many mediums, but specialize in sculpture," Sasori replied cooly. He knew he should appear friendly to this man. Anything that would throw him off of his true identity was useful, and he assumed the Sasori of this timeline was cruel to him.

“I am here for work,” he added, before the man could ask.

"Awesome. Well, come on in you two. Temari and Gaara will be very excited to see you, Sakura. It's been a long time, huh?"

"Yeah, it has," Sakura nodded, her eyes softening. "I hope things have settled down since you got Gaara back."

The three of them made their way through the thick walls and into the village, with Sakura and Kankurō exchanging pleasantries. Sasori held back a sigh. It was exactly the same as he remembered it, even though there were some changes. A few new shops here and there... But the feeling was the same. He inhaled the smell in the air, and felt the gravel under his sandals. This was his home.

His gut told him this place was bad. But he did not feel the same way he did 2 months ago. He knew everything was gone. This village... was just a place.

"So, is this guy your friend or something? You seem familiar with each other."

Sasori watched Sakura's eyes light up. Her reaction was genuine- to her, he was her friend. He still refused to accept the title, but knew she would never cease to press him on the subject.

"Yes, this is my friend, Sateki. We have helped each other out many times in the past, and I was happy to hear he was on the same track as me. It had been a long time... Right, Sateki?"

Sasori nodded.

"Oh, why didn't you say so before? Well, nice to meet you Sateki. I'm Kankurō, the Kazekage's brother. Any friend of Sakura's is a friend of our village."

"Is that so?" Sasori asked. Sakura was amazed by the amount of emotion he displayed since they showed up here. It was so real, she struggled to believe it was the same guy from 10 minutes ago...

"Sakura here helped save my brother from dangerous men last year. If she weren't there..."

Kankurō closed his eyes. Sasori took the moment to recollect himself. Despite his convincing persona, he was struggling. It was difficult to pretend this drivel mattered when he was facing the brutal reality that everything he once knew was gone forever.

He already knew this of course, but coming here... It felt like hot wax sealing the fold on an envelope. It was final.

He zoned back into the conversation.

"...I would be dead. And so would my brother. Because of her, our village is safe."

"I didn't know you did that, Sakura," Sasori said, appearing pleasantly surprised. He was scarily good at acting like he had a friendly personality. Sakura blushed sheepishly.

"It was nothing. Lady Chiyo was the one who did everything."

Kankurō nodded.

"She is a hero. We all wish she made it through that..."

Granny...

He still couldn’t believe she was gone.

How could that old bat give her life to some stranger? The thought made his blood boil.

Who was this Gaara to steal the life of his grandmother?? She was certainly more valuable!

He caught himself in his rabid diatribe. He had rejected her. She had... rejected him. She was no longer necessary to his progress, so he left her. He had no feelings on the subject.

A voice popped into his head.

_‘You are lying to yourself.’ _

It was distinctly Sakura’s voice. Yes, if he had said all of that out loud, she would be sure to destroy his peace. She couldn’t stand to let him live the way he wished, without regrets. She wanted him to suffer, like the rest of them.

She wanted him to be honest. And that was something he despised. Even if it was being honest with himself.

He wondered if the 35 year old him managed to forget his ties to this place. To his family. It is said that if one lies to himself enough, it will eventually become a truth. After 20 years, surely he managed to incinerate any emotional residue.

His suicide screamed he had failed at that miserably.

His head throbbed. It felt as though it were splitting in two. Two ideologies were strangling each other, fighting for dominance...

He knew he lived his life in a lie. But he also pushed that knowledge down into the abyss.

His heart was beating faster than its usual staid pace. The sound of Sakura and Kankurō’s voices were distorted, like they were behind a wall of glass. He had not expected the village to effect him this much. After all, nothing else bothered him to this degree. Not even learning that he was stuck here for another 70 years.

The three stopped in front of the main building. Sasori knew it like the back of his hand, since he used to enter that doorway to see his old master... The Third.

"I'm assuming you came here to pay your respects."

Sakura's expression grew forlorn.

"Yes..."

She then looked at Sasori and remembered.

“Is it ok if he comes along? He would be honored to meet Gaara, I’m sure.”

“Of course! Your visit doesn’t involve business anyway. Come on up!”

They made their way inside and up a flight of stairs Sasori had been up countless times. This Kankurō was pretty friendly.

_‘So this is the guy I almost killed...’ _

A puppeteer like him. But they were not on the same level. No one was as good as him. Only the founder of the puppet core had his respect.

Sasori begrudgingly added his grandmother to that list.

Since arriving here, he had been forced to backtrack many of his thoughts. It was an affront to his nature.

\----

“Gaara, this is my friend Sateki!”

“It is an honor to meet you,” Sasori bowed with elegance. Gaara did the same.

“Kankurō said you were an artist. What brings you here?” Gaara asked politely, a reserved smile upon his pale face. The Kazekage’s voice was unique: rather like a rake hitting gravel. But what stood out to Sasori the most was the tattoo on his forehead. The kanji for ‘love’ was not something he expected to be on a Sand ninja’s face.

“I am not certain yet. I intend to find something that will inspire me.”

Gaara nodded.

“Our village is not flashy, but our people have a cultivated way of life. I hope you enjoy your stay.”

“Thank you.”

Sasori gave a small bow. This teenager was not what he was imagining to take the mantle of Kazekage. Though he was young, he had an unsettling presence, as if a secret hovered in the air surrounding him. In his eyes were a thousand years of languishment.

He was a proper Sand ninja.

“If you are looking for Ebizō, we will send someone to meet you here,” Gaara offered, looking back at Sakura. She smiled. Sasori tried not to reveal any outward signs of familiarity.

"Actually, could you tell him to meet me at her gravesite?"

"Of course."

Sakura had told Sasori that Ebizō was alive long ago, however, his health was declining at an alarming rate since his sister died. Sasori wasn’t sure if he would be alive by the time he managed to visit.

A twinge of relief spread throughout his chest. He was very fond of Ebizō growing up. Unlike his grandmother, the old man was laid back about training. Whenever he spent time with him, he was a soothing influence. A good balance to his sister.

He had hoped to see Ebizō for many reasons. He couldn’t accept that it was simply sentiment, so he had come up with a list of logical reasons to speak with him.

Sakura was also relieved.

“I’m glad to hear he’s still holding on,” she said softly.

“Unfortunately, Lady Chiyo’s death has taken a toll on him. We are not sure how much longer he will be with us,” Kankurō said.

“Can he still walk?”

“Oh, yes. He has been doing better this month. He said it was his favorite time of the year.”

Memories flooded through Sasori, and he clenched his fist behind his back.

“I will check on him myself,” Sakura said, determined to help the elder.

“Your help is always appreciated,” Gaara said, nodding respectfully to her. She smiled. Sasori wondered how they could extend such good will to a Leaf ninja. Have things changed that much?

“I plan on staying a few days. Where would you recommend I stay? Oh, Sateki too,” she added, nodding her head towards the “artist.”

“Only the best, of course,” Kankurō smiled. “I will arrange rooms for you both.”

“You are very kind,” she replied. She then looked around.

“So, where’s Temari?”

“She should be returning from a mission any day now. She would love to see you as well,” Gaara said. Sasori noticed that he was very stolid compared to his brother. When he showed emotion, it was filtered, as through he didn’t have the energy to express more.

Sasori didn’t care about any of these people, or their small talk. He just wanted to see Ebizō.

Before he knew it, he had zoned out through the rest of the conversation, and Sakura was leading them out. He managed to bow once more and muster a good bye before exiting the office.

Sakura looked over at him knowingly. Of course he was shaken. He looked about as off as he did the day she found him.

“You want to see Ebizō?” she asked. He snapped out of it.

“Yes. He will be useful.”

“Uh huh. Did you forget he’s your great uncle?”

“I was aware.”

Sakura sighed. She hoped Ebizō would be more open with his happiness when they met.

The two walked out of the building and he blindly followed her, realizing he forgot part of the conversation before. But before long, he could guess where they were headed.

“He’s meeting us there?”

“Yes. I... figured it would be best if we were alone when he sees you.”

Sasori said nothing, and tried to bury his growing nervousness. It was preposterous that he would feel this way over something so trivial...

“Here.”

Sasori looked down at what Sakura was offering him.

“Is that-?”

“Yeah, it’s a camomile based supplement.”

“Why are you offering that to me?”

Sakura shrugged, and took one for herself.

“I thought you were a medical ninja.”

“I don’t need anxiety medication.”

“Just take it. Will it kill you?”

Sasori glared at her open palm. She was very unbothered by his irritation. He sighed, and took it from her.

“Is this your blend?”

“Yeah. I have all sorts of things, just in case. Just think of it as a calming cup of tea. Don’t forget about your back.”

She smiled, and stretched her arms, seemingly at ease. It was not right for her to be so calm when he was feeling so... unbalanced.

The pill’s taste was irrelevant. The texture was not bad. It quelled the rumbling of his stomach, and he wondered what restaurants were still around.

A memory of his grandmother taking him out to get ice cream entered his mind. He closed his eyes and accepted that this trip would test him.

“How do you think he’ll react?” she asked.

“I wouldn’t know.”

“If he gets a heart attack, I’ll be prepared.”

“Hm.”

He was honest with her. He had no idea what the near future held. He had not left Suna in his timeline yet, and in this timeline, Ebizō had not seen him in 20 years. Would Ebizō recognize him? Or...

And if he did, what would his face reveal? His grandmother hated what he had become. He was certain Ebizō felt the same way. In fact, he was surprised Ebizō did not go with her when she hunted him down for a final battle.

Maybe he wanted to give Granny a chance to reconnect with him? Surely he knew it was hopeless. The future Sasori would never accept her again.

He would rather die.

And he did.

“We are almost there,” Sakura said. Sasori made no effort to offer a sign he was listening. Instead, he walked ahead of her. This path was one he had taken countless times. Only death waited for them.

Sakura watched him cautiously. She felt he was a time bomb, and if she touched him in the wrong fashion, he would disperse into a fit of rage. She knew coming here would... stir him. And she was invested in what would arise from his listless eyes.

He was evolving every single day since arriving to her time. Into what, she was uncertain. She knew deep down that she couldn’t force who he would become, but she would guide him in any way possible. The fact that he wanted to come here to see her... That really took her by surprise.

A part of her suspected he was lying, but in this moment, it was apparent that her concerns were not warranted. He was a storm brewing under murky waters. He was fragile.

_‘He was kind..._’ she thought to herself, remembering all that he did for her the day before. Sasori forced himself to stop, realizing the exact location of her grave was unbeknownst to him. Sakura took the initiative and walked up to a large stone on the other side of the graveyard.

This yard was reserved for only the best of Suna. For those who lost their lives in battle. He knew she would be here. He knew she would be marked as worthy.

Sakura knelt down in the sand and bowed generously before the tombstone. She then looked up and Sasori could hear her voice.

“I’m back, Lady Chiyo. And I brought... someone special.”

Sasori made no move. Sakura figured he would need time.

“I can’t believe it has been a year already... I have been thinking of you.”

She pulled something out of her bag. It was a picture. Intrigued, Sasori crept forward. When he saw what it was, his eyes widened.

“When did you take that?”

“Don’t you remember? It’s the festival, Silly.”

He frowned. It was a picture of Sakura and himself posing for a photo. She was smiling boldly, while he was turned away, uninterested. He barely remembered that...

“Does your brain dump anything you deem unworthy of your time? It’s the only picture of you that has been taken in like, decades.”

“Why would you...”

“And we are wearing our best. I knew she would like it, even if you weren’t cooperating.”

He swallowed, unsure of how he felt. He disliked photos. They were sentimental trash, yet people insisted on taking them to hold memories.

He found himself walking next to her, and sitting beside her. He couldn’t deny that the picture encapsulated their personalities. He forgot how lovely she was that night. Her kanzashi was simple, but quite satisfactory. And her yukata... suited her too.

“I know more than anything, you wanted Sasori to be happy. I hope this marks the start of that.”

He looked over at her. Her entire focus was on the grave before them.

“He has people who care about him now,” she smiled. “And a home. I made a promise to you that I would take care of him.”

Her voice trembled slightly. He was very uncomfortable. He couldn’t believe that his grandmother’s body was 6 feet underneath them.

More than anything, her speech unnerved him. She was so... blunt.

Was this what she was thinking the whole time they were together?

A home... She was really hoping for a miracle.

He wasn’t sure he could accept her words as truth.

“Well, I took care of him. And I brought him to you. See?”

She was becoming increasingly more emotional with every second, while he remained... Stone. A voice whispered in the back of his mind.

_‘What is wrong with you?’ _

Nothing was wrong with him. He was... what this place wanted him to be.

A fake.

He was forced to wear a mask of stoicism until the mask and the face switched places. How could he come here and pretend he was capable of paying his respects in an honest way? Especially with her watching.

“Sasori, won’t you pray with me?”

He looked over at her once more. She was very serious. He complied, and clasped his hands together, eyes closed. And he listened to her whisper to herself while he pretended to play along. Prayer was worthless... Nothing was listening to her, didn’t she know that?

She finished, and turned to him with a sincere smile. It never occurred to him that she had faith in something other than herself. Not formally. But now that he witnessed it, it suited her philosophy.

He was about to say something in an attempt to ruin that faith when they heard someone approach.

“Sakura... it’s so good to see you again, my dear.”

Sakura looked over her shoulder and grinned.

“Lord Ebizō! I’m glad you could make it out here!”

She immediately stood up and rushed over to him. He was more frail than the last time she saw him, but warmth was in his face.

“Lord Ebizō... I brought someone here to meet you.”

“Is that so? A friend of yours?”

“You could say that...” she said, guiding him forward. Sasori did not dare move. If he turned around...

He held his breath, chest tight, and glanced over.

His great uncle Ebizō... He was... old.

Sasori was unable to move or think. His eyes were filled with... regret? Sakura pitied the young man kneeling in the sand before them. He was... vulnerable. For the first time, he was defenseless for more than a brief moment. It seemed he was unable to hide his true feelings.

“Great uncle Ebizō...” Sasori whispered.

“What was that? Young man, if I’m going to hear you, you will have to do better than that!” the old man yelled. "And come closer, my eyes aren't what they used to be."

As if in a trance, Sasori stood up and slowly made his way in front of the man.

“Uncle... It’s me.”

"... Why, if I didn't know any better, I would say you are the spitting image of my grand nephew. But he's no longer with us..."

Ebizō crept up and got right in Sasori's dumbstruck face. The old man suddenly faltered, shaken by the resemblance.

"Why, you look like his clone!"

"Lord Ebizō, this is Sasori, your grand nephew," Sakura said, offering a sturdy hand to his back for support. The man squinted his eyes at her.

"Are you pulling a trick on this old man? Have you picked up on my sister's habits so easily?"

"Uncle Ebizō, it's really me," Sasori said, arms stiffly at his sides. He looked like he had no clue on how to act in this situation. Granted, Sakura wasn't really an expert on reuniting seniors with their supposedly deceased family members either...

"Really you, you say? Well, that's a bold lie!"

Sakura expected some push back. It was more than reasonable.

"Listen to his voice... It's him, Lord Ebizō... I brought him here to see you," Sakura offered, attempting to convince him. She then gave Sasori a nod, encouraging him to continue. Sasori gulped uncomfortably.

"I... uh. I'm dead in this timeline. But I'm not from this place... I time traveled from the past. I'm just like I was the last time you saw me, Uncle."

Both of them knew that wasn’t exactly making their claim more believable... But...

They both thought Ebizō’s silence was a good sign. But then he made an announcement.

"... Sakura, I didn't expect you to be capable of this. I will be heading-"

Sasori felt the blood rush to his head. He couldn't stand the elderly, and his grand uncle was now included in that category.

"Uncle, are you daft? Or did you just lose your sense of reason in your old age?" Sasori growled, impatient already. Sakura winced at the direction this was going.

"What's that? You said something?" Ebizō asked irritatedly, taking no time to get in the young punk's personal space.

"I said you're a moronic codger, and you are wasting my time," Sasori hissed. The old man guffawed at the young man's audacity.

"I say, you do sound a lot like my nephew, with that entitled mouth of yours," Ebizō grumbled, narrowing his eyes. "Maybe you are him."

Sakura was amazed insults were a convincing tactic.

"If you were capable of a moment's courtesy, it would have been obvious by now. I don't know why we're wasting time on this, Sakura, he's a lost cause."

Sasori waved him off and started to walk past her, but she got him in an iron grip.

"This is the only remaining family you have!" she aggressively whispered at him. "You will do whatever it takes to reunite with him, or so help me!"

Ebizō watched with growing confusion. There was no way this child's claim was valid, right?

But he was indeed eerily similar.

"Prove you're him," he croaked, pointing a finger at Sasori with gusto.

"Ugh," Sasori exclaimed, not wanting to deal with this situation. Before meeting him, he was actually looking forward to seeing his uncle's face once again. But now, he remembered the times they didn't see eye to eye...

"Sasori, please?" Sakura begged, her hand still clenched around the back of his top. Sasori took a breath, and thought for a moment. Sakura would not release him until he made an effort. So he would go along with his uncle's ridiculous demands.

"... Remember the bunion you got on your right big toe? I was about 10. And my grandmother was always yelling at you to cover it," he grumbled, averting his eyes and crossing his arms in a defensive position. Ebizō pursed his lips, considering if that was good enough or not.

"Something else," he commanded.

Sasori sighed, but wracked his brain for another memory.

"... You and Granny had a fight right after my parent's died. I snuck into the hallway, knowing you thought I was asleep. You told her... She needed to be upfront with me more. But... she told you it wasn't... possible. You didn't come around for approximately 5 weeks after that."

Sakura was... heartbroken. The scene was easily painted in her mind, though she was never there. Ebizō frowned.

"Still not enough."

Sasori blinked, brows furrowed.

"Uncle, you know it's me. Surely you used your jutsu by now."

"Jutsu?" Sakura asked.

"He can detect movement from listening, even if the enemy is all the way down there," Sasori said nonchalantly, gesturing to the other end of the long chasm of rock they travelled through to get here.

"Like... a bat?"

"Not quite. I use Earth chakra nature to listen to vibrations. It doesn't work if it's in the air," Ebizō replied, still eying Sasori closely. "Everyone has unique footsteps. And I would recognize my own grand nephew's anywhere."

Sakura knew it was going to be fine at this point.

A moment of silence ensued.

Finally, Ebizō broke it.

"A moronic codger, huh?"

Sasori smiled.

"It was what came to mind."

Ebizō stared down at the ground, and shook subtly. Sakura began to worry for him, but at that moment, he let out a bold smile.

"Sasori, my child, are you... really here to visit your grand uncle? After so long?"

"For me, it's only been 2 months, Uncle," Sasori replied. The tensity in the air between them had evaporated.

"But for me... it has been 20 long years...! Oh, if only Chiyo were here for this moment..."

Sakura walked up to him and offered support, but Ebizō refused her hand.

"I am not ready to die," he assured her. "As you can see, there is still much to do."

Sakura let out a nervous laugh.

"... Come closer. I want a second look," Ebizō commanded, as a grandparent would. Sasori obeyed, and the old man looked him up and down.

"You are... taller than I remember."

Sakura chuckled, and Sasori resisted a smirk. The moment was growing easier by the second...

But then, Ebizō surprised them both. He reached out and embraced Sasori tightly.

"You have really returned..."

Sakura noticed a wetness slipping down his weathered face, and she felt herself tearing up as well. This was... what she wanted too. For Sasori. And for Ebizō.

Sasori was frozen, unable to move in the slightest. This act of intimacy was not common in his family. Therefore, he was unprepared for it. He could hear the elderly man cry softly into his shoulder, and he knew he had softened with age. Or, to be more precise, it was decades of weariness that had caught up with him.

Ebizō had been waiting for him with his sister, for 20 years. They had left their duties to waste away on the top of a cliff, for so long... Just waiting...

Sasori absentmindedly lifted his arms, and cautiously placed them on the old man's robe. His grand uncle may have aged, but he smelled the same...

He suddenly got flashes of old times... When his uncle Ebizō would play hide and seek with him, and Sasori would do his best to scare him. He always failed, his uncle scaring him instead. He would bring him his favorite snacks whenever he dropped by. And he was always proud of Sasori's talents, patiently encouraging him whenever he put on puppet shows... He was always there, throughout his childhood. His uncle always made him smile.

Sasori gritted his teeth, and shut his eyes tightly, refusing to let the nostalgia consume him.

He never considered what his defection would do to Ebizō. He didn't consider others at all.

His grandmother was a source of resentment, but he never felt ill will towards this man. Seeing him like this...

He felt a lump in his throat. Ebizō finally released him, and looked upon his sister's grandchild once more.

_'He looks... so peaceful,'_ Sakura thought, relieved. She knew Sasori was relieved too.

She was happy she agreed to come to Suna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for Uncle Ebizo!  
We don't really know much about his jutsu, but in the anime, he hears someone arriving from far away, so I made up this jutsu! 
> 
> Sasori's emotional issues are starting to surface, but the future will become even more troublesome hehe!


	20. Upstanding Character

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ebizo invites the teens to tea, and the discussion turns heavy. Sasori is determined to remain unaffected by the pressures of external forces. He came to Suna for a reason.

"Come have tea with this old fogey, and tell me what trouble you have gotten yourself into," Ebizō cackled, patting Sasori on the back.

"If you insist," Sasori said with a closed smile. He appeared reserved, but as usual, his eyes gave him away.

"Sakura, my dear, you must come as well. Come, we have a lot to discuss, it seems."

"Of course," Sakura replied cheerfully. The three of them then departed for Ebizō’s current living quarters, which were on the outskirts of the village. Ebizō had involved himself in Suna politics once again, and required more medical attention as well.

As they walked, Sakura picked up on the gradual shift in Sasori's mood. It was turing sour.

When they arrived at Ebizō’s place, the old man welcomed them in hurriedly.

"I will prepare the tea. Please make yourselves comfortable."

He then left them alone, in silence. The two teens waited in the foyer, one increasingly more disgruntled, the other willfully oblivious to it.

"... You should come back here before we return home. Chiyo's grave too. Just you. I think... it will be good for you."

_'Home_', she had said. She was mentioning it a lot. He ignored it, and grew cross with her.

"I don't need to talk to a stone."

Sakura sighed.

"Your grandma is buried there... Even if she can't hear you, it's good to talk as if she can. It helps work out problems you didn't know you had."

"It is a waste of time."

"Even if you're right... It doesn't hurt."

"So I should do pointless things because they don't have a negative effect?"

"It's not pointless. If you do it, you will see that."

Her tone was stern, as if she were scolding him like a child. He opened his mouth to make a cruel retort that targeted her personal insecurities, but decided against it. The last thing he needed right now was Sakura angry. She was his safety net in this place, in many ways. He had brought her along for a purpose.

"Were you going to say something unnecessary just then?" she asked, raising a brow. Though Sasori silently collected data on what made her tick, Sakura also picked up on his body language during their time together. His eyes were her window into his brain, and she used them for reference on a constant basis. Right now, they were telling her he was thinking of something... spirited, to say in the least.

"I never say unnecessary things," he growled, shooting her a look. She placed her hands on her hips.

"Sure, ok. You're implying that I do, but I will let that go... this time."

He practically rolled his eyes. She watched, captivated by his irritation. If she didn't know any better, she would assume he was covering nervous tension with added astringency. Sasori was always callous, and he only expressed joy when he was tormenting others... This was simply his natural state.

She thought about him earlier with her in the cave. He was... really different then. He made jokes with her, and played along with her teasing. It wasn't fair for her to say he was incapable of genuine happiness. He rarely smiled openly in front of her, but he did do it.

She then remembered his smile that morning, and how beautiful he was then. It was the biggest smile he had ever worn for her to witness...

After thinking on it more, she remembered that in general, Sasori was actually decently pleasant, and this was, in fact, the rarity these days.

He was... definitely on edge right now.

But she didn't understand why. He just had a wonderful reunion with someone close to him...

She was about to ask if he was ok, but bit her tongue.

"Did that pill I gave you earlier have any effect?"

"Slightly. Why?" he grumbled, lips curled into a snarl. Yikes.

"... Just wondering."

It did not work at all. Who knew Sasori was impervious to the effects of drugs? She would sneak him a double dosage next time.

Sakura, distracted by her supplement experiments, focused her eyes on the old man making his way back to them.

"Please, come sit with me for an afternoon snack," he smiled. Sakura couldn't help but mirror his expression. Ebizō had a very kind face. It was one of those faces that put people at ease. His demeanor was no different.

She then wondered what he was like when he was young. Was he as laid back as he was now?

Sasori cut in front of her as they traveled to the modest dining table. It was traditional, with four pillows resting on the floor for them to sit on. She noticed he had already poured them all tea. Sakura made herself comfortable, and Sasori, after a moment of hesitation, sat next to her. He stared at the wooden surface, and Sakura pitied him then. But she was glad he agreed to come.

"My nurse made these. She's very kind." Ebizō placed a closed dumpling basket down on the table, and then sat, his joints cracking as he did so. He chuckled.

"I wonder what you must think of me, looking so decrepit."

Sasori snapped out of whatever mood he was in, and gave his grand uncle a reserved smile.

"You look the same to me."

Ebizō laughed, revealing his worn down teeth.

"Are you messing with me, Sonny?"

"I would never do such a thing," Sasori replied, his smile becoming slightly more relaxed. Sakura was encouraged by this display. They already had a rapport going.

"You haven't changed, my boy. Still giving me lip."

Sakura resisted a giggle, not wanting to startle Sasori back into his shell. Ebizō took a sip of his tea, reminding the teens that they also had beverages. Sakura took a greedy gulp, while Sasori wrapped his fingers around the cup, inhaling the smell of ocha.

"Alright, we're here. Tell me what happened."

Sasori turned to Sakura expectantly.

"Why don't you tell him, in your own words?" she suggested delicately. Sasori frowned, but looked back at his uncle with determination.

"On September 12th, I arrived at the Leaf with my message for the Hokage. Before I was able to complete my mission, I passed out, and awoke 20 years in the future. Sakura happened to stumble upon me, and took me in. She then sent me to live with a teammate of hers, and I have been living there for the past 2 months."

He leaned back. It was apparent he was done talking.

"We looked into the cause of the incident, and we think it's a chakra portal... There was a shrine underneath the pavement, and when we researched it, a specific anomaly was known to occur there every 70 years," Sakura offered. Ebizō stroked his chin, intrigued.

"Well, something supernatural wanted you two to meet, that is for certain."

"Uncle, you believe in that nonsense?" Sasori scoffed. Ebizō only looked over at him knowingly.

"I have been on this earth longer than if you combined your ages, and multiplied that number by 2. I have seen things in my time that cannot be explained naturally."

Sasori was not impressed. Ebizō continued, nonetheless.

"Don't you remember the legends of the desert caves, my boy?"

"They are folklore tales designed to frighten children," Sasori replied.

"Legends always form from a truth," the old man spoke wisely. "It is best to accept that things are not in our control."

Sasori disliked that statement, and it showed.

"It's nice to talk about this with... well, an adult," Sakura admitted. "We haven't told anyone Sasori's real identity... I'm afraid my village will turn on him."

"And for good reason," Ebizō agreed. "An individual is logical. A mob is not."

"You think a mob would be after me?" Sasori asked, surprised. He thought his uncle was exaggerating a bit.

"Here, definitely. You committed acts that cannot be forgiven in this timeline. Our people do not forgive. And they certainly don't forget."

"But the Leaf as well?" Sasori asked.

"The Leaf has always been considered the most liberal of the Great Nations’ military villages. It is also the strongest of them, I am troubled to admit. But that is not to say they are not cautious... The Sannin, Tsuande Senju, is shrewd, very shrewd. Do not underestimate her."

"... Do you think My Lady would hurt him?" Sakura asked worriedly.

"You are her student. What does your gut tell you?"

"... No. But it's not her I'm worried about. She would give me time to explain... It's the council I'm concerned with," she admitted.

"Is that old bat Utatane still one of the elders?" Ebizō asked. Sakura nodded.

"Then you are right to be concerned. She and that teammate Mitokado are as old as dirt. Heh. They are almost as old as I am!"

"And that's bad?"

"Of course it is! You know how stiff we get at this stage of life! They will take one look at him and throw him to the dogs.”

"... I see."

"So I should remain hidden?" Sasori asked. Sakura was amazed he was turning to his grand uncle for advice without a fuss.

"You do have a witness to attest to your character," Ebizō said, eying Sakura. "That is, if your character is upstanding."

Sasori raised a brow.

"Uncle Ebizō, I came here before I defected. I am not an S-ranked criminal."

"No, but you would have been in under a month," Ebizō grumbled, staring the young man down. Sasori frowned.

"So... that was my last mission after all..."

Ebizō looked back at Sakura, whose attention was completely on Sasori. The unfiltered concern in her eyes told the old man everything he needed to know.

"I will tell you what I told Sakura a year earlier," Ebizō announced. He had Sasori's attention then.

"After you returned from that mission, you were not the same. You barely spoke to your grandmother, and hid away in your workshop for weeks... Chiyo finally got fed up with the secrecy, and snuck in... to find that puppet of yours."

"Which one?" Sasori asked curiously.

"The one you call Hiruko. She searched for you, and came to me for help. We both looked everywhere... But you were gone. When we returned to the workshop, that puppet was gone. You slipped past us, undetected. And we never saw you again.

"But not long after, news of decimated villages got back to us. We knew it was your doing."

Sasori was silent. He couldn't say anything to that.

“You then took more ninja, and turned them into those... things. Eventually, you gained the attention of that organization of yours. 10 years after you left, our Kazekage disappeared without a trace. No one suspected... that you were responsible. We didn't think you were capable of such treachery!"

Ebizo was growing increasingly more animated as he recalled the past.

"To kill your own master... How could you stoop so low..."

Sasori bit his lip, and rubbed his hands together underneath the table. Finally, he spoke up.

"I... didn't know."

Sakura wasn't enjoying the shift in the tone of this conversation. She spoke without pause, hurt by Ebizō’s accusatory implications.

"Lord Ebizō, Sasori is very different from that Sasori! He's... innocent!" Sakura said, jumping to his defense. Sasori astonished by her conviction. She had so much faith in him...

"Really? He doesn't look so sure," Ebizō countered. Sakura looked over at the redhead and saw the defeat in his posture.

"That's because... Everyone is always telling him how horrible he was! Even though he hasn't done anything yet, he feels responsible..."

She was leaning forward, almost physically guarding Sasori from the harsh words of his own grand uncle.

"I've seen it. He's different. He's just a teenager!"

Ebizō was not satisfied.

"This boy was weeks away from turning an innocent civilian into one of those abominations! He is capable of anything," Ebizō growled. His face then contorted into despair.

"I want to believe... that he has changed. He is like a son to me."

Sasori looked up at him in wonder. He... had never said that before.

"Then believe in him! The reason he turned out the way he did is because no one really looked at him. No one supported him where he needed it! He just wants to be accepted, can't you see that?"

Sakura was becoming rather emotional.

Sasori realized he had been holding his breath this entire time. He forced himself to exhale, but the pressure in his ribcage did not lessen.

"... It is true that we were unaware of what was going on with him... My sister always regretted her last conversation with him."

Sasori felt a pang in his chest.

"So give him another chance!" Sakura pleaded. "Don't give up on him before he even gets started."

"..."

Ebizō considered her request.

"Tell me, child... What made you want to take him under your wing? He was your enemy."

"... He was... lost. And confused. He wasn't violent at all. I knew, since he was human, that something was off... At first, I thought he was a clone, like you did, but... Deep down, I knew it was him."

She paused, and Sasori forced himself to let out another breath. He did not want to exist at this moment.

"And then, I remembered Lady Chiyo... I remember her telling me her regret, that she couldn't help him. She even prepared that kinjutsu for him..."

She sighed.

"I felt like she would want me to help him."

Ebizō nodded.

"Then I will trust your instincts."

Sakura smiled in relief. Ebizō turned to his grand nephew.

"Do not abuse this girl's faith in you."

"... I do not plan to," Sasori answered, his voice almost at a whisper. He had never looked so distraught... and humiliated. Sakura knew fighting on his behalf would embarrass him, but she did not care. She could not stand by and let him be torn down like that. Not by the only person in this village who cared about him.

"Good. Now that that's settled, why don't we eat some of those dumplings? Sasori, you used to love these, remember?"

The old man's disposition changed in a flash. But that sternness to him seconds ago revealed why he was so highly revered in his village. This man was perceptive, and cynical. He required proof, even in such a personal case...

Though Ebizō was happy to see him, Sakura understood the pressure Sasori was under as a child. The ninja of the Sand... were really different. And she didn't like the differences.

\----

"Your uncle was really harsh on you," Sakura mumbled, a stern expression on her dainty face. Sasori said nothing, walking beside her.

"I understand that he probably wanted to vent about all these years but... It wasn't fair."

"You really attacked him," Sasori noted without malice. She balled her hands into fists again- his favorite of her frustrated gestures.

"He was attacking you! I didn't like it," she pouted.

"... Do you really believe I am innocent?" Sasori asked quietly.

"Well, none of us are perfect," she said thoughtfully," but yeah, I think you haven't done anything to deserve imprisonment. Everything you did in the past was asked of you."

"..."

His mind was clouded with endless thoughts. He was very tired.

"Don't let that get to you, ok? I know you a lot better than he does. Sai and I both like you very much. You're a fine addition to the Leaf, in my opinion."

She was gushing with positive words. It was quite the opposite of his uncle's.

"... I never said he offended me."

Sakura expected that sort of evasive response. He always retreated from her assurances.

"Sasori, you were really upset back there. Don't you realize that?"

"... Was I?"

He mouthed the words without much power. It ended up sounding like he was questioning himself, rather than her.

"... I think you need to rest, Sasori."

He looked over at her, about to make a complaint, but she interrupted him.

"As a medical professional. You were in a difficult battle 2 days ago, remember? Even though I healed you, there will still be a toll on your body. You should know this."

That unwavering concern in her lush green eyes again. It was hard not to get lost in their tenderness. He had never seen eyes like hers.

"... I suppose."

"The place they gave me is right by yours, so I'll see you to the door."

Sasori inwardly groaned.

"I am not one of your patients."

"Yes, you are. I have not forgotten all you have done for me."

She ended the sentence softly.

"Thank you for that... again."

He weaved his hand through his hair, annoyed. Why did she constantly push him like this? That was the fourth or fifth time she had thanked him for that.

"It can be forgotten," he said, not wanting to remember that night of honesty between them. "However, if you still intend for me to teach you genjutsu, you will owe me then."

“When we get back, I will definitely take you up on that. I need more tools in my arsenal.”

“You do.”

Sakura huffed, but found herself covering her mouth to hide a giggle. He raised a brow at her- he had insulted her just then. It was not meant to be entertaining.

“Sorry... You’re just so brutal sometimes, I can’t help but laugh,” she said, taking a breath to subdue her smirk.

“My brutality is... a positive trait?”

“Not always, but it can be useful at times. I’d rather you be honest than not.”

He understood that logic.

He remembered how serious she was earlier. Lately, most of their conversations turned into banter... He did not mind it. It was a nice distraction. And Sasori thrived on distractions.

They were closing in on their temporary quarters. It was where Sakura stayed after Gaara returned, so she was familiar with the area.

"Even though I got a little fired up back there, I do want you to spend more time with him," she said, taking the conversation back to the beginning. "He is your only remaining family. And you seem to care about him."

She was telling him how he felt again. But she wasn't... wrong.

"I'm glad you asked me to come. This was really important, I think."

Sasori nodded, knowing she was clueless as to why he was actually there. And he intended to keep it that way. After that grand confession of her absolute trust in him, he couldn't afford to crush her... It would ruin his plans.

They made it to his place, and they stood across from each other for a moment.

"I want you to take this. It will help you sleep. You will regain your strength faster that way."

She handed him a bottle with a few round medications inside. He sighed, but took it out of her hand and placed it in his pocket.

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow!"

She waved casually, and then continued down the street. He watched her hair bounce with every step she took, and then walked up the stairs to his apartment.

\----

Sasori looked outside the circular window coated in sand dust. It was all the same. Empty. He couldn't help but remember a time when he was waiting, hovering about his window in hope that his parents would return.

Those thoughts always led to one in particular... That afternoon walk with his grandmother. He could not remember the face of the child he saw, nor the faces of the parents who embraced him. But that night, he replicated his parents to recreate that embrace... His grandmother killed him with those puppets... And he died in that embrace.

As a child, he hid his pain from her, as not to burden her. He did not know at the time that his reservations would rot into resentment.

He wished he could banish his memories. Nothing but pain and emptiness rested for him here. It seeped out of the walls and the floors... It was in the dry, desert air and the sound of chatter among friends in the streets... It was in this bed that he had not yet slept in. And it was in his lungs, filling him with only regret.

Any happy moments from this place were disfigured, and they wrapped around his throat, squeezing the life out of him. He never knew if the good or the bad was worse.

He closed his eyes. They burned. After staying in the Leaf, he was no longer accustomed to the bitter dehydration in the unwelcoming air. It was killing him; he was sure of it. It had to be. Why else would it hurt so much?

He reminded himself of why he was here. Why he went out of his way to return.

Sakura was only minutes away from him. And he felt... placated by it. He was not abandoned in this cursed place... He was not alone.

He took a strained breath and sat on the side of the bed. The sheets smelled of bleach. At least the place wasn't moldy.

It was hard for him to be here. He knew it would be this way. Knowing his grandmother was dead... She was the last of his clan.

_'Ebizō is still around...' _

He reminded himself that the old man had not kicked the bucket just yet. That comforted his overstimulated senses as well. But that conversation from earlier did not settle well with him. His own great uncle thought he was already...

And maybe he was right. After all, as soon as the village went to sleep, he was going to do something very illegal. And it was very much something this other version of him would do.

But he did not feel bad about it. He needed to know more about himself... And what he became.

And deep down, he knew his dream last night held answers as well.

Hours passed, and he waited restlessly, tossing and turning. He eyed the pill bottle Sakura had given him. She was always babying him... But he did not mind it.

_‘I have been thinking that a lot...’_ he noted to himself. That he did not mind her.

He reached out and opened the pill bottle to curiously sniff its contents. It seemed pretty standard, but she had made them herself... With him in mind.

_(“I wish I could give you everything.”) _

He ignored the heat in his cheeks. He cringed from how corny she was. But...

He continued to stare at the medication. Unfortunately, he could not take what she had 'prescribed' him. This was going to be a long night for him.

_‘Speaking of which...’ _

The clock now said it was midnight. And as he had predicted, the village was deadly quiet.

With that, Sasori stood up, and closed his eyes, imagining how he would feel when he finally had all the answers.. After a few more seconds of silence, he set off, determined to get what he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The main thing I want to address is the lack of intimacy in this village. The youth are friendly, but Ebizo comes from another time. Sakura got to see a smidge of how formal and harsh the Sand ninja are, even towards family. Compared to Sakura's upbringing, this is a very disheartening way to live. Ebizo is the type to blame Sasori for the acts he had technically not committed.  
The Sand would generally want him taken out, just as a precaution. Haha Psycho Pass type crap right there (a world where people are killed if they have a high probability of crime. Totally recommend the anime!)
> 
> Ebizo is very happy to see Sasori the way he remembers him, but at the same time, there is 20 years of bitterness there... Which will be delved into more later. 
> 
> I want to contrast how Sasori and Sakura grew up a lot in this fic, since childhood effects humans so much. 
> 
> Oh, by the way, I have tons of chapters planned for this, and it will be taken to the Great War! There are so many good opportunities for addressing things properly. And I can change things, based on what Sasori's presence alters, which is relieving!


	21. Secret Motivation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori seeks out answers, and certainly finds them. But is it what he was hoping for?

A warm breeze swept through the barren streets of Sunagakure. Sand lazily oozed onto the worn down paths, following the wind. A full moon provided the only light for a stray ninja to travel from rooftop to rooftop. His limbs moved like a cat- graceful and powerful. He was an expert at this.

Sasori knew this place like the back of his hand. At least, he used to.

“If nothing has changed...”

He silently landed in front of an unassuming stucco wall, and his eyes darted from side to side before placing his hand on a seemingly random section of the structure. A small rumble, and then a shift- A small doorway appeared.

He casually walked in, and traveled down an ancient stairway. His eyes adjusted to the dark, and everything was in its proper place.

He crept along the wall, listening for any sign of life. Nothing. He confidently continued onward, having done this many times before. Breaking into the archives was a fun challenge for him, and growing into a sort of hobby. It was too easy for someone of his stature.

He approached a large gate, and broke through the lock without reservation. This was a secret entrance, so it was not as heavily guarded. He was not even sure of how many people knew of its existence.

Silent as death itself, he made his way into level 4 of the archives, where they kept the records. He knew exactly where to find his file, and walked past row after row of bookcases. The air was musty, dust collecting on every surface.

His eyes darted from section to section, reading the signs, until he found his file. He plucked it from its home, and held it in his hands. For some reason, he hesitated, his fingers hovering over the dusty folder.

Why? It was his right.

He shook away... whatever it was that he was feeling, and read the front. Seeing the red marker all over the cover brought no discomfort to him. He had imagined it for a few years now... What his file would look like after his defection.

But he didn’t imagine it would be this thick... and marked so heavily...

He flipped it open to the first page. His original form with his picture and information from... well, to him, it was only updated a few months ago. But in this timeline, this forum was over 20 years old. His picture was worn, and he found himself staring at it. It felt like a century ago.

He moved on. A lot of this was already shown to him in the Leaf’s file, but he finally stumbled upon new information. The Sand’s personal notes on his abilities, timeline and achievements since going rogue.

Sasori had 3 main questions. How did the Kazekage die, how did he end up in the Akatsuki, and... the details of his final moments. He knew what happened, but he still didn’t understand why...

He paused over a line containing the Kazekage’s name.

‘Sasori was seen with a puppet mimicking the appearance and abilities of the Third, shortly after his disappearance. This connection was not made until after Sasori’s death and confession that he had killed the Third.’

_‘Idiots,’_ he thought to himself. He continued.

‘It is believed that Sasori killed the Third after his transformation.’

"My transformation?”

His brows furrowed. He assumed they meant his transformation into a puppet. He skipped through page after page, trying to find more information on the 3rd. His old master.

He froze.

‘Sasori’s human puppet body. A list of its functions:’

He had stopped breathing.

It was a photograph of what looked like him. But it wasn’t a human body. A puppet. It was carved open, revealing weapons in every crevice. The eye sockets were empty, a hint of purple liquid dried on its lip. Seeing his dead body on a slab was disturbing. There were no photos of his puppet body in the Leaf village file, since it was taken in as research material by the Sand almost immediately. There were detailed drawings of it. But it just wasn't the same.

“This is...” he whispered inaudibly, a lump forming in his throat. A wave of dysphoria washed over him abruptly. This was...

This was it.

This was his corpse.

His eyes scrutinized every inch of his creation. He had never truly faced it, but looking at this picture... It was final. This was him. This was what he became.

A part of him admired it. He was so strong. He achieved what no other man could.

_(“But it wasn’t enough! Even then, it wasn’t enough...”) _

Sakura’s words from long ago... When she told him the truth. This ugly, brutal truth.

_(“Please don’t do it again. I’m begging you... You are great the way you are.”) _

He forced himself to keep reading.

‘Haruno claimed the life source was in the core. Researchers are still looking into its development, as it is one of a kind. They are currently looking into a biological source.’

A drawing of the tube-like object was stapled to the page. So even the Sand never got their hands on the real thing...

He noticed this section was updated several times. The core had the word “Sasori” on the front. Out of all the sections in the file, this was the one with the most notes attached to it. As he read through them, he grew just as confused as the others who attempted to understand it. Several theories had been made, but all of them were dead ends. He continued to stare in awe.

“What the hell was this thing?”

He had no idea how it was made. His future accomplishments astounded him. This was...

“Genius.”

He couldn’t help but feel smug knowing he invented something no one else could replicate, or even understand. Including his current self.

He flipped to the interviews on his poison.

‘“He had around 300 puppets in his collection, he said... Including himself”-Sakura Haruno.’

‘“The poison he invented coated all of his puppets, including Hiruko. I should have seen it coming... One scratch, and I was almost instantly paralyzed.”- Lord Kankurō’

‘“This poison acted as his blood, in a way. His body was absolutely drenched in it. He... really didn’t want anyone near him.”- Sakura Haruno.’

It really bothered her that he made himself into an untouchable weapon. It even showed on print. She was so irrational...

Beside the quotes was a loose page with a drawing of the chemical make up of his poison. On another page was another sketch of the antidote that Sakura had made for it. His fingertips lightly traced around her handwriting.

He sighed. The subject of this file was a mystery to him. He could understand some things but others were... unlike him. While the design of his puppet body was excellent, he was taken aback by how detached from others he had really become. He even coated himself in poison he knew no one could cure...

A surge of frustration overcame him and he aggressively continued through the folder. A page fell out, silently hitting the concrete floor. He knelt down to pick it up.

‘Sasori Puppet Modifications’

It was a picture of the same puppet, but he noticed some internal alterations were made.

Someone was using his old body?

He searched for a name.

It was Kankurō.

The Kage’s brother had it??

Rage filled him. They dare desecrate his corpse...? The great Sasori?!

That punk he took out in one minute flat had the gall to raid his grave site, take his body, and use it like a toy?

Where was the core?

Why didn’t anyone stop this fool from mutilating his body? Why didn’t Sakura?!

How could it come to this??

Sasori flipped through more and more pages, all detailing his research and accomplishments... Endless amounts of human puppets.

_‘I was a genius! How could they... just... throw it all away? I surpassed all other puppeteers! I carved the way to the future! I...’_

He wanted to scream, but forced himself to remain silent. His hands shook with anger.

“Where are they????”

He ran, file under his arm, past row after row of archives. He jumped down the stairs, knowing his puppets should be kept on level 6.

After a few minutes of running, he found it. He slowed down, eyes wide.

‘Sasori of the Red Sand.’

His title was written in red ink over a doorway. He continued to shake. An entire section... was dedicated to him.

100 human puppets... All of his research... There would be huge amounts of it.

He carefully stepped into the next room, and flipped on the lights. He gasped.

An impressive amount of coffin-like boxes were stacked on all sides of him. Almost a dozen tables were perfectly aligned down the center of the room. It was its own warehouse...

Papers covered the tables, as well as jars, microscopes, tools, and worn books.

Was all of this his??

He set his file down on the nearest table without looking down, and slowly crept toward box 87. He hesitated, not wanting anyone to notice his presence in this room.

To his relief, there were no locks and seals on the boxes. He pulled it out of its slot, and removed the lid...

It was a puppet. It looked oddly detailed... He was amazed at its beauty.

His craftsmanship was unparalleled. He was already deemed a master at his current age but this... this was true art.

He noticed a small file cabinet in the corner of the room with numbers underneath each slot. He hurriedly approached it, and found number 87. As he had predicted, it was the file on the puppet he had pulled out.

A picture of a ninja who looked exactly like the puppet was the first thing he saw. Seeing these was different from witnessing the other 200 in his cave. These had names assigned to them. He had met every single one of these people, killed them, and made them into works of art.

But it didn't settle quite right with him. It was as if he were an outsider, and the sheer number of them made him think their creator was obsessive. That he was a lunatic...

These puppets... dominated him. Not the other way around.

This all originated from Komushi...?

The next page revealed a scanned photo of the front and back sides of the puppet, with notes on its weapons and abilities. The man who was used to make this puppet was an earth style user.

Sasori kept going, eventually pulling out several other boxes to admire his work. He was making a slight mess of the place, but he didn’t care. This was... like discovering a whole new world. And he didn't know how to feel about its contents.

Finally, he found someone he recognized. It was... Chika. His other teammate.

_‘So I killed that bitch too...’ _

A smirk overtook him. He felt no remorse as he took in her sculpted face. He did not know how it happened, but he was satisfied, knowing he got her in the end. He never cared for her. In fact, he actively despised her.

He sat back and closed his eyes. He was feeling so... mixed on all of this.

He was equally as disturbed as he was proud. And he did not know which side was the correct choice. He remembered Sakura’s words when she first witnessed the remaining 200 hanging from the cave walls...

_(“I still don’t know how you did this...”) _

Did he know? Did he understand himself? Before he made the journey here, he thought he did. He was sure something would click, and it would all come together. But things had changed since then...

He was confronted directly by Sakura. She constantly presented such a moral case against him... She was the one who was supposed to feel pressured, not him. She was the virtuous one... The one who never got her hands dirty. Why did he feel so cornered by someone so hypocritical? By someone less talented than him? Less accomplished?

Why did he care about her opinion of him when this was more important??

He remembered what he had said to her that one night... When he had hurt her.

_(“I don’t need you to understand me!”) _

He shook from the vivid memory of her heartbroken face. He remembered how he sounded as he said those words. At the time, he meant them.

And now, more than anything, he wished for her to understand him. She was up there, with his grandmother. He wanted her to accept him, to tell him he was right. He wanted it when he battled her a year ago, and he wanted it now.

But he would never receive her acceptance... He knew that. To her, and to his grandmother, this was... evil.

_(“Can’t you see he wants acceptance?”) _

But she didn’t understand her own words... What kind of acceptance he desired from her, and from others.

He looked around the room, at all of the care he put into his work. This... was his legacy. He was worshiped, even though he was despised by his own people. They studied him, and spent countless hours slaving away in an attempt to understand, to record his discoveries. And they were failing! He was the only one who was brilliant enough to do this! He was a god! Why did he seek acceptance from others?!

Why did he want... things he couldn’t have...

Defeated by his own mind, he buried his face in his hands, rubbing his scalp with his fingers. He closed his eyes, contemplating his desires.

He wanted so much. He wanted everything.

That last conversation with his grandmother... That look on her face. It haunted his dreams. He felt something he was sure he was no longer capable of...

Guilt.

And it was Sakura’s fault.

“Such a damn nuisance...” he growled.

Why was she so determined to change him? He had carefully crafted himself to withstand anything. He was fine on his own. He was designed to be. He could not afford such useless emotions... He could not feel regret. He could not feel love for others.

This was what he wanted. It was what he needed, to survive.

Why couldn’t she just leave him be?

He stared back down at the face of the girl he hated most his entire childhood. She deserved to be in that box. She deserved death... How could someone as clueless as Sakura tell him otherwise? How could she have the entitlement to say he should feel bad for what this Sasori did?

He didn’t kill any of these people... But he could have. And he still didn’t see much of a problem with it.

What bothered him was how Sakura would react.

_‘No, she betrayed me..._’ he remembered. Anger flooded throughout him. She lied to him about his body’s location! She broke her promise! So he could break his!

He was alone, surrounded by his puppets... His property.

He looked at the very back of the room with newfound determination. He reminded himself of his original goal, and steadied his breath. All 100 of these puppets belonged to him.

_‘102...’_ he specified.

Sasori stood up once again and made his way towards what caught his eye.

A puppet was resting on top of a cloth. It was unmistakably Hiruko. Someone had pieced it back together again. He assumed it was that Kankurō’s doing.

He knelt down and lightly touched its face. The man made out of this puppet was someone he disliked. He didn't know him well. He wasn't even a ninja. A regular man from a neighboring village.

Ebizō had called Hiruko an innocent... Sasori disagreed. No one was innocent. Not really.

He had avoided one box up until this point. The last puppet... It was in a black box, resting on a table. It had its own section, almost as if it were venerated. A clipboard was resting on top of it. He picked it up, and skimmed over its contents.

“A temporary location...”

He paused, looking down at the intimidating black coffin. A breath escaped him. He knew what this was as soon as he had entered the room, but he was not ready to face it then. He wasn’t sure he was ready to face it now.

His hands lightly traced along the front, as he prepared himself... For what was inside. He lost his train of thought for a moment, staring at the backs of his hands.

Minutes passed like that. He jerked himself back to reality. This was all so much to take in...

He sighed.

He had done... everything he promised himself he would do. He was a pioneer in the medical world, as well as the jutsu world. He had killed every single person who got in his way... People he despised, people he didn’t know, and... people he admired.

He braced himself, and opened the box.

\----

Sakura was having difficulty sleeping. She was unaccustomed to the air in Suna, and she couldn’t relax. She worried for Sasori.

_‘I hope no one figured out his identity... Did I really do the right thing by bringing him here?’ _

She organized through the events of the day. At first, she felt it was a positive thing... And overall, it was.

_'Sasori met _ _Kankurō_...  _and Gaara. And then we went to Lady Chiyo's grave, but he refused to make peace with her. So there’s that... Lord Ebizō was really happy to see him, but that conversation at his place was... not what I was hoping for.' _

That conversation gave her even more of an insight into Sasori's childhood. Ebizō was very harsh on him, like he was responsible for everything simply because it happened once. Growing up, Sasori had a lot of expectations placed on his shoulders... His clan was revered as one of the founding clans of Sunagakure, and his accomplishments probably only increased the pressure, rather than easing it. His parents doated on him, but they died when he was so young...

Sakura understood that when Ebizō was talking about ninja his age, he was referring to his generation's stance on righteous judgement. To them, Sasori was a loose cannon- someone worth disposing of- even if he had not committed any criminal acts yet.

The oppressive weight of Ebizō's verdict made her body tense. That room did not have enough oxygen to breathe properly. Was his entire childhood like that?

She wondered how he really felt about her stepping in the way she did... Even if it was improper, Ebizō's gaze was much too severe of a punishment to be appropriate. Sasori was...

She clutched onto her sheets tightly. He was her responsibility... She said so, to him. She couldn't allow others to harm him. So much damage had already been done to him in this place.

_'I hope those pills helped him...' _

It was all she could think of to help was to get him rest from this dismal village. She never viewed it in a negative light before, but when she saw through his eyes, all she could see was grey.

She then imagined him asleep, all on his own. Was he comfortable? Was he lonely?

She was a little lonely, after spending 4 entire days and nights beside him. It was strange to be alone. She called it post-mission blues, usually referring to withdrawal after spending extended time with Team 7. She sometimes slept on the ground surrounded by people she felt safe with for weeks on end. And when she came home to her soft bed and clean clothes, she missed that connection.

Traveling with Sasori was no different. And after last night, sleeping back to back, she felt very safe with him. The comicality of it made her smile.

She could still vividly remember the monster who crept into her nightmares. The one who brought her misery and terror, his crazed eyes observing her with glee while he tormented her... He was not human. Not a single speck of decency left in his hollowed out body. He was the epitome of calamity, with a soul of vacuity and rot. And at the end, those black pits that were his eyes begged for obliteration. His cracked shell uncovered an agony she was unfortunate enough to witness. It haunted her, more than anything else. The existence of a pain that could not be extinguished...

What happened to that man??

It was the thing that pounded into her mind, preventing her from true naïveté of the world. Her innocence was forever lost to that anguished look peaking behind such a desolate mask. It was proof that there were things in this world she was blissfully unaware of. The only way she could understand was to be exposed to it... And that was what scared her most.

Sasuke was angry. Sasori was dead. It was a terrifying difference. Evidence of a journey she wished she could stop.

She wondered where Sasuke was. He was alone, somewhere dark... where she could not reach.

She then reimagined Sasori, asleep in his bed, minutes away from her. She could at least take solace in his current position... He was struggling, but he was not in the dark just yet. He had her.

She looked out her open window. There was a slight breeze. The moon was beautiful that night. She rolled to the other side, taking her sheets with her. Her eyes closed, finally determined to get some rest.

A small sound behind her caused her to open her eyes. Her heart jumped out of her chest.

A silhouette of a figure was illuminated on her wall. She whirled around to find Sasori, still as a statue, on her balcony. Relief swept through her.

“Oh, it’s just you.”

Sasori didn’t move. His eyes were dark, face expressionless. She grew slightly uncomfortable.

“Um... Is something wrong?”

She got out of bed and walked to the balcony doors, her sheet still wrapped around her form. She opened the door, allowing the night air in. Sasori still didn’t move.

“What are you doing here?” she asked softly, walking out onto the balcony to join him. She squinted, noticing his clothing.

“Why are you...?”

She scrambled to connect the dots. He was wearing tactical gear. Sasori finally blinked, and opened his mouth to speak.

“You didn't tell me everything.”

She froze. His gaze was unnerving. Her brows furrowed in confusion.

“Excuse me?”

Sasori promptly jumped off the ledge and stomped his way into her quarters, leaving her scrambling to keep up.

“You lied to me...”

He didn’t stop his pacing, going back and forth as he spoke. He looked... fragile, somehow.

“Sasori, what...?”

“Stop playing innocent,” he snarled, glaring right at her, his hands clenched tightly. "You thought I didn’t have the right to know?”

He was angry. The sight terrified her, especially because she didn't understand why. She took a moment to think. The tactical gear was brought to her attention once more.

“What did you do????” she asked, her tone slightly shrill. She glanced behind her and quickly closed the doors, knowing this would not be a quiet conversation.

“Answer me.”

“What did you do, Sasori???!” she aggressively whispered, ignoring him. She stomped up to him and gestured to his clothing. “What is this?! What have you done?”

“I did what I had to,” he growled, bearing his teeth. “I can only rely on myself, it seems.”

“Did you... Did you break into the archives???”

He snorted. This reaction made her go red in the face.

“You think this is funny?! Do you know what could of happened to you if you got caught?!”

“IF I got caught. Please. You know as well as I do that I am better than that.”

Sakura gritted her teeth.

“Was... was this all a game to you? You told me you wanted to visit your grandmother just as a ploy to get here?? So you could break into the archives???"

“Perhaps,” he growled. His chest hurt when she mentioned using his grandmother as a tool. She was 100 percent right... But...

Sakura fumed. She knew accusing him of not caring for his grandmother was a low blow, since she knew it wasn’t true. But she was too upset with him to apologize. In fact, this was... breaking her heart.

“How could you?!” she asked.

“That is the question I should be asking you! Why did you keep this from me?”

She was taken aback. He had never raised his voice at her like this.

"I genuinely do not know what you are talking about!"

"That brat... is using my body!”

"What? You mean Kankurō?"

Sasori ignored the endless stream of horrible comments he wanted to throw at her. She seemed... very clueless. And she was a terrible liar, which meant...

"You... didn’t know?”

“What the hell? No!”

The two stood across from each other awkwardly. Sasori had diffused in a matter of seconds. After an extended silence, she understood he was finally giving her a chance to speak.

“Way to assume the worst of me,” Sakura frowned, depressed and irritated that this was the first conclusion he came to.

“...”

He didn’t know what to say. He realized that he had jumped to conclusions... Something he never did. He wasn’t acting like himself...

His anger was replaced by frustration. Sakura picked up on his change in demeanor, and assumed he was done accusing her of things she didn’t do.

“Sasori, I told you everything I know. How can I convince you of this??”

He looked away.

“I just... thought since you were partially responsible for my death, you would know where my body was.”

“I thought I did... Last I heard, it was in the archives, with the rest...”

Sakura thought on this, focused on the issue he brought to her. Kankurō was using Sasori’s puppet body for himself?

“All of you puppet users are so weird...” she mumbled.

“Now you are insulting me.”

Sakura sighed. He had no right to be offended right now.

“Ok, Sasori, it’s weird to take people’s corpses and use them as weapons. But you guys seem so comfortable with it. How am I supposed to think this is healthy behavior?”

Sasori pursed his lips.

“He’s challenging me.”

She smacked her cheeks, groaning. First, he burst into her room in a ball of fury, and now he was planning revenge in front of her.

“What is this, some creepy posturing contest? How is that challenging you?”

Sasori paced around her room, radiating disgust.

“He is not worthy to use my body.”

Sakura let out another sigh. She was so tired... But if she wanted to sleep, she had to work through this issue. She tried to reign in her disappointment in him.

“... I mean... You did almost kill him. And you kidnapped his brother. Also, you killed like, hundreds of people and made them into puppets.”

“So?”

“He’s just doing the same thing you did.”

Sasori gritted his teeth.

“So you think this is ok? It’s MY body!”

Sakura realized in that moment that Sasori was asking her for advice. He was venting out his frustrations to her. She was the first person he thought of to do this. He trusted her.

_‘Well, he first came here to accuse me...’_ she reminded herself. Even so, he confronted her directly about it. Which was incredible. As soon as she told him she was not involved, he believed her, even though he didn’t have to. And she was immediately considered trustworthy once again.

This made her feel better... If she focused on this aspect of an otherwise disastrous situation, he wasn't a completely hopeless cause, rather, the opposite. This was... progress.

“... You’re right. Since you’re here... I think you should have rights to it.”

Sasori nodded, staring at her intently. He was still angry. This was an area she had experience in, since she was angry... well, often. It was odd to see him wear such unconstrained emotion.

“Sasori, we will figure something out. I don’t have any ideas yet, since you technically don’t exist, but I will do what I can.”

She hoped he would pick up on the hint that she wanted him to leave so she could sleep... But this was futile, and she knew it. Sasori didn’t pick up on hints... And even if he did, he would purposefully ignore them.

“I know what to do already,” he grumbled, walking past her.

“What’s that?”

“Steal it.”

“Sasori, no!”

He stopped in his tracks. She didn’t need to know that he had already stolen several puppets from the archives...

“Look, we need to think this through. But it will be ok!”

“Hm.”

She walked back up to him and gave him a comforting smile. He noticed the bags under her eyes. Despite her ragged appearance, she was still visually appealing. He was relieved she wasn’t responsible for this. He wanted... to trust her.

“Tomorrow... I will find an excuse to bring this up to Kankurō. I would also like to know his reasoning.”

“... Very well.”

Her smile widened.

“Good. So you’re ok now?”

“I was fine the entire time.”

She sighed.

“Ok, I didn’t specify enough. What I meant to ask was are you still angry?”

“... I want to kill him.”

“Well don’t!”

“Why?”

“Sasori, the future you brought nothing but disaster to others. How can you be so demanding of his rights?”

Sasori faltered. She could tell he was searching for an answer that she would accept. He already knew there wasn’t one.

“...”

The future him... brought nothing but horror to countless people. He was a plague. That’s all he was. He never thought of it that way... As usual, Sakura didn’t leave him hanging. She always had more to say.

“That body you want was responsible for nothing but death and destruction. I can understand why Kankurō would want to take it into his own hands... Maybe try to use it for good.”

Sasori grew frustrated once more. He struggled so much to convey himself accurately in conversation. It’s why he quit trying so long ago.

“... That’s my corpse... It makes me feel...”

He couldn’t piece together the words. Sakura tilted her head, trying to fill in the blank.

“Violated?”

That word made him upset, but it described the nasty taste in his mouth.

“... Yes.”

Sakura sighed.

“I guess if I found out some stranger was using my corpse for their gain, I would feel pretty weird about it too...”

He nodded at her, agreeing with her. She put her hands on her hips, thinking.

“Well... thank you for... talking to me about it. I’m glad you came to accuse me first instead of killing him immediately.”

Sasori felt he should address his rather dramatic entrance. Honestly, he was embarrassed. This damned village was stirring all sorts of undesirable things in his gut, and in his mind. He would need to take extra care to control himself the rest of their time here.

“... I thought...”

He shorted out. She could tell by the glazed look in his eyes.

“That I betrayed you. I know."

She resisted a yawn. Now that he was himself again, her adrenaline had settled, and her exhaustion returned.

"It’s ok. I probably would have worried about possibility too. I’m just glad you didn’t attack me.”

She gave him a teasing look. She hoped this was enough to please him. She was trying very hard to be empathetic to his problems.

“You think I would hurt you?” he said, surprising her.

She shouldn’t have said that last part... He almost looked insulted by the suggestion, which comforted her.

“Well, not exactly. I hope by now, you think of me as your friend... And even if you get mad at me, you will the take time to work with me...”

He was silent. She stood closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m glad you came to me.”

She thought on what Lady Chiyo would want her to say.

“You can tell me anything, you know? About how you’re feeling.”

Sasori’s expression was like murky waters, but she could tell she caught him off guard.

“You are obnoxiously optimistic.”

“And you are disappointingly cynical. But you have to agree that you feel better than you did before?”

“Hmph.”

She removed her hand, realizing she had left it there too long. He stared at her for a few more seconds before walking towards her balcony, opening the double doors.

“I’ll come by tomorrow after I talk to Kankurō, ok?” she asked, smiling. He said nothing, and dropped down to the ground. She sighed, and closed the doors once more. Gone in a flash...

But she was happy. She could sleep now...

And she was relieved. Anger was not a good look on him, though he carried some with him almost every moment of his life. But this anger was... transparent. And intense. Seeing that... she could imagine his incredible capacity for violence.

Still, he calmed down immediately after being presented with the truth. He did have impressive control over his emotions, much more than she did.

_("It is not as pleasant as it seems...") _

He said that to her, in the file room so long ago. It now made sense.

He had developed a shield around himself, to protect him from others... to protect him from himself. She knew he felt he was incapable of love, incapable of connection. And that was why he got so angry in her house, when she saw his face after they found out about Asuma.

_("You saw something you shouldn't have...") _

He had admitted that to her the night before. That he longed for things he thought he couldn't have.

_'You can have them!'_ Sakura internally yelled, burying her head in her pillow. When would he realize...

Tonight showed that he was more comfortable with expressing his true self to her. To think that he revealed this much anger... It was so different from any other argument she had with him. In the Leaf, even when they fought, he held back. He clung to his idealized version of himself, not allowing himself to be swayed by his nature.

Being home was definitely bringing this out in him... But she enjoyed thinking it was also due to their talk in his hideout.

Before he barged into her room, she was thinking on his old self. Such a cruel, inhuman man. The living dead, incapable of truly expressing himself. And this Sasori... definitely expressed himself tonight.

_‘Sometimes he acts like a robot, and other times he acts like a normal teenage boy...’ _

Like Sasuke.

Sakura sighed, reminding herself that Sai changed drastically in only a year. She reminded herself of this almost every single time she saw Sasori, or even thought on him. If Sai could do it, he could too. He was still somewhat emotionally available... Sort of.

She ignored the uneasiness in her chest... That nagging thought... Things could have been much worse, and it would have been too late for her to prevent tragedy. He was still unpredictable. And that ate away at her, even the following morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will delve into Sasori's thoughts on the 3rd Kazekage more later. It kind of deserves its own chapter, since it's such a huge part of what makes Sasori Sasori. I think hunting down the 3rd for sport 10 years after leaving Suna really encapsulates Sasori's downwards spiral into evil. And Sasori knows this. Out of all the things he did in this timeline, killing his master the way he did is really just awful. So he doesn't want to think on it. 
> 
> Sasori is conflicted, because he acknowledges the path this Sasori went down wasn't good. I think Sasori is logical and would own up to that fact pretty quickly. But at the same time, the Sasori of this timeline acted on every one of his urges... So it is difficult for him to reject it all. 
> 
> And he is frustrated by Sakura, since she does effect him at this point. He used her to get what he wanted, but he accidentally started to rely on her- something he abhors. So he's angry at her for this. On the one hand, he feels safe with her, especially after the cave, but on the other hand, he is upset that his emotions betray him. Everyone in his life had disappointed him, and he is ready for her to do the same. At times, he will even test her, probably subconsciously. 
> 
> The more I write on Sasori, the sadder his life is to me. What an empty life. 
> 
> It is so nice to write him getting some basic affection and care hahahhaa 
> 
> Also, yes, I have an OC teammate! I have a canon backstory written for him for my comic, Chizome, and he obviously needed another teammate, so I made her. I will delve into her a bit more as well, in a later chapter.


	22. The Thief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura discovers that Sasori has been up to no good. Worse than that, he had been lying to her this entire time! How can she cover for him? And should she?

“Someone did what?”

“Yeah. These rogues showed up back at the front gate earlier this week and we captured them. But one somehow broke out last night and stole some of Sasori’s collection!” Kankurō said.

‘_Sasori, you twerp! You stole them?!’ _

“Wow that’s awful! Which ones were taken?”

“Hiruko, a puppet of one of his old teammates, a few other jounin, and... The Third is still there, but I suspect it is a copy.”

“Why would anyone do that?”

“I don’t know... Would you want to take another look with me?”

“Of course.”

She and Kankurō continued walking, now wandering away from the Kazekage’s office. Her thoughts turned to Ebizō.

"Does Lord Ebizō know?"

"Not yet. I was going to tell him myself, since it's... personal. If you want to do it, I think he would appreciate it."

"Yes," Sakura said, attempting to avoid sounding too eager. "It's a good reason for me to visit him again before I leave."

They continued forward in silence. Sakura's mind was racing, her pool of questions deepening with every step.

“You said a teammate of his... Was it Komushi?”

“No, it was the other one. A ninja named Chika. She was an immigrant from the Land of Snow. Excelled in water and ice jutsu. Very rare around here.”

‘_That’s... strange... He never mentioned his other teammate.’ _

“Why do you think the Third is a fake?”

“I’m not sure. He looks exactly the same, but if he stole others, wouldn’t our most powerful Kage be the ultimate prize?”

“How would this rogue replicate him in one night?”

She was sweating, and it wasn’t from the heat. Sasori has caused quite a disturbance in the Hidden Sand. He had covered his tracks well, as expected, but the fact that he arrived here and immediately broke in...

Why was he making her deal with this??? Even last night, he didn’t tell her the truth! And now she had to pick up after him...

_‘I should have known better... Of course he would want his puppets.’_

“The missing rogue is an elite jounin. He is from a puppeteering clan, but uses his chakra threads to manipulate projectiles rather than puppets. Though he doesn’t technically work with them, he knows the ins and outs of how they function.”

“Why did he go rogue?” Sakura asked, not knowing a lot on this man despite fighting him.

“He was angry with Gaara’s latest policies. He and his team left less than a week ago... Usually, they would be across the continent by now, so we were shocked when they just... showed back up. Kind of creepy if you ask me.”

“Creepy?”

“Yeah they were different. Like... someone did something to them.”

She gulped. But she was impressed with Sasori’s genjutsu. When he was 35, he had implanted jutsus that lasted years on all sorts of people... Which was incredible. 16 year old Sasori was very talented if no one was sure it was even a genjutsu yet.

“Do you think it was a genjutsu?” she asked, knowing they would come to this conclusion eventually.

“It could be. We will be hearing from intelligence soon.”

"... So you have no idea where the this man is?"

Something felt... wrong. Did Sasori plan to use this man as a scapegoat from the very beginning? Was that why he spared him and sent him back here?

"No... We think he left the village. There's no trace of him."

Sakura tried to ignore the dread crushing her chest. Sasori wouldn't... do something that cold blooded, would he...?

They made their way into the public entrance of the archives. He led her through a back door, and took her directly towards a crowded section. It looked like things were being relocated, or reorganized at least... She figured since he was allowing her back there, it was fairly open to the public.

“What’s going on?”

“We are still going through everything to make sure this is all he stole.”

“Sa-“

She stopped herself.

“This guy isn’t working for someone, is he? Why do you think he would take these?”

Kankurō shook his head.

“I’m not sure, but it can’t be good.”

Sakura stopped in front of the Third, who was laying on a table with notes all around him. She thought about what she promised to the true culprit last night.

“... What about Sasori’s body?”

“Huh?”

“Did this man take Sasori’s body too?”

She tried her best to look neutral, as though she didn’t already know. Kankurō coughed slightly, covering his mouth with his hand.

“I am using him.”

Sakura tried to look surprised.

“Why?”

“Because why not? That bastard almost killed me, and he did kill not only one, but two of our Kazekage! Isn’t it justice for me to use his body to protect our leader- my brother?”

She couldn’t refute that.

“... Is his body better than the puppets you already have?”

“Certainly. There’s no denying that human puppets are superior. But the way they are made... is dishonorable. I am using one that is already made. It would be a waste if I didn’t use it.”

She sighed.

“You think it’s creepy,” he sighed. “All the girls do... I’m gonna be single forever, aren’t I?”

Sakura couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m sure there’s someone out there for you Kankurō. Maybe some women are.. into... corpse puppets?”

Kankurō pouted.

“You’re a medical ninja. Do you think it’s weird?”

“Well, yes... but I can understand your reasoning. Sasori was... insanely strong. Using his inventions for the good of your people is noble, I think.”

She thought on Sasori’s expression last night. It was so raw. He was upset, and he wanted her to help him. He couldn't have killed that man and then come to her so distressed, could he?

No... For now, she would assume the best of him. She would help him. But how...?

She got an idea.

“Say, I would actually be interested in examining him once more, if you don’t mind. Sasori's body is one of a kind, and I’ve always been hoping I can use his discoveries to further medical research somehow. I think more ideas will come to me if I’m face to face with it. Would you mind?”

Kankurō brightened up.

“Not at all. As I said before, anything for you.”

Sakura smiled, and redirected her attention to the Third.

“So you’re still waiting for the test results?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know Kankurō... I think this is him.”

“You’re sure?"

“Look at the skin. It’s definitely a human puppet. And the face... No one could replicate that in a night.”

‘_Even if this is the original, it doesn’t mean it is safe just yet.’_

Why didn’t Sasori take his best puppet? He bragged so much about the Third Kazekage puppet in their battle... Why leave this one?

“So do you want me to set up a place for you in the medical building to check out Sasori? I have made a few adjustments on him since you last saw him. It would be interesting to have your input.”

“Of course. I guess I have a lot of experience fighting them, don’t I,” she laughed to herself, her mind far away from what was in front of her. Kankurō stared, wanting to say something.

“... You were in a bad situation that day. I hope that monster didn’t torture you too much. You never talked about it in detail.”

Sakura was surprised by his shift in the conversation. He used the word ‘torture.’ She marinated on it, trying to decide on its meaning.

“... You mean if he said something? No...”

Kankurō was silent for a moment, thinking.

“My battle with him... I still think about it sometimes. How easily he beat me. I never got over it, honestly.”

“Is that why you spend so much time with his belongings?” she asked, gesturing to the room around them.

“Perhaps. As a puppet master, he fascinated me. I want to surpass him. It's strange, but I want him to look at me and respect me. I know he's dead but..."

He paused, placing his weight on the table with his hand.

"If he ever saw me again, I would want him to be impressed."

Sakura was not expecting that, but she resonated with his feelings.

"... I understand. The whole time I fought him... he acted like I was nothing to him. And that only made me want to prove him wrong more. In the end, I think... I got the respect I wanted."

‘_Especially now.' _

She remembered Sasori's various expressions whenever he looked at her. The Sasori she knew now was similar to the one she battled... It was his eyes. They could be so cold, and so warm, but only for brief moments. Most of the time, they looked lifeless. More than anything, she strove to stir him... She wanted him to recognize her.

"Sasori was a respectful opponent... When he was defeated... He just... accepted it. He even helped me."

Her voice was soft. She absentmindedly fiddled with the edge of a paper lying on the slab the Kazekage was resting on.

"I don't know... The more I dwell on that day... the sadder I get."

"You actually felt for that man? He was evil, Sakura. You know that better than anyone."

Sakura's brow furrowed.

"Chiyo said... The Sand made him into that. It's not fair to put all the blame on him. No one... watched over him."

Kankurō studied her. She was emotional, though she was trying to hide it.

"How was your visit with her yesterday?" he asked, assuming Lady Chiyo was the source of her distress.

"It went well... Talking with Lord Ebizō always helps bring closure on the whole thing..."

She sighed.

"I'm just so sad she's not with us anymore..."

"... Me too. She was one of the pillars of this village. Growing up, I didn't get to see her often but... She was one of a kind."

"So was Sasori," Sakura said, turning to him solemly. "You're right. It's important to use the things he gave us."

Kankurō nodded.

"I'm glad you understand."

——

Sakura briskly walked down the village streets, in a hurry to get to Sasori's temporary residence.

_'I shouldn't expect an apology, but it would be nice...' _

She walked through an alley and up a flight of stucco stairs to reach a wooden door. She knocked several times, and waited. She heard faint shuffling, and when the door opened, she was face to face with him. Her friend, the... criminal.

"Sasori..." she whispered, barging in. "Why didn't you think to tell me that you stole from the archives last night?"

"Pssh. You really thought I was just there to sightsee?"

"Sasori! They noticed, in case you didn't know!" she growled, flinging her arms around aimlessly after tossing her boots onto the floor.

"Yes, and they think that rogue did it," he said, watching her with disinterested eyes.

"But!- Ugh, that's not the point! Stealing from the archives is wrong!"

"Why? It's my stuff."

"I had to cover for you, you know! Do you ever think about me, huh? This could be very bad!"

"Did you talk to that brat?" he asked, ignoring her entirely. She bared her teeth, eyes glowing with firey embers.

"Sasori, could you at least pretend you care? Just this once? Humor me, damn it!"

She shoved him and he stepped backwards. He was undeterred.

"So?"

She growled, stomping into his small rental apartment, and found a seat.

"Ok, yes, I talked to him. And I can help you out. But I'm not sure I should."

Sasori blinked, unmoving, as if her words were spoken in an unknown tongue.

"Seriously?" she groaned, realizing he had no intention of responding to her. "How can you just... stand there, like a total asshole, and give me that look? You know what you did!"

"And I see no problem with it."

‘_As I predicted...' _

"You held the truth from me. How could you barge into my room like that last night and accuse me of lying to you, when you're the liar!"

She was fed up with his games. He could tell. He sighed and calmly walked over to the couch to sit beside her, since there were no other seats. He said nothing. None of the other things she said mattered to him, but she was right about one thing. He did not meet the standards he put on her. Normally, he wouldn't care, but...

Still, he couldn't bring himself to say anything. She took his silence as insolence, and continued to rant at him.

"What did you think would happen?! That I wouldn't hear about the break in?," she grumbled, hand on her chin in disgust.

"I was hoping for that, yes."

"So you wanted to come here just to steal your puppets?"

"Not exactly. I just wanted to when I saw them."

"So you did just come here to learn more about youself."

"Yes."

She groaned, running her hands through her hair. She was stressed to the breaking point.

"Sasori... Of course I would find out. You told me to talk to the Kazekage’s brother the day after."

"I didn't think the Sand would let a Leaf ninja in on their secret affairs so easily. They have gotten soft."

The insult to his people pissed her off for some reason.

"No!" she screeched, jabbing her finger into his chest. "They trust ME, ok? Me! I was the one who counteracted YOUR poison, and I was the one who kept Lady Chiyo alive through that battle, and I was the one who brought her back to Gaara's location. I am their ally!"

His eyes were widened in shock at the finger still pointed at him. It was a very rude gesture, and he didn't appreciate it.

"What is your point?"

"I was the first Leaf ninja they trusted in a long time. Whether you like it or not, I am very involved in your business. So I will be notified when your stuff is stolen! Kankurō even asked me to double check it with him!"

"And?"

"And what?!"

"What did they list as missing?"

His face was unmoved. She sneered at him, and then forced herself to calm down. She breathed deeply.

"... Hiruko, an old teammate of yours, and some other jounin."

Their eyes met. She stared him down, searching for any sign of a reaction from him.

"They were suspecting the Third as well."

"... Well, I didn't touch him."

"But you were planning to later."

His eyes narrowed. She continued to explain her hypothesis.

"You figured since the archives had already been broken into, they wouldn't expect another break in. The others can be taken... But if the Third was stolen, they would hunt down the thief for sure.

“You’re careful. But I know your tricks."

He did not know how to take that. He was unsure of his own intentions on the subject.

"Oh, do you now?" he snorted, a small grin growing. Sakura growled. He was so smug...

"Yes. You are a devious... egotisitcal jerk!"

Her hands were balled into fists again. This was just about his favorite look on her. He only continued to smirk at her, an arm lazily draped over the top of the couch.

"Yes, you have said something like that before."

"So all I have to do is think like one, and that's pretty much guaranteed to be your course of action!"

"What were you saying earlier about my body? You have something for me?"

Her jaw dropped. Was he... really redirecting the conversation after that??

"You! You are..."

"What?" he egged her on, leaning forward to dare her to finish her sentence. Unlike their previous arguements, this one didn't upset him. He was enjoying himself a fair amount, actually. He could tell she was taking it very seriously, which only made it more entertaining.

"You... You're unbearable!"

"Surely you can do better than that," he said lowly, his smile widening, eyes gleaming. The expression made her want to punch his lights out.

'_Words were never really my forte_,' Sakura thought. '_Usually, at this point, I would deck him.'_

"...No. I think... unbearable describes it."

They stared at each other intensely, neither moving from their spots on the couch. Her heart was racing. A part of her wanted to kick his pretty ass. And another...

She narrowed her eyes, and leaned back, crossing her arms. She then closed her eyes completely and sighed. She was going to let him win this one.

"Looks like I'm not out of your graces just yet," he mumbled, still eying her.

"... Oh, you are. But you're still my problem. Chiyo would never forgive me if I just ditched you here. After all, a lot of ninja wouldn't think twice to put you behind bars.”

"Most likely worse," he added. She looked back over at him.

"... I thought you said The Sand was soft now."

"By my standards. Not by yours."

She was silent for a long moment. But she was not done interrogating him. The longer she thought, the more worried she became, memories of all their past conversations flowing through her mind.

"... Sasori...?"

Sakura shifted uncomfortably, wishing she didn't have to ask her next question.

"Where... is the jounin?"

Sasori's eyes gave away nothing. A nervousness overtook her.

"He's gone."

"...Gone?"

"Yes. He is out of the country by now."

Sakura's breath remained pressed inside her lungs. She did not feel relief.

"... I want to believe you..."

She wanted to burst suddenly. This guy was... unpredictable to her. She wondered if she was capable of handling... a person like him.

"But you don't."

She couldn't look at him.

"I'm supposed to believe that you... haven't killed this man... But you have killed so many people... And you wanted to kill him..."

She let out a shaky sigh.

"I sometimes wonder if everything you tell me is a lie, and I'm a pawn in some grand scheme..."

She drooped her head into her hands. He placed both hands together and sat more formally, taking in this abrupt shift. A minute ago, she was joking with him...

"I know, maybe I'm a jerk for being unsure..." she started.

"You have finally displayed some degree of common sense," Sasori stated cooly. She disliked that immensely.

"So you admit I shouldn't trust you?"

"I have decieved you many times. It is only natural."

His outward indifference bothered her more than anything. She was growing depressed. This trip was not going the way she had hoped.

Sakura’s shoulders drooped in defeat. So many things were mixing around in her brain, causing her heart to race with anxiety. The person next to her was someone who had become important to her... He was someone she valued. Someone she would give her life for, as she had already proven. And yet, he was so distant at times. It felt like the tide was pulling her away from him. Or was it simply him refusing to accept her? He was so good at creating misconceptions, it was practically impossible to decipher his inner thoughts on what really mattered.

Why couldn’t he just be upfront with her?

"Why do you make it so hard for people to help you?"

"..."

"I mean, you are still keeping me out. I don't understand why."

She sighed, frustrated with the situation. First, he lied to her about wanting to see his grandmother, then he accused her of lying, and now it turned out he had stolen from his village, using the jounin they battled. And he claimed this man was alive, but that went against his nature... The only reason he wouldn't kill him was for her sake... And she wasn't sure he was capable of such nobility.

She was dealing with someone who was brainwashed to kill. Someone who only understood bloodshed. Was he lying again? How could he be so difficult, so effortlessly?

Every time she thought she was making real progress with him, he threw her another curveball.

Was she in over her head?

"... You... are impatient."

His voice brought her back to the current moment. She examined his face, wondering what he meant exactly. His eyes had subtly softened. His eyes were the only crack in that flawless porcelain mask of his. She always looked to them for guidance.

Sasori couldn't say anything more. It was like any time he wanted to be open, he was put into a chokehold. It hurt his brain to engage in this way.

"How so? It's been months, and sometimes I can't tell if you want to be different from him... You won't let me in..."

Sakura wanted him to speak. She knew she usually gave him a hand with this stuff, but he had really angered her with his antics. She wanted him to get it out. She continued to stare at him expectantly, and he knew she would never help him if he didn't make her think he was making progress.

"I am making an effort."

She said nothing, urging him to continue. He resisted the urge to squirm under her unrelenting gaze. The look on her face was stern.

"I... am trying."

When he acted like his words were just a tool to manipulate her, it was easy to speak. But he was relieved, because it didn't feel forced, unlike most of what came out of his mouth. The Sasori he learned about wasn't what he wanted to be. He remained uncertain of what direction he did wish to take, and found himself torn. A part of him was drawn to her... And another told him to remain in his solitude.

Sakura's discomfort and wariness were long overdue. He was beginning to wonder if she was incapable of doubt. It did not anger him, or even disappoint him. Because she may have been correct in her suspicions.

He was unsure of how that settled with him.

He was startled when a gloved hand rested on top of his.

"... I know you are. You're... right. I am being impatient with you."

Her hand looked so strange on top of his. It was surreal, to see another living being making contact with him so often. But he was growing accustomed to her affections. What amazed him the most about her was her willingness to accept his criticisms of her. That was rare in a person. Why was so so quick to accept failure in herself?

"I can't expect you to be perfect... I'm sorry. What I am asking of you... Is really different from anything else you've heard from people. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being egotistical, thinking I can change you..."

She sighed.

"I hope I have shown you kindness. But I can't force you to accept it..."

Sasori thought back to her words in the cave. She was kind... Even when she was angry with him, she had no real bite. It was easy for people like him to take advantage of her, to torture her psychologically. She was pure, hopeful, compassionate... The complete opposite of him.

"Why do you keep things from me?" she asked softly.

"Because you would get in my way."

She shook her head, disappointed.

"Do you know how much I care about you? Every moment I'm alone, I'm thinking of ways to make you understand... How good life can be. What it's like to have people around who express their love for you. Sometimes, I just feel so hopeless..."

She held back tears, not knowing what to do. He felt so cold, when she needed warmth.

"You made your feelings clear yesterday. You have made them clear for ages now."

His tone was so curt.

"Are you going to push me away again?"

"No."

She looked at him with hope in her eyes.

'_Hope again...'_ he noted. She had endless amounts of the stuff.

"I'm awkward with this sort of thing but... I know it's important. That's why I have been trying so hard to show you. It's why I'm so pushy," she laughed, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.

"You certainly are."

"I just... I don't think I could take it if you rejected me, especially now..."

He didn't know what to say. He hadn't considered that option in a long while, he realized. To reject her.

"Sasori..."

She said his name again.

"Am I in over my head?”

He held his breath.

"... Perhaps."

She gave him a sad smile. For some reason, he felt bad.

"You can be honest," she sighed, "at the worst times."

Sakura felt drained. In a way, even more so than that night on the bridge after their first arguement. She was accepting that nothing was guarrenteed with him. He could choose to betray her at any moment. Sacrifice all of his progress...

Right now, she could use some encouragement. But the only other person here was probably unable to provide such a thing.

At least... he said he was trying. And she did believe him. He wasn't killing people left and right. And he was displaying some level of trust in her.

"... I will put my trust in you. I believe... that you are changing. I just hope you continue to trust me."

"It is difficult."

He was honest once more. He held back a lot in this conversation, but that glassy look in her eyes sometimes ungulfed him.

"I know. But eventually, it will be easier. We are learning to trust each other. Even if you are unbearable."

She was only half serious.

"Ok."

Her hand was over his this entire time. Sakura had forgotten, but Sasori was hyper aware of it. She said she forced herself to be bold with her displays of affection... despite the risks. Not just the possibility of his rejection, but her own discomfort.

Sakura was never a physical person when it came to love. Only aggression. As her parents had indirectly pointed out to her, she was not welcoming towards her teammates. She never invited people in. Not really.

Since that night with Naruto, she was more conscious of how she came across to others. And how much of herself she gave to others. Before Sasori, it was always shallow generosity. But she couldn't afford to cut him off, like everyone else. She knew she was the only source of light in his life. And that was why she was trying so hard.

"You probably think I'm too comfortable with you," she chuckled to herself, removing her hand. "You've only known me for a few months, but I'm different with you. Believe it or not, I have a problem with letting people in too."

He said nothing. She smiled at him.

"I read that in some other countries, physical touch is more common. Tests have shown it effects the brain in a good way."

“You sound like Sai,” he commented. She smiled slightly.

“That would be because I read it from one of his books.”

"Was it 'Deepening Friendship' by Takeshi Nakamura?"

Sakura grinned at him.

"Ah, did you read it too? It's one of Sai's favorites."

"Sai has never touched me," he stated blandly.

"I think you would kill him," she laughed.

"But you think you can get away with it."

"I am a cute girl! You would never," she grinned, sticking her tongue out at him. She then stood up, weighing her options.

Sasori was always transfixed by her brashness. He hoped she was joking with him there. Surely she knew her gender played no part in how he treated her. He treated her differently because of the way she spoke... And how they met. He needed things from her. At first, it was purely for selfish gain, but unfortunately... he got to know her in the process. And he did not know what do do with what she gave him.

He looked up at the force of nature that pressured him on a daily basis. She smiled at him. This was their 4th arguement, and she was sure it wouldn't be the last, but... It was getting easier.

"I will help you. But no more stealing, ok?"

"Fine.”

It was another lie, but his mind did not hover on it- he only followed her, eyes on her.

"I will continue to place my faith in you..."

She looked back at him. A distant sadness reflected in her green eyes. It was a seriousness she rarely wore.

She was giving him something that could crush her entirely. That was what she was telling him. Instead of things getting easier, they were more frustrating. There was more weight to their arrangement since the cave. Since they opened up to each other enough to where it was significant.

He never asked for this responsibility. Didn't she understand that by claiming he was solely hers, the burden bounced onto him as well?

He felt powerless to reject it. There was too much of her to deflect.

“Come on. Kankurō set time aside to allow me to observe your body. It’s almost time for me to head over to the medical building.”

Another place he was all to familiar with. How much has it changed in the past 2 decades?

“So soon?”

“Well, we are leaving tomorrow, and he isn’t working currently. Since today fit both of our schedules, he said that after organizing the mess you left in the archives, he would set up a room for me.”

There was a hint of disdain in her voice when she mentioned the archives. She was disappointed in him.

“Very well.”

He got up and they both headed through the door after putting their shoes on. She was silent, and he knew he had truly upset her with his antics this time. But that did not matter. Not when she was still going to give him what he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sakura: Don’t you guys think it’s weird to touch dead bodies everyday?  
Kankurō and Sasori: What do you mean?
> 
> Haha ok, so I delved a little into Kankurō here, and will dig deeper later. When I first discovered that Kankurō took Sasori’s corpse, along with his parents, I found it odd and kind of annoying. But as I wrote this fic, I put more thought into his viewpoint, and understand him better. (I still wish Sakura had more of a presence in the 4th war reunion with Chiyo and Sasori. Kankurō got both of them and I was bummed, since she spent more time with them than he did.)
> 
> My favorite part of writing Sasori and Sakura’s arguments is how riled up she gets, and how underwhelmed he is by comparison XD They are very cute <3 
> 
> My boyfriend was like “Surely Sakura needs a better excuse to see Sasori’s body.” And I was like “Nah.”  
Sasori can get away with anything if he starts yapping about art, and Sakura can do the same if she starts rambling about research hahahaha


	23. Imperfect Replica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori and Sakura take a look at Sasori’s puppet body.

As they headed to the medical building, they noticed Kankurō in the distance. Before the familiar man noticed them, Sakura stopped and frantically looked around.

“Quick, hide!” she aggressively whispered.

Sasori inwardly groaned. This again.

He disliked having to cover his head in an attempt to disguise himself, and he disliked actively hiding even more, especially in his own village. Before he could protest, Sakura’s firm hands grabbed onto his arm and shoved with more force than necessary.

Sasori practically tripped over what looked like a locally venerated cactus when he toppled into an alley. Sakura inwardly cursed, put on her most innocent smile, and confidently headed right for the medical building. When she approached Kankurō, he gave her a friendly grin.

”Ok, everything is set up for you in Room 3. I hope you learn something,” he said with gusto. He was extremely helpful since she arrived. It was nice to have allies in far away places.

Sakura nodded.

“I always do.”

“How long will you be here? I forgot to ask you earlier.”

“Until tomorrow morning. I have to get back to Lady Tsuande soon. You know how it is.”

Kankurō frowned.

"Are you sure it's safe to go by yourself? Even if you travel with civilians, you won't be able to defend against that jounin without backup."

“Oh, right... He's still loose."

‘_Or he's dead,' _Sakura thought to herself. Sasori bestowing mercy on an opponent may have been on the table once, but twice...? She just couldn't get it out of her head that this man was no longer alive.

‘_And if he did kill him... Would he be evil for it?' _

She then realized something.

‘_Wait! He never even denied it! Oh no, what if he really did it?!!"_

“Haha I’m not really worried about that.”

Kankurō still looked unsure.

“Temari should be home any time now. Maybe I can convince her to go with you.”

He then put his hands on his hips, and exhaled through his nose.

“Alright. I’ll let you get to it. Let me know if you need anything else.”

He then walked off, facing away from her.

She remembered the first time she met Kankurō. He was very cruel back then. Gaara’s abrupt shift in character seemed to rub off on his siblings as well. Or maybe they were friendly the entire time, and were scared to display that kindness. She did not know the details, but whatever the case, she was glad things had changed for the better.

A minute passed before she sensed a familiar presence beside her.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes, no thanks to you,” Sasori quipped, grumpy that she had the gall to shove him into imminent danger. He plucked the last remaining needle in his arm, and tossed it aside. Sakura resisted the urge to smile at his predicament. It was entirely her fault, but she didn’t see that cactus. Maybe it was karma for his bad behavior.

“Alright. Let’s go.”

——

“Before... we go in...”

Sasori waited impatiently.

“...?”

He was displaying his irritation with boldness. She faltered. His moods shifted so easily... He always had a default he switched back to, whenever there was a break in conversation. Sometimes, he wore it as a protective film...

“Are you sure you’ll be ok?”

“It’s just a body.”

“Yeah. Your body.”

“Hmph.”

He walked ahead of her and opened the door to the medical room. Sakura followed him in, eyeing him carefully as she always did.

Sasori succeeded in refraining from exposure of any feelings on what he saw before him.

There he was.

This was his corpse... in a way. He did not know what was actually from his original body. This body was special, and unlike the other puppets he made.

He walked up to the slab without hesitation, staring right into his distorted reflection. Kankurō had put in eyes. He knew they were not the originals. Sakura mentioned his eyes disappeared and reappeared wherever the core went. The core held all of his organic matter.

The core was him, in a sense. This was just the shell.

But... He lived in this body. It was...

"Incredible..."

"Really? I think you look a lot better now," Sakura replied, staring down at the corpse. She then laughed nervously at herself, noticing his stare.

“It's very nice to see you with... uh, skin."

He sighed. She blushed. She knew he was inwardly mocking her.

Sakura looked at the torso and wondered what it was like to... well ... chop off parts a person would normally consider important, but she could never ask such an inappropriate question. Right now, the puppet was being treated as a normal corpse... So it was bare. Sasori seemed unbothered.

Still, surely it was strange for him... Or was he that detached from modesty?

“The craftsmenship... The engineering..." he muttered to himself. "This is the best puppet I have ever seen."

"So you did save the best for yourself."

He nodded. He still didn't understand how this body was made. Not entirely. The core powered it. The core allowed him to switch physical forms...

“The last you saw of my core was when Granny stabbed it through, correct?"

"Yes. It... bled with more of your poison. You died shortly after. It was apparent that your life force was tied to that thing."

Sasori lifted one of the arms, observing the weapon compartments. He traced his finger over the palm, and a hidden circle revealed itself. His fire and water blasters. When they were concealed, there was no sign of them. How did he manage to make something so realistic? If he had wished, he could have made the entire body this way. No one would be able to tell the difference.

"And it was never listed in inventory?"

He curiously opened the stomach cavity, sliding back a flesh toned door of sorts. The inside contained a cord. His file stated he could use it to tear flesh, and that it was strong enough to stand on. And it was drenched in poison, like everything else.

“No... After our battle, Granny Chiyo and I were in a hurry to get to Gaara. By the time reinforcements came to the site, there was no sign of it."

The closed chest compartment was for attaching up to 100 chakra threads to his army. Without a conciousness directly tied to it, it would be useless.

“Someone took it," he muttered. He carefully studied the face: the most intricate part. It was so life like.

“Who would want it?" Sakura asked.

“Possibly a coworker."

“That can't be good..."

The hair on the puppet's head was definitely the real thing. He rolled a lock of it in between his fingers.

“You said my partner was in the area."

"Yes, but... he blew himself up."

“You saw traces of burned flesh?"

"No..."

“Then you cannot determine his status as deceased."

To Sakura, this was feeling like... an autopsy of sorts. It did count as a postmortem examination, after all...

"What do you think he would want with it?" she asked nervously. Sasori pursed his lips, and rolled the puppet over on its side.

“Depends on his loyalty."

He eyed the scrolls on the back, and removed one. In the battle, he had used several... Meaning Kankurō made new ones.

So far, Kankurō’s modifications were minor. He had changed out a few weapons, and replaced missing parts. The main difference was that this body was no longer drenched in incurable poison. It would be too dangerous for a person with flesh to be in close quarters with it as it was. But surely he utilized it... Now that he could produce an antidote and keep it on his person.

“Do you think it's dangerous?"

He contemplated her question.

“I was the only one who knew how to use it. And as you had been quoted, it was impailed. In other words, it is dead. The only way it could be used is if a replica was made and..."

He traced a finger down the blades on his back.

“Something tells me that the materials are... difficult to come upon."

He was now nodding at the future Sasori's creation. This was a masterpiece. This was... sublime.

He couldn’t just let this go. No... He needed to know how he made it. It would be an insult to his intelligence if he could not fill in the blanks, when this version of himself created it out of nothing.

"Can you at least pretend you aren't drooling over that thing?" Sakura scoffed, a disgusted look on her face. Sasori took no offense to her comment. It was far from the first he had heard of the sort.

“It is a medical feat no one else has ever accomplished," he calmly replied. "You even admitted its value."

“It IS pretty incredible. But it is equally as disturbing."

"You are a medical ninja. Surely you can see the potential here. For the sake of humanity."

There was a trace of venom in that last word. She ignored it.

“Meaning?"

"I managed to transplant my essence into an entirely new form. Imagine the possbilities."

"You mean it could help otherwise doomed patients."

He nodded. She sighed.

"You just thought of that for my sake."

"I did."

"Well, you're a bit late. I have already taken it upon myself to research just what you had proposed."

"And?"

“Still working on it. There are missing pieces. The core is essential."

"Hm."

He started to dismantle the puppet, and Sakura's eyes widened in horror.

“Wait!"

“If you are suggesting I am incapable of returning it to its original state, it is the greatest insult you have thrown at me yet."

His voice was so silky, and so dry. She smiled slightly, and continued to watch him. He was certainly taking it apart like a fiend. She had never seen a puppet master work on his weapons before.

And she was watching the best of the best. Even by this age, he was a legend- an inventor who was responsible for most of the weapons used in the modern day puppet core.

"Just as I thought. It’s the same.”

“What?" she asked, peering down at the body.

"These are seals."

Sasori also noticed that like most of his human puppets, it was completely hollow. But it had a special place for the core to set in, which looked like a control center.

"Kankurō assumed they were tied to your core."

"Precisely. These contained my chakra in a set volume. So my body moved exactly as I wished, and no chakra seeped out. This replicated my sense of touch with precision.”

Watching him fumble around elbow deep into his own torso was almost too much for her, even after all she had seen.

"...So... how much of this puppet is actually you?"

“I'm not sure."

“Really?"

“You asked me about how I made human puppets before, at my hideout. Before our battle, I claimed I drained the body of blood and removed all the organs, and preserved the skin. This is one way of doing it."

“But...?"

“But it isn't the only way. I have experimented with several methods. This body is different from the others, however, due to the core. I needed control over it."

“... So you just told me about the grossest way then.”

He smirked at the look of disgust she was giving him.

“Of course.”

He really did live for harassing people.

“So... you think this isn't actually your flesh?"

"Parts of it are. The core, at the least, contained my chakra network. It’s how I preserve one’s unique abilities. I did the same for the others, in one way or another. Some I preserved and hollowed out, and others, I transferred the essential pieces to a body I had built in their likeness.

“The more I think on the subject of my own, the more I determine there must have been two bodies. The probability that I had assistance during the transfer is very low. So I would of had to tranfer myself into the core... into another body. There is no way for me to surgically remove all of my organs myself, while staying alive."

He was talking so much... And his eyes were lively. He was eager to talk about this. She assumed he was thinking through the possible methods one could use to achieve such a feat in detail. She could practically see the gears turning inside his head.

“...So you think you made a regular puppet of yourself, and then..."

She gulped.

"Carved... into your original body?"

"Yes."

Sakura shook her head, feeling overheated. The thought was...

“How... could you do that to yourself?"

It was so horrible. She reached out and cautiously touched the puppet's face, her face distorted. He watched her, wondering why she felt the urge to do such a thing.

"Like I said, it is just a body."

"No... Don't say that," she begged, a nervousnes in her voice. "You are a person. Once you do that, any chance of returning is gone... You... gave up on yourself."

She sighed dejectedly.

“I have spent so much time wondering what made you do this... What made you capable of doing this to yourself... But hearing it from you, it’s so much worse...”

He looked down at the expressionless replica of himself. This wasn’t even the body he died in, but it was designed to be his new vessel. It was... him.

“... I agree, it is a bit extreme.”

She let out a strained laugh. That monotone of his was so out of place sometimes. Sasori never intended to be funny... On a rare occasion, he did tease her. But she found herself taken aback by him fairly often.

“You are laughing at me again. I assumed you would consider this an inappropriate time for humor.”

“No, it’s just... You are so different from anyone else I’ve ever talked to. The ‘it is a bit extreme’ just got to me.”

Sasori was perplexed by her impersonation of him.

“I do not speak that way.”

Sakura laughed once more.

“You’re so serious about everything. You only smile when you’re antagonizing me.”

“I get enjoyment out of it.”

She smiled warmly at him. She then looked back down at the body in between them.

“... Good. I’m glad I am useful.”

“I thought I was unbearable.”

She glanced back up at him, her eyes warm once again.

“Only sometimes. I’m not gonna lie, it’s kind of fun to discuss this with you. Studying your past criminal activity is a lot better than worrying about your potential criminal activity.”

He looked down at his corpse. He agreed. He had never had a chance to discuss his craft with another person like this... Especially not someone whose opinion mattered. It was always a taboo.

“... I’m actually glad you asked me to set this up. It was a good idea,” she continued, not bothered by his silence.

“I am full of brilliant ideas.”

“Some of them... a bit extreme.”

A twinkle in her eye. He resisted a small smile.

“So... do you feel better about this?” she asked, and he assumed she meant Kankurō.

“Yes. I have no desire to use this puppet myself. I suppose this Kankurō is sufficient enough. I won’t deny he did a decent job on repairs.”

“Do you think the legacy of the puppet masters is in good hands?”

Sasori cocked his head to the side, mild amusement on his features.

“If you are referring to me, then yes.”

Sakura shook her head. He was consistently pompous.

“Kankurō said after he fought you, he was determined to reach your level of skill. I think he has taken great strides in his abilities since then.”

“Competition is a good thing,” he said, once again looking over his greatest masterpiece. “I would get bored otherwise.”

“Did you have competition at home?”

“No. Unless you include my grandmother.”

Sakura took in his words. She was always serious when Lady Chiyo was mentioned. The memory of the last time she saw this puppet came to mind, resulting in her replaying his death in her mind. His last words. His expression when...

“I’m assuming you saw that Kankurō has The Father and The Mother too.”

“Yes.”

“... How do you feel about that?”

She was asking about his feelings again. He sighed.

“It would seem that he intends to use them for combination attacks with this puppet. It said so in his file.”

“You read his file too??”

“Of course. I also read what they have on you.”

“Oh...” she trailed off. “... What did they say?”

“It said you are more than proficient at medical jutsu. And that your combined strength with Chiyo’s wit was what defeated me. Although I would say you provided wit as well.”

He just complimented her...

“Do they like me?”

“Like...?”

He remained confused. She chuckled.

“Am I considered to be an ally?”

“Yes.”

Sakura held her breath, and then let out a long sigh.

“What else did you find?”

“All the information the Sand has on the Akatsuki. There is not much compared to your village.”

Sakura was floored. Did that mean he-?

“You broke into the Leaf village archives???” she hurriedly whispered.

“Of course.”

“I didn’t watch you enough...” she groaned. She noticed Sasori was studying her reaction, and forced herself to hide her horror. She would shut him down if she tried to make him feel guilty for everything.

“... Well, no harm came out of it. But you’re really bad,” she frowned, hands on her hips. “Ugh, it’s like trying to herd a cat.”

“... Cats aren’t so terrible,” he muttered.

“Oh, you’re a cat person?”

“I didn’t say that.”

She smiled. She was feeling a lot better than earlier. She had to accept that he was... a wild card. But he didn’t seem to be ruled by malicious intent.

Even when he was in the Akatsuki, he kind of kept to himself, apparently. There wasn’t a lot of information on him since he went rogue, meaning he didn’t splash in big puddles. He was a loner, and despite his great ambitions, he wanted to keep them to himself.

‘_Yes... he’s like a stray cat. And he’s sticking with me because I feed him...’ _

She was looking at him in a whole new light.

‘_A stray cat will eventually develop a bond with someone who gives it love... That’s sound logic, right?’ _

“You are staring again.”

“Yeah, sorry... Uh. I was just thinking.”

“Thinking what?”

“Hm. The reason you do things isn’t as complicated as I originally thought.”

She refused to say any more on the subject. He raised a brow. She hesitated, and then decided to rehash her insecurities once more with him.

“.... Sasori, you didn’t kill that jounin, right? I just want you to promise me.”

He stared right into her eyes, and placed his hands on the slab between them. She was stunned by his seriousness.

“No.”

Sakura felt what she wished for... relief.

Why was she so worried before...? He would have killed that man the first time around if he was going to do it.

Why was she doubting him when he had done so much good? Breaking into the archives that he was allowed into 2 months ago and taking back his puppets wasn’t... that bad in the grand scheme of things. She still disapproved of that sort of behavior, but it could have been a lot worse. He didn’t kill anyone. He didn’t hurt any bystanders, or ninja.

“... I’m sorry. I just need reassurance sometimes.”

“It is reasonable.”

He was putting his corpse back together again. She resisted the urge to make a face. He thought she was reasonable for it? How unexpected...

Sakura studied him once more, and placed her hands on her hips. She then looked down at the slab, and got lost in her blurry reflection in the metal.

“Are you done here?” she asked, gesturing to the corpse. Sasori nodded.

“I have memorized it.”

She assumed he was referring to the photographic memory he, of course, had. He was unnaturally gifted...

“Ok. Let’s go. I’ll let Kankurō know that I got the information I wanted.”

Sasori gave the body one last long look before following her. It called to him, and he ignored its empty, black gaze as he walked out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha I need to draw Sasori getting shoved into a cactus. Added to the list of drawings I want to make from this.  
(In an ideal world, this would have been a comic, but alas, it would never be finished. Though it would look good!)
> 
> Sasori: did you find evidence of his body?  
Sakura: no?  
Sakura internally: *oh no, now he thinks we’re all dumb. And he’s right!*
> 
> Ok so the next like 4 chapters all take place on this day. It is a very eventful day, for sure! Can’t wait to get to the serious drama! 
> 
> Also yes, Sasori is a lot like a stray cat, isn’t he? Lives to taunt people and a total asshole, but adorable.


	24. To Be Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori finds himself questioning everything he once regarded as truth. Why did he make himself into a puppet? Why did he fail to ascend above humanity?

The two teens felt as though the day was endless. It was not even 3 pm. They decided to part ways, and meet up again at 5 to talk to Ebizō once more. Sasori did not know why Sakura offered to give him space- it was unlike her. But he welcomed the opportunity, and set off to his temporary residence, wanting to relax, if possible.

Sasori was not one to take “breathers,” but he did sense a bizarre tension in his body, and decided to make an attempt. As soon as he shut the door behind him, a breath he did not know he was holding escaped him, and he slouched. Rubbing his eyes, he felt an urge to lie down...

He felt... dirty. It was a common sensation for him. He could never pin point the reason, but his imperfections always brought distaste, and an overwhelming urge to scrub away those negative aches hit him.

Sasori showered twice a day. He despised contamination of any sort, and for an unknown reason, he found himself scrubbing away at his skin as though it had slighted him. He could close his eyes, and focus on what mattered most. No distractions. Perhaps it was the sound the water made when it hit the floor tiles, or it was the solitude. Most likely, it was the sense that time had stopped completely. No matter the cause, it was the only time he felt even remotely content.

Today, a different urge hit him, and he decided to draw a bath. And then his mind drifted to what he had witnessed earlier.

There was no denying that his puppet body was an improvement, from a ninja's perspective. He seemed to have an endless source of chakra, and he was no longer bound by the laws of nature, like humans. He no longer required rest, or food... He could control 100 puppets at once, and fly, using his blades. He could put himself back together, even if he was completely dismantled. And while an entire human body was weak, he had narrowed his weak spot to a small container... that was mysteriously missing.

Where was it?

He thought about his dream again, that it was related. It was an instinct.

But wherever it was, it was one of a kind. Something he invented. No one could copy his achievement.

Though most would consider becoming a puppet a curse, and not an improvement...

'_That is why I am superior'_ he thought to himself, and then forced the thought aside. No. He did not have a sense of self preservation, unlike normal people. He had trained himself to lower his sentiments, even towards his own identity. That was why he could throw his own flesh to the vultures.

It was not a good thing. At least, Sakura would view it that way.

Because he had trapped himself in a false body. Did he ever feel suffocated in it? Did he panic?

Did he truly hate himself?

But he did it because he hated himself. He was not perfect, and becoming his own creation was supposed to fix it.

He was one of the deadliest people on this planet, especially to himself. He did not know when to stop. And it was his downfall, in a way.

If he wanted to stay alive, he would have survived that battle a year ago. But he didn't. He never thought of himself as capable of ending his own life. He was a survivor. He would do anything to cling to life. He feared death.

He wanted to live forever, to accomplish more... He wanted to be a god, so he could call the shots.

Ah, how could he have been so rash? He knew he was a careful person... prepared for anything. What drove him to such madness?? It had to be something in particular... Something pushed him over the edge, made him accept any potential consequences.

Maybe something in his hideout referenced what caused him to make such a sacrifice. It was indeed a great sacrifice...

But he knew why he did it.

Sasori stared at his pale feet, which were pressed against the side of the tub. He always disliked his body. He was smaller than most men, and he hyperfocused on flaws...

What intrigued him was that he chose to keep his short stature and petite features when crafting his new body. Why?

Sasori knew he was not unattractive. Many people had told him he was rather striking. But he appeared delicate to most, which he despised. He wanted to be feared upon sight, not pitied.

And others' opinions of his beauty did not reflect his own. Nothing was good enough for him.

'_I suppose I didn't want to make drastic changes when I transferred... And ended up making no cosmetic alterations in the end. _

_Maybe... becoming the creation made me love myself.' _

Perhaps he decided that Hiruko served as his mask of terror sufficiently.

He remembered how comfortable he felt at that festival in the mask Sakura gave him. He enjoyed the discomfort that child felt when he saw him. He was anonymous, and intimidating. His appearance matched the inside.

‘_But... I don’t... want to be uncomfortable with my own body...’ _

He knew that. Seeing all that he did brought him to this definite conclusion. It was just about the only thing he was sure of, but that was still progress. He was finally understanding some of himself.

He did not want to be what he saw lying on that slab. It was beneath him.

He still felt vulnerable in his naked form. But at least he knew to avoid feeding those coping mechanisms...

‘_I... didn’t have...’ _

He looked down at himself. Yes, to be willing to abandon a natural man’s form, he must have been desperate... Or perhaps, he thought by getting rid of it all, he was achieving some higher form of living.

Devoid of both pleasure and pain... The things that prevented mortals from ascending.

But currently, the thought of not having everything down there made him uncomfortable. As it should. More than anything else he did, this felt like he maimed himself. Did he live completely asexually for decades?

Not that he ever... got much use out of it. But he did still have some urges... Sometimes. Once in a while...

He frowned. Why would he want to cling to useless desires anyway? He never valued them. He never let them dominate his thoughts. Other people tore each other apart over such worthless things in the pursuit of love, something that didn’t appear to exist. At least, in his case, it didn’t exist. He couldn’t love. Maybe that was why he didn’t see the point in performing the rituals required to obtain it.

Sex without love lacked passion. And without passion, there was no artistic value. There was no point in forcing himself to fake enjoyment in others. He had to do it enough as it was, just to blend in. And it was exhausting.

A small part of him did want connection. But he was incapable of giving what was received. So he turned away from it all together, to focus on something more important... His legacy. His work could never turn him away. His art was his, and his alone.

He would enjoy beauty from afar... Replicating it. Surrounding himself in falsities. He got drunk off of the lies he fed himself. Real humans could not compare to the everlasting glamor of his work. The perfection... No.

Humans only disappointed.

He did not want to be one.

_(“It's just a body.") _

At the time, he meant it. After seeing it... Well. It did make him think.

What did it mean to be human? To be distracted by an unquenchable need for affection? Power?

He desired power... Over anything else. Right? By becoming his own art, he left the need for affirmation behind him and acquired god like abilities. It was only power he sought...

A tightness in his chest overwhelmed him, with a voice repeating itself inside his head over and over.

‘_Failure_!’

Even if he managed to escape from his need for affirmation- which he failed at- he could not deny his obsession with power. For control. It was so pathetically human of him to covet it. This whole concept of becoming inhuman was impossible. He couldn’t carve out his imperfections, no matter what form he took. To be human was to desire what could not be.

At first, becoming a puppet made sense to him. But seeing the lengths he went to in person... It didn't line up with his desires. It was clear to him now that becoming a puppet only solidified what he lacked...

Love.

Something he would never accept as a necessity. He couldn’t. Even though he already knew he desired acceptance, he could easily rid himself of it.

‘_If I just ignore it, I will be fine.’ _

He was lying to himself again.

He was always lying...

He sighed. He usually felt on edge while sitting in a pool of water, since his cleaning standards were higher than most. But since he had cleaned this bathtub himself, he felt at ease. Some driving force urged him to submerge in water.

In here, he felt like everything was just... washed away. It was only him.

He thought back to the previous night. The face of his dead master was so vividly imprinted on his brain. He did that... He plotted, and somehow succeeded in killing him.

The Third was incredibly strong... At first, he was amazed by his own strength. But it did not settle with him right. The Third was just about the only one who ever showed him kindness...

‘_But even he was a fake.’ _

The cruel underside to every one of his thoughts had surfaced once more. Even his master, the Kage, abided by the Sand’s standards. And Sasori did feel twinges of resentment towards him. He could see himself obsessing over that feeling, and using it to fuel his premeditated murder.

Still, his face...

Sasori had avoided dwelling on the fact that he murdered the man he looked up to the most up until this point. For a brief moment, he wanted to face it head on, but then retreated, like he always did. It was out of his grasp, to do such a thing. His brain was filled with barred windows and deadlocked doors. The neural pathways that he had strengthened over the years only led to the future. The past was gone. Remorse was a disease.

Sasori exhaled, and sunk deeper into the water. He remembered why he didn’t take time to relax. It only welcomed pointless meditation.

Last night was a mess. He bit off more than he could chew, and he knew it. He was foolish to think he would not be overwhelmed by the remains of his work. And the way he ran to Sakura...

He buried his head completely in the water, wanting to disappear. He had made a fool out of himself to her. He assumed. He never assumed... At least, he never gave away his judgements. Always get evidence first...

She looked so angry when he accused her. He should have known her limitations at this point. She was clumsy- incapable of malicious intent. She never lied to him about becoming a puppet. She merely withheld the information. For her to directly lie about the body’s location after coming clean with him was out of her character.

And he withheld information from her after accusing her. That decision certainly came back to bite him... She found out so quickly. Maybe he was underestimating her.

She wasted no time to harass him.

She was such a nuisance...

He groaned. Why was she so damn stubborn??

He felt pressure in his lungs, but remained underwater. That look she gave him when she was asking about the jounin... Why did it bother her so much? He didn’t lie to her- the man was worth more to him alive than dead. But even if he did kill him...

_(“Sasori... Am I in over my head?”) _

‘_You were from the very start, you dim witted girl...’ _

He came up for air, and scowled. The face of the Third popped into his brain again, and he shut his eyes, trying to conjure up a different image. Sakura’s soft face was brought to his attention, and he only grew more frustrated.

(“_Don’t abuse this girl’s faith in you.”) _

He was about to come face to face with his uncle in an hour to tell him that he did just that. He stole from the archives, and Ebizō would know it was really him, whether he owned up to it or not. At least, that was what Sakura told him.

Why must he be bothered by such nonsense? Why couldn’t he just do as he pleased?

He knew the problem was simply that he didn’t know what he wanted. How could he? Everything was set in stone, and yet, it was not. He wanted to make use out of his situation, use his newfound information on his future to make changes. He wanted self actualization, which was an ideal he strived for, but accepted as impractical. No matter how hard he tried, he was human.

But a part of him still clung to his old philosophies, wanting to burrow into the ground. He wanted to pretend everything was fine the way it was. Denial was the only form of solace he had...

'_Damn_...'

The water was getting cold. But he did not move a muscle. His thoughts had become a tangled mess, a web of contradictions... He did not want time to move forward.

Was it because he was afraid of his uncle? He knew Ebizō would not expose him to the Sand just for breaking into the archives and stealing some puppets. Ebizō tended to be underwhelmed by things. He was a silent, but judging man. He would likely resent him for this, but leave him be.

Sasori did not feel remorse for what he did. Nothing he did was wrong.

So what was the nervousness in the pit of his stomach?

‘_It’s just because the whole thing is a bother. I don’t understand why I have to be the one to tell him.’ _

But Sakura would hunt him down. Going against her wishes was just as much as a pain as going along with them, sometimes even more so. Why did he entertain her so much? He had never let another person rail on him like she did. He always asked himself this, almost daily. But he could never think of a good reason not to. Sometimes, she amused him.

(“_You... you’re unbearable!”) _

She was cute at times.

He sighed. Though he had embarrassed himself in front of her last night, and got caught in his escapades, she still took him to his body. She still helped him. He still couldn’t grasp such sacrifice.

And she stood up for him yesterday... so passionately. She embraced her emotions, let them consume her sometimes... But they typically worked in her favor. His uncle seemed to like her quite a bit, which was an achievement. But what was even more incredible was his respect for her. He valued her opinion. He actually took on her explosive outbursts against him...

(“_I can’t imagine what you went through. Feeling like you did for so long...”)_

The way she admitted her privileges that night impressed him. She just accepted them, and wished she could give him what she had.

Sasori knew they were raised very differently. Unlike him, she really didn’t have a problem with inserting herself. She did not calculate her every move. She wasn’t smothered in tradition- expected to be perfect. She didn’t care if she was disliked, or if her actions had consequences. He didn’t either, but he only expressed his true self when it suited him in the long run.

Remembering how she defended him... He felt jittery. He finally stood up, and got goosebumps from the air hitting his bare skin. It was time to get dressed and head out.

And knowing Sakura was going with him... put him at ease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love, and in order to occupy and distract himself without love he gives way to passions and coarse pleasures, and sinks to bestiality in his vices, all from continual lying to other men and to himself.”
> 
> ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
> 
> “If one is brought up to take pleasure or suffer pain in certain activities, one will develop the corresponding character. This is why no one becomes good unless one does good things. Rather than trying to answer the question of why one ought to be good in the abstract, Aristotle assumes that taking pleasure in the right kinds of activities will lead one to have a good life, where “right kinds” means those activities that contribute to one’s goal in life. Hence the desires of children can be cultivated into virtuous dispositions by providing rewards and punishments that induce them to follow good reason.” (Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy)
> 
> Sasori’s philosophy also mirrors Nietzsche’s Superman. Essentially, god is dead, and man must become his own god. Sasori sees himself ascending above others. I welcome everyone to look into it if interested!
> 
> Ok, so there is a lot in this chapter about Sasori’s philosophy. I wanted to really show his thought process. Though this isn’t his typical thought process, since he is coming to new conclusions. 
> 
> After this chapter, Sasori accepts that he does not want to be a puppet. And he recognizes that no matter what he does, he is human. But there is still a lot he has not dealt with. He still views himself as incapable of love, despite briefly recognizing that he feels some level of guilt for his grandmother in the archives. Sasori knows that denial is the main tool in his arsenal, and he still clings to it. But he is a logical person, and once he knows what he tells himself is false, he can no longer accept it. He will be forced to accept a new truth. (This is why he did not want to live anymore after his battle with Sakura and Chiyo. He was forced to admit he failed. Realizing that he lived a lie, he saw no purpose in continuing to live.)
> 
> Hope you guys like! <3 Thank you for all of your wonderful comments! I plan to answer them all! I have had a very bad run of health issues, but hopefully that will be in the past soon. Hope everyone is doing well!


	25. Scourge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura insists on being upfront with Ebizō about the truth, even though Sasori has doubts. Still, it’s better to hear the truth, right?

Sakura spotted Sasori just as he made it down the steps to his apartment. She waved, and he made his way over to her without a twinge of expression.

“Ok, ready?” she asked him.

“I fail to see the purpose in this.”

“We’ve been over this... As soon as he hears what was stolen, he will know it was you. It’s not a coincidence that your puppets were stolen less than 24 hours after you arrived here.”

“Yes, but I fail to understand why I have to tell him this.”

“It’s called taking responsibility,” she sighed. He noticed she was walking at a slightly faster pace than usual.

“What do you hope to gain from me explaining this to him?” he muttered.

“It will show him that you value him.”

Sasori tried not to roll his eyes in exasperation. She apparently still had a lot to learn about his grand uncle. Unlike her, he was expecting... negative results from this little exercise. It was putting him on edge.

For once, Sakura was the calm one when it came to confrontation. He then realized it was because this was about honesty. This was her comfort zone, not his. And there was a reason for it...

“This will not go well,” Sasori warned her with those deadpan eyes of his. She made a face.

“Look, Lord Ebizō is going to find out you stole your puppets from the archives one way or another. And this is the best way to minimize the damage. Trust me.”

The closer they got to his great uncle’s house, the more restless he became. He did not owe honesty to anyone. He did not care about his uncle’s approval... He just wanted to be left alone.

When they arrived at their destination, they paused in front of the door.

“Ok, just... apologize, and things will be fine.”

“I-“

She knocked on the door before he could share another attempt at a forewarning. He sighed. Maybe she was right. If she thought this would be the most efficient way to keep his uncle off his back, then so be it.

When Ebizō peered through his doorway, he smiled at the familiar young faces.

“Oh, what a nice surprise. Come on in,” he said, opening his home to them once more.

As usual, Sakura was the one who felt more comfortable with making herself at home. She did not hesitate to enter, and removed her shoes. Sasori followed her lead, and studied his uncle’s living space. It had a pleasant look to it. He assumed someone else decorated it for him.

“So, what brings you here?” the old man asked cheerfully.

“Something happened...” Sakura started. Ebizō paused, noticing her seriousness.

“... The archives were broken into by that missing jounin...” she continued, her voice slightly hushed. She felt bad for ruining the man’s good mood. Ebizō grew confused.

“You were sent to tell me this?”

“Yeah, well... I offered.”

“What for?”

“Well... Because... You need the truth.”

Ebizō stared expectantly.

“Sasori... tell him.”

Sakura turned to him with that expectant look again. He glanced back at his uncle. He was reminded of the countless encounters he had with this man growing up, and made his official bet on how this would play out. This... was not going to go well. That was apparent now that he was in front of him. Sakura typically read people well, but this... was not one of those times.

“I took back some of my puppets last night,” he mumbled lowly.

Ebizō was stunned.

“... You broke into the archives?”

“Yes, and he’s sorry. Right, Sasori?” Sakura jumped in, eager to get this out of the way.

Sasori frowned. He was not sorry. And he had no intention of returning those puppets. He didn’t want to fake remorse. He had to do it his whole life, and he was sick of it. He was tired of faking.

“... No, I’m not.”

Sakura’s jaw dropped. Why was he honest at the worst times? Was he trying to get Ebizō to turn him in??

“...”

Ebizō’s demeanor had shifted. Moments ago, he looked happy to see Sasori, but that was quickly shed, a look of suspicion now on his face. Sakura almost shuttered. This was not going as planned...

“And that man you used? Where is he?”

“He’s not dead, if that’s what you’re asking,” Sasori grumbled. The look on Ebizō’s face told them he was not convinced.

“You’re expecting me to believe that you left a loose end.”

Sakura bit her lip and uncomfortably shifted her weight. Hearing a living person being referred to as a loose end did not feel right to her... But it was normal here, apparently.

“You come here to confess, and then lie to my face?” Ebizō added after not getting an immediate response from his grand nephew.

Sasori furrowed his brows. His uncle was different from how he remembered him. He was... rash with his assumptions. Much more so than when he was younger.

“I’m not lying.”

“...”

Ebizō placed his hands behind his back and seemed lost in thought. Calculating every small detail of what happened, what could go wrong...

“As I said, you have not changed at all. You are just as you were when you left your grandmother stranded.”

A curt assessment. Sasori almost snorted, his lips curled back into a cruel smirk. So this was how it was going to go down. In the end, it was always about this.

“No, he’s-“ Sakura started in an attempt to regain control of the situation.

“Child, let me speak,” Ebizō said sternly, making Sakura gulp. She had overstepped.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sasori asked. He was standing his ground unapologetically. Daring his uncle to...

Sakura wasn’t sure. She had defended him yesterday... but it looked like he could defend himself just fine. Sakura was worried about that. He wasn’t good at resolving conflict... Why did she think this would be a good idea?

“So quick to use others for your own personal gain...” Ebizō whispered to himself. “You only came here for those puppets. This was all premeditated. As expected of you.”

Sasori frowned. This conversation... He could tell where this was going. This was not the first time this topic had arisen, though it was typically between him and his grandmother.

“You have no shame. You have never considered how your actions effected others... I was too eager to ignore the signs,” the old man said, his aura considerably darker than before. His voice like a barren wasteland, where no life could possibly grow. He was steady in the unspoken resolution he reached.

“What signs?” Sasori growled, already knowing the answer. Ebizō’s icy expression could cut through the suddenly threatening atmosphere. Sakura held her breath.

“That you are a scourge... You are only capable of taking everything those coveting eyes of yours see!”

Sasori visibly bared his teeth, fury in his eyes. While he took on all of Ebizō’s harsh critiques, Sakura wanted to cover her face. She would not dare speak- the elder’s words were echoing in her head from their sting.

“I did nothing wrong. I took what was mine,” Sasori replied, never taking his wrathful gaze off of him. She knew that look. Despite his refusal to raise his voice, he had accepted the fight. From this point on, a rabidity would slowly come to a boil from within him, eventually to flow out of his every pore. There was no turning back now.

“You took from countless families. You kill without a second thought!” Ebizō growled, his composure slipping.

“Just as you hoped for,” Sasori spat, eyes narrowed slightly.

“You destroyed our family! Look at what you have done! ... Go look at what became of your home... She kept it exactly as it was when you left her!”

Ebizō was now visibly angry, a small tremble in his closed fist as he stepped forward. Though the lecture was not directed at her, Sakura wanted to apologize for all wrongdoing. He commanded the room, but the hint of despair in his tone was what wounded her heart.

Sasori clenched his jaw, and snarled, revealing a smidge of the destruction he was capable of bringing. And Sakura braced herself, realizing that Lord Ebizō was going to dump all of his anger from the past 2 decades on the boy in front of him, whether he deserved it or not.

“What she did after I left was not my problem. She should have seen it coming.”

Sakura cringed from the horrible words. How could he say that...

“You know what you did, boy!” Ebizō yelled, voice like thunder. Sakura jumped, and even Sasori resisted the urge to back away. But he stood his ground, remembering that he was no longer a child, and he considered himself on equal terms with his uncle. His fiery irises almost glowed from their intensity. At the moment, Sakura could have sworn they were the color of faded blood.

“You deny your true nature to my face... But I know what you are. The village may not have seen it, but I knew...”

Sasori’s eyes dared him, they begged to be challenged more... He wanted to hear it all. All of the terrible things people were too cowardly to utter out loud. This was the truth all along. This man was just like the rest of them. To them, he was a monster.

“Knew that I’m what?” Sasori sneered, baring his teeth. “Do you think me a demon? Did I possess the body of your precious clan heir?”

Ebizō frowned at that. Sakura closed her eyes. This was bad... This was really bad.

“Or was I evil from the moment I was born, Uncle? Should you have killed me then?”

Sakura audibly gasped. Sasori ignored her obvious horror, and stared keenly at his grand uncle, studying the microscopic nuances in his reaction. The old man was disgusted.

“You horrid child! How dare you-“

“You want me to feel bad for what I did? I don’t,” Sasori said, his voice quieter than before.

“I enjoyed it,” he hissed, making Sakura cover her mouth.

“Do not speak that way as though you are entitled to the right! You killed her!” Ebizō exclaimed, pointing at him. “And you come back here to steal even more from us?! I should have you put where you belong!”

Sasori’s eyes widened, and Sakura’s filled with fear.

“Please, no! He-“ she blurted.

“I stole nothing,” Sasori growled, another small crack revealing the raw anger within him. “I have not done the things you accuse me of.”

He knew he was lying. The old man was right about everything. But he refused to back down to his own uncle.

“You used this girl, just as you use everyone else! You only destroy!” Ebizō continued, the furniture around them shaking from the man’s released chakra. Sasori had never seen him so enraged. He finally took a step back with shallow breath, his body prepared to defend itself.

“No, he-!” Sakura started, grabbing the old man’s arm. Ebizō shook her off, only focused on his grand nephew.

“How dare you visit her grave after all you have done? What do you hope to gain? Was that just another show for her?” the old man yelled, gesturing to Sakura. “So you can use her more in the future?”

“I did not use her!” Sasori yelled, finally split open like an erupting volcano. More lies. His uncle was only professing the truth. But...

“Everything you do is to benefit yourself, and only yourself! Knowing how you killed your own master so long after leaving... I am surprised you never came back to finish Chiyo off as well! But in the end, you still got what you wanted! You killed her!”

“I didn’t!”

Sakura then realized Ebizō was mixing the two Sasoris together... Did he even remember that the Sasori in front of him wasn’t the one who left? This was so horrible to watch...

“You destroy everything you touch and you take pleasure in it! You’re sick in the head!”

“And you’re a dying man with nothing to live for!” Sasori yelled back, finally going in for the kill. Ebizō faltered, but only for a split second. Sasori could tell the words hit home.

“I lived for her! And you lived in spite of her!”

“You all rejected my work-“ Sasori started, wanting to bring that topic to the table as well. “She-“

“It was evil! And you broke her heart! Why are you here, when she’s dead in the ground?!”

Sasori inwardly flinched.

“Go witness the ruin you have brought upon us! See the pain you have caused!” Ebizō commanded, pointing to the door. “Take responsibility for once in your life!”

Sakura couldn’t take any more.

“Stop!” she begged, forcing the two men to snap back to their surroundings. They continued to stare at each other with hatred, waiting for the other to back down. Ebizō was visibly frazzled from the strain he had put on himself. And Sasori’s deceptively cold mask made him look untouchable, as though he were comprised of nothing but marble. Still, Sakura could feel the pathos radiating off of his body, and the manic gleam in his eyes.

“...”

After a few moments of silence, all of their cruel words seemed to echo off the walls, like the memory was tangible. Sasori finally took a deep breath, and abruptly turned around, gritting his teeth behind closed lips.

“You are just like the rest of them.”

He then ran out of the house, and slammed the door. He did it so violently, Sakura shuddered from the display. She had never seen him like that before. He was falling apart at the seams...

Ebizō suddenly felt faint, and stumbled.

“Lord Ebizō!” Sakura cried, hurriedly guiding him into his chair. The old man drooped, and hid his face in his hand.

“That boy... So selfish...”

Sakura held back tears and remained standing, unsure of whether she should take action or not. He shook his head with sorrow.

“How could he say those things...” he mumbled. “The cruelty...”

“No, you’re wrong about him!” she blurted. He was shocked by how eagerly she remained at his defense, despite what she just witnessed.

“You saw. He is a lost cause,” he said wearily. She only grew more frantic, the previous scene leaving her overwhelmed with frustration and horror.

“He’s kind! He saved me!” she countered with even more passion. The tears escaped, and slid down her face. She barely noticed them, since they felt so natural.

“How could you?” she then whispered, wiping her eyes as she fell to her knees in front of him. The man instinctively reached out, and then hesitated, his brows upturned.

“My child...” he said, “why are you sad? Surely you understand...”

“You... He isn’t him! He isn’t the man who did all of that! He never left her!” she said bitterly. “I took him here to talk to you... I wanted you to understand...”

He didn’t know what to say. She was unfortunate to witness such an argument between them. He knew she did not understand why he became so enraged at the boy. So he held his tongue, understanding her lack of knowledge was what made her struggle with what just happened. He watched her take a deep breath, and recognized the flash of anger in her eyes when she opened her mouth once more.

“You hurt him! Why did you say those things?”

She was addressing him directly.

“You heard him say it. He said he enjoyed it,” the old man stated firmly.

“He only said that because you told him he was evil!” she shot back, frustrated with how this turned out. “He isn’t! He came here to visit her! He wanted to see you!”

The words were tumbling out of her, and he allowed her to get them out.

“He isn’t evil... He is my friend...” she sniffed, wiping another hot tear from her cheek. “Why didn’t you let him explain...”

Why did she let this happen?

The old man sat in silence as she cried softly, hiding her face. He knew his heart rate was too high... He forced himself to settle down.

He felt terrible. The things he said came back to him, and he pursed his lips in thought.

“He brought you here so he could break into the archives, my dear. He calculated it. He manipulated you.”

“It doesn’t matter...” she said, finally calming herself down. “He does feel things... I know he does.”

“That boy hasn’t felt anything since the war...” he replied, looking down at the floor. “You are dealing with someone incapable of what you seek.”

She understood that he knew Sasori was antisocial. But to be so sure of everything he thought and felt...

“How do you know that? You barely know him!”

He felt a pinch from her words.

“... Sasori is not the only ninja to turn out this way. Many ninja become unfeeling.”

“Because of what you do to them!” she complained. “You know why he struggles with these things! But you don’t help him!”

He thought on her point, and took her in. So open with her emotions. So improper. He... understood how her presence could effect even someone like Sasori if he was around her long enough. She cared for him so much. He saw it in her eyes when she looked at him. She poured her love onto him endlessly. But did it actually do anything?

“... You are so certain of his heart.”

“I know his heart. He cares,” she said, looking up at him. “He saved me on the way here... I would be dead if it weren’t for him... He cares about me.”

Ebizō did not understand. Sasori was not like that. He was not like that at all at his current age. Everything he did was for his own gain...

“And you are certain he saved you out of kindness? Don’t you know why he brought you here? You are a shield.”

“... It WAS kindness. He... went out of his way to make me comfortable. He can be gentle...”

She recalled the image of Sasori smiling at her in the cave. It was so different from earlier...

“And when we went to Lady Chiyo’s grave, he was upset. And he was so happy to see you...” she sighed, feeling helpless. Ebizō felt a shot of regret.

“...”

Sakura thought more clearly, and understood why Ebizō felt the way he did. The Sasori he knew... was the Sasori she battled. There was no speck of forgiveness in his soul. There was nothing. Only emptiness...

“He is not what you think he is. He’s confused... He needs you. He still struggles to understand right and wrong, but he has gotten better,” Sakura assured him. “He feels betrayed by his village. By Lady Chiyo...”

Ebizō sat back in his chair, realizing just how terrible he was to his grand nephew. While the boy was selfish, if this was all true...

“He told me about himself after he took care of me... He feels so alone. I can see it in him... He feels so suffocated in this place. He needs to know people care for him... He needs to understand that you don’t hate him.

“Please, don’t push him away...”

She wiped her face, removing any trace of her previous vulnerability, and looked up at him intently.

“He’s different.”

Ebizō stared down at her.

“Then why did he steal those puppets?”

She faltered.

“... I’m not sure. But there’s a reason. I think he was overwhelmed last night... He wasn’t himself. Please, just don’t give up on him. Expecting perfection of him is what drove him to what he became... He needs reassurance.”

(“_I just need reassurance sometimes...”_

_“It is reasonable.”)_

“... I told you yesterday that he seeks your approval. He... needs you so much.”

Ebizō sighed, a deep tiredness in his sunken eyes.

“I fear it is too late... He will not give me a chance to mend this...”

Sakura grew determined. Ebizō had accepted her case for Sasori’s soul, and he was willing to reach out once more. Relief swept through her, feeing heard. Usually, people didn’t care about her opinions... Not on this sort of thing.

“If I can find him, will you... be willing to try again?”

Ebizō sat perfectly still.

“Even if you find him, he will not be so forgiving. You know this.”

“That doesn’t matter. If I bring him back, will you... apologize?”

He stared at this young woman intently. She was brash. She did not care if she was disrespecting him. She was holding him accountable.

He sighed, and remembered the good times he shared with his grand nephew. He was once a sweet child... Maybe, this girl could restore that within him. Maybe Sasori wasn’t a lost cause.

“...Yes.”

——

Sakura ran. She did her best to remain calm. Sasori wouldn’t do anything stupid, right?

‘_I was an idiot to assume that would go well... I don’t know anything about Sasori’s family...’_

She had wonderful parents who, while they embarrassed her, made her feel loved. They expressed themselves clearly with everything they did, whether it was their disappointment or pride in her. She knew that even if she messed up, she could talk to them. They were safe... But... What if that wasn’t Sasori’s experience?

Lady Chiyo felt unable to express herself clearly... And it was obvious Sasori never felt truly seen by her. He tried so hard to please her, but in doing so, he drove himself farther away from her... The things he ended up obsessing over were bad... And he ended up hiding them from her. He hid so much of himself.

Why did he agree to tell Ebizō what happened if he knew it would turn out this way? He didn’t even put up much of a fuss... Was it because he wanted a reason for confrontation?

Was he using this as an opportunity to have that argument with his uncle?

But why? It was so horrible... Nothing good came from it. Sakura had never seen such a horrifying fight between family members. The things they said to each other could not be taken back.

(“_You are a scourge!”)_

She shook her head, and finally saw Sasori’s apartment building. She jumped up to the second floor balconies, and leapt onto the one he was using. Something already told her he wouldn’t be there, but she needed to check it off the list anyway.

Her heart was beating so rapidly... She got an adrenaline rush every time she recalled any part of that scene. It was so... sad.

She opened the screen door and stepped inside his room. The bed looked like no one had ever touched it. He seemed to keep his presence in temporary residences to a minimum.

And she just stood there. She needed a moment to just... soak it all in.

(“_Do you think me a demon? Did I possess the body of your precious clan heir? Or was I evil from the moment I was born, Uncle? Should you have killed me then?”) _

She got chills from that. She felt like it was the key to some part of him.

Why did he say that?

It meant... that he felt like they were watching him, his whole life... And they thought he was...

Sakura frowned. She knew the Sasori she battled a year ago was a psychopath of the highest order. Only someone with no empathy for others could make people into those... things.

When she took him into the Leaf archives, she saw his reaction to his file’s contents. He was surprised by them. He was displeased with them. And she recognized that in him, because she was actively studying his face for the sole purpose of discerning whether he was a psychopath or not. Could he feel any guilt? A speck of kindness for others?

And she had determined that he was not the man she battled. He was still salvageable. It was a big gamble, but the more time she spent with him, the more certain she was that she had made the right decision. He WAS capable of changing. He could have a chance at happiness.

And since she judged him correctly from the very beginning... Even when he had just shown up in that abandoned lot... It meant...

She pursed her lips in displeasure, and took one quick look into the rest of his apartment before heading to her next location.

It meant that if something was different at home... If people showed him that they loved him... he would have been ok. Even weeks before he defected. But in this dimension, that never happened. He was never given what he needed.

He wasn’t born merciless. She knew that. She had researched him after burying Lady Chiyo. He was described as a kind, quiet boy. His parents’ deaths were the start of the whole mess... It obviously broke poor Lady Chiyo. And it was only the start of the issues Sasori would face...

Sakura felt sick to her stomach. How could they let this happen?! How could they let a sweet child like that become the man she battled? It was so awful...

(“_That boy hasn’t felt anything since the war...”) _

She was tired of learning about the wars. How many children were slaughtered in them. How much innocence was sacrificed. How could they expect him to go back to the way he was before??

How could they expect him to be perfect?!

She remembered Lady Chiyo’s words... She said the Sand’s teachings were what made Sasori into what he was. And by the time they got to him, he was too far gone.

She wanted to scream in frustration. She wasn’t angry at Lord Ebizō. She understood his feelings. But at the same time, what did he expect? Sasori was right. They should have seen it coming. No one saw him as a person. No one really took the time to make sure he was ok. Even after all he did for his village... No one picked up on his pain.

And no one helped Lady Chiyo either. No one in this village seemed to be capable of actually talking to one another in the slightest.

She wasn’t angry at Lady Chiyo, Lord Ebizō, or Sasori. She was just angry at the village. Customs were what prevented them from expressing themselves to each other... And for what?

Sakura approached the grave site, but could tell from afar that he wasn’t there either. She caught her breath, and thought. Ebizō did tell him to look at his old house... Maybe he was there?

She had to think for a moment on its location. She could remember the street, but... She would have to ask someone for directions.

“Ugh. How is it that the sun isn’t set yet?!” she yelled in exasperation. This day would never end!

She then turned around and decided to ask the first person she saw about Chiyo’s residence.

‘_I’m so stupid... Thinking confrontation would help...’ _

She had messed with something she knew nothing about. And because of it, Sasori was hurt. She could see it on his face. It was like he wanted to be hurt...

She growled as she continued to run about. Why was he so self destructive??

She then mentally paused. It wasn’t her place to say that. She could be the same way. Sometimes her big mouth ruined good moments. Sometimes she was selfish. Sometimes she allowed herself to get hurt, even when the warning signs were there.

He assumed the truth was that everyone hated him. He always assumed negatively... Even when it wasn’t accurate. It was like he was incompatible with love, so much so that his own body rejected it. That the deepest parts of him were ruined beyond compare. He was rotting away, and yet, he refused any slight indication of hope. 

She spotted a chuunin, and headed straight for her. She was getting warm. The house was somewhere close by.

‘_Please be ok...’_ Sakura thought to herself. ‘_You’re my responsibility, remember? Please be there..._’

’_Please don’t give up...’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sakura is a ninja who has a healthy home with two loving parents, which is rare in her profession. Other Leaf ninja like Shikamaru and Chouji have loving parents as well, but come from well known ninja clans. We were never given too much information about Sakura’s clan, but the feeling I get from her is that she wants to make a name for it through her achievements. She has a clan symbol and proudly wears it. She is supported by those who matter most- lower ranking ninja who have time to spend raising their child in a positive environment.
> 
> Sasori was raised in a household that does not encourage outbursts of emotion. A lot of people can relate to this situation. A lot of people from from families that do not express themselves freely, due to the self imposed restraints they place on themselves. But it is easy to forget how to be forthcoming with oneself. If you hide your true feelings for long enough, it seems impossible to get them out. And unfortunately, this only breeds misinformation and more repression. If Chiyo felt uncomfortable with her love, Sasori learned from her. 
> 
> The main theme in Naruto is that without external guidance, a person is doomed. Even Naruto, the kindest person around, admits that without love from others, his hatred would have devoured him. 
> 
> Chiyo and Sasori are more examples of this. How could Chiyo know what not to do? How could Sasori make better decisions? When people are trained to isolate themselves, how can they reform bridges? 
> 
> And then there is Ebizō, who was raised the same way as Chiyo. He obviously loved his sister dearly. But they are from an older time, when tradition ruled over all else. Without Sakura’s outside opinion, he does not see how the Sand’s customs aren't required. Without communication, people become rigid. Only through a helping hand can one better himself. Only through each other can we defeat our own minds. That is the lesson from this manga. 
> 
> Ah, it is sad to imagine Ebizō watching his sister suffer from her regret for 20 years. The natural reaction to seeing your dead grandnephew is to vent out all that frustration, right? And I wanted to expose some of the anger Sasori carries with him in this explosive argument. He is just a teenager, and like Ebizō, he is bursting with emotions on the situation. Both of them want to convey their feelings, but are bad at it. 
> 
> Since Sakura comes from a healthy household, this would be very foreign to her. Kids who are blessed with good homes tend not to put themselves in the shoes of kids who don’t. But this unravels in her face, and she realizes she jumped the gun. Let’s see what she does next!


	26. Dust and Echoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori takes in the desolate remains of his past... The results of actions he supposedly took, though he himself did not make them. Could he understand the weight in his chest? Was it crippling loneliness, or something more than that...?

The sun was starting to set, the clouds a brilliant pink. Deep shadows lurked under every roof, and somewhere, the sound of a wind chime could be heard. The village was bustling, the residents enjoying the cool weather. But inside the house, it was drowned out. A depressing residue filled the abandoned property, and there were only unfulfilled promises and tainted memories.

Dust covered every surface, and no light could creep past the boarded windows. Nothing lived there. Not a single creature made this place its home. It was already filled with an oppressing fog... The smell of death.

Sasori stood in front of a doorway. One of the only remaining rooms he had not touched.

How could this place be so dark? If he closed his eyes, he could vividly imagine the bright ceiling lights and the sound of shuffling in the kitchen. Months ago, he felt trapped in this place. This horrid, unfeeling place...

The silence clawed at his eardrums, the scent of dust and old linen filling his nostrils. The only light provided came from the sunlight in the roof of the living room, which was now dim. Particles of dust floated in the air, making him grimace. He braced himself, and touched the cool doorknob that led to his bedroom.

A creaking sound alerted whatever ghosts may have been lurking, the door opening wide to expose the once sealed off space with light. He held his breath, and took in the familiar layout. His desk, his bed...

He walked in tentatively, glancing down at his own shadow with bitterness. As he stood above the place he once slept, a memory came to him. His grandmother...

He shook off the recollection, and grazed his fingers against the cloth of the bedsheets. When he withdrew his hand, his skin was coated with fine particles of sand. After observing the floorboards closely, he noticed more of it had made its way inside. Even after being closed off from the world, nature managed to stake its claim.

Why did she keep this place? He did not understand it. Only pain remained here...

He walked over to the closet, and opened the doors. It was sparse, as expected, but some of his clothes were still hung on the rack. He gripped the sleeve of one of his uniforms, and closed his eyes. They were all arranged in the way he placed them...

He wanted to abandon the mark the Sand had on him... He wanted to throw it all away. But apparently after going rogue, he kept his old uniform, and crossed out his headband as a declaration. Apparently, he wanted to be known as a Sand ninja- as someone who openly rejected the system. His bitterness showed through this change in attitude. 

He then vaguely wondered where his headband was. It wasn’t like he needed it, so he shook the thought aside.

Some of his clothes were missing, and he assumed he packed them when he left. After thinking on it for a few seconds, he remembered seeing them at his hideout. He had moved everything there, over the course of months, piece by piece...

Sasori was a pragmatic person, but he tended to hoard anything that could possibly be of use. Minimalism did not suit him, but that was because he could manage the large collection of possessions he had acquired. He was organized, and there was a place for everything. Everything needed to be where it belonged...

His attention went to his desk. The surface was mostly barren, only a few miscellaneous trinkets left over. He opened the top drawer, and stared down at the stack of decaying paper inside. It was all blank. Almost nothing of him remained.

(“_Go look at what became of your home... She kept it exactly as it was when you left her!”) _

Sasori frowned. Why did he come here? What was the purpose? Perhaps he simply wanted to see his home again... He figured someone else had moved in long ago, so he didn’t bother to come by, until discovering that his assumption was not the case. This was a tomb.

What was he supposed to feel?

His grand uncle’s words echoed in his mind... No, they screamed at him. All at once, overlapping.

(“_You have not changed at all. You are just as you were when you left your grandmother stranded.”) _

He did abandon her.

(“_What she did after I left was not my problem. She should have seen it coming.”)_

He killed her.

He stormed out of his room, and took a breath, hands in his hair. He knew Ebizō was referring to that battle a year before, which he was not responsible for, but when he said that over and over... a voice told him he did kill her.

He could see it on every surface of this place.

Ebizō was right. He was incapable.

He was a plague... Something inhuman that passed through here, taking all it wanted, and then leaving without a second thought... Not caring about anything.

(“_Emotions... serve no purpose.” _

_“Of course they do! You can’t truly live if you don’t feel!”) _

This house was a noose tightening around his neck. He walked over to the living room, and resisted the urge to rest against the recently uncovered furniture. Earlier, he had swept through here, unveiling the perfectly stored pieces of his past. The white sheets were now on the floor, like wisps of phantoms now doomed back to hell.

He could not avoid the picture frame on the table. His own reflection could be seen in the protective glass, momentarily distracting him.

He looked so... dead.

His grandmother’s favorite picture... The last one taken of his parents. They all looked so happy. He had spent countless hours staring into the faces of the people he could barely remember anymore. The people he ached for.

(“_But what if... I don’t want to feel?”) _

The dream he had in the cave came back to him. That reoccurring dream at the beginning haunted him, particularly when he was a child. He would lay awake at night for hours, thinking of them... And when he finally slept, he dreamt of them. So when he awoke again, that emptiness could return.

This house was so cold...

(“_Feeling nothing at all is better than feeling what you felt.”) _

Was it?

(“_You are a scourge... You are only capable of taking everything those coveting eyes of yours see!”) _

This time, he flinched from those harsh words...

‘_Why can’t I feel anything?!’_ Sasori asked himself. The words screamed in his mind, tormenting him. Why couldn’t he feel what she wanted him to?

But he did feel something... He was... unsure of its formal title. Some negative emotion dominated him. Or maybe it was a combination of many things. He disliked the heaviness in his body as he moved, the tightness in his airway. Being here... made him tired.

(“_You want me to feel bad for what I did? I don’t.” _

_I enjoyed it.”) _

He clenched his fists, and exhaled. Why did he say that...

At the time, he DID enjoy it... He loved that tragic expression on her face.

‘_That conversation... was right here,_’ he recalled, looking at the kitchen entryway. His last conversation with her. He had destroyed her then.

He imagined her waiting for him for 20 long years... Just hoping she could make up with him. Telling herself that it wasn’t the end.

What was it like to kill him? Was she finally relieved of the burden she placed on herself? Was she filled with regret? And how did he feel, after so long? That conversation in this kitchen was all that he would take with him wherever he went. He knew that about himself. He would replay it over and over again, to remind himself... that she was to be hated. She was responsible for it all. He was always thorough when it came to convincing himself of things. 

If he felt the way he did about her then as he did in this moment, he would have liked to see her again. Maybe just to crush her spirit one last time, but nevertheless... And because of what he did in this timeline, he...

He would never see her again.

‘_Granny_...’

He was so drained...

He felt... despair.

“... Sasori...”

That familiar voice. He shut his eyes.

“What are you doing here?”

Sakura had opened the front door that was broken into, and searched for his figure. When she found him, she felt chills. So curt. She ignored the pain in her chest, and eased closer to him.

“I... thought maybe you would be here when you weren’t at any of the other places I checked...”

He said nothing. She stood next to him, and eyed his face. Stone cold.

“What do you want.”

He was so angry. Her face twisted into agony, imagining what he was feeling.

“Sasori...”

“I don’t want to see you right now,” he growled, turning away from her briskly. He walked to another wall, and faced away from her. She sighed.

“... I’m... worried about you.”

“... I’m fine.”

“You’re not. That was... awful...”

She approached him once more.

“I’m sorry I made you go there... This is my fault.”

She felt a shakiness in her pitch. She was on the verge of tears again. This was all her fault... Why did she push him? If she hadn’t...

Sasori did nothing. He closed his eyes. He knew she was falling apart behind him. She was always a mess...

“I want to be alone...” he mumbled to himself. She did her best not to take that personally, but failed.

“... Ok...”

She remained still.

“Go away,” he said, now glaring at her. She was finally retreating. Her eyes were so defeated.

“... I’ll... be at my place later... if you need me.”

Sasori’s expression changed, and she understood he wasn’t upset with her. He looked like he wanted to retract his words, but of course, felt incapable of backing down from anything he said or did. Still, she knew. And it was enough for her.

“I’ll... always be here if you need me.”

He looked away from her, but something about his body language implied he was still open to her. She bit her lip.

“Just so you know... I don’t agree with anything he said to you. You... aren’t what he said.”

He avoided her gaze, but his demeanor had softened. Now, he just looked... tired.

She turned to go, but he spoke.

“... He was right.”

Sakura whirled around to argue, but faltered. He was staring at a picture frame. Even from where she was, she could tell what it contained. The fact that he said that meant... he wanted her to stay.

“Why do you believe any of that?” she asked him. He swiped away the film of dust on the photograph.

“This house... is exactly as it was.”

Sakura sighed, taking in the empty house. It was so lonely... She didn’t know what to expect from this place, but it was so barren. She imagined him growing up here... She imagined Lady Chiyo sitting in one of the chairs in the room they were standing in. Once, she was happy. Once, he knew he was loved.

“But you didn’t leave her,” she said, walking closer to him. He turned away from her once again.

“I was going to.”

“...”

She didn’t know how to make him feel better. Just like when she didn’t know how to make Sasuke feel better. When it came to his past... nothing she could think of was worth saying. She felt so trivial compared to what transpired... The death... the sensation of lingering regrets...

“But... you didn’t. You... found me,” she said quietly. He looked back at her.

“... You found me,” he said calmly. ”And the only reason I stayed was to make use of you.”

Sakura sighed audibly. She supposed it was time to get to the core of that.

“Sasori... I know that. I’m not dumb.”

“...”

“I kind of always knew that you were sticking around just because it was your best move. But... over time, I know that you liked being there.”

“... I don’t feel what I’m supposed to.”

“You do, you just bury it,” she urged him. “I know this. I’ve seen it. By now, you should know... This whole thing... What you became. It was all BECAUSE you felt things.”

He could not deny her case. But, to feel things, and to feel things for others were two entirely different subjects...

“But I don’t feel bad for the things I do. I’m supposed to.”

Sakura stared at him. Studied him. He was thinking very hard on this... Ebizō certainly shook something loose. She hoped it wasn’t purely hatred.

“... I... need to be alone.”

She nodded.

“Ok. But make sure you eat something, ok? I’ll be at my place later, if you need me.”

This time, she felt a lot better. He wouldn’t disappear on her. He was still talking to her, which was... all she needed.

He couldn’t look at her. She was too much sometimes. She was even telling him to eat, like she was his mother or something. But he didn’t hate her concern for his well being. It was... nice that she bothered to chase after him. He knew that she genuinely cared about him. And for some reason, he felt like he was stuck with her.

“... See you later.”

Sakura awkwardly walked to the foyer, and opened the creaky door. As soon as she shut it, he let out a sigh. What did he even mean when he said he wanted to be alone? To process all of this? He only felt confused here...

Something was still not out in the open. He felt something swimming inside of him, begging to be let out. What was it?

He spaced out for a fair amount of time, and then finally made a decision.

——

“Hey, Sakura!"

Sakura whirled around to see a familiar face in the street.

"Oh, hey Temari!"

Temari caught up to her and smiled. She looked like she hadn't changed her clothes since getting back.

“I just got in. Kankurō said you were in town!"

"Yes, until tomorrow. I need to get back to work," Sakura said, giving her a warm smile. It felt so nice to be on friendly terms with the Sand Siblings. They were a lot different from their first impressions... Then again, maybe they were different people.

"I need to stop by the Leaf soon anyway, and I was thinking maybe I can travel with you."

"Oh, that's perfect!" Sakura blurted, excited for some good news. "It will be way less boring that way too."

The girls both chuckled.

“Where are you headed right now?"

"Just my place, why?"

“Up for some local grub? I know a few good places," Temari grinned.

Yes, she could use a distraction from the day's events.

“Sure!"

Temari took the lead, and they headed down a side street Sakura had never been down before. It was getting darker, and she was grateful to finally have a good meal.

"Kankurō says you traveled here with a friend."

"You mean Sateki. Yes, he happened to run into me. It was nice to catch up after so long."

It was strange to use his fake name. It felt like so long since she had used it...

"When's the last time you saw him?"

Sakura mentally paused.

“... A year ago."

“Is that when you became close?"

"... No. We didn't get along at all actually. But before he... parted ways with me, we came to an understanding. Afterwards, I found myself thinking on him."

Sakura was now lost in thought.

“Oh, is he cute then?" Temari grinned. 

”Why does everybody come to that conclusion," Sakura groaned. "He's just a friend."

"Well, where is he now? Would he like to meet up with us for dinner?"

“Ah... I think he's... wrapped up in some things right now. Artistic burdens and whatnot haha," she shooed. She wasn't sure she would be seeing him again that night. He had a lot to work through...

"Oh, he's eccentric?"

"More like anal retentive. Knowing him, he probably cooked something for himself already," she muttered, making up an excuse that, under other circumstances, would likely be true. Temari eyed the faces she made when she spoke about him.

“I do sense tension there. Frenemies, then?"

Sakura chuckled.

“Sometimes we disagree. But he's... oddly pleasant."

He was pleasant, even though he was a pompous ass hat. It was kind of a contradiction, but it was true. More than anything, he was comfortable to her, like he was one of her teammates. Despite that sharp tongue of his, he followed her around like a lost puppy...

‘_Cat_,’ she corrected herself. He was much more like a stray cat than a dog. Either way, it was nice that he needed her. It felt nice to be chosen.

The girls walked into a sit down restaurant. Everyone, upon seeing Temari, bowed. She greeted several people as they were led to their table.

“This place has amazing kenchin soup. It's one of my favorites," she said cheerfully.

"Sounds delicious... I am pretty famished."

Once they were seated and looking through the menus, Temari came up with more questions for her.

"Will he be traveling with us tomorrow?"

“Oh, um... yes. He told me he wanted to stick with his free bodyguard," Sakura laughed. Temari chuckled as well, covering her mouth with her hand. Sakura was struck by how beautiful the blonde woman was. She always forgot.

'_Maybe I will look that good when I'm her age...'_ Sakura hoped.

“Kankurō said you came to visit Lady Chiyo. How did that go?"

‘_It was a disaster,’_ she thought to herself.

"... Well. I still miss her. Just when I felt like we really bonded... She was gone, just like that."

Remembering her own connection with Chiyo, Sakura sighed, and placed her head in her hands. Temari crossed her arms, taking in her solemn disposition.

Sakura typically wouldn't burden her with such a dreary, yet honest answer, but she was still down in the dumps about the whole thing. She brought Sasori back to his grandmother, but he seemed to reject a meaningful encounter at her grave. And right now, he was alone in that house... This made her frustrated. He needed to clear things up with her... badly.

She thought back to his reaction when she suggested he visit her alone. He was so against it, despite not believing she could be listening... So why be so adamant about it?

The more she got to know Sasori, the more questions she had for him.

But she knew one thing. If he was going to clear things up with Ebizō, he needed to make up his mind about how he felt about Chiyo first.

“She was lucky she teamed up with you. She was very secluded, for a long time. It's nice that she made a connection at the end."

Sakura knew Temari had no idea how much those words really hit her. She couldn’t get the image of that house out of her mind...

Temari thought carefully on how to continue with the topic. Due to her guest’s openness, she felt she ought to delve into it further. It was uncommon for Sand ninja to dwell on sensitive themes outwardly... But she was curious to know Sakura’s thoughts.

Before they could continue their conversation, the waitress asked them what they wanted. Sakura went ahead and ordered the same as Temari, trusting her pallet. She wondered what restaurants were around 20 years earlier. Were any of them still running?

After the waitress left, the girls thought on continuing the discussion they had only started to dive into. Sakura bit her lip, wanting to vent openly. She knew she couldn't say what she really wanted to, but...

“... Have you ever been in a situation like that...? I mean, you feel bad that you had to fight at all? I just wish... She could have been happy with him."

Temari stared at her with a strange expression on her face, but she wasn't confused by her concerns. She was simply amazed that she felt that way.

“He was past the point of redemption... He was an enemy of every country on the continent..."

Sakura found herself wanting to defend him, but stopped herself. The Sasori they knew was horrible, and deserved what he got. The Sasori she saw moments ago... was a different person.

“I don't mean that... I just wish... He never left. And he could have had a normal life... So she could have been happy."

Temari nodded, now understanding. Sakura once again realized how useless she was back then. She couldn’t do anything for either of them...

That house...

“Yeah... That makes sense."

(“_You killed her!”) _

Sakura shook off that horrible argument, and continued talking.

"It just feels like I couldn't do anything for her in the end. I was there to just witness something... that I couldn't manipulate the outcome of..."

Temari eyed her carefully.

"Sounds like you still think about this a fair amount. Or is it just being here?"

Sakura sighed.

“... Not sure. I dwelled on that battle for a long time... Even more than the Chuunin Exams..."

Temari nodded in recognition at the mess that was the Chuunin Exams.

"It just felt... more personal."

"I feel the same way. If I was just there earlier... maybe Gaara wouldn't have been taken. And there wouldn't have been any reason for her to give her life."

Temari looked very forlorn. She shut her eyes.

“You almost lost both of your brothers... That must have been awful..." Sakura said, leaning forward slightly as she rested an arm on the table.

“It was... It still is. They don't get it," Temari laughed to herself. "To them, that is in the past. Kankurō more so than Gaara. I know Gaara still feels guilty for Lady Chiyo."

"She wanted to do that for him... I hope he doesn't feel too bad about it," Sakura replied, looking down. She hadn't thought of how Gaara would feel about that experience.

‘_It would be really awful, knowing you are alive because someone beloved gave their life for yours...’ _

“... I just hope no one feels resentment towards him for it," Temari said.

Sakura's thoughts went to Sasori. Did he... feel hatred for Gaara?

Sakura thought more on the topic. What about Kakashi? His dad killed his parents...

She knew he felt resentment towards his grandmother, but that seemed to be because of his living conditions. He didn't feel strongly about most things... It actually took a lot for him to care about anything. Maybe he didn't care much about this. Still... Was that possible, even for him?

"I doubt it. A lot of people were there when it happened, so they know the truth. She wanted to do it,” Sakura assured her, her attention back on the current conversation.

"I... feel bad sometimes because I was relieved she did that," Temari confessed.

“... I would feel the same way. He's your little brother."

"He's just so special to me... I always wanted him to understand that I care, but he didn't accept me or Kankurō until after the exams... Since then, the three of us became very close. When he was kidnapped..."

Temari sighed, and rubbed her forehead.

"I thought it was all over. I was never going to get to talk to him again... And he had changed himself so much for us... for his people. I thought it was all going to be thrown away." “

”.. I’m glad he’s ok,” Sakura said, giving her a small smile. She wondered how Gaara changed so much. She wanted tips.

“How did he change so much in such a short span of time?" she asked curiously.

“... Well, after Naruto talked to him, he seemed determined to be more like him. He was very serious about it. He struggled a lot, and backtracked sometimes, but you could tell his core had changed... It just took time for the rest of him to catch up."

"So he just needed to want it... And he just did it on his own?"

"Yes. I was so amazed. Over time, he became happier. He smiles so much now, I forget what he used to be like."

Temari smiled fondly, thinking of him.

“He was shy for a long time about it too. He was really hesitant to approach us, or ask questions about what he should do."

Sakura smiled.

“That sounds a bit like my teammate, Sai. He was a real jerk, but he's really friendly now... He is still a bit shy when it comes to reaching out, but I'm so glad he does it."

"Oh? Maybe you can introduce me when we get to the Leaf."

“He would love that,” Sakura laughed. “He is always eager to make friends.”

“... It’s nice that you guys took him onto your team like that.”

“He needed people around who cared about him...” Sakura said thoughtfully. “Like he was an actual human being.”

The last part came out with an acute bitterness. Temari raised her brows.

“So he was in a bad situation then...”

“He was in the Root.”

“Ah.”

Temari understood that better than Sakura ever would.

“... Do you ever feel... like your village is... a bit harsh?” Sakura suddenly asked, catching Temari off guard.

“No harsher than how the Root trains,” she replied smoothly. Her words had no bite to them, but Sakura realized how that came across.

“Oh, I didn’t mean that like...”

“It’s ok. I get what you meant,” Temari offered. She then thought more on her question.

“My father did not treat us like we were his children. We were soldiers. And Gaara... he was a weapon, not a human being. I think we had it worse than a lot of other families...” she said softly, looking down. She never talked about her father. She resented him more and more as she aged.

“... What about Sasori’s clan?”

Temari was surprised. So she was wondering about that still...

“They are one of the head families of Sunagakure. Only the best is accepted.”

“... Even now?”

“Well... As you know, the head family isn’t... I mean, Lord Ebizō is the only one left. So, after he dies, the legacy will be gone.”

Temari had not dwelled on that fact before. It saddened her.

“A little bit of our culture will fade away after that...”

“...”

Sakura felt... resentment. She did not want to care about culture or legacy... Because of those demands, Sasori was...

“Kankurō wanted to be trained as a puppet master ever since I can remember... The puppet core is still running. Right now, he’s teaching several students. I think he enjoys it.”

“That’s nice...”

She forgot what she wanted to say next when their food came. She quickly dived in, and only remembered her next question after finishing what was in front of her.

“... Why did Kankurō take Sasori’s body? And his parents’...”

Temari swallowed a bite of her meal, and set down her chopsticks.

“After we buried Lady Chiyo, you were pretty upset. We could all tell. And you researched the family... Since you took such an interest, Kankurō eventually did as well. After you left, he talked to Ebizō and learned about them. He was invested in making use of Sasori’s body, but... he was more focused on the other two. I think... he related to their situation.”

Sakura dwelled on this. Of course. Kankurō’s mother died in childbirth, and his father was heartless. Kankurō didn’t ever get to experience a parent’s love growing up. Not really.

“... I never thought of it from that angle,” she confessed. Temari smiled sadly.

“I don’t get his obsession with those puppets of his. Sometimes I worry he forgets they aren’t alive.”

“... Yeah, well after seeing how far Sasori took it, I can see your concern.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sasori... became what he did because he replaced people. He thought he only needed his puppets. That’s why he made himself one.”

Temari seemed taken aback by her explanation. It seemed so obvious now that it was said, but it had never occurred to her, or probably anyone else. Who spent time psychoanalyzing the enemy to that degree?

”Wow... Now that you say that, it fits...”

”But your brother has lots of people in his life! So I wouldn’t worry about it,” Sakura said, picking up on Temari’s sudden concern for him. “He’s really easy to talk to!”

“And he’s single,” Temari added, giving her a smirk. Sakura laughed.

“Are you trying to set us up right now?”

”What can I say? I’m desperate,” Temari sighed, chucking. Sakura continued to laugh.

”I’m flattered, but I don’t think he’s my type.”

“Yeah, I think so too...” Temari said partially to herself. “He needs someone from around here...”

”You are a good older sister,” Sakura commented. “Sometimes I wish I had a sibling.”

“Oh, you would just fight. Kankurō and I still butt heads sometimes. He can be a bit of a hot head, always doing before thinking...”

Temari shook her head.

“I get along wonderfully with Gaara, but we are making up for a lot of bad times...”

“... When did you first feel comfortable with him?”

“... When he opened up to me. I knew he was different. And now look at him... I’m so proud of him.”

”Me too. He’s making a lot of good changes.”

”I couldn’t agree more,” Temari nodded. “This place needs a lot of updates.”

The two girls chuckled, and enjoyed the remainder of their dinner. And the entire time, Sakura’s anxiety dwindled. She still worried about Sasori, but she knew it would be ok between them at least. He still opened up to her. He acknowledged that she was safe. That was what mattered. They could get through this, as long as they relied on each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make sure I addressed all three Sand Siblings’ takes on the Sasori situation. Writing this scene, I delved more into Kankurō than I ever had before, and it was interesting. Thinking on how hard they had it growing up with Rasa as a father... yikes.
> 
> And after the time skip, they all ended up so nice... Showing that they always wanted the opportunity to be. 
> 
> The only one I haven’t delved into so far is Gaara, but he will have his moment later :)
> 
> Ok, so the first half of the chapter is Sasori trying to figure out his feelings- whether he feels truly bad for his part in what happened to Chiyo and Ebizō. And he is still confused, because of course, things like that don’t come together all at once. He is bypassing a lot of hardwiring to dwell on this topic at all. But once again, Sakura helps him simply by being there. 
> 
> Sasori has the emptiest backstory... I mean, it just feels empty. Instead of focusing on the violence of Sasori’s past (and there is plenty of it), the writers all focused on very subtle scenes, like him just waiting around for his parents, and watching other little kids with their parents. It successfully gives off a very depressing feeling, which is the core of what Sasori is. Ugh I love his character so much *shakes fist*


	27. The Grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori faces his grandmother’s death head on.

Sasori decided to quit putting off the task he needed to complete the most. He felt a pull to this place, but had ignored it until now.

That house brought nothing but doubt. Maybe... this would be different.

“Talking to a stone serves no purpose..." Sasori muttered to himself, standing in front of his grandmother’s grave. Despite knowing this, he remained still. There were things on his mind. And for once, he was actually alone. It had been so long... That familiar sense of utter solitude was like a breath of fresh air.

“Why am I here?" he whispered. Was it to himself? Was he speaking to her? He did not know.

Nothing but silence in return. As expected.

He closed his eyes and listened to the earth move, sand whistling in the wind. The sounds of the desert tuned out the rest. He could almost envision the past; its struggles and delights.

He thought on what Sakura did the last time he was here. She... prayed in front of this stone as though it meant something. She was so unreasonable. How could she put faith into things she didn't see?

("_Even if you're right... It doesn't hurt.")_

Sakura used that logic on him often. She always reminded him that the last thing he did in this life was "something pointless." And that so called pointless thing helped a lot of people. And she reminded him that even if something seemed to serve no purpose, it wasn't always so. It may be pointless, and it may not be. It was logical to take action just in case.

Sakura appeared to be a terrible liar, but she wasn't a bad manipulator when she really desired something. Sasori smirked at the thought. She was always turning his way of thinking against him. Turning the evidence of his future against him. And he could not help but admire it.

Sasori knew why he was at this place. Visiting this gravesite was not on his list of things to accomplish. Nevertheless, his gut told him that... this was not pointless. And though he made a habit to ignore his human instincts, this time, they really nagged at him. So, this time, he obliged them.

No matter how detached he was, his grand ideals were cut short, and his life did not turn out the way he had expected. Everything he dreamed of was for nothing, and he knew repeating history was a waste of his time. He needed a new plan. He was not sure if the people he met along the way were obstacles or guides to the most efficient path he could take.

But one thing was for certain.

His grandmother was buried here. She was dead.

And he could not ignore... how he felt about it.

Even when Sakura first told him of her death, his chest ached. It was something he had not felt in years. And he was intrigued by it, while also disgusted. All his life, he had done his best to remove any trace of emotion from his core.

‘_Ah... I called it that again.' _

The core. The thing he used to tranfer himself into a puppet. He thought he was abandoning what made him human, not realizing he was bringing the sickness with him. He had only traded shells. What was inside remained the same. He was a failure, even after sacrificing everything.

He was doomed, it seemed. To be human.

Not long ago, he felt the opposite. But he had been lying to himself. He was always lying... When did his reality become a false pretense? When did he allow his ideals to outweigh basic truths?

He always assumed he was impartial. And that was his mistake.

He was not special. He was broken. And he did not know how to fix the problem.

“Granny..."

Why was he here? He felt as though he were about to burst... With what, he was uncertain. But it felt important to remain here until the feeling passed... or come to a solution on how to remove it.

His dream... 3 nights ago. It still bothered him.

("_Everything... is perfect now.") _

He had said that in his dream. It sounded like him. He strived for perfection, and he thought he was heading in the right direction. He was... creating perfect weapons. He was executing what he was taught to a newfound degree.

‘_Why_?'

The question haunted him. Why did he do anything if it was not for the sake of logic? If he was driven by his pathetic emotions this whole time, what were they leading him to?

("_You're safe now.")_

That Sakura assured him of this... And so did that... thing.

What did that mean? Is that what he wanted most?

He remembered how he reached for his grandmother when he was being pulled down.. by his own creations. The symbolism was not subtle.

Even now, he had latent feelings for her. He still wanted her with him.

"You abandoned me..." he whispered, a hint of malice in his tone. He found himself making a face, and forced himself to stop. The grave did not reply.

("_How did you turn out this way? I didn't raise you to-"_

_“You didn't raise me. You trained me. And this is the product of your efforts.")_

He cringed, their last conversation once again running through his mind. He found himself reflecting on it often. More than anything, he remembered the look on her face. The last time he would ever see her. He... chose to do that to her. He relished it at the time, reveling in her pain.

He was always confident in his decisions. He never looked back or felt guilt for what he did. It was what got him through it all. It is what kept him safe.

Was everything he did just for the sake of cocooning himself from the world?! Was that why everything he believed was a lie? To protect him from himself?!

Sasori found himself kneeling, his legs suddenly tired. He was face to face with the words engraved on the marker before him.

He was bare before her, after all this time.

"I want it to stop..."

His hands formed fists in the sand. He remembered why he buried it all.

"Why couldn't you give me what I needed?!" he suddenly blurted, enraged. "You lied to me! You kept me at arms length! It's all your fault, you worthless, old bag!"

His outburst echoed, the words bouncing off the cliff rocks.

“Sakura said you regretted it... So what?! You ruined me!"

‘_I'm not right in the head...' _

"You made me into this!"

‘_I am stuck like this.' _

“I will never be able to be what you want!"

‘_I seek what I cannot have...' _

He felt his knuckles go numb, his mind lost to the throws of what he despised. She made him like this...

He was alone for the first time since he left Suna. Since he came to this time. He didn't want it anymore- his self imposed cage. But he knew it was too late...

He could do anything... but he could not defeat himself.

“Why did you leave me..."

The rage left his throat like shots of fire, his body consumed by the flames, though he dare not allow himself to move from his position. He could not allow himself to act on his despair.

“Why did you let them do this to me?!”

He waited for a moment, slowing his breathing.

"Ah... Why am I even wasting my breath..."

He carefully laid himself down on the ground, the sand cool against his skin. And he remained motionless, the tombstone looming over his body.

“Why did Sakura insist on this..."

His thoughts went to the girl who never seemed to leave his side. She felt so far away now.

("_Maybe you are improving at that introspection thing...") _

He groaned. His mind was overactive. He opened the dam, and his thoughts were jumbled. He only felt this way before as a small child. But he knew she would insist on something ridiculous like this was a good thing.

Was it though?

He had been changing for awhile now. It was as though she were melting the barriers to his base emotions, slowly, day by day. And her process was accelerating since their talk in his hideout.

Only moments ago he was yelling that he was trapped in the mental blocks he had created since childhood. But now that he was thinking more clearly, he knew this was not true. If he were the same as he was during the war, he would have left her, or worse... But he felt like he had hit a plateau. No matter how much she explained to him, he did not feel remorse for things he was supposed to.

Why was she so kind to him? Was it simply because she was blessed with a good life? He wanted to resent her for it, but he simply could not. The world wasn't fair, and he was not about to let that fact influence his decisions.

He was never a vengeful person, despite all of his flaws. Even in death, he was respectful towards her.

Her speech for Granny Chiyo... Really stood out to him. She rarely gave any hint towards why she decided to take him in and help him. And the answer was right in front of his face the whole time. She did it for his grandmother. She told Granny she had taken care of him... and given him a home. Did she mean she was welcoming him into her...

He shook his head. She must have meant the Leaf to be his home. Or Sai's apartment.

Sasori remembered Sakura's tears as she talked in front of this grave. He never knew what to do with her blatant generosity and kindness... He had never met a person like her before. Even though he tried to kill her in this world, she accepted him... as a friend. He knew all she hoped for was his acceptance of her...

He sighed. Who knew how long he had been lying there.

He sat back up, and narrowed his eyes.

“I... didn’t leave you.”

He looked down.

“Not this time.”

He didn’t have a chance to.

What could he say? Something was missing still.

(“_How dare you visit her grave after all you have done? What do you hope to gain?”) _

He knew he was supposed to be reflecting upon her life, and their good times together. That’s what people did at gravesites. And they mourned the dead.

Words he heard over and over again... If they formed on his tongue, would they be false?

“I... miss you.”

It didn’t sit quite right. He didn’t sound authentic enough. It was speech practice, only mimicry. He frowned.

But the phrase grew on him slightly as time passed. He supposed the dull ache in his chest was emptiness...

She did try. To be there for him. She always hid her pain with a smile on her face.

But he never tried for her. He gave her nothing.

He only took from others.

His argument with Ebizō once again hit him in the head, beating on him like a drum.

“... I wish things were different.”

Those words suited him better. All his life, he wished for something other than what was given to him. It’s why he wanted to take more... He spent his entire life trying to fill a void... And no one even noticed. They didn’t even see his defection coming.

How could he be so invisible??

He was still angry with her. Maybe he always would be.

“Sakura said she made a promise... for your sake,” he mumbled. “Does that mean she felt loved by you?”

He bit his lip absentmindedly.

“Why couldn’t you be more truthful with me?”

‘_Why did she understand you better in less than a week than I did my whole life?’ _

It was because she looked for it. She sought out empathy in others, even in people like him and her. He did not know how much Sakura knew about his grandmother’s past, but Chiyo... was a lot like him. Doing things in the name of the Sand... Things that would horrify Sakura. Did she know about them? Would knowing alter her stance?

“I know you took responsibility for me,” he whispered, touching the marker tentatively. “I brought shame to you.”

It was something he never cared about before. In fact, he strived to disappoint her.

(“_You have no shame. You have never considered how your actions effected others...”) _

“But now I’m here... I know I’m late.”

He felt a tightness throughout his entire body. It... was a melancholy that penetrated him down into his bones.

He thought on Sakura’s hand touching his.

“Maybe... I could take responsibility too.”

What did he even mean? Talking to himself only helped so much. He didn’t have all of the answers. That was why he was wandering around the village like a ghost.

‘_So much has happened...’ _

He sighed. First he met the man who stole his grandmother’s life... And then his grand uncle accused him of being incurable. He knew that was partly why he stole those puppets. It was payback. It was a childish reaction. It was also silly of him to assume Sakura was responsible for his body. Sakura was never the source of his misfortunes... and yet, he took it out on her. She was the only one around, so she was the unlucky one.

She was so upset with him that morning... Thinking he killed that man. And he couldn’t even be angry. Both she and his uncle assumed he killed that jounin, even though, in his mind, it made more sense to send him off to wander. They assumed he would go out of his way to kill him.

Usually, they would be right. During the war... he had completely surrendered to his bloodlust. He killed without thinking first, sometimes. It was the only time he felt... true control.

Ebizō frowned upon passionate kills. And most of all, killing one of their own... But Sakura was so far away from both him and his uncle on this topic. She would think him disgusting for committing such an act, under any circumstances. The man’s identity wouldn’t matter to her. He was human, and that meant he had value. To her, even people like him mattered.

Despite all of this... She took him to his body. She continued to help him gain answers. Sakura was the one who brought all of this on. She was the one who forced him to think further, the one who pressed him. For his grandmother’s sake, apparently...

He continued to stare at the grave before him. The world felt so dark. So much had happened, but he still felt lost. He was still so, so filled with hatred. Wasn’t coming here supposed to be cathartic??

There was still so much... swirling around in his head. No, there was a lot more than before he arrived. This had only complicated things.

It did not change his directive. He needed to know more about himself... What he was. He was glad he went to the archives, and inspected his body. And... he was glad he got to see Uncle Ebizō again, despite their disagreements. Despite... that he apparently hated him.

He didn’t know if it was possible to heal old wounds. He didn’t know if he could ever truly forgive her.

But...

Flashes of countless memories of her entered his mind. Reminding him that she wasn’t all bad. She was... still his grandmother. And despite her failures, she loved him. He knew that.

He thought back all all the horrible things he said to his uncle. Ebizō had started it, but Sasori certainly finished it. He always... ruined everything. He could see it in Sakura’s eyes as he yelled at his uncle without reservation. She was so horrified.

After he stormed out of there, he thought she would finally see how cruel he really was, and leave him. But she looked for him... and once again told him that he wasn’t what he believed he was.

(“_I can’t imagine what you went through. Feeling like you did for so long...”) _

She was right. She couldn’t... But, still. She sought to understand him. She was still there for him, even after witnessing that horrible conversation...

He opened his eyes, and stared at the grave. He thought he was alone... Now that she was dead, he was alone. Ebizō would die soon, and he would be all that was left...

But he had Sakura. Sakura with her self righteous nonsense...

Still.

She annoyed him. But he was relieved she was there for everything. He was grateful for a second opinion.

“I still don’t understand you, Granny,” he mumbled. “What am I... supposed to do?”

No answer. He shoved all of the disappointment, anger and regret down into the pit of his stomach. This... didn’t help either. Not really.

(“_You killed her!”) _

“...”

It was late. The endless desert landscape brought him that familiar sense of nothingness. It usually brought him solace, but tonight, it filled his insides with a flood of dread. The emptiness overwhelmed him, and he wanted to run away, to somehow escape. 

_‘... Goodnight, Granny,’_ he thought to himself.

With that, Sasori stood up, and closed his eyes, imagining Chiyo with a smile on her face. After a few more seconds of silence, he set off, determined to ease his unhappiness.

——

A knock at the door alerted Sakura, and she blinked in surprise. There was no way it was...

“Sasori?”

Sakura was stunned, to say in the least. There he was, hovering outside her door. His default expression was back.

“I figured you were sick of me,” she said. Sasori let himself through her doorway, saying nothing. She stared at his retreating back, and shrugged. Closing the door behind her, she tried to gauge his mood. He seemed... contemplative. Which was understandable.

“... Are you ok?”

“Yes,” he answered simply, awkwardly sitting on her couch. She gave him a confused smile, and walked back to her kitchen. He was telling her he had no interest in talking about Ebizō, or anything else emotionally draining. In fact, he was reminding her of a robot more than ever.

“I was making a late night snack. Want anything?”

Sasori immediately stood up, and walked over to observe. She had what looked like 4 separate dishes spread out across the countertop.

“This is a snack?”

Sakura pouted.

“I eat when I’m stressed, ok? I know, I should be dieting...” she said partially to herself. He did not understand the logic in that statement whatsoever.

“Why? Your body is in peak condition.”

She stuttered, a blush creeping onto her cheeks.

“What do you mean?”

He blinked, not sure of himself due to her strange reaction. There was nothing wrong with her figure.

“... Why would you need to diet?”

“So I don’t gain too much weight!”

“But your body is-“

“Ah! Don’t finish that!” she growled, resisting the urge to cover his mouth before he could embarrass her further. “You are not my doctor.”

“You have a doctor?”

“I am my own doctor!”

“Then you are giving yourself preposterous medical advise. You look fine.”

They stared at each other, neither wanting to back down from their stances. Why did he care?

“... What doesn’t look fine is this dinner you are preparing,” he mumbled, asserting himself. He took pity on the soy beans she had just bought from the market, and took the bowl from her hands. She merely pouted, but said nothing to defend herself. She was just grateful that he changed the topic.

“Good thing you’re here,” she said, watching him with curiosity as he worked. He was so serious when he cooked... She found herself studying his button nose, and shook her head. How could this guy be so obnoxious yet... strangely endearing at times.

“How did you learn this?” Sakura asked.

“I was usually home alone.”

The image of him at that house earlier hit her, and she swallowed nervously.

He was acting... very normal. She had anticipated that he would try to cover his issues with that mask of his... But she did not expect him to be so convincing.

“So... What have you been up to?” she asked him.

“... Nothing in particular.”

‘_Just dealing with all of your trauma, hopefully...,’_ Sakura thought to herself. He looked like he was doing ok. But maybe it was an act. She did not know with him. Of course he would be somewhat upset... That argument earlier would haunt her, at least. Maybe to him, it wasn’t such a big deal? That thought was almost even sadder.

“I see... Well, I ran into Temari. She will be accompanying us on our way back to Kohona.”

“Is that so?” he asked, his mind elsewhere.

“Yes, she’s Gaara’s sister...” she replied, thinking of something to ask him. She paused, waiting for a comfortable silence before changing the subject so randomly.

“Sasori...?”

She said his name so often these days.

“I was wondering... Do you resent Gaara?”

“Why would I?” he asked emotionlessly as he salted the beans.

“Well... Your grandmother sacrificed her life for his... She would still be here, if he wasn’t...”

He gave her a questioning look.

“It seems you have dwelled on it more than I have.”

“Hey, don’t use your mind tricks on me,” she whined. “I’m serious. Do you feel angry at him... or Kakashi Sensei?”

The mention of Kakashi Hatake interested him. She was thinking about this deeply.

“... My grandmother hated The White Fang.”

“Yes, and when she first saw Kakashi, she attacked him, thinking he was his father.”

“But he isn’t him,” Sasori said. “Therefore, there is no logical reason to dislike him.”

‘_Sometimes his detachment is a good thing...’_ she thought.

“Ok, but what about his dad?”

Sasori stopped moving for a second.

“... My parents were soldiers. My attachment to them would only cause unnecessary resentment towards a man who simply did his job.”

“... But... You do have an attachment to your parents...”

He said nothing. Of course he did. That was the source of all of his problems, and he knew it. It was the feeling he sought to eradicate more than anything else.

“... You were asking about Gaara.”

Sakura knew he was deflecting, but allowed it.

“Yeah. I figured you would rather have Lady Chiyo here than him...”

“Hm.”

He had not thought of it as a competition. But she was right.

“I despise my grandmother,” he stated, partially to himself. Sakura was heartbroken.

“But you also love her,” she said with confidence. Sasori remained silent, his mind wandering. Sakura eventually gave up on him, and walked over to her fridge. As she opened the door, he spoke, surprising her yet again.

“...Would it have been so irredeemable of me to kill that man?”

He asked it with confidence, and she faltered.

She then understood why he was here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This second half of the chapter was cut off here cause the entire next chapter is the same scene, and it was too long haha. But this next chapter is super important, so here we are haha
> 
> Sasori’s issues won’t just go away after one day. It takes a long time for a person to heal from drawn out negative feelings. It will be a process for him to reprogram his image of his grandmother. He had been crafting this evil version of her in his mind for years, because she was the easy one to blame. And now, he’s rethinking the image he made of her. For the first time, he is thinking of someone else’s viewpoint, due to Ebizō.
> 
> The argument with Ebizō allowed him to finally express his feelings verbally. And since Ebizō finally said what was on his mind as well, this allowed Sasori to progress with his thinking. So, in the end, that argument was a good thing- even if it could have been handled better. Sasori’s life is one of repression, and letting his anger out is essential for growth. 
> 
> The fact that Sasori sought out Sakura means that he is once again turning to her for guidance. He is in unfamiliar territory, and she has been his only life line. But he struggles with honesty. So he’s the type to show up and say nothing about what’s on his mind. The ball is in Sakura’s court. 
> 
> Fortunately, Sakura harasses him with nonstop questions every chance she gets! Maybe she will eventually be able to get him to talk about what’s important?


	28. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori is eager to have a debate, and Sakura is wondering what prompted it. How can he talk to her as though he hadn’t had the longest day of his life?? Despite her confusion, she goes along with his strange wishes. She is just happy he is talking to her at all. But can she force him to say what is really on his mind?

Sakura was unsure of what was going on. Sasori didn’t usually ask her for her opinion. 

Would it have been irredeemable for him to kill that man? She wondered where he was going with such a question. It was a very different subject compared to what they were just talking about. That conversation they had in the medical building that morning felt ages ago...

“... I think that if you don’t have to kill someone, you shouldn’t.”

She continued to study her traveling companion with the utmost care. She could not get around the feeling that turmoil resided somewhere inside of him. But he was acting like the day’s events had not occurred...

“The Sand would praise me for killing a rogue,” he replied calmly. “If I kill to serve their agenda, there is no issue.”

“...”

Sakura disliked that, but knew it was true. It was what all Sand ninja were taught. It was their moral code. The other villages were... not unlike them.

“Killing with loyalty is not a sin,” he added, studying her as he spoke. “... As soon as one collects the profit for himself, he is to be branded a criminal. The details of his profession remained unchanged. The only difference was his newfound independence.”

Sasori averted his gaze from her and looked back down at the food he was making.

“... You’re saying the village is hypocritical,” Sakura finally said, understanding his point. Sasori continued.

“Each individual possesses his own perception of morality. When a military power takes control of a people, it ceases to allow individual thought. It is typically considered the lesser of two evils... A flawed government is better than anarchy.”

Sasori’s eyes fluttered back to hers.

“However, the establishment’s astonishment at the individual’s lack of loyalty is where their hypocrisy lies. How can those in charge expect to speak for all?”

He showed no anger, but his eye twitched slightly.

“It is not about morality. It is about money. It is about power. It always has been.”

Sakura reminded herself to close her mouth. That was... quite the speech. And very eye opening. She still was unsure of his calm demeanor, after everything... but if he wanted to have a debate, she could play along.

“... You’re saying part of the reason you left was to make your own decisions.”

“I did,” he replied. “But that was not my point. I’m saying that the only reason they cared about my defection was because I was no longer working for them. I was using the skills they ingrained into me for my own benefit. And that is not ‘moral.’”

He waited for her response. He could tell she had never thought of this before.

“... You think the only reason they cared you were killing people was because you weren’t killing for them.”

He actually smirked at her.

“I know so.”

“So you feel that is justification to do as you please.”

“Yes.”

Was that as far as he took it?

“Well... that doesn’t make it better.”

Sasori gave her a look.

“You’re right. It was wrong of the Sand to train you to kill, and then automatically expect you to do what they wanted. But... that doesn't mean doing it on your own makes it right”

They were staring at each other intently now, daring each other. She really stepped up to bat when he challenged her.

“Sasori, I’m not really a political person, but... I don’t agree with the old fashioned way of thinking our villages were founded on. I’m sure you’ve picked up on this by now. I didn’t use to think about this sort of thing, but after meeting Sai... And you...”

She sighed, trying to think of her next point.

“Yeah, your village is hypocritical. But that doesn’t mean they should let you do whatever you want."

“Why not.”

“Because rogues still play a part in the grand scheme of things! A rogue is never severed from his upbringing! You were a rogue for 20 years, and you were still thought of as a Sand ninja. And it is because you are one."

She continued, getting more invested in her viewpoint.

"It is logical for a village to take out risks. A rogue's actions still represent that village, and the other Great Nations expect them to take care of the issue. A single ninja can disrupt an entire peace treaty."

She pushed herself up onto the counter and dangled her legs as she watched him work.

“The peace among the Five Great Nations has always been a facade. No one has forgotten the wars. No one forgives," he spat. "If they allow my actions to destroy an entire continent's peace, that is on them."

"That is a rationalization, and you know it," Sakura said, surprising him. "No one wants to let a serial killer continue picking off people they care about, regardless of political tension. You are using that to shield yourself from responsibility."

He was amazed by her bluntness.

"You are just upset your point about the Great Nations was diffused," he stated. She groaned.

"The initial point of this entire conversation was to address the value of human life," she countered. "And the definition of morality. Yes, I brought up the Great Nations' reasoning for killing rogues, but that was because you were acting like they had no logic at all. I thought you thrived on 'logic'."

“So you agree with them," he said, ignoring her attacks against his argument.

“I think they have good reason to hunt down lone killers. And you didn't just kill ninja, Sasori, you killed normal people too."

Sasori didn't bat an eye, responding with increased gusto.

"Is that how a military takes care of its soldiers? To kill them without taking responisibility for their outcome?"

“Once again, referring to my original statement, I think ninja shouldn't kill unless they have to. I fully support imprisoning killers."

“So you think I am already a criminal?" he asked. She grew flustered, not understanding the direction he was taking the debate.

“What do you mean?"

“You agree that it is hypocritical of my village to pardon my actions, solely as long as it is under their guidance. You are implying that killing is evil, whether it was ordered or not."

Sakura was stumped momentarily. As expected, he was sharp. But she was too. And she wasn't going to let him win.

“Sasori, you have probably done things people would deem criminal. But you were told it was ok. So I don't blame you for how you carried out your missions, or what you did in the war-"

"You know nothing of what I've done," he said quietly. He hesitated, and then moved the dishes out of the kitchen to the table. She followed him, jumping back down onto the ground.

"Sasori..." Sakura trailed off. Though he valued logic, he was still sensitive about this topic. He still used personal experience to fuel his opinions. And she couldn't help but feel the events over the course of the past few days were adding to his mood.

"Look," she said, exhaling through her nose. "This is not a black and white topic. It would take hours to address all the nuances of various situations, but I will tell you this. The Sand uses training that I find to be abhorrent, and I do partially blame them for how you turned out. I always have... But you still have individual thought, and the things you did after leaving were equally as abhorrent.”

He placed the food on the table, but did not sit. She continued.

"You took what they gave you, and you filled yourself with hatred. You refused to see any good... Your grandmother didn't support human puppetry, and you resented her for it. You blame her when it was your choice!"

Sasori turned around, mild irritation on his features.

“She was the biggest hypocrite of all. She never took issue with my experiments, my poisons... When I returned from the war, do you know what she said to me?" he asked, distinctly more frazzled. Sakura didn't have a chance to finish her thought, but nevertheless obliged him by waiting for his continuation.

“She congratuated me. She was proud."

Despite his poker face, Sakura sensed some sort of desperation within him. He was so eager to defend himself... He had brought up the jounin on his own, unprompted. And now, his grandmother had finally come up. Sakura was overcome by sympathy, realizing that the reason he started this debate was due to the day’s events. He wanted her to agree with him. He wanted her to understand. 

“... You sound like... you wanted someone to stop you."

He scrunched up his face, wanting to deny that insinuation, but unable to. He... never recognized that within himself. He thought he always knew what he wanted...

“Deep down, you knew it was a cruel existence," she added.

“... But no one stopped me. I never knew of other options. How can you blame me for my actions?"

"I don't! I was trying to say this before."

She took a breath, and he allowed her to take the lead.

“You were a child. You were brainwashed to kill for the good of your village. I agree with you that they should take blame, as I have already mentioned. But no one told you to kill bystanders... No one told you to mutilate dead bodies. After you went rogue, you did unspeakable things... You took what they gave you and make it worse."

“I did what they wanted. I thought it was what they wanted!" he exclaimed, growing more and more frustrated with this conversation. His head ached... "They told me to improve, and I did. I discovered a prototype that made its previous models irrelevant. I thought they would be pleased," he confessed. She realized he felt cornered.

"Puppetry was all I had. It is my art, and I take pride in my work. I always have. To me even now, that body is beautiful..." he admitted, referring to the corpse they saw earlier. "Even if it is disturbing to others, I think using an enemy's corpse as a weapon is an undeniable advantage. I don't understand how this can be ignored."

"But you were alive when you made yourself a puppet," she said. "And your collection isn't made of just enemies... Some of them are innocent people! You know this!"

He snorted. That word again. He still did not believe in innocence...

“I just don't understand how they can tell me to kill as many people as possible, and then reject this."

“As a battle strategy, yes, it's brilliant," Sakura offered. "You are brilliant! But the reason people think it is disturbing is your lack of an issue with..."

She paused, wondering how she should word it.

“You are... very passionate about a very morbid practice. And people pick up on that. Most people can't even stomach touching a dead body, let alone perform an autopsy or do what you do. But the thing that is most disturbing is how much you enjoy your lack of value for human life."

“That is my point though," he said. "They don't truly value it. They pick and choose who has value. I just decided that all human life is equal."

Sakura was very saddened by this statement.

"... You don't value any human life."

He breathed through his nose.

“I..."

He struggled to put it into words. She was amazed that her question was difficult for him to answer.

“No, I think... I adore the human form. All I do is admire it."

Sakura had picked up on the shift in this conversation. Before, he was speaking in hypotheticals, but now they were openly discussing his life and philosophy. And things were really coming together for her.

She was reminded of her conversation with Temari.

“So... you make people into something you can understand."

He froze. Was she right?? Was he so twisted, he couldn't understand other human beings anymore, and that was what drove him to this?

“You already felt abandoned by your family," she said softly. "And then you were given puppetry... I think... It was the worst possible thing for you to practice."

“Why?"

“You accidentally replaced people, Sasori."

He opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it again.

“You wanted acceptance and love, like any normal kid. And puppets were what you had..." she continued. "I think you do value human life. But that love became..."

She sighed. She decided to change her angle after noticing his blank expression. She did not know it, but he was shocked by what she said. He never realized... that his puppets were truly replacements for real human beings. It fit perfectly...

“How did you feel, seeing your body?"

She once again brought up his corpse in particular. He remained still.

"... I... don't know."

“Yes you do," she said, pushing him. "I'm sure you felt many things. Feel many things. Please, try."

“..."

He felt a tightness in his chest. When did this conversation become another milestone he had to pass? Why was he entertaining this? Despite his resistance, he wanted to answer her seriously.

“I'm... disappointed. That I died so easily. And that my work remains ostrisized. I became what I understood..." he said, almost to himself. "But in doing so, I rejected myself."

He had decided that earlier, after seeing his body. Becoming a puppet was a dead end. He knew that now. But the rest of his work still mattered to him. His life... mattered to him.

“Sasori..." she said, biting her lip. He looked away from her. More words threatened to spill out of his mouth, and he held his tongue for only a moment. Since he had already said this much...

“When my grandmother told me I was... sick in the head, I... didn't know what to do. My work was rejected... Everything I built... Everything I am..."

He looked down at the floor. It seemed he was doubting his own self.

Sakura understood that he meant Granny Chiyo was horrified by him. She remembered when he implied to Ebizō that he was a demon possessing their clan heir. It was a terrible thing to say. But now she understood... He thought they saw him that way. Even though she knew he used to be a sweet child... that he wasn’t born heartless. This was the product of myriad unfortunate circumstances. He knew his own family thought he was a psychopath.

"I told her... she was wrong. I ran away."

He had never been this open, not even in the cave. Sakura didn't know what to do with him. It was like this conversation had triggered something within him that he was pushing down... for a long time. And now, it was spilling out with no sign of stopping.

“They told me I was a machine... I wanted them to appreciate me... I wanted...”

He trailed off, lost in thought. His expression then grew angry.

“You told me to visit her... But it didn’t do anything.”

He said with a bitterness she was not expecting. And underneath that, there was only agony. That restrained distress he so carefully hid from the world... Sakura knew that conversation with Ebizō triggered this. And when he saw that empty house... But she didn’t know he took it upon himself to visit Chiyo’s grave. 

“You went there tonight?” she said. He did nothing. She waited patiently for him, with large, begging eyes. Sasori’s head ached more and more, and he finally confessed what was weighing on his chest.

"I won't deny my futility. I dug my own grave... I accepted that when I came here, to this time. I lied to myself, all my life... Trying to find my own peace."

His mask was fading, revealing a twinge of that anguish he so desperately wanted to extinguish from existence. But the more he attempted to bury it, the more it threatened to spill over. With each passing second, it was covering another section of his skin, his bones...

“I prided myself in being above others. I took things to the extreme to prove I was superior, but I just proved I was alone.”

That false expression had completely slipped, revealing something rarely exposed.

“I couldn't accept that I was broken..."

When he hid his face in his hands, she realized just how serious this conversation was. He looked very... shaken.

Sakura found herself walking right up to him. He looked at her with confusion, but his eyes widened in shock as she unapoligetically swept him into a hug.

“You are NOT broken," she said sternly, clutching him tightly around his waist. He felt a strange sensation- a need to grit his teeth.

"How can you continue to do this," he said, his voice coming out much more unstable than he intended. "My own village rejected me, and to you, I am exponentially more warped. I am-"

“You are my friend" she whispered. "I will never reject you."

Another promise. But he knew she meant it...

He closed his eyes, taking in her warmth. She was always so warm... So sweet... She was so unlike anything from this accursed place. He could feel her sympathy, her desire to understand him... How could she be so bold as to assume he needed such an intimate gesture to express it?

But his body melted against her, and he could not shake his relief. He felt the urge to ramble even more, but used all of his willpower to stay silent. If he said anything else, he worried he would let out more than he ever wanted to.

Feeling that he needed more, she came up with more to say. As she had told him before, she was not an expert with emotions, but...

“I know you think you are alone, but you aren't," she said, balling up his shirt in her hands. She was clinging to him for dear life. “I'm here."

She wasn't helping. He was now even more precariously close to losing it.

“This was pointless rambling...” he mumbled, desperate to back track. “I don’t-“

“You will be ok..." she simply stated, ignoring him. This made him feel even more exposed, more vulnerable. But when he breathed, and smelled that familiar shampoo, he knew she would not harm him. She would not let him go.

He finally recriprocated her embrace, wrapping his arms around her. He allowed his head to fit into the groove of her neck, and his eyes shut tightly, a lump growing in his throat. This was so embarrassing... But... he was so... tired. A sigh escaped him, and she could feel him deflate as the air left his body.

Sakura was holding back tears, and wondering how she could be so emotional when he was the one being comforted. But she realized it was because... she was sad.

“You aren't broken..." she whispered again, repeating it inside her head several times. This entire trip was pushing him, forcing him to face unpleasent truths. But this conversation unexpectedly gave him what he needed to truly talk... To be open. And she was grateful. But she was so, so saddened by his confessions. She could finally see it clearly, no second guessing or secrets... How helpless he felt.

"I'm here for you..." she said softly, worried if she let him go now, she would see that dead look in his eyes once again. She knew she was probably making him extremely uncomfortable, but knew this was her only chance to really give him assurance... This was important.

She could not shake that expression on his face from her mind. It was possibly the saddest thing she had ever seen. This boy was so repressed. How could she possibly do enough for him?

When he felt her pull away, he forced external composure. She kept her hands on his upper arms, and studied him. Despite his best efforts, he was visibly worn down. His eyes... were so mournfully brown. She felt a wetness in her own eyes, but forced herself to be steady for him.

“I'm sorry I made you feel like killing that jounin would be too much for me. Even if you did kill that man, I would still be here. Because I understand that what I expect of you and what you have been told your whole life are very different. I know..."

"But you said that you are in over your head," he replied. She could tell he was still shaky, needing more.

“Even if I am, I'm not leaving. I... understand you a lot better, I think."

He didn't even have the heart to dispute that, or to express distaste. He was... too exhausted from everything.

“You said you understood that I needed assurance earlier. All people do. You do too."

Her eyes continued to stir unfamiliar things within him.

“I wish I didn't," he admitted.

He felt so defeated... But he was being very honest due to it.

“Relying on people who care about you is not a weakness," she said to him, her hands finding his. "It gives you strength. It gives you purpose."

Sasori picked up on that word. Purpose...

He remembered that conversation he had with Sai a few weeks ago. He was so angry that night... Sai told him by accepting his humanity, he was given just that... purpose. And he promised him that Sakura would prove herself... To be a true friend.

Suddenly, a lot made sense.

"You don't have to turn out like that again," she said intently. "Even if you don't understand people, maybe you can understand me?"

She looked back at him, a calming confidence in her gaze.

"It is not difficult to dissect you," he muttered. She smiled, and released her hands from his.

“But you keep telling me you don't understand why I'm here." She said.

“For my grandmother.”

“Hm... yes, at first. But do you know what the real reason is?”

“I do not.”

She gave him a pitying smile. He was so drained.

“I want to... for myself.”

“But it burdens you."

Sakura smiled abruptly, remembering when she first met him.

“Do you remember what you said to me after I first let you stay the night at my house? I think that was the first time you said something about how helping you wouldn't benefit me. And I told you that was entirely up to you."

He nodded.

"I sense you are going to tie this into how I decide to behave from now on." He said.

“Your actions are based on your thoughts. My efforts will not be in vain if you want to change. I think... simply wanting to be happy with others is a good start."

He took her words seriously. She could tell.

“... I wasn't lying earlier, when I said I am making an effort."

He was mumbling. She knew this was all hard for him. But she was relieved he opened up to her. A newfound frustration settled in her as well. In fact, his attempts at emotional availability gave her a surge of pain that practically took her breath away. All she could ask herself was why... Why did he have to struggle- to suffer- so much?

“I know. But you keep so much to yourself... I wasn't expecting you to be honest just now."

"..."

He was mortified by how easily she pressed him into confessing all of that. But his chest did feel lighter, like that night in the cave. It was because... she wasn't using his feelings against him. She made him feel like they were normal.

"Do you... feel any better?"

That hope in her eyes again.

“... I have already said too much tonight."

She chuckled.

“I'll take that as a yes, judging by your expression."

His expression? What was wrong with it? He was revealing nothing.

“Your eyes betray you," she said, noticing his confusion. "But I'm glad they do."

She smiled to herself, and hugged him once more, surpising him just as much as she did the first time.

“Thank you."

He didn't know why she was thanking him. She was the one doing the favors...

Sakura released him once more, and placed her hands on her hips. She then looked down at the food he made, and admired it. It was beautiful.

“You really are useful sometimes,” she said, giving him a chance to rest from such heavy conversation.

“Is that the real reason you keep me around?” he asked. She smiled, and sat down on the floor.

“Yup,” she said, urging him to sit with her. He wanted to bolt, after all of that, but she was so unbothered by how intense that conversation was moments ago... Was it for his sake?

He did not want to leave. He...

“Come on, you made this. Surely you want a bite.”

He sat down, hands in his lap.

“... How do you feel so comfortable with this?” he mumbled, his voice small. She was already stuffing her face.

“It’s normal,” she said.

“Then why don’t you talk about yourself?”

She swallowed a large bite, confused.

“What do you mean?”

“You said so yourself. You don’t let people in.”

He was too smart, with that accursed memory of his. He remembered every single thing she said to him...

“I don’t. I never really noticed it until recently... My parents pointed out I never have my friends over...” 

“Is that why you invited me over for dinner?”

She grinned sheepishly. 

”Yeah... But it was because they were right. I should get closer to people.”

“...”

She continued to eat the full course meal he prepared during their debate. It was like he couldn’t accept simplicity... Everything had to be grand. Not that she minded in this case.

“Why don’t you let people in? You don’t have problems.”

Sakura gave him a small glare, but knew she was in no position to disagree with him.

“Compared to you, I don’t... But everyone has problems.”

He said nothing. She could tell he wanted her to admit something, in return. She scrambled to think of the answer to his question. Why didn’t she open up to people?

“... I guess. I feel like my feelings don’t matter.”

She stopped eating, looking forlorn.

“Why?”

“You just said it yourself. I don’t have real problems. I can’t. I need to be there for the people who need me.”

“...”

He never thought of such a strange concept. She could tell he was lost.

“For example... Naruto. He’s a Jinchuriki... Growing up, everyone in our village ostracized him, thinking he was a demon. Even I... wasn’t kind to him. He was orphaned, had no one... I think about that more than I want to. But it’s the least I can do.”

“You think feeling other peoples’ pain is your duty,” he said. She couldn’t have said it better.

“When I was teamed up with him, I got to know him... I realized he’s a great guy. He’s one of my best friends. But even now... I hold back.”

Talking through this, she was realizing things that had never occurred to her before.

“I don’t want... to hurt him any more than I already have.”

“Hurt him?”

“I... He made a promise to me. The more I think on it, the more I regret him making that promise. It is a burden I placed on him. He will blame himself if he cannot keep it...”

She placed a hand on her cheek, playing with her food.

“I just take from others.”

Sasori was not expecting that. The way she described herself was very different from how he viewed her.

“You certainly take a lot of my patience,” he mumbled. She smiled, knowing he was teasing her.

“I can’t afford to be selfish anymore. I have you now.”

“...”

“... Was that what you wanted to know?”

“I suppose.”

She pushed his food closer to him.

“You made this. Don’t you want any?”

He ate edamame with her in silence. This day was so long... 

She finally spoke up once more.

“It’s so late... I was surprised you came over. It was... nice.”

Nice? That conversation sucked him dry. He could barely keep his eyes open anymore.

“You look tired,” she said.

“I am tired,” he admitted. She noticed he wasn’t sassing her like he usually did. A lot happened to him today... She needed to go easy on him on the trip back.

“...I can’t believe it’s only been 2 days...” she sighed. He agreed.

“What time are we leaving tomorrow?” he asked.

“Hmm. I don’t know about you, but I’m totally wiped out. Let’s sleep in.”

“Agreed.”

Sakura thought for another moment, wanting to say more. This was a rare opportunity, and she didn’t want to waste it. 

“... I know you don’t think you’re a normal person, but... I think you should know that everything you have been dealing with the past few days is more than most could handle. I mean... I know you think any emotion is bad, but... It’s a good thing you are facing all of this.”

“...”

He had looked away from her, but seemed to be listening.

“If I were in your shoes, I’d be punching walls,” she laughed. “So... Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“... You are a violent girl,” he mumbled. She smirked.

“Yeah...”

Another full minute of silence passed, but it did not feel uncomfortable to them. At this point, they were completely used to each other’s presences.

Before he left, one last topic picked at him.

“... Did... my uncle say anything to you?”

Sakura was surprised.

“Yeah. I kind of yelled at him...”

Sasori said nothing. He was too busy trying to imagine it.

“He feels bad. I hope you can make up with him tomorrow before we leave...”

“...”

He wanted to say something provocative, but knew she would just tell him how he actually felt anyway. And he was seriously tired...

“Ugh, I’m so exhausted. Sorry, but I’m at the end of my rope. We can work out the details tomorrow.”

He nodded. They ate the rest of their late “snack” and Sasori stretched, resisting a yawn. His eyes were almost puffy, he was so sleep deprived.

“I know you didn’t use my pills last night, but you should tonight,” she said, openly yawning. He only nodded.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” she added. “Try not to commit any crimes until then.”

He rolled his eyes, and stood to put on his shoes. He watched her grab the empty plates and bowls, and take them to the sink. He finally gathered the energy to open the door, and exit. He was too tired to overthink that whole encounter. Nothing except his bed mattered to him at this point.

He was definitely going to sleep in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this is when Sasori finally cracks under the pressure. And Sakura realizes that what has been going on is effecting him. 
> 
> Writing the Sasori for this fic is interesting, because his character is a little different from other AUs/canon. Also, he is a teenager here, so I want him to be different from his canon 35 year old self. Who acts the same when they are 35 as they did at 15? 
> 
> Before, he was alone. But now, he has someone who can help him sort through his issues. Since she already knew a lot of personal things about him before he even met her, he is willing to drop pretenses. If I was writing Sasori and Sakura in a story where she knew nothing about him, he would not be so open with her. Basically, in this case, he thinks it is pointless to hide elements of himself that he would normally conceal from her. 
> 
> Sasori has subconsciously learned that Sakura is safe. This is why he went over to her place, and talked to her. Deep down, he wanted an excuse to say what was bothering him. It is why he didn’t fight her personal questions- it was the reason he was there in the first place.
> 
> I also got to write a bit on Sakura as well, which was fun. From this point on, I will be working more with her struggles. I am going to give this girl development, gosh dang it!


	29. Thinking of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura and Sasori discuss future plans, and Sasori seeks out his uncle.

The next morning, Sakura got out of bed and started to pack up. After a while, everything was in place, except one thing.

_‘I think... maybe he will like this,'_ she thought to herself, holding onto yet another gift for her introverted travel buddy. She then looked around one last time before heading out to his place.

She was rejuvinated from her conversation with Sasori last night, and ready for her trip. She hoped he felt the same way. The week was finally over, and she wanted nothing more than to sleep in her own bed, after taking a well-deserved bubble bath. There were many ups and downs, but it all turned out alright. And she was proud of herself for managing such delicate issues, since she normally butchered such things. A bull in a china shop.

And Sasori stuck with her through all of it, even if he did struggle. He trusted her. And that fact made her feel almost giddy. It was oddly rewarding...

‘_It’s because... it’s him of all people.’ _

She smiled to herself. Everything since their first meeting had been crazy. It was crazy that he was here, in her time. And it was even crazier that he put up with her.

When she arrived at the door, she knocked politely, unlike last time. After an entire minute, the door finally cracked open to reveal Sasori in a baggy sweater. He looked groggy.

“Why are you here?"

She ignored his obnoxiously curt tone, determined to be pleasant.

“We are supposed to head out today... remember? We have spent two nights here, as planned.”

She invited herself in and stepped into the living room as she reached for her bag in search of her gift. She looked around and noticed nothing of his was put away. How odd. He was normally much more prepared for-

“I think... I’m going to stay.”

Sakura jolted as she was elbow deep into her bag, spilling her papers everywhere.

“Darn...”

She knelt down to start picking them up, shaking her head. He waited against the door, simply watching her. He did not make a move to help her, but she would never expect such a thing from him anyway. Sakura shut her eyes for a second to take in what she just heard. Did he seriously just say what she thought he said?

“Why?”

“There is more to do.”

“You mean more trouble to get into?” she asked, looking over her shoulder at him. She was giving him a glare, as he had expected. He smirked, and tilted his head.

“No trouble.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You would be a fool otherwise.”

She stood up, papers back in hand. She casually stuffed them back into her bag with a perplexed expression. When she spoke, her voice was distinctly softer, but with increased concern.

“You really expect me to just leave you here?”

“Yes.”

She frowned.

“But...”

“This IS my home, Sakura. I will be fine.”

Something about his words took her for a spin. She realized... He had said her name. It was the first time the word had left his tongue with no hint of malice in the heat of an argument, or concern in the middle of a battle. It was causal. It... sounded nice.

He was trying to assure her, in that condescending way of his.

She shifted her weight, looking down at the coffee table. He did need to talk to Ebizō again... And it wasn’t like he was her prisoner. Technically, he could do whatever he wished. Still, the thought of him being separated from her...

“I... are you really sure? I’ll worry.”

“I know.”

She sighed, and pressed her palms against the fabric of her skirt out of nervousness.

“Will... you come back?”

“Yes.”

She looked up at him with newfound hope. He still had that disinterested expression on his face, but his tone was serious.

“You... do you really mean that?”

“Yes. I would not have said so otherwise.”

She was taken aback by this bold falsity.

“You lie to me all the time! Two seconds ago you said I would be a fool to believe you!”

He only allowed a trace of a smile upon his lips. She forced herself to relax her tense shoulders.

“You’re... messing with me again,” she realized.

“It has become an entertaining pastime.”

She thought on it. He was probably eager to get back to that hideout of his to go through all of his belongings... But there was no harm in that. She understood why he would want to do it alone.

“How long do you intend to stay?”

“I’m not sure. I need to organize things at my hideout as well. I didn’t have a chance to get through most of my research.”

Her assumption was dead on. She was a little jealous, wishing she could go through it with him.

“Ok, but you better bring me back something!” she blurted. He smiled at her childish demand.

If he were to share his research with anyone, it would be her. It was intriguing to see another person’s take on his work, especially someone so involved in his life. He couldn’t deny the thrill he got when they looked at his puppet body together. It was different than going about it alone. It was... almost more fun.

“Very well.”

She wasn’t expecting him to give in without a fight. It made her falter for a moment, but she quickly recovered with newfound determination. If he was going to be so agreeable, she should reward him for it. In the end, there was no point in begging him to stay with her. But...

“Please... promise me that you will come back? It is still dangerous for you here.”

It was written all over her face. Her concern was displayed to anyone who wished to see it. This was unfamiliar to him... He had spent his entire life burying concern, but she had no qualms with thrusting it upon him.

“I will send you a letter.”

That was the least believable statement of them all. He could tell she was suspicious from the squinting of her eyelids. He sighed.

“So you won’t hunt me down, thinking I’m dead.”

“...Ok.”

Sakura did not want to part ways with him. Exactly how long was he anticipating their separation to last? He had been by her side for months now, and he was...

She pursed her lips. He could tell her mind was racing, thinking of all the things that could go wrong. When she pouted, he could tell she had accepted his decision.

“Remember to patch things up with Lord Ebizō, ok? I think he would love to spend more quality time with you, even after you talk things out.”

“Why do you think I’m staying?”

She was flabbergasted. Sasori was becoming more unpredictable than ever, but it wasn’t necessarily in a bad way.

“You mean... you’re staying here to spend time with him?”

“He is the only one left in my family,” he muttered, irked that he had to respond at all. Sakura gave him a soft look.

“You... are different.”

His eyes met hers.

“Am I?”

“Yes, even... from weeks ago.”

She placed her bag over her tailbone and hooked it to her skirt.

“But you might be lying. You might do the exact opposite of everything you just said here.”

She walked up to him and changed the subject, realizing this was her last chance to say everything she wanted to him.

“... I know you didn't want me to pressure you on this but... You should visit her again sometime. I think it will be easier now...”

He was struggling to come up with something to say to that, but she then handed him something. He looked down and raised a brow.

“Don’t forget me, ok?”

It was a small, faded book that was worn on the edges. Whatever it contained, it seemed to be important to her.

“It’s my notes on your puppet body. I thought you might like to read them sometime. Give me feedback. And bring me back something new to work with?”

She asked the question in that impish tone of hers in an attempt to sound casual. But he could tell she was begging to see more of his work. Knowing her, she probably wanted to tear his hideout apart in search for information.

“...Sure.”

"This is my journal, ok? So don't lose it.”

Sakura then sighed. It was as if she were waiting for something. But neither of them knew what.

“... Be careful,” she mumbled.

Her fingers were still curled underneath his, not ready to release her grasp on the journal. They only continued to stare at each other. She did not want to have to say goodbye.

Eventually, she retreated her touch. His hand fell to his side, notes in his grip. Out of habit, she searched his doll eyes, diving into their depths in hope to find something. She was surprised to find warmth. She found herself smiling at him. He refused to mimic her, but the look in his eyes was more than enough.

“I’ll be off then,” she said, and turned around.

“Don’t die,” he muttered in a belittling fashion. That tone of his would have made her blow a gasket under normal circumstances. But this time, it made her smile. She looked back at him to express false irritation.

“You can count on it.”

She took him in one last time. It was still so strange... to see him in such close proximity. For him to speak to her so casually... It should have been impossible for him to be standing there, but there he was, making her care. Making her worry.

She held her breath, and forced herself to walk out the door.

She couldn’t believe... how easily he convinced her to leave him.

But...

Something told her he would be ok.

Sasori heard her retreating steps, and glanced down at the travel-sized book she had given him. He assumed it contained theories of hers... It had to be more than just basic observations, otherwise she wouldn’t have bothered.

Sasori realized he had never seen any of her research. She was supposedly quite brilliant.

He sat down, and sighed. It felt odd to be alone again.

He dove into the first page, and was quickly swept into the current of her written words. But the thing that surpised him the most was the photograph that fell onto the floor when he was several pages in. He picked it up, already knowing what it was.

It was a good picture of her. Not that he had any to compare it to. She was radiant in that yukata. And he looked so distant... But he remembered the evening fondly. He turned it onto its backside.

'My friend Sateki’s 16th birthday.'

It was her handwriting again. She even drew a smiley face below it. He sighed.

She was... a lot.

But he found himself staring at it for an extended period of time.

_'My friend...'_

He groaned in frustration and tossed the picture onto the coffee table. It landed on its front side.

He wasn't used to being showered with positive attention. Obviously. But he couldn't deny he was really starting to enjoy it.

\----

Sakura sighed, and knelt down to find her water. She shuffled through her bag, and realized she never organized her papers. As she filtered through them, she noticed something unfamiliar..

What was...?

She placed a hand over her mouth as she held the foreign paper in her hands.

It was a sketch. Of her.

As her eyes poured over it, she noticed more and more details.

It was gorgeous. Sasori was incredibly talented. And he drew this the first night they were traveling... When he was on the opposite side of that cave from her. She remembered he was drawing something to pass the time, but she never questioned him about it.

The picture of Sakura depicted only her face and shoulders, her eyes averted. She assumed she was organizing supplies while he was studying her...

Her shock turned into embarassment. She felt her entire face go red.

He was studying her?? He said he would never waste time drawing someone like her!

She slowly withdrew her hand from her mouth, and felt a surge of... something intense wash over her.

She realized it was endearment.

If she didn't already know how artists were, she would have thought it was creepy. But Sai was always drawing people he was around, without asking. Sasori certainly never asked permission for anything. And Sasori... was dear to her, she realized.

He was her friend. She cared deeply for him. Seeing this... filled her with those emotions.

This paper was precious to her. She smiled, knowing Sasori would have never shown it to her. This was an accident. She was glad she mistakenly picked it up.

‘_He... cares about me too... I think.'_

“What are you looking at?" Temari asked curiously. Sakura resisted the urge to hide the sketch against her chest.

“Sateki drew this... I accidently picked it up, I suppose..."

Temari tilted her head.

"Your friend is talented. Looks like he likes you."

"What! It isn't like that," Sakura laughed. "Trust me. He's incapable of feelings like that."

“If you say so," Temari shrugged.

“What about you? You seemed pretty eager to take another mission to the Leaf.”

Sakura grinned, knowing this would earn a reaction from her. Temari immediately blushed.

“I simply find strengthening the bond between our villages to be of great importance..."

"Sureee."

Everyone knew about Temari and Shikamaru. They were always hanging around each other. No one would be surpised if it turned out to be something more than platonic.

"What about Naruto? He definitely has a thing for you."

Sakura's smile faded. She knew... how Naruto felt about her. And she never wanted to deal with it.

“He's just a friend..." Sakura muttered, her mood visibly altered. Temari took the hint.

“Ah, And then there’s that Rock Lee-“

“Now you are stating the obvious,” Sakura laughed. Temari laughed along with her, both of the girls remembering an incident that Temari was present for.

“He’s... always making these grand confessions,” Sakura continued, wiping a tear from her eye. “Ah, he’s too honest.”

Temari grinned.

“You are popular with the boys, aren’t you?”

Sakura blushed.

“Certainly not!”

Temari shook her head.

“You doubt how easy it is for guys at this age to get a crush.”

“Do guys confess to you at home?” Sakura asked. Temari chuckled.

“Mm. I think I scare most of them. But I have gotten a few. Been on a few dates. None of them worked out.”

Sakura turned towards her, interested.

“You’ve dated? What is it like?”

“Ah, you aren’t missing out on much. Men are a waste of time. There’s a reason most ninja don’t find love.”

Sakura frowned.

“I’m sure you will find someone. If anyone, it will be you.”

“Why is that?” Temari asked.

“You’re confident. You know what you want.”

Temari thought for a moment.

“You seem like you go for what you want too. There’s no way one of those boys won’t worm their way in.”

The girls both laughed once again, and Sakura ignored the heaviness of her heart. She did not want to delve into her emotional baggage. She did not want to admit that the one guy she wanted... rejected her.

She clutched the sketch against her tightly.

\----

That night, Sasori and Sakura were under the same stars. But they were far away from each other now. Sakura wondered how he was doing. At least she left him with a part of herself...

Part of Sasori thought on her too, but he was focused on something more important. Finding his core. It was the key to everything. He had much to do... But before he could find his core, he needed to tie loose ends.

He walked to Ebizō’s house, and knocked. When the old man answered the door, his eyes lit up in surprise.

“I did not expect to see you again,” he croaked. Guilt and relief were etched into his features, and he let the young man in.

Sasori took off his shoes silently. Ebizō looked around, searching for his companion.

“Where is that sweet girl?” he asked.

“She went home.”

Ebizō stared.

“You are staying?”

“For now.”

Sasori walked further into the home like he owned the place. Ebizō followed, curious as to the boy’s intentions. What was he here to say?

“I have unfinished business,” Sasori announced, standing in the middle of the living room.

“Oh? And I’m a part of that?” Ebizō replied, easing his way down into a chair. Sasori continued to stand, apparently comfortable with where he was.

“Yes.”

Ebizō raised his bushy eyebrows, intrigued. Their last meeting did not end well, and the old man hoped this one would be better, for both their sakes.

“I... went to the house, like you said to.”

Ebizō frowned. He only said that in the middle of his rambles, wanting to twist the knife. He didn’t actually mean for the kid to go there.

“It was just like it was 20 years ago.”

The red-headed young man had a very stern look on his face, and his tone indicated that what he came to say was thought on deeply.

“Boy, I didn’t actually intend for you to go there.”

“... I know. But... I guess I wanted to.”

He was stiff, like a piece of furniture in the room, and his brows were scrunched together like he was struggling with something.

“... I went to... see her last night too.”

Now Ebizō was impressed. The fact that he did it at all meant something.

“And did you come to any conclusions?” Ebizō asked.

“... I have been gone a long time.”

He was vague, but Ebizō could guess as to what he meant.

“She would be happy to know you went,” Ebizō offered as solace. He had messed up yesterday. His only remaining relative was back from the dead, on the cusp of his final transformation, and he turned him away. He could not turn this child away again. He was seeking answers, and it was his job to give them. His sister would want that, as Sakura Haruno said.

“... But she hated me.”

Sasori was now even stiffer than before, refusing to make eye contact with his great uncle. He was very different from yesterday. He was now humble, and seeking to mend things, not destroy them. And this attitude shift was enough for Ebizō.

“Child, your grandmother loved you more than anything. Do not say that.”

“But she told me I was sick in the head. She hated everything I did... Nothing I did was right...” Sasori said, finally revealing a hint of emotion. Ebizō continued to study him. He needed more than simple words of encouragement.

“My sister was proud of you. If she was disappointed, it was disappointment in herself. You were always such a focused boy... You did everything that was asked of you.”

Sasori absorbed what he said, and grew more and more unhappy with it. Many things came to his mind, but one thing screamed to be let out.

“How was I supposed to know how she felt? She didn’t tell me!”

Sasori was once again frustrated, and it was coming out in his voice. This child had come for guidance. And Ebizō was going to give it, since Sasori had given him another chance.

“My sister was always bad with words. After her son and daughter in law were killed, she was hardly herself. She took care of you- I told her to. I told her that you were a gift, and if she accepted it, she would find purpose again. And she did.”

“Why didn’t she tell me she loved me?” Sasori suddenly asked in a small voice. His expression had turned serious again. “... Parental figures are... supposed to do that.”

“... That doesn’t sound like you. Did Sakura tell you that?”

Sasori only bit his lip, and looked to the side. Ebizō sighed.

“She tried to. I admit that she failed. You didn’t turn out right, and she knew it was her fault.”

“Hmph. That’s one way to put it,” Sasori grumbled, brows furrowed once again.

“... She did love you. You should have seen it when you saw the house.”

Sasori bared his teeth, and turned around, shifting his weight in an attempt to release his anger without losing his control. Ebizō continued.

“When you disappeared, she knew she failed you. Soon after, she became a husk... She refused to help the Sand any more. She hid away on the outskirts of the village, and I soon joined her. I couldn’t bear to see her like that...”

“But you blamed me! You said it was my fault!” Sasori growled, whirling around. His eyes were wide, filled with an endless stream of emotion. Ebizō’s face contorted into that of pity and regret.

“I did.”

“Why do you resent me?! I wasn’t even the one who did anything!”

“I know that,” Ebizō admitted, looking down at his wrinkled hands. He wrung them together, knowing he was verbalizing things he had never said before. “I despised what you did to her. She gave you all that was left of her, and you spat in her face.”

“...”

Sasori once again remembered his last conversation with his grandmother. She was in so much pain, and he did that to her. It was his fault.

“But you didn’t have a chance to do irreparable damage. You came to this time before you could kill her,” Ebizō added.

Sasori closed his eyes, and gritted his teeth. He was feeling even more unstable than he was the night before.

“I... didn’t kill her.”

“Boy, she was dead 20 years before your final meeting,” Ebizō yelled suddenly. Sasori almost flinched.

“What do you expect me to do?” he yelled back. “That wasn’t me! I never defected! And I never made those puppets! Why do you see my face and assign the blame to me?!”

“Because you were going to, and you know it,” Ebizō said quietly. Sasori once again looked away from him, ashamed and furious at the harsh truth.

“But I’m not the same...” Sasori admitted, pushing his hair out of his face. “I don’t intend to repeat any of this.”

“Then you are not the grandson who killed my sister,” the old man stated. Sasori studied his grand uncle’s face, searching for sympathy. When he saw the softness and torment in his eyes, he knew he was done yelling at him.

“... What am I supposed to do? She’s dead. I can’t... do anything.”

Ebizō had never seen Sasori so forthright. He was seeking to change.

“Sasori, my child, you have already done it. You came here, and you visited her. That is all any grandparent could possibly ask for.”

Sasori’s eyes glistened, and Ebizō watched him hold back the hurricane of feelings trapped inside his body. Sasori had never in his life been so weak. Why did this old man’s words mean so damn much?

“But I’m still angry with her... I still feel so empty...”

“That is because you are mourning her,” Ebizō replied with a familiar gentleness Sasori missed very much. His chest felt heavy, but a strange comfort embraced him, knowing this was his Uncle Ebizō, the man he looked up to his whole life, saying it.

“I don’t think I’m capable of that,” Sasori admitted.

“Sasori, you are doing it right now.”

Sasori let out a strained breath, and sniffed, trying to calm himself. Was he...?

He remembered how he felt at that Leaf ninja’s funeral. How distant he felt from himself. He was a fake. He was incapable of love, or empathy. And he was unable to grieve. Because he did not care for anyone, or anything.

But if that wasn’t true...

“I... am?”

“It looks like it,” Ebizō said, leaning forward in his chair. “Come closer, so I can see clearly.”

Sasori let out a single, relieved chuckle, the pent up pressure in his lungs releasing all at once. His uncle was joking with him again. That meant he was on good terms with him.

“... Last night, Sakura told me... I need reassurance.”

“All people do,” Ebizō said, leaning back in his chair to relax. He could tell this conversation was a step forward. “Humans cannot stand alone. We are imperfect, and therefore need someone else to hold us up.”

“... I thought I was fine alone.”

“You weren’t. You can see what happened to you.”

“...”

“That girl Sakura really cares for you,” Ebizō said, thinking of something encouraging to say. “I could see it in the way she defended you against me the other day. No respect for her elders,” he continued, shaking his head with a grin. “You should stick with her.”

“... Can I... do that?”

“Something tells me she wants you to.”

Sasori knew that, but for some reason, hearing it from another person made him feel that it was acceptable for someone like her to want him around.

“... She told me I needed to come here, and make amends with you.”

“I’m glad she did.”

Sasori finally cracked, and gave him a small, but genuine smile.

“Why, I haven’t seen a smile like that on you in over 2 decades,” Ebizō said. “I think you’re back, my boy.”

“Back?” Sasori asked, confused.

“You are being honest with yourself again. That’s good. You will be able to move forward now.”

The old man then stood up, and headed over to a desk. He unlocked a drawer, and fumbled through it, cursing under his breath. Sasori had no idea what he was looking for, but he was interested, to say in the least, since it was likely relevant to him.

“Ah, here it is!”

Ebizō pulled out a scroll.

“I think you will get more use out of this than I will,” he cackled, handing it over to his grand nephew. Sasori, unsure of its contents, cautiously handled it, and unraveled the thick paper. It smelled old. It looked important.

When he realized what it was, his eyes widened, and he immediately closed it. His dumbfounded expression remained plastered on his face as he turned his gaze back to his uncle. The elderly man only smiled warmly at him, hands behind his back.

“She would want you to have this.”

Sasori did not know what to say. This was... not what he was expecting.

“You...”

Ebizō nodded.

“Do what you need to. Know that this old man will always be here for when you need him.”

Sasori excitedly looked back down at the scroll, and then back at his uncle once more. He felt awkward, but his instincts told him to express his appreciation. He opened his arms.

Ebizō raised his brows, and smiled. He pulled his grand nephew into a tight hug.

“You will do great things. I know it.”

Sasori held onto him tightly, and took in his scent once more. All of his childhood memories...

He did not feel emptiness this time. He felt... better.

“... Thank you, Uncle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some closure for Sasori <3 It’s time something actually went well for him haha!
> 
> Sakura and Sasori will be split up for a few chapters, because Sasori is going to be quite busy, as you will soon see! And Sakura is going to be dealing with her own troubles!
> 
> I wanted the conversation between Ebizō and Sasori to be different from Sasori’s conversations with other people. Ebizō is someone he grew up with, and feels comfortable talking to casually. He is more open with him than others, especially under the circumstances. 
> 
> Sasori finally understands that it’s important to make up with those who matter to him. He ran out of time with his grandmother too soon, and he doesn’t want it to be the same way with Ebizō. So despite his discomfort with emotional talk, he agrees with Sakura that is a good thing to make amends.
> 
> Also want to point out that Ebizō giving him “permission” to stay with Sakura is important to Sasori. He doesn’t know why she sticks around, and he certainly doesn’t think he’s worthy of her. But that insecurity is buried deep down. He does not dwell on this sort of thing much, but it is still there. 
> 
> I had fun making this sketch! Of course Sasori is much more talented than me, but I did my best XD  
The sketch signifies how far he has come with Sakura. She has something personal of his, and he has something of hers.  
Sometime I will draw the festival photo too! <3


	30. Shell of Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura returns to the Leaf, and recognizes that it is her duty to discover any possibly ways to send Sasori back to his time. He deserved to have that choice, despite her desire for him to stay. Meanwhile, Sasori finally deals with his feelings on the Third Kazekage.

“Whew. Almost there,” Temari said, wiping her brow. Sakura sighed, and sat down on a log. The blonde gulped down a fair amount of water, and stretched out her back. While it wasn’t particularly warm out, they were both sweating from physical exertion.

“So, what did you want to talk to Lady Tsunade about?” Sakura asked, realizing she was never told Kankurō’s excuse for sending her along.

“Oh, Gaara wants to make several amendments on the treaty. He is really excited about the newfound trust between our villages, due to his kidnapping.”

Sakura let out a confused smile.

“He is glad it happened?”

”Well, he’s happy to get as much good out of it as he can. I’m sure your sensei is on the same page.”

Sakura nodded. Tsunade was sometimes accused of being too progressive, but, in Sakura’s opinion, she was fixing flawed policies. All of it was long overdue, and it was nice to have a leader with an open mind.

“She is really understanding. I’m so lucky she took me under her wing.”

”So are we. Gaara and Kankurō would both be dead otherwise!”

The girls chuckled, and got ready to resume their journey. They would be through the village gates that evening, and Sakura was eager for a shower.

As the sky got darker, and the scenery became more familiar, Sakura’s thoughts wandered. She relived the events of the past week, as well as dwelling on Sasori in general. Right now, it all felt like some sort of dream. Did he ever really exist?

The sketch in her bag told her he was very real. She worried about him. She couldn’t help herself. The worst thing that could happen would be if he were caught. He would certainly try to escape...

She felt a weight in her chest.

Sasori could not hide forever. This wasn’t his timeline. He wasn’t supposed to be here. His presence may have been altering the natural order of things. Some novels she read on time travel pressed on the fact that it never worked out well.

She didn’t want him to go back to his time. She liked having him around. But...

She still felt she had a responsibility to research any loop holes. Any possible way she could send him back. He deserved to have that option.

And she still didn’t know WHY he was sent to her. What cosmic force decided he needed to be planted 20 years into the future?? Sakura could not deny that her efforts had been paying off with him. He was kinder. He was changing. And that meant it was a good thing he came to this time, right?

Still, when it came to stories, after the hero learned his lessons, he usually went back home to fix his mistakes. That was how good tales ended. And if she were to apply that to Sasori, it would mean that after learning to be a better person, he should return to his time.

‘_Not that I know how to send him back,’_ she thought to herself. She didn’t even know if there WAS a loop hole. Maybe he was stuck here forever.

She disliked the selfish desires within her. They were coming out to wrestle with her sense of right and wrong. She liked her new friend, despite his issues.

She didn’t want anyone to leave her... not ever again.

——

“Where is Sateki?” Sai asked, eagerly peering behind Sakura’s petite form. She sighed, and walked past him.

“He decided to stay longer.”

She was bummed about it. Since she started obsessing over the potential end game of his time travel experience, she was growing more and more depressed over the whole thing. Even after getting home and showering, she didn’t feel better. She did not want him to leave. The past few months’ habits had formed a new daily schedule, and he was ingrained in that schedule. He was a part of this village now, to her.

Sai looked disappointed at the news.

“Oh... When will he be back?” he asked hopefully. She sighed again, and sat down on her favorite spot on his couch.

“He’s not sure. I’m guessing at least a few more weeks. If I’m honest with myself, a month.”

“Why?”

Sakura tried to think of something she could actually say.

“He found the other clones. They are preparing to take down the men who made them. They were the result of illegal experiments.”

What the heck was she even saying?? Sai nodded.

“Good for him.”

Sakura tried not to laugh at the absurdity. She also felt a pang inside her, due to lying to him yet again. She wanted to be honest with Sai, but she didn’t know what he would do. She was mostly certain that he would help them, but if Lord Danzo somehow found out about Sasori through him, it could be very bad.

“He said he would send a letter,” she said, gripping her favorite pillow in her arms. Sai smiled.

“Hopefully after this, he can live out in the open.”

Sakura bit her lip.

“Yeah...”

She remembered how excited Sasori was when they ran into those rogues. He was dying for some action, after being cooped up for so long. After thinking on it, she realized he may have been planning to train in his hideout as well. It made sense. Sasori was always seeking to improve himself. With all of the new information at his disposal, he would certainly find a way to make use of it.

And the only way he could train would be in an isolated location like that. She herself would probably go crazy if she couldn’t work out for such an extended period of time.

His muscle tone had not changed during his stay in Sai’s apartment, however, and she tried to figure out how he maintained his figure. Maybe he worked out in the room Sai provided for him?

For some reason, the thought of Sasori doing repetitive exercises amused her. It was hard to imagine him doing anything physically active, despite him being a ninja. Nothing about his personality implied that he enjoyed exercise.

‘_But his taijutsu was pretty good...’_

She knew that part of the reason he practiced taijutsu was to get rid of every puppet master’s greatest weakness. If he himself could fight, he was that much more invincible. And he certainly had some moves as a teenager. She had never seen a puppet master combine taijutsu with chakra threads as a weapon other than in her battle with Lady Chiyo against Sasori. That was typically considered to be a last resort. But Sasori was proficient enough at hand to hand combat to take on a jounin with it.

She needed to train. If she wasn’t going to see him in a month, she needed to use it as an opportunity to show off her progress when he returned. Sakura’s training with Tsunade was heavily based in medical jutsu, though Tsunade did not originally intend on it. After seeing Sakura’s talent, she realized it would be senseless to take it slow. And at this point, Sakura’s skills with medical ninjutsu rivaled the best of the best.

Sakura knew this. But growing up, she had never intended on being a medical ninja. She was an aggressive person, and enjoyed punching things more than anything else. She needed to work more on managing her strength, as well as her taijutsu.

‘_And I want to learn genjutsu...’ _

If Sasori did ever come back, she wanted to learn it from him. He was very gifted at it. And learning from Sasori of the Red Sand was, admittedly, kind of a cool concept.

She chatted with Sai for another hour, making up stories about what she and Sasori did in Sunagakure. She then headed home, and went to bed.

For the next week, Sakura studied hard. She looked into every available resource on time travel, and chakra. The books and notes she took dominated every surface she claimed as hers, whether she was in the public library, or in her bedroom. And unbeknownst to her, Sai had picked up on it.

He found himself dwelling on her rabid obsession with it. He had no idea as to what would bring on an interest in such an peculiar concept. But he did not question her. Something about her attitude told him it was important to her. Sakura did not research things without a purpose, and if she wanted to keep it to herself, he would respect her space.

Still, he could not help but develop theories.

——-

The desert village was oddly tranquil, and the sky was a blissful shade of blue. Sunagakure was always nice during the winter months, though it was a bit chilly after sunset. And things were different from how Sasori remembered them. Some buildings were gone, with others taking their place. There were restorations and new streets. And there was a carefree aura that wasn’t there before.

The people had changed more than anything else. The first Suna residents from this time that he met were rogues who were upset the village had become too soft. Which was... not what he was expecting. But then again, the fact that Leaf ninja were allowed to help rescue the Kazekage should have told him things would be different. And from the moment he stepped foot into this village, he had picked up on the subtle difference in the ninjas’ attitude. Everyone was... happier. As though something good had happened to them.

He still hated the place, of course. But it did not feel as... dismal. Was this Gaara really that progressive?

He headed for the grave site yet again, but his attention was not on his grandmother. He was set out to find the official memorial site for the Third Kazekage.

Sasori had not truly faced the fact that he killed his own master in cold blood. He wished he never had to. But as long as he avoided the truth, he could not answer his own questions.

Out of everything he had supposedly done in the past 20 years, this was the thing that surprised him the most. The fact that he was physically capable of doing it was impressive, but the fact that he went out of his way to do it was what he wrestled with. Like many others who were now dead, he had seen the Third only months ago. Just before leaving on that blasted assignment he had given him. Sasori could vividly remember the man’s smile as he wished him luck.

Sasori had a complicated relationship with the Third. For one, he was only the Kazekage for the last year Sasori was around. Before that, he was his sensei. And though Sasori spent more time with the leader of the Puppet Core for training, he preferred the company of his sensei. The man, though stern, was not unkind. He only tended to speak when it was necessary, and he had incredible patience, unlike Sasori. He had many admirable qualities, and not just those of his character. He was the greatest ninja the Sand possessed at the time. And Sasori wanted to be like him.

But Sasori disliked authority, and tended to ignore orders, which sometimes caused a rift between them. He could tell the man wanted him to excel, to do well for himself. He sympathized with Sasori, something he despised. Sasori did not want to be seen as a project. He wanted to be an equal.

Despite their disagreements, Sasori did not want to kill him. So to come to the future, only to discover that he dragged his master’s corpse to his den to carve into his flesh- to use him as his tool- left a strange taste in his mouth. He knew he had conflicting feelings on it. He was impressed with himself, while also slightly disgusted. What possessed him to come back here for the sole purpose of murdering the Third? He had what he wanted; he defected. Why come back 10 years later?

The memorial to the Third Kazekage was almost more ornate than anything else in the entire village. It looked updated. He assumed they would eventually bury his corpse there. Which was a shame, since it was his best puppet.

He frowned. He knew if he had said that out loud in front of Sakura, she would burst a blood vessel. But it was true. The Third was his masterpiece. To bury him would make his death pointless.

Sasori recalled the other night, when he was face to face with it- with him. He was so lifelike, he could practically see his chest rise and fall. But he was dead. Long dead. Only a shell.

That represented everything the future him left behind. Nothing was left alive in his wake. He sometimes felt as though the Sasori of this timeline purposefully left a trail of bodies for him to discover. But he knew the future him would never predict such a supernatural occurrence. The Sasori of this time was alone, and knew he was alone. That Sasori did everything in his power to keep it that way.

Part of Sasori wished he could meet himself. Ask him why. Why did he do all of this?

But another part of him told him he already knew. Everything was already inside him. Stirring. Rotting.

That was what the Third’s body represented. Rot. Ruin. Regret. Regret that he ever lived. Regret that he was born here, in this village. Regret that he met who he did, and became what he was.

Sasori’s work was the purest window into his soul. Art had a way of expressing the creator’s deepest emotions through its existence. And Sasori’s work told him he was spiraling. He was drowning in himself.

To an outsider, the Sasori of this timeline was calculating, precise, and unrelenting. He carefully planned everything, to the finest detail. He managed to sneak into this village, kill its beloved leader, and steal him away without anyone noticing. He killed what he estimated to be around 1000 people in total, if not more. He had spies all over the continent, who all feared the mention of his name. His name exemplified fear.

But inside, he was desperate. Desperate to find the answer. And he only knew how to work with the tools he was given. Tools of destruction that could never provide solutions, only more pain. He knew that now.

How pathetic he was. Did he kill the Third so that he would always be with him? Was he that alone?

A memory of when he was young, only 8, came to him. It was the first time he had ever spoken to his future master.

Sasori’s face scrunched up in disgust as he recalled the details of the event.

——

(27 years ago)

“Did you hear? That’s the boy who graduated 4 years early.”

“He must be a genius.”

“He’s odd though. My daughter says he doesn’t talk much.”

“It’s too bad, what happened to his parents. Such a shame.”

“It’s good that he is the one carrying the clan name. Very promising.”

Sasori ignored the gossiping of the old bats behind him, groceries in hand. Everywhere he went, someone seemed to have an opinion on him. It made him want to disappear inside himself.

Distracted, he bumped into the person he wanted to see the least.

“What? No hello, Hot Shot?”

Sasori ignored his teammate, and attempted to continue walking. She stopped him with tight grip on his upper arm.

“You are such a freak. You think you’re all that, just because you graduated early. But I did too,” Chika whispered menacingly. “And I’m gonna expose what you really are to everyone someday.”

“And what’s that?” Sasori challenged, eyes filled with fire. Chika smirked, her lips curling back into a sneer.

“A psycho,” she spat with hatred. The two glared at each other intensely, both wondering why they had to be put on the same team. He knew the news of their partnership was what earned this unfortunate encounter.

After another second of their stare down, Chika abruptly turned around with the intent of walking away. Apparently, she was already done with her harassment.

“I’ll kill you,” Sasori said, holding back his growing anger with a hushed tone. Chika whirled around.

“I’ll kill you first.”

Her stern expression suddenly turned into that of amusement. She laughed, her pearly white teeth exposed in a threatening fashion. She then continued on, and disappeared from sight.

As soon as he knew she was gone, his hands trembled. His gaze turned to the ground, and he remained still, wishing he could scream. Instead, he began to run, with no destination in mind. He did not want to go home. He did not want to be anywhere.

He ran into something with a thud. He looked up, and widened his eyes in shock.

“Whoa there!”

It was a jounin. One he had seen around before, but did not know the name of.

“Where are you headed to in such a hurry?” the man asked. Sasori looked back down, not wanting to speak to this stranger.

“Oh, you are Sasori. You are one of my new students!”

Sasori looked up in surprise. That meant this man was the greatest legend of the Sand- someone to be admired.

“I see you have groceries. Were you heading home?”

Sasori nodded, not knowing what to say. The man was incredibly tall. To him, he was endlessly tall. He did his best not to leave his mouth agape.

“Mind if I walk with you? I need to speak with your grandmother, actually. I wanted to learn more about you before our first training session.”

Sasori gulped, and followed the large man in silence, his eyes still huge with amazement. The jounin only smiled down at him, seemingly content with silence.

He seemed... nice.

——

Sasori could not believe this was how it all ended. How did it come to this?

He... wished the Third was still alive. He wanted to see him again.

He knew he would have been able to help him. And he would ask him for help, if he were still around. He would swallow his pride, admit he did not know what he was doing. Even though he was forced to act like an adult from a very young age, he was not one. Like Sakura, he felt a bit overwhelmed from pretending they had a plan. They did not have a plan. Neither of them knew what to do with him.

The Third would know. The Third was reliable.

For the first time, Sasori felt anger at his future self for being selfish.

Suddenly, a distinct, gravelly voice could be heard from behind him.

“I see you are still in town.”

Sasori looked over his shoulder, completely caught off guard. It was the new Kazekage: Gaara. Fortunately, Sasori had his head covered. The last thing he needed was another exchange with someone who could potentially recognize him, but here he was.

Sasori bowed, knowing it was the best thing to do. The Kazekage smiled at him.

“I did not expect to see the Kazekage here,” Sasori said, taking in the man’s appearance more closely. He had not payed much attention to him last time, but now that they were having a one-on-one conversation, his mind was swirling with observations.

“I like to visit this place,” Gaara replied smoothly.

Sasori then remembered something.

‘Right. Gaara, Rasa’s son.’

This was the unborn child his grandmother had sealed the Shuukaku into. He remembered reading that in the Sunagakure archives.

He did not know Rasa very well, but he remembered that he was distasteful. Rasa was 7 years older than him, and well known for his willingness to do anything for the sake of the village. He would often disagree with the Third’s way of doing things, deeming them not drastic enough. It was interesting that Sasori’s actions were what allowed Rasa to assume power.

It was odd to stand next to someone his age, and know his parents years before he was even conceived.

“What brings you to the Third Kazekage’s memorial?” Gaara asked politely. Sasori noted that this guy was unbelievably stoic, even more so than him.

Sasori then realized he did not have an answer to his question.

“... Sakura told me about him. I guess I have developed an interest in her story,” he said after a moment of hesitation. Gaara seemed to take to the explanation.

“Yes, what happened was unfortunate. One good thing that came out of it was finding the Third Kazekage.”

“So that Akatsuki member was the one who killed him?” Sasori asked, hiding his anticipation.

“Yes. He was our strongest Kage. After his disappearance, my father became the next Kage,” Gaara said, a strange look on his face at the mention of him.

“What happened to your father?” Sasori asked, not caring if the question was invasive. He genuinely did not know what became of Rasa.

“He was killed by Orochimaru,” Gaara stated. “A rogue Leaf ninja.”

Orochimaru again. Was this Orochimaru involved in everything?? At this point, he had come up an unnatural amount of times. He would need to investigate him.

“Oh,” Sasori said, attempting to appear apologetic for the sake of maintaining his fake persona. “That must have been difficult.”

Gaara’s face turned downcast. Sasori picked up on this negative reaction, and knew he assumed correctly in that Rasa would be a less than perfect father.

“Yes, I wish he could see how well the village is doing.” 

Sasori could tell that was probably the nicest thing he could muster.

“This village is different from how I remember it,” Sasori said, wanting to get more into that. “It has been a long time since the last time I visited.”

Gaara surprisingly smiled. He never showed his teeth, but for some reason, it felt more genuine than most.

“I am glad to hear it.”

“People seem... happy,” Sasori said, averting his eyes to look at the memorial once more.

‘_Things have changed so much...’_ he thought.

“I want our village to flourish. A friend showed me that things can change for the better. Some day, I hope to work with him as Hokage.”

“Hokage?” Sasori asked. Gaara seemed eager to talk about this mystery person.

“Sakura has probably mentioned him. Her teammate, Naruto.”

“The jinchuriki,” Sasori said without thinking. Gaara blinked, wondering why he knew something the Leaf had kept under wraps.

“Uh, Sakura told me,” Sasori added in an attempt to recover.

“I was a jinchuriki as well,” Gaara said. Sasori raised his brows.

“Was?”

“When I was captured by the Akatsuki, they removed it. I died.”

Sasori held his breath. He finally had a chance to talk to this man about what really bothered him.

“Then... how are you here?” Sasori asked, trying to seem only mildly curious as a stranger would.

“A woman gave her life for mine,” Gaara said, a sadness overtaking him. “One of our elders.”

Sasori’s throat was suddenly dry. He wiped his sweaty palms against his shirt, and swallowed.

“That’s amazing,” Sasori managed to say, still doing his best to hold up his fake personality. It was not amazing. It was a horrible thing. The thought of it made him seethe with rage and regret. How could she leave him?? Why was this guy here instead??

“Her kindness will not be wasted,” Gaara stated, interrupting Sasori’s thoughts. “I promised her.”

“You promised her,” Sasori echoed, his tense shoulders relaxing. Gaara nodded.

“Yes. It is why I am here. I visit her.”

Gaara took a step away from the Third Kazekage’s memorial, and Sasori followed without thinking. By the time they reached his grandmother’s grave, Sasori’s mind was overflowing. This man... visited her?

Gaara pulled a succulent in a pot out of nowhere, and placed it in front of her tombstone.

“I grew this myself. It is a pastime of mine.”

Sasori was blown away by this guy. He took care of plants in his spare time? How... soft.

“So this is the woman you owe your life to,” Sasori muttered. He found it interesting that he thought well of her. After all, she was the one who put that demon inside him. Because of her, he probably had a hard life.

Sasori then understood.

‘_Of course,_’ he realized. ‘_That is why she saved him.’ _

Granny felt responsible for the whole ordeal. If she had raised Sasori better, he would not have been in the Akatsuki, kidnapping the Kazekage. If he had turned out better, maybe Gaara wouldn’t have died. And if she hadn’t placed the Shuukaku into Gaara, he wouldn’t have been of interest to the Akatsuki.

“...”

He did not know what to do with this revelation. Despite his best efforts, his mood was visibly altered.

“Are you alright?” Gaara asked, that mild expression of his never changing.

“It is nothing. I guess... I am moved by your story.”

He wasn’t necessarily lying, though the words were intended as a sickeningly sweet falsity.

Gaara looked back at the grave, a small upturn on the corners of his mouth.

“Would you say that you have found inspiration?”

Sasori opened his mouth to speak, but was unable to respond.

“I-“

“If you are interested, I would like to commission you.”

Of all the ways this conversation could have ended up, this was not a predicted one. He was unsure of what Gaara meant exactly, but any interpretation was unexpected.

“Kankurō said you work with many mediums. Are you comfortable with stone?”

Sasori stuttered. He had not worked with stone before. But he was a master craftsman with wood, and metal. Stone would likely not give him trouble.

“... What did you have in mind?”

His voice came out slightly strained, and he cleared his throat. Gaara placed his arms behind his back, and stared back down at the marker on Lady Chiyo’s grave.

“I would like a statue to commemorate her.”

“...”

Something was weighing down his body, and he struggled to breathe. He realized he was feeling... emotional.

“... Very well,” he finally said. Gaara’s face lit up.

“Good. Would you like to discuss details now?”

Sasori did not count on something like this. He had a potential job now, as an artist. It would probably be well payed. He would finally have his own money again. And he would be payed to sculpt his own grandmother.

His plan was to leave Sunagakure that evening. This could get in the way of his plans... But...

He realized he wanted to do it.

“Yes. But I have a few other arrangements before I can get started. And I will want to work with good material,” he said.

“Of course.”

Sasori followed the Kazekage all the way across town, completely dumbfounded. He pictured what Sakura would say to this. He remembered when she complimented his art in front of her parents. He could tell she thought highly of it. And he knew she loved his grandmother dearly. This would excite her.

She would be... proud of him.

He ignored the weird feeling in his stomach as he stepped into the Kazekage’s office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaara is such a good boy. I had my brother read this chapter out loud (he can do all the voices), and I was comforted to know that, when read in his voice, Gaara’s lines are fine. He isn’t a character I have written much before, so I wanted to make sure it was decent XD He laughed when Gaara pulled a succulent out of nowhere haha, I’m glad I can entertain him!
> 
> I decided not to give the Third Kazekage a name for this fic, but I will for Chizome (my comic that will eventually include his backstory in detail).  
The thing I struggled with coming up with the most was his relationship with the Third. I couldn’t make up my mind for a long time. But I decided on him being his sensei, and kind of a father figure to him. When Chika and Sasori became jounin, the Third became the Kazekage. And I decided that the Third was the nicest person in his life. But Sasori still grew to resent him, because the Third did not “do enough”. Sasori is kind of an asshole. I mean, he’s cynical, and seeks the flaws in others. So yeah. But the reason Sasori is surprised at the Third’s death is because he did like him (as much as Sasori was capable of liking someone.)
> 
> A quote my boyfriend thought of while reading this section was this: “You began ill, because you began by despising everything that belonged to you... Respecting your forefathers, you would have been taught to respect yourselves.”  
Reflections on the French Revolution, by Edmund Berke.
> 
> Meanwhile, Sakura worries that Sasori will leave her time again, and she is super attached to him at this point. I mean, aren’t we all? <3


	31. Predator’s Den

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori heads back to his hideout to learn its secrets. Sakura and Naruto get unfortunate news.  
(The last section of this chapter is taken from an episode, but I decided to delve into it to explore more of Sakura’s thoughts.)

Sasori trudged through the vast desert with his hand holding a scarf over his face. He continued to ignore the temperamental weather, determined to get to his hideout before sundown. The wind howled, and he knew a storm would be upon him soon. But he saw the familiar hint of a rock formation in the sand, and knew he had made it in time. His hands formed into a seal, and he broke the barrier jutsu preventing him from continuing forward.

His pace quickened, and he managed to run to safety just in time. He could hear the storm worsen behind him as he stepped into the entrance of the cave. The sound of his footsteps echoed ominously throughout the enclosure, and he squinted in search for the nearest lantern. With a quick flick of his fingers, a small flame lit on the wick, bathing the cave’s contents in warm light.

He sighed. He was completely alone. No one would find him as long as he was here.

He had a lot to do, now that he left Suna. While he was there, he had spent almost every afternoon with his uncle, and accidentally got hired as an artist. When he told Ebizō about it, the old man actually cried.

Sasori shook his head. He could not believe how his life was turning out.

He set down the heavy backpack that he carried with him, and it made an impressive thud as it hit the ground. He stretched his shoulders in an attempt to loosen his sore muscles, and looked at his surroundings. He still wasn’t used to the drastic changes.

Sometimes Sasori wondered if he had really traveled through time. But then he saw things like this, and was hit in the face with that insane reality. 20 years worth of belongings had miraculously appeared in his hideout, the most impressive addition being the seemingly endless line of human puppets coating the right wall.

The cave had several ‘rooms’, the forward-most being where he kept his records, drawings, and supplies. It was also where the future him kept a decent amount of cash, which he was grateful to stumble upon last time.

The section behind the first room was mostly barren in his own time, but it was now completely stuffed with trophies and papers, including the majority of his puppet collection. He had not searched through it yet, since he was injured the last time he was there and had limited mobility.

The wall of puppets acted as a beacon to the second enclosure, leading the way. He stared at each one as he walked further into the cave, lighting whatever candle he came across. When he fully stepped into the den, he was amazed. It was absolutely crammed with puppets. The left corner contained bookcases stuffed with notes, all of which he wanted to study later.

He traveled through a tight space to get to the next area, which he had not looked at whatsoever. When he saw what it possessed, it took his breath away.

It was the workshop. He practically had stars in his eyes, filled to the brim with excitement and admiration at his own collection of belongings. It was the perfect creating space.

He quickly walked up to a desk, and greedily shuffled through countless paints and tools. It was obvious that this place had become his headquarters, in a way he would’ve never imagined.

A lot was required to make a puppet. Puppets needed constant maintenance, and parts. Since Sasori was the best, everything was made from scratch, from the weapons to the detail work on the skin. It was a mixture or engineering, craftsmanship and artistry. Typically a puppet master excelled in one category over the others, but Sasori was more than proficient in all three. His puppets were considered works of art, and were highly sought after, even at his young age. He knew by the time he was in his 30’s, he had reached a higher plane of finesse. And the human puppets he made, while debatably unethical, were twice as deadly as wooden puppets.

Except for a few. The Ten, the master puppets created by Monzaemon Chikamatsu, were apparently on par with his human puppets. This frustrated him, but also filled him with more admiration for the inventor of the Puppet Core. He still wanted to find a way to surpass the founder, to improve where he left off all those years ago.

The fact that the future Sasori could manipulate 100 puppets at once was his ultimate source of pride. A puppet master’s skills were measured by how many he could use at once, and how well. Currently, Sasori could use 8. His grandmother was a true genius, able to use 10 from the young age of 17. He, of course, wanted to break that family record.

And while he could not possibly manipulate 100 with his human body, he could still improve. And he sought to train as soon as possible, right here. He was given something that prompted him to seek new heights. This was also the first time he didn’t have a job to prevent him from solely training.

But before he would train, he needed to do a few things. He needed to know everything that was written down in this cave. And he needed to find Deidara.

If anyone knew where his core was, it would be this old partner of his. And he was certain he was still running about.

Since Deidara was an Akatsuki member, Sasori assumed he would be difficult to track. If the Leaf ninja struggled to find the Akatsuki, he probably would too. But he was smarter, and better in every way. So there was no doubt he would succeed.

Sasori ran through his mental checklist, and continued to observe the impressive work space the future him had provided. When he got to the back of the room, he paused. A particular puppet caught his attention. Nothing about its appearance particularly stood out from the rest, and there were other puppets located in the workshop, however, he recognized this one. It was another person he knew. Someone he did not have a distaste for.

A ninja named Iwae. Another classmate.

He frowned. Iwae did not excel in ninjutsu, which was what he typically valued in a human puppet. She used mainly used taijutsu, which virtually provided no advantage when he manipulated someone. A puppet’s taijutsu was only as good as his skill with his fingers. But here she was.

The other thing that struck him as odd was that, upon closer inspection, she appeared to be finished. If she was completed, why wasn’t she hung on the wall in the previous room?

He reached up and grabbed one of the puppets arms, inspecting it. There were no hidden mechanisms inside.

“Why are you here?” he asked himself, studying the face. It was incredibly intricate, to the point where he would almost consider it a tier above the rest. This puppet was made for aesthetic purposes.

Did he use her to practice his detail work? That was the only explanation. Since she had no use to him as a weapon, she was an art piece. He didn’t expect himself to bother with such a thing, since he valued practicality in his work.

The last time he saw Iwae, she was sitting where she typically sat- in the sweet shop close to his house. She was known for her proclivity to extroversion, and strawberry flavored ice cream. He never disliked her, other than when she attempted to make conversation with him.

Unlike the puppets in the Sunagakure archives, these did not come with carefully researched files. He knew he would not have bothered to write down everything about her, since it would be in his memory. Because of that, he would have gaps in information.

It was always strange to see people he knew in his collection. These were all people he saw months ago. And now, they were all dead, by his hand. A lot of them were people he never thought about using.

He then remembered Chika, and made a point to search for more information on her. He wanted to know how he killed her. Since he hated her so vehemently, he assumed the future him would keep a record on his achievement.

The fact that a disproportionate amount of people he knew were now puppets was a bit jarring. Did he make it a goal to kill everyone from his past?

(“_Sasori, the future you brought nothing but disaster to others. How can you be so demanding of his rights?”) _

Why did that come to mind?

He glanced once more at the puppet before him, and then continued on.

There was a narrow archway to walk through beside her, and he walked through it, knowing the next room was empty. This was where he tested out his work. He planned to train here. He looked up at the ceiling of the cave, and recalled the dream he had the last time he slept in his hideout. While this room was empty now, during the dream, it was filled with people he knew.

Sasori, remembering the next part of the dream, walked to a hole in the ground. He knew it lead to deeper caverns, even places he had not bothered to search before. In his dream, he had crawled through here...

He did just that, and fell into complete darkness. He pulled out a light, and directed it in every direction, looking for the path that he knew was there. When he found it, he continued onward, steadily going lower and lower, further into the bowels of the cave.

Eventually, he reached the point where he had previously lost interest in exploration. He did not know why he knew where to go next, but he did, and chose a discreet gap in between the rocks. On the other side, there was nothing but a pit the size of a small village, almost perfectly curved into a circle. There was little room to stand without falling over the edge.

This was where he had fallen in that dream. Where his grandmother could not save him.

Sasori did not know why he was bothering with this. There were much more important things to attend to. And he did not feel like investigating such a deep abyss at the moment.

Though he did not want to climb down the side, he found a decently sized rock, and tossed it into the darkness. He waited a long moment before he heard it hit the bottom.

He figured the cave was large, but he didn’t know it was this impressive.

He sighed, and stared at the nothingness for a period of time. He then turned around, and headed back to the front of the cave. He had a lot of work to do.

——

Sasori did not know how many hours had passed, but it was very late, and he was tired. It would take several days to filter through the seemingly endless sea of papers, but he had made a decent dent. The last time he was here, he had read a lot on his poison, and how he made his puppets. But there was still so much more.

He yawned, content with all he had learned that day. He decided to get some rest, and headed over to his cot. As soon as he pulled the covers over his frame, he closed his eyes, and settled.

He planned to devour every bit of information this cave had to offer him, and then, he would set out on his mission to find Deidara. He was unsure of where to start, but figured the Akatsuki were well known in mercenary circles. He hoped Deidara would not be a dead end, since he was the only lead he had to his core.

He also wanted to meet him. He was the only person who knew what he was like in this time. He hoped he could fill in some of the gaps.

Sasori pulled an arm out of the cocoon he had wrapped around himself, and reached for Sakura’s journal. He had already read it multiple times, but now he knew more about his own research. He took it upon himself to write in it, crossing out wrong hypotheses and entering solutions he had discovered. It wasn’t that Sakura’s theories were inherently bad- he himself knew little before tonight. And some of her ideas remained possible. In fact, some of them were... clever.

Sakura’s handwriting was fairly neat, and she organized her notes in categories. He was surprised by how careful her notes actually were. She was a chaotic person, so he expected her journal to be a nightmare. It could still be better, but it didn’t give him anxiety to look at, at least.

The thing he found most impressive was how much Sakura knew about human puppets. She had obviously taken an interest in them, from a medical standpoint. When she told him he was brilliant, he knew she meant it. The main thing he took away from her notes was that she was convinced his discoveries could somehow further scientific research, and help patients.

He couldn’t care less about that in practice, but her ideas still intrigued him. He respected her work.

A part of him wanted to keep all of his experiments a secret, so only he could know. But if he was going to abandon human puppets, his work should be used elsewhere. He did not know if he WANTED to abandon his human puppets, but the thought had crossed his mind.

If he wasn’t going to make himself into one, he could never do half of what he invested himself in. He couldn’t be nearly as lenient with his poison, which he coated everything he owned in, now that he was a human. He still planned on producing it, since it was still considered to be fantastic. As far as he knew, no one else was using it. Even so, he wanted to alter it- improve it. He didn’t like the possibility that Kankurō could have his hands on it.

And if puppets like the Ten existed, were human puppets necessary? If he could create puppets based on Chikamatsu’s, why bother carving into dead bodies?

One thing that worked in his favor was that there were already more human puppets than he ever could need. If the Kazekage’s brother was using one, he could too.

Sasori stopped himself. Why was he concerned with the morality of his work? Why should he have to stop?

But it felt redundant to make more. It truly did. And if there was no reason to produce more human puppets, then why would he bother?

If Sakura was right, his work could be implemented in other fields. It could still be worth something; it just wouldn’t be in a way he expected.

He sighed, and placed the journal on the ground next to his head. He then closed his eyes once more. About 15 minutes later, he found himself drifting in and out of consciousness.

And soon, he was fast asleep.

——

Sakura opened her front door to a chuunin. She was told Tsunade had requested her and Naruto to come in as soon as possible. She frowned, but did as she was asked, and ran to Naruto’s place. When he opened the door, he was still in his PJs, holding cup ramen. She blinked at the slovenly sight. Typical.

“That’s pretty heavy food to have in the morning,” she commented. She never understood how he could live off that stuff. Surely it gave him indigestion...

“Sakura, today’s our day off. How come you’re up so early?” he complained, scratching his head.

“Noon isn’t early...” she sighed. “Well, never mind... Just wash up quickly and get dressed. I’ll be waiting.”

She watched him suddenly perk up.

“Huh?! Is it a date?”

Sakura wanted to bang her head against a wall. Not this again.

“Idiot! Lady Tsunade has summoned us!”

“Oh! Ok, hold on!”

He abruptly closed the door, leaving Sakura in the hall. She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. She knew to some, she was considered less than put together, but compared to Naruto, she ran a tight ship. Of course, he lived alone...

Sakura never really thought on it much before, but now, in this moment, she marinated in the concept. Living in solitude must have been dull. If she were alone all the time, she would probably have less motivation to get moving.

She remembered what she told Sasori about him. How he was alone, and... she didn’t treat him well when she should have.

Sakura sighed deeply.

Part of the reason she barked at Naruto was because she was afraid to get too close with him. Mainly because she knew he liked her. He didn’t try to hide it, that was for sure. Always trying to go on dates with her...

She didn’t want to encourage him. But she also didn’t want him to think she didn’t care about him. It was a fine line, and she struggled to stay on it. More often than not, she felt she failed to come across as caring enough. She failed often...

Her thoughts were interrupted by Naruto swinging open the door with gusto. He was ready to go, and she could tell they would be heading to Tsunade’s office at a faster pace than usual.

“I wonder what she wants,” Naruto said, obviously thinking it would be news of a mission ‘worthy’ of his time. He always dreamed.

Sakura was less sure, but maintained an optimistic attitude.

When they arrived, Naruto immediately had to use the bathroom, leaving Sakura to enter. She noticed a surprise guest.

“You’re late!” Tsunade boomed, turning around to face her with her arms crossed. “What took you so long!?”

“I’m sorry,” Sakura said nervously, bowing in humility. “Naruto was eating lunch, which he calls breakfast...”

“Now now, Tsunade...” Jiraiya said, hands raised as if to calm her. Just then, Naruto entered the room, just returning from the bathroom break that Sakura was convinced wouldn’t have been needed if he ate proper food.

“Huh? Pervy Sage?! You’re back!”

“It’s been awhile, eh, Naruto?”

The two began to make small talk, completely ignoring Lady Tsunade. Sakura understood that the two wanted to catch up, but could tell that her master was growing impatient. Apparently the news she had for them was pressing. Why couldn’t they pick up on that? Master Jiraiya knew her better than anyone, and yet here he was, pushing her buttons.

“How about it? Wanna see my new jutsu?” Naruto asked, earning an annoyed look from Sakura. He was so clueless! Did he have the memory of a goldfish?

“Well, since I’m here... I don’t mind if I do.”

Sakura watched Tsunade’s eyes flick back and forth, her brows furrowing with every passing second. Lady Tsunade had an impressive temper, even worse than her own, and after undergoing training with her for years, she learned one thing above all else: avoid angering her at all costs. And since this lesson was ingrained into her so deeply, it drove her crazy to see others trample all over it.

“I knew it! And naturally, after that, we’ll go eat ramen at Ichiraku!” Naruto exclaimed. He wanted MORE ramen?

Sakura was horrified by the lack of protocol. Technically, this was an official meeting, and it was rude to interrupt their Kage. As the two men rambled further, Sakura awaited their doom.

Sure enough, when the two began to head out of the room, it was the last straw. But it wasn’t just Tsunade who had lost her patience. Sakura had heard enough. It was her sensei they were being rude to!

At the same time, the women walked over and bonked their teammates over their heads in frustration. Shizune watched without a fuss; she was used to such scenes.

After corralling the men back into their original positions, Tsunade was in a distinctly worse mood, which prompted nervous laughter from Sakura. She was embarrassed, wishing Naruto made more of an effort to impress Lady Tsunade. She wanted her master to think they were professional.

She found herself apologizing for Naruto yet again, and forced him into a bow. She gave him another lecture on being polite, wishing it would someday stick, but knowing it was no use.

“What did you want to talk about?” Sakura finally asked her master, wanting to get back on track. While Naruto apparently had already lost interest in whatever this meeting was about, Sakura’s interest had only grown.

Tsunade grumbled in frustration. It seemed the topic would not be a light one. Naruto picked up on this as well.

“What’s wrong, Granny Tsunade?”

Sakura always cringed when he called her that.

“Well...” Tsunade started, struggling to word things in the way she wished. “There’s certain information being spread throughout the region... It’s about that.”

Everyone was silent in anticipation. Normally she just got to the point. What was so hard to admit?

“Information?” Sakura quizzed.

“What? What about?” Naruto asked.

Both Jiraiya and Tsunade grew serious. Whenever the sage took something seriously, Sakura knew she would be in for a loop.

Tsunade opened her mouth, and spoke cautiously, wishing she could somehow lessen the blow.

“Orochimaru is dead.”

Her announcement earned drastic reactions out of both of them. But what she would say next was even more shocking.

“It seems Sasuke Uchiha killed him.”

In that moment, Sakura felt as though she had been stabbed in the gut. She did not know why her body sensed that this information was inherently bad. The fact that Sasuke killed Orochimaru was not necessarily a negative thing. But the shakiness in her legs did not let up. Why was the first thing that entered her mind such a dismal possibility?

“Is... is that... true?” Naruto managed to say after a few moments.

“There’s no mistake about it. I heard it from a reliable source,” Jiraiya replied. Sakura sometimes wondered where Jiraiya went, and how he picked up on so much. Despite his goofy, extroverted personality, he was an excellent spy. He was always providing them with information like this, it seemed. But sometimes, she wished he didn’t tell them. She wished the news he bestowed upon them just now was not true.

The longer the news settled into Sakura’s mind, the worse she felt. Tears began to form in her eyes.

“Then...” she mumbled, unable to finish her sentence. She couldn’t. She could tell by Lady Tsunade’s eyes that Sasuke was not going to do what they wanted.

He was not coming back.

While Sakura was visibly heartbroken, Naruto was grinning with elation.

“Heh! After all, there’s no way he’d get killed by Orochimaru!” Naruto laughed. “That means Sasuke will be coming back to the Hidden Leaf! Right?”

His words cut through Sakura like a knife. How could he be so certain of Sasuke... when she felt the opposite? Why did her faith fall short, when Naruto was...?

After a long moment of heavy silence, Naruto’s grin faded. He did not get the answer he was looking for, and his eyes brimmed with fear.

“That doesn’t seem to be the case...” Jiraiya finally answered. Naruto visibly faltered, sweat collecting on his brow. For a second, Sakura worried that Naruto would shut down. But then, he suddenly grew angry.

“What’s the matter with him?! Orochimaru is dead, so why isn’t he returning to the village?”

The pain in Naruto’s voice made Sakura wince.

“Sasuke is possessed by the desire for revenge. He intends to approach the Akatsuki in order to kill his brother, Itachi,” Jiraya said calmly.

“That guy! Is he still...?” Naruto trailed off. Sakura wondered if he was referring to Itachi or Sasuke. She could understand his frustration at both.

“Dammit...” Naruto cursed under his breath. His expression then transformed into that of the utmost determination.

“Well, let’s get going! Operation ‘Track Akatsuki’ is still ongoing, right?”

Sakura was always impressed with how quickly he recovered from depressing news. It was like he was incapable of giving up.

“Yes,” Tsunade replied with a nod of her head.

“If we hunt down that Akatsuki member first, we’ll definitely run into Sasuke eventually! In other words, our target is Itachi Uchiha!”

And just like that, they were on a mission. Sakura’s world had been turned upside down yet again.

She found herself wishing Sasori was with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol so in this fic, I made it so Sakura of course, doesn’t feel about Naruto the way he feels about her, but in reality, I am a HUGE Narusaku shipper. So I will probably make a fic about them getting together sometime XD But I like playing with different possibilities, and of course, Sasori is her man in this story <3 Sasosaku is life! 
> 
> Sasori is totally the type of person to find a fantastic cave and just settle in without bending interested in what isn’t in front of him. But the Sasori of this timeline use the cave for decades, and certainly explored every inch of it eventually. What is at the bottom of the pit? Ooooooh spooky!
> 
> I hope you guys like my silly drawing! Just imagine it looking packed full of miscellaneous things! And I did not bother to research what is required to make a puppet, but I would assume everything needed for weapon making is there. And everything for, you know, taking apart dead bodies. Like a blood draining pit :D
> 
> Ha! Imagine walking into this place. It’s a good thing Sakura didn’t wander into the other rooms, cause yikes! Imagine seeing almost 200 bodies hanging from the ceiling. And then seeing the bloody workshop. Horror central! Oh, and then there’s a fun training room! Perfect order of things! (Btw the pit is much deeper than the first 3 rooms)
> 
> More chapters coming very soon, possibly tomorrow! Hope you enjoy!


	32. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori dreams of the 3rd Great War. After recovering from the visions that plague him, he sets off on his mission to find his old partner.

It was dark. The screams could be heard from every direction: the cries of the dead. They begged to be put out of their misery. The whistling of blades cutting through the air rang in Sasori’s ears. It was so loud, he could barely take it anymore. More than anything, he wanted the pleading to stop. But at the same time, he did not want the battle to end.

The sound of his own heavy breathing soon filled his ears. He could feel the blood pumping through his veins. His heart rattled in his chest from adrenaline, and his body struggled to keep up with his mind’s demands. His eyes darted back and forth, sending signals to his brain on what to kill next. Puppets crawled over layers of corpses and flew in the air, slicing through countless victims. His fingers moved expertly, manipulating custom weapons of death to do his bidding. He could see enemies frantically tripping over themselves to get away, not knowing it was pointless. Once Sasori of the Red Sand had his sights on someone, their fate was sealed.

Red sprayed out from their bodies, splattering over his face, his arms, his chest. He was so drenched in blood, his porcelain skin was dyed as red as his hair. But he did not stop, even for a moment. In the distance, smoke arose from bonfires fueled by burning flesh. Orders were being given, and medical ninja desperately attempted to remove the injured from the battlefield.

He cut through them all; he crushed them, bisected them, and trapped them inside a prison of blades. No kill was the exactly the same, though he used the same weapons over and over and over again. They rattled excitedly as they danced around their master, seeking to add to their list of victims.

No one could escape. He would not allow it. When someone caught a glimpse of him, they ran in the opposite direction. No one could take him on, not even the elite. He was a killing machine; his brain had shut off long ago, only primal instincts remaining.

Why was he so desperate for more? His arms screamed in exhaustion, begging to rest at his sides. His legs trembled from standing for 26 hours straight. And his eyes longed to close, to give his mind what it needed most. But he could not give in. With every movement of his hands, he took another life. And with every life, the anger inside him burned ever more passionately. Only through slaughter could he feel anything. It was only here that he felt alive.

He could never stop. The more he fed it, the more addicted he became. He pushed his body to the limit to achieve what he desired most.

His title was uttered on unworthy tongues, and his reputation spread throughout all the land. He was above the rest. He bathed in blood and in destruction. He smote all who dared him. He alone carved his way through enemy ranks, earning him rewards he did not care for. He did not seek anything tangible. He wanted veneration.

But no matter how many he tore apart, the emptiness inside of him only grew. When he laid in the tattered cot provided to him, he did not find rest. The silence chewed on the edges of his sanity. He tossed and turned, never able to force himself into a blissful sleep. He imagined things: people coming after him to slice his throat, to capture him, or to torture him. There was no rest in war. Only suffering.

‘_You are alone,’_ he heard his own mind say. ‘_Do you see how they look at you?_’

It only made him lash out more, as though eradicating strangers would solve his problems. 

Sasori of the Red Sand. The lone killer. The Sand knew they possessed a gem. But it had overgrown, turned into something difficult to manage. The hatred that brewed inside his chest caused him to act without thinking for his people- for his comrades. When there was so much hatred, how could there be room for anything else?

(“_Was the war as bad as they say?”) _

Who had asked him that? He could no longer remember. There was nothing but red now. Endless massacring. Hell on earth. This was his domain. But his insides burned, and he wanted to claw at his own skin, to tear out his own memories. His world was pandemonium. His reality was his ailment.

“Don’t you enjoy it?” Chika asked him. “Don’t you relish the final cries of your enemy as you crush him under your heel?”

The person he despised most was at his side, skewering ninja on shards of ice. He could hear her grating laugh; she was enjoying this even more than he was. Even in the heat of battle, she was tormenting him. He could not count the number of times he fantasized about murdering her as she stood next to him, and then excusing the act as an accident. 

But something held him back from chopping off her head. He did not know what it was. Perhaps he wanted to savor her for a later time. After killing so many people, day after day, they all started to look the same to him. He was always pulled taut, ready to snap. And she was the one who begged to have her tongue removed, her throat slashed. Part of him wondered if she had the same fantasies about him, or if he was just alone in his twisted instincts. 

And the way they all looked at him... They feared him. They were disgusted by him. Wherever he walked, they fled as though he were a ghost. 

And so, Sasori could not stop, not even when he felt his lungs were going to explode. He panted, doing everything in his power to kill everyone who got in his way. The sand turned into mud from the rivers of blood. The sun made quick work of the rotting flesh, and the wind spread the stench of death, soaking it into his clothes. Everywhere he went, he reeked of it.

(“_I was just another soldier.”) _

He found himself yelling in frustration. Why did they keep coming? 

(“_No, you weren’t.”) _

As long as they kept coming, he had his purpose. He didn’t need anything else. How could he ever question their reasoning for fighting? 

“You love to kill, don’t you? It is all you are good for.”

His teammate’s words cut through him, and he wanted to scream. Why couldn’t everyone just shut up?! Why couldn’t they all just disappear??

‘_See how much they fear you? They hate you. They hate you because they are weak,’_ a voice said inside his head.

He shook it off, and ran away from the repeated memory.

He did not know where he could go. Everywhere was the same.

(“_You are a scourge!”) _

Sasori continued to sprint in an attempt to get away from himself. He closed his eyes, and gritted his teeth. He wanted to go home.

‘_You are a demon_,’ the voice said. ‘_Evil_.’

“No!” Sasori yelled, trying to find an end to this darkness.

‘_No one loves you. You are alone.’ _

He was practically hyperventilating at this point, despairing in the sea of nothingness. He waved his hands in front of him, needing to feel something, anything.

“Sasori.”

The sound of home.

“Granny?”

He whirled around, almost tripping over his own feet. Why couldn’t he see her?

“Sasori...”

The voice was no longer hers. He could hear it coming from somewhere...

He ran towards the sound, and finally felt cold stone against his palms. He followed it, and squinted. There was a cave in the distance. Suddenly, he understood that he was searching for something. It was up ahead; his gut told him so.

“It’s down here...”

The cave itself seemed to groan, the ominous whispers pulling him in further.

“Granny?” Sasori asked again, wanting to see her. He was home now. The war was over. Why wasn’t she there?

His pace quickened, and he climbed deeper and deeper into the abyss.

“Everything will be perfect...”

Something about this was familiar to him, but he couldn’t place why. A chill overtook him, and he shuddered. When he placed his arms around himself, he jolted in surprise at his icy cold skin. He could see his own breath, and he continued to shake.

He was so tired. He placed a hand on the side of the cave, and drew back in disgust. His hand was wet. When he looked down at his palm, his eyes widened. A breath escaped him, and he looked around him with horror.

It was red. Countless hands reached for him, all belonging to the dead bodies of those he killed. There were so many of them... They stared down at his small form, moaning in agony. He felt them grab for him, and he slipped, falling onto his back. He scrambled to get onto his feet, and ran.

This was not a cave. It was a tomb.

He shut his eyes.

‘_This isn’t real... This isn’t real...’_ he told himself.

Where was the exit? Why couldn’t he find it??

“Sasori...”

He looked down at himself, and gasped. His skin was replaced with something artificial. He frantically pulled at his shirt, which was now choking him. Dysphoria hit him, and he wanted to throw up. This was not his body! He continued to search for an exit, growing more and more weary with each step.

“Granny, where are you?!” he cried, turning around in circles. He was losing his mind, trapped in a labyrinth. And he was alone.

Suddenly, he heard the distinct sound of rattling. He could recognize that anywhere. He followed it to the source, turning a corner to find his workshop. Hundreds of puppets stood in rows, all staring at him as if awaiting instruction. They shook, all drenched in the remains of the humans they tore apart.

Sasori did not take comfort in his creations. A twinge of fear struck him, and he took a step back. He had bumped into something.

“You’re safe now.”

A shiver ran down his spine. He gulped. He did not want to know what had just spoken to him. He wanted none of this.

He fell to his knees and wrapped around himself, his hands covering his ears. He squeezed his eyes shut, and tensed. If he didn’t look at it, nothing bad would happen.

‘_This isn’t real!’_ his mind screeched. But his body trembled.

“Leave me alone!” he screamed, his voice cracking. He needed this to end. He wanted to die, so this would all end. How could he be safe?? He was in hell!

“Let me out!” he yelled. The entity behind him did not budge; he could tell because every hair on his body still stood on end. Why didn’t anyone hear him? Why didn’t anyone care?

His willpower was dwindling. He was so unbelievably tired. Tired from all the killing...

The war was never over. It had followed him home.

It was inside him.

——

Sasori awoke, sweat collecting on the back of his neck. He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to ward off the headache forming. His heart fluttered, and he gulped, his throat parched. He still felt as though something was watching him, even though he knew he was alone.

His skin felt clammy, and he instantly wished he could shower.

(“_You’re safe now.”) _

Chills swept through him. He placed his hands over his face and rubbed his eyes even more harshly that before. Why did he have another dream like that?

It was so real, he did not know he was asleep. There was no safety net in the knowledge that all he had to do was wake up.

‘_I thought I was going to die,’_ he realized.

The images of the war hit him, and he groaned. He rested his forearm against his brow, and collected himself. Like last time, the beginning of the dream was one he had many times before. He dreamt of the war more than anything else. It was his source of joy, and his source of anguish. It was the only time he felt like he could let out what he felt inside, but it was also the beginning of the end for him.

He scrunched his brows, and felt a pang in his forehead. He reminded himself to relax his muscles, and forced his face into a blank expression. His eyes remained closed, and he continued to dwell on the memories.

Since he had seen Chika’s corpse in the archives, he found himself remembering things about her he had buried. So many people in that dream were made into his creations. He surrounded himself with the dead.

This cave... he had thought of as his home. Why did he think his grandmother would be there? Did his brain mix up the two?

In the last dream, everyone he knew was in the cave. Everyone was alive, and happy. But this time, they were all...

He frowned. He could not help but feel that the cave itself was somehow causing these nightmares.

Sasori sat up, and rubbed his forehead in frustration. Though he had slept a fair amount, he did not feel rested.

He finally opened his eyes, and stared down at the blanket covering his legs. More than anything, he wished... he could have seen his grandmother. Even if it was only in his mind. His heart ached for her more than ever.

He felt a twinge of something well up in his eyes, and he blinked. Why did he have to be reminded of all of this?

Like the last one, this dream was not difficult to pick apart. This cave was made out of the people he killed. The further he went, the more lost he became. Of course his grandmother wasn’t there. He had left her behind long before then.

He was so frantic at the end. No, he was frantic the entire time. He never felt so claustrophobic. It was like he was being suffocated, and he had given into his body’s instinct to panic. Sasori never panicked. It wasn’t helpful, and therefore a waste of time.

He hated himself in his dreams. He was pathetic.

An urge overtook him, and he reached for Sakura’s journal. He pulled out the picture of them, and stared at it. He then reread the back.

‘My friend Sateki’s 16th birthday.’

His fingertip traced over the words as his mind wandered. Why did he take comfort in such a silly object? It was only a picture.

But it contained what he needed to be reminded of. He was not alone.

Even though everyone else was dead, he still had her. And his uncle.

And this... reassured him.

Even so, he did not feel like spending another day in this place.

Sasori stood up, and stretched out, contemplating his options. He could head out now, and search for Deidara ahead of schedule. Nothing was stopping him other than his own wishes. After that nightmare, he did not want to spend all day and night under the watch of those puppets of his. For the first time, their empty stares made his skin crawl.

He decided to head to the nearest black market. Someone there would know something. He needed answers.

He needed that core.

——

Days had passed. Winter was in full swing, and though the weather in the southern countries had not changed much, the north was chilly. It was not quite cold enough for snow, but if one wanted to go outside, extra layers were needed. During this time of year, the masses spent their time indoors, socializing in taverns and restaurants. One restaurant in particular contained guests of a certain occupation that brought in trouble, though no one dared turn them away.

A cloaked figure wandered under traditional pillars whose wood showed years of wear in its subtle scratches and flakes of paint. On the other side of the somewhat ornate doorway was a fairly relaxed gathering of people milling about, drinks in hand. In the far corner of the room sat two distinctly threatening men. One of them wore a mask, and the other, despite his youth and beauty, seemed to ooze peril. In his exposed eye, a storm of dull anger brewed, as if to warn strangers to back away.

The new visitor lowered his hood, and analyzed them carefully. They were definitely who he was after. He stepped through the crowd, and stood before them without an ounce of care. The young blond looked up, annoyed.

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll back off, hm.”

The tall, masked man stood in an attempt to look threatening. It was immediately apparent the smaller one was holding the reigns. The newcomer then spoke.

“I’m sure that won’t be necessary.”

The blond’s expression changed drastically as recognition flowed through his tanned face.

“...You...?!”

The red head took it upon himself to sit down, ignoring the menacing aura of the blond’s partner, who only studied him in silence.

“That’s... Sa-...”

The blond paused, and a look of determination overtook him.

“Tobi. Go outside.”

“What? Why?”

The tall man’s voice did not match his demeanor. Sasori disliked him immensely.

“I said so.”

“But Deidara sempai!-“

Deidara narrowed his eyes, his entire body tense.

“This... is my personal business. It doesn’t concern you. Now get out, hm.”

The tall man, Tobi, visibly pouted like a child would, and walked away from the petite pair. After a few moments, Deidara spoke again, this time leaning forward eagerly.

“...Sasori?”

“I appreciate your discretion,” Sasori said, his voice instantly causing an immense reaction from the man across from him.

“... Is this some sort of trick?” Deidara asked, his eye wide open in surprise.

Sasori sighed in irritation.

“It’s me.”

Deidara leaned forward, his voice down to a whisper.

“But you’re dead, hm.”

“Yes, I learned of that when I came here.”

Deidara was in shock. There was no way this was real.

“I’m here because you were my partner in the Akatsuki. You are Deidara of Iwagakure, yes?”

Deidara’s voice came out shaky, and he cleared his throat, still rattled.

“Um... yes.”

“I will explain my predicament. I have decided to trust you.”

“Whoa. Wait up... This isn’t a genjutsu is it?” Deidara asked, wanting Sasori to slow down. A moment passed, and he seemed to be concentrating on something, his eye shut tightly. He then shook his head in amazement.

“... Nope. You’re real...”

Sasori was intrigued that his partner could discern genjutsu from reality so easily without an apparent doujutsu. But his priorities lay elsewhere.

“I am not the Sasori you know. I’m... from the past. But it’s a different past from this one.”

Deidara made no movement to hint at any belief, nor disbelief. It was like his face was frozen.

“20 years ago, I went on a mission to the Leaf. Before I could complete it, I woke up in the future. The girl who found me was the one who killed me in your timeline. I have spent the last 2 months hiding as a civilian there.”

“You’re from the past,” Deidara repeated, his shell shocked expression remaining unmoved.

“Yes. I was informed that I had died a year earlier.”

“...”

Deidara could not believe this. A dead man just sat down across from him, and was speaking to him in a way that he only knew as Sasori. It... had to be him.

But what he was proposing was impossible.

“I am here because I learned that in the future, I joined your organization.”

Sasori was done talking now. So he sat and watched this ex partner of his take it all in.

A woman came by and asked him if he would like anything. Sasori asked for a water, and as he spoke, Deidara could only stare, wide eyed. The way he spoke was the biggest give away that it was really him. His speech patterns, diction and overall curtness was unmistakable.

And his eyes... were dead.

“Did you hear me?” Sasori asked, growing impatient. Deidara snapped out of it.

“Hah... uh, yeah. I heard you, hm.”

Sasori raised a brow, and the waitress arrived with a glass. She poured water into it until it almost overflowed, and wasted no time to get back to other tasks. Energy was not wasted on those who didn’t spend real money.

Deidara didn’t know what to do in this situation. No one trained him on how to handle something like this. No one said this was even possible.

But here Sasori was, back from the grave. And he was impatient, as always.

Deidara swallowed, his throat suddenly parched, and settled on going along with it for the time being, in case more information was given.

“Wait, so you’re telling me the girl who killed you... is taking care of you?”

Deidara then snorted in amusement.

“That’s supernatural, my man. There’s no way that’s a coincidence, hm.”

Sasori only nodded. The way this guy spoke was something that took time to get used to. He was uncomfortably casual in demeanor, with that terrible posture of his...

Deidara took a deep breath, and decided to test something.

“Is she cute?”

Sasori blinked.

“What.”

Deidara smiled at his confusion.

“Ah, you’re not much different than you were a year ago after all,” Deidara chuckled. He seemed to be thoroughly enjoying Sasori’s reply, as if he did something correctly.

The blond then took a sip of soda and closed his eye, revealing a thick stripe of eyeliner.

Sasori was not expecting this teenager to be his partner. Despite having a photo, he imagined him looking... more mature.

This hooligan was who he spent all of his time with?

“So, you explained yourself... Why are you here, hm?” Deidara asked.

“I need more information.”

Deidara smirked.

“Wow, things have taken a 180. Why should I help you, hm?”

Sasori furrowed his brows.

“So we didn’t get along after all.”

“Someone told you that?” Deidara asked.

“The girl.”

“Hm.”

Deidara leaned forward, setting his drink down. He then sighed, staring at his old partner intently.

“... Sometimes we didn’t get along. Sometimes we did. We had each other’s backs, hm.”

Sasori fiddled with his fingers, which were placed under the table. He had found the man he was searching for, meaning he could complete his self imposed mission. But it was difficult to muster the words required.

“What... was I like?” he asked quietly. Deidara crossed his arms.

“Grumpy. Short temper. Super bad opinions on art.”

“Like?”

“You thought art was about eternity, hm. That’s bullshit.”

Sasori openly frowned.

“You propose a different theory?”

“Art is a fleeting moment that bursts into oblivion, never to see the light of day again. It is transient.”

Sasori snorted. What a ridiculously pointless conclusion. If art did not serve man’s desires, then art was no longer beauty- meaning it no longer served its purpose.

“Nonsense,” Sasori muttered under his breath.

Instead of getting angry, Deidara only smiled.

“Man, you really are him.”

Sasori said nothing, mostly because he didn’t know what to say. Deidara suddenly groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“This is too weird... But, since you’re here, I guess I should tell you what you want to know, yeah? I might get cursed or something.”

“You believe in that sort of thing?”

The blond’s pearly white teeth were still on display, in an almost threatening fashion.

“Not really, no.”

Deidara leaned back in his chair once more. Sasori noticed this guy couldn’t seem to sit still for more than a few seconds at a time.

“Ok, so what do you really want to know, hm?”

(ps, here’s a stilly extra)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to delve into how awful the war actually was, and I had not done that yet! I figured this was the perfect time to do so! And the war will come up again, for sure...  
Also, you will find out what’s going on with the creepy cave soon! Promise :D
> 
> Deidara is my ultimate bae- so of course he had to be included! And I could write him forever <3  
The next chapter is all about this conversation! Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Lmao, wanted to add that when my brother got the the part about the bloody hands reaching for Sasori, he was like “You just wrote this so you could draw the hands” and I was like “Wow, actually I did not, but that would make a SICK picture!” So that will probably happen eventually. We can never have enough gothic Sasori pics, that’s all I’m sayin!


	33. Back from the Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori is face to face with the one person left alive who knew him. They end up talking about a lot of things, even unspoken truths.

Two ninja sat at a table: one who was dead and one who had faked his death. But faking one’s death was merely an illusion. To return from the grave, and younger than ever, was an impossibility. And yet, a dead man was sitting in a once vacant chair, breathing and speaking as though he had never gone anywhere.

“Why did I join the Akatsuki?” the dead man asked.

Deidara’s bravado faltered, and his expression grew serious.

“... Wow, right off the bat, huh...? Well, I never really knew, to be honest. You didn’t talk much.”

That went without saying. But he knew he had isolated himself more and more as he aged.

“I was in Hiruko, right?”

Deidara nodded.

“Yeah, all the time, hm. You only showed your real face to me and like, probably Orochimaru? Maybe our leader knows. Not sure.”

Sasori knew that almost no one knew what he really looked like anymore. He knew he clung to Hiruko like it was his lifeline. He could make excuses; he could say that it was for the purpose of safety. But it was all just red herrings. In the end, he lived in Hiruko so he did not have to be himself.

“... So I just lived in that puppet.”

Deidara nodded eagerly.

“You were pretty weird about it. If you weren’t in it, you were working on it, or yourself, hm. You didn’t need to sleep, but I think sometimes you meditated to store up chakra.”

Sasori had recently learned that from his notes on his puppet body.

“... I see.”

Sasori was silent after that.

Deidara stared at the familiar ninja across from him. This was possibly the most interesting thing he had ever experienced. It wasn’t often that the dead came back to life to ask for help.

Not that he believed this... was real. At least, not completely.

He continued to think of more to say, not wanting this conversation to end any time soon. It had been so long since he had talked to someone...

“Let’s see... You had connections with... like, everyone just about. Everywhere we went, you had a genjutsu on some punk. And you killed people a lot too. Like, you had a serious problem, hm.”

Deidara took a large gulp from his drink. Sasori stared at the table absentmindedly.

“Don’t you kill for a living?” Sasori asked with irritation.

‘Well, yeah, but we were really different. I don’t go out of my way to kill, like on every outing. I like people, hm!”

“And I don’t?”

“Heh. I didn’t say anything.”

Sasori bit his lip. Sakura was in his mind with every pause in the conversation, reminding him of why he was there. She kept telling him that he was different.

“... Did... I tell you anything about myself?”

“Hmm, not often. Believe me, I wanted to know, hm. You were really mysterious, and being the curious type, I attempted to get some answers. You were... what’s the word... unique. But I do recall some things...”

Sasori leaned forward, interested. Deidara continued.

“You acted like you hated me, hm. I mean, you tried to kill me countless times. Crotchety old bastard...”

Being referred to as a crotchety old bastard by a teenager was not something that happened to him often.

“But one time, during a job, I was in a bad situation. And when I woke up, you were fixing me up. And... I guess that answered a lot of my questions, in a way...”

Deidara sighed, almost dejectedly. He seemed to be remembering old times.

“It’s... good to see you again.”

Sasori was not expecting that.

“As a teenager?”

“As anything, hm. But you’re right, the teenager thing is cool. You’re, what, 15, 16? You’ll have to call me sempai.”

“Like that partner of yours outside does? I’ll pass.”

Deidara tilted his head, entranced. He couldn’t react to those rude quips like he usually would. He felt like he was in some weird dream, and he would wake up any second.

“You are so similar but... you’re so human, hm. I tried to imagine you like this, but it was so hard...”

He shook his head in amazement.

“I need a real drink.”

He slipped something out of his sleeve. Sasori studied it as it wiggled through the crowd, unnoticed. It climbed up the bar wall and curled its tail end around some expensive vodka. It then crawled back to him, and he picked it up without looking.

“Want some?”

“I don’t drink.”

“Heh. Yeah, I could tell by that turtleneck sweater you got on there.”

Deidara poured an empty glass half full of liquor, filled the rest with soda, and downed a decent portion of it with ease.

“That poisons the mind. It’s amazing you lived this long,” Sasori muttered.

“And you still sound like an old man. Do you have any idea how shocked I was when I found out you were only 35?”

Sasori grumbled to himself. He refused to accept that as a valid criticism.

The two were silent for a moment.

“Why did you join the Akatsuki?” Sasori asked, thinking of something. Deidara seemed to be surprised that he asked him anything.

“... Ah right, you don’t remember. Well, you showed up...”

He drank the rest of his concoction.

“... And told me to join you guys. Itachi Uchiha fought me, beat me...”

A glare in his eye that was not there before took Sasori’s attention.

“... And forced me to join. So here I am.”

“So you don’t like it?” Sasori asked with that indifferent tone of his. Deidara was so accustomed to it, he hardly picked up on it anymore.

“It’s not so bad, hm. Well, it wasn’t when I was assigned to you. That dumbass outside makes me want to kill myself!”

The blond laughed, almost maniacally. Sasori didn’t know how to take his abrupt mood swing, so he just filed it away into his memory. It took a fair amount of time for Deidara to calm down.

Sasori concentrated on his next question, but Deidara raised his finger, a memory coming to him.

“Right, you asked why you joined. It was because Konan challenged you, and you lost.”

Sasori made a face.

“Yeah, well, I’m sure you put up a good fight at the time, hm. I think you guys are around the same age, but don’t quote me on that.”

“Another member?”

“Yes. She’s second in command, and for good reason. You two always got along.”

“So I joined because I wanted to,” Sasori deduced.

“Eh? You think so?”

Sasori nodded.

“Yes. I would have respected her.”

“In your language, that means you long to turn her into one of your... works of art, hm.”

“...”

Sasori realized he disliked this observation. He wanted to disagree with it, but knew it was true. He wracked his brain in an attempt to think of a counter argument.

“I didn’t make you into a puppet.”

Deidara took his comment to mean that he respected him as well.

“I think our leader would have killed you for that. I happen to be very valuable, hm.”

“Is that so?”

Sasori looked him up and down, unimpressed. The blond immediately frowned, practically puffing his chest out. He pointed a finger at him.

“Hey! You were stronger than me back then but I bet you aren’t now!”

Sasori felt an urge to test that out, but restrained himself. The kid’s reaction was amusing.

‘_Competitive_...’

Sasori had better things to do that kill off more people he knew. He turned the spotlight back on Deidara.

“So you can’t leave.”

“...!”

Deidara ceased his posturing, and seemed to melt into his seat.

“Leaving means death, hm. You know how it is.”

This ex partner of his looked... unhinged. He couldn’t tell if he was always like that, or if he happened to find him when he was in a dark place. But based on his observations so far, it wasn’t looking like he was headed in a good direction.

“... Don’t kill yourself.”

Deidara grew tense, wondering where that came from.

“What do you mean?”

“In the end. I killed myself... Apparently.”

Deidara shook his head. Sasori had shifted the conversation to something he could never imagine him opening up about. But he was very interested in what he had to say, and wanted to know more.

“Wait... what? Why would you do that, hm?”

The teenager’s eye was wild with emotion. Sasori found his old partner to be intriguing. He seemed like he was all talk, a buffoon... But there was an underlying torment in him. And... the smell of death was all over him. He was an efficient killer, just like himself. And alone in this world.

Sasori took a few moments to respond. He didn’t know why he had changed the topic to his suicide, but he supposed he wanted to talk about it with someone who could actually understand.

“... I think it was because I didn’t want to live anymore.”

It was a silly answer. Redundant. But still, Deidara shut his mouth, soaking it in.

“Did that have something to do with your grandma? I remember you fought her.”

“Yes. But... it was also... the girl.”

Sasori looked down at the table, lost in thought. Deidara studied him closely.

“Did she tell you this, or did you get your file?”

“Both.”

“... Is... that why you’re here, hm?”

With each question, Deidara was growing more and more serious. Sasori had never been this open with him before.

“... From my viewpoint, I was about to defect from Suna and then I lost 2 decades. The girl who found me told me I was dead, and my own grandmother killed me. And my work was never recognized- packed away to be forgotten. Why would I do it all again?”

Deidara nodded, but he wasn’t really understanding.

“So you want to turn out differently.”

“Wouldn’t you?”

Deidara pursed his lips, and made himself another drink.

“Ah, I think... it’s too late for me. You were the last person I talked to. Everyone else... wants me dead, hm.”

“You think so?”

Deidara’s grip on his glass tightened. Sasori noticed this guy wore his emotions on his sleeve. He wasn’t as relaxed as Sakura and her teammates described him in his file. Maybe he had changed since they were partners?

When Deidara spoke, his tone was harsh.

“... Why did you defect, huh?”

“I thought no one understood my work,” Sasori replied smoothly, not bothered that Deidara had put the focus back on him.

“Exactly. And you got to do everything you ever dreamed of.”

Sasori then said the first thing that came to his mind.

“And it was a waste of time.”

Deidara couldn’t believe this guy. Sasori’s voice and body may have been the same, but he thought very differently from before.

“You are one of the most powerful ninja in the world,” Deidara aggressively whispered. “You toppled nations! You- you discovered immortality! You were unkillable!”

“But I still died young. And I had nothing.”

Sasori wondered why Deidara was defending his old partner so fervently... And then it clicked.

This kid looked up to him.

“Every step I took was a step backward. I blamed my village, but it was me,” Sasori explained. The words toppled out with ease, and without preparation. If he had learned anything from his time travel experience, it was that.

After a moment of contemplation on what he just said, Sasori adjusted his weight uncomfortably in his seat. Why was he being so open with this stranger? Was he really this soft?

Deidara looked... angry.

“This can’t be you! You sound so...”

“Imagine waking up to find your life’s work meant nothing... And the people you pushed away without consideration are dead and you cannot hope to reconcile. They are all gone, even though they didn’t have to be. They are ALL dead.”

He spat out the last word with bitterness, making Deidara blink.

“But despite this, you can do anything with a clean slate. You just admitted you would do it differently.”

Sasori’s tone had gotten distinctly more aggressive, but as always, it remained hushed and condescending. It was obvious that he was upset with his situation, and annoyed with Deidara’s lack of understanding.

Deidara was struggling with this unexpected conversation. He was blown away by how drastically altered Sasori was. He was emotional. And...

“You talk a lot, hm.”

Sasori didn’t move a muscle. He wanted Deidara to answer him. No distractions. Deidara sighed, knowing Sasori was waiting for his reply.

“... You’re right. If there’s solid proof it ended badly, of course I wouldn’t bother with it again. That would be a bore, hm.”

Sasori was content with this answer. Deidara raised a brow with curiosity.

“So... you just hunted me down to ask me stuff like this, hm?”

“I wanted to meet you.”

Deidara frowned. It was so strange to hear him say something like that.

“Why?”

“You’re the only person I could think of who knew me then,” Sasori replied.

“But... why does it matter?”

“... Hm.”

Sasori took a sip of water. Deidara studied him, thick brows tilted downwards. A bystander would assume he was angry, but this was not so. He was merely perplexed. His dead partner just sat down across from him, as a teenage boy. A human boy. And he didn’t attempt to fight him once so far.

He was... still himself, despite all of this. That cold look in his eyes was all Deidara needed to feel it in his bones.

This was Sasori of the Red Sand.

“So how many people have you killed so far, hm?”

Sasori didn’t understand the purpose of this question and it showed on his face. Deidara chuckled, unable to get used to his familiar reactions on human skin.

“I mean, I knew you 20 years from where you are now. How much have you done at this point?”

“I already earned my title, if that’s what you mean,” Sasori grumbled.

“So you were in the war, right?”

Sasori squirmed.

“I always tried to ask you, but you would swipe at me every time. Nothing pissed you off more, hm.”

“... It is not something I like to discuss.”

“But you’re here now, Sasori my man. Might as well confess all.”

Deidara drank more, and wiped his mouth as he crossed his ankle over his knee. Sasori frowned, but decided to answer his questions as payment for answering his own.

“... I killed a lot of people. I experimented with countless corpses. What more do you want to know?”

“When... when did you make your first human puppet?”

“When I was 12.”

“Who was it, hm?”

“My teammate.”

Deidara gulped.

“Hah... so I was at risk the whole time after all...”

“If I wanted you dead, I would have killed you.”

Deidara chuckled, never ashamed of his expressive nature. He was truly the opposite of him.

“True... I won’t even refute that, hm. When we were first partnered up, it was hard to sleep in the same area as you. You scared me shitless!”

Deidara let out a long laugh. Sasori gave a miniature smirk. It was the first time he showed any positive emotion towards his old partner.

“One time, I woke up and you were just standing over me, watching me like I was some science experiment. Oh man, I totally lost it. I thought you had poisoned me and you were waiting for the effects to take hold!”

Sasori couldn’t help but grin a little at that one. Deidara continued to laugh. He seemed to really be enjoying walking down memory lane with his psychopathic partner.

After a moment, he settled down, and sighed. He ran his fingers through his hair, looking more tired than ever.

“...I was really mad at you, you know?”

“Why is that?”

“You just... left me. You promised you would live forever. You told me I was the type to die young, but I outlived you, hm.

“It just... pissed me off.”

Deidara got silent then. Sasori felt a strange weight in his chest. Like he was responsible for this guy he had met less than half an hour ago.

“Sorry.”

It came out in a belittling tone, as though he didn’t mean it. But saying it at all was unprecedented.

“You did not just apologize,” Deidara awed, his jaw slack. “I know it’s you, but... You’re really different.”

“You said that already.”

“... But you’re still an asshole, hm.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

Despite their words, the two teens felt at ease. Talking to this punk did make Sasori feel better. The kid had a way of putting things in a lighthearted diction. And it looked like this conversation was good for him too.

“So... This girl,” Deidara started.

“Sakura,” Sasori nodded.

“This... Sakura. She took you in, even though you almost killed her?”

“Yes.”

“Wow. Is she stupid or...?”

“Very bright, but naive.”

Sasori took another sip of water.

“And I’m guessing she’s the reason you’re so different,” Deidara pressed.

“I suppose. Though I assume 20 years would change me.”

“Maybe... Half the stuff you say sounds exactly like you but the other half sounds like Leaf Village nonsense.”

Sasori smiled down at the glass he was holding. Deidara could only stare at the sight.

“... You even smile now. I have only seen that a handful of times, and it was not at appropriate times, let me tell you.”

Deidara held up a finger while he took a long sip of his drink. He then sat it down, and asked another question.

“So, are you going back to her or you gonna travel?”

“... I’m going back.”

“Why?”

“I promised her I would.”

“...”

Deidara couldn’t comprehend what he was hearing out of this guy.

“You... you keep promises now? What the hell, my man. This is insane. I think you were drugged, hm. Finally got a taste of your own medicine.”

It was true that Sasori did not value promises. But he had many reasons to go back. Some of them out of practicality and others out of interest.

“Hm.”

A silence overtook them. Sasori didn’t know what to do at this point. He had no idea what his partner in the Akatsuki would be like, but he was not expecting this. This kid was... much more personal than he ever could have anticipated.

”So who’s the guy outside?” he asked.

“Oh, that? That’s Tobi. I think he’s... you know. A little slow. I don’t know how he got recruited, but it is what it is.”

“So he’s my replacement?”

“Yeah. I know- it’s insulting. I said so myself. But I guess you’re hard to replace.”

“He seems to do whatever you say.”

“Heh. Yeah, I bully him. But you have no idea. He’s the worst. I feel like I’m babysitting, hm!”

“Sounds like how I felt about you.”

Deidara froze, and after a few seconds, a wide grin overtook him.

“See, if you said that back in the day, that would piss me off but... I mean, you’re right, hm.”

Even though Deidara was 3 years older than him, he felt like the older one. Deidara acted very... passionately.

“You were what, 15 when you joined?” Sasori asked.

“Yeah, but that’s nothing. Itachi was 13.”

Sasori raised a brow. This Itachi again.

“You dislike him.”

“Of course I do. He’s an even bigger overachiever than you!”

“I see.”

Sasori said nothing for an extensive period once more. Deidara was very unbothered by his long-winded moments of silence, and Sasori picked up on this quickly. Other people always tensed around him when he didn’t talk.

‘_I guess he was really accustomed to me.’ _

“If... you wanted to leave,” Sasori started.

Deidara looked up at him.

“... What would you do?”

“Easy. I’d live in a cottage where the weather is warm and make art, hm. I’d do whatever I felt like.”

Sasori nodded.

“So you’re already tired of this business?”

“... I like to fight. But... What can I say, I like people. I can’t help it. I want to see what it’s like to be... normal, hm.”

Sasori understood. This kid was raised as an Iwa elite. Not so different from him. According to Sakura, they were both abused.

“I never thought I could be anything else...” Sasori mumbled, half to himself. “But I’ve been forced into secrecy. No one knows I exist. I haven’t killed anyone since I came here.”

It came out as though he were venting. And in a way, he was. He was deathly bored since traveling to this time. But at the same time, he enjoyed his new, relaxed lifestyle.

“Oh, I hadn’t thought about that. Yeah, what will you do when the higher ups catch onto you?”

Sasori tensed.

“... I don’t know.”

‘_I will... have to trust Sakura.’_

Deidara shook his head, and messed with his bangs some more, combing it out of his face.

“... It’s just so crazy you’re... here...”

He looked like he was ready to burst with nonstop chatter. He talked more than enough as it was. Still, Sasori could not help but wonder what he was holding back.

“You want to say something.”

Deidara opened his mouth and then shut it again.

“Yeah... but I’m not sure what it is...”

Sasori waited. Deidara knew he would wait longer than most for a response.

“... Just... Thanks for taking the time to find me, I guess.”

Sasori had to take a moment to understand what he meant. But when he thought about everything he said and did during their conversation, he slowly pieced it together. Instead of acknowledging it, he changed the topic.

“I smell war. Is your organization provoking it?”

“I mean, yeah. I feel like I shouldn’t be telling you this stuff, but you were one of us, so...”

“Just... stay alive,” Sasori said. He then made his move to stand up. Deidara almost looked sad he was leaving already.

“So you’re going back to the Leaf?”

Sasori nodded.

“I sense... that your partner is getting impatient,” he then replied. Deidara blinked.

“You care about that?”

Sasori tilted his head.

“Do not underestimate your partner. It is foolish to do so.”

Deidara stood up as well. Even as a teenager, Sasori was giving him advice.

“Well... Glad we caught up. Good luck, hm.”

Deidara widened his eyes for a milisecond as Sasori passed him something. Deidara quickly placed it in his pocket, as though nothing happened, stone-faced.

"Same to you."

As Sasori walked out of the tavern, he spotted the tall, masked man in his peripheral vision. He sensed... something rotten from him.

‘_Takes one to know one...’ _

He ignored the eyes on his back and set off once again. He could hear voices behind him.

“Deidara sempai, who was that?”

Sasori smirked. This old partner of his was loyal to him. He didn’t give his face away to a single soul, not even his new partner.

It was too bad he was likely to end up being an enemy more than anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was worried this chapter was too long-winded, but my brother told me he really enjoyed this chapter, so! Here it is!  
Hope you got some laughs XD I absolutely love writing these two! 
> 
> We will find out what Sasori handed Deidara in the next chapter! Will probably post decently soon! Thank you for reading!


	34. Capable of Compassion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deidara meets up with Sasori again to discuss the contents of the message that was handed to him. Sakura receives something uplifting, and comes to an important conclusion before heading out to find Sasuke.

"So what did you want to talk about, hm?"

Deidara swept through Sasori's windowsill, and landed gracefully on the wooden floor. His eyes searched the barren hotel room, and finally focused on its resident.

"No one knows you are here?"

“Nope."

Sasori was blown away by his confidence. This Deidara acted like there was no chance he was in danger by meeting him alone. But then again, the two of them had worked together for years. To him, Sasori was a person, rather than a monster.

“So what did you want to talk about that's so secrective, Sasori, my man? You don't trust Tobi then?"

He spoke with that unrestrained smile on his face. Sasori stepped forward, impatient already.

“You know why you're here. Do you have it or not?”

“Right here, hm."

He then pulled out a carefully wrapped box. Sasori hurridly snatched it out of his old partner’s hands and placed it on a table. He removed the packaging, and grinded his teeth in anticipation.

“Wow, you really want that thing. Well... I guess I'm glad I saved it."

Sasori let out a slow, controlled breath. There it was.

The core.

It had a cut on its face. The word 'Sasori' was written on it, and it was still drenched in dried up poison.

Relief swept through him. There was a good chance that his old partner would have shown up without it. He would have been content if Deidara merely had information on its location. But for once, he was in luck, and his journey had reached its end just as soon as it started.

He would have been surprised as to the fruition of this meeting either way. The fact that Deidara had it was intriguing.

"How did you manage to take this from the battle site? You didn't have any arms."

Sasori assumed that the arms Deidara currently had attached to his body were sewn on by that other member, Kakuzu.

“Mouth and feet."

Sasori was horrified. It wasn't that he doubted this guy's skills... It just seemed like a lot of effort to go through.

“And you weren't exposed to the poison? This amount would have certainly killed you."

"I was careful. And I have the antidote."

Sasori gave him a look.

“I made an antidote?”

Deidara laughed when he heard the redhead’s disgusted tone.

“Well, you kind of had to. There was an incident once... and I just so happened to get my hands on it, hm.”

After talking to Deidara once, he had gathered that “incidents” were common with him.

“...”

"I'm not gonna sell it on the black market or anything. Trust me, no one knows I have this. Not even my partner, hm."

Deidara acted like he was begging for forgiveness. Well, more like whining for him to accept his excuses.

Sasori was glad Deidara was alive. He had been more than useful so far. If anyone should have access to his custom poison, it would be him. But it was another reason to invent a new one.

More than anything, he was just shocked by Deidara in general. He was painfully unique, compared to the people from Suna, from the impossibly thick ponytail to the distinctive speech tick. He was... like a peacock. And he acted like one too.

"... Why go to such lengths to get this?" Sasori asked, gesturing to the core.

"Because you told me to, if that situation ever arose. You said this must never... get into the hands of an enemy who could defeat you. Especially Orochimaru, hm.”

"..."

He knew someone this loyal in a mercenary group? It was rare...

"I told you about this then?"

“Oh yeah, almost everything, hm. We were a great team! We helped each other out a lot in battle. Countless times. You hated me, but we worked well together."

Sasori sighed.

“... I didn't hate you."

“Really?"

"If I helped you, I didn't hate you. I just didn't want to get to know you."

Deidara wanted to be insulted by that, but knew what he meant.

"... That makes sense, hm."

“And you just had it stored away this entire time,” Sasori said, wanting to get back to what mattered.

“Yup. I sealed it, for safe keeping. I don’t know much about how you made it, but you said it was priceless research. Not that I care about that sort of thing... I guess I wanted to honor you after your death, or something, hm.”

Now Deidara looked sheepish. He was rambling, partially out of discomfort, and partially due to excitement. All of the things he felt during the past year were scrambling to get out, to be heard. But this young Sasori still had that deadpan propensity...

Even if Deidara considered emotion to be important, Sasori did not. Sasori had a way of making other people feel bad about normal human characteristics. Nothing was good enough. Nothing was dispassionate enough.

Though Sasori used people’s attachments against them often, Deidara was expected to be better, due to his status. Meaning, he was expected to follow Sasori’s methods. But he always struggled to meet his master’s standards. In a way, they were polar opposites. Still, Deidara did his best to hide his emotions in his presence. And he did so fairly successfully.

After his death... not so much.

Through his actions, it was obvious he cared for Sasori, and mourned his death. He didn’t know if Sasori had already conditioned himself to hate expressions of camaraderie at this point in his life... But even if he did, he could not contain his relief that he was here now.

Sasori, as usual, did not know how to address positive attention. So he once again ignored it.

“... Do you remember what I said yesterday? About your future?” he asked, staring with those cold eyes of his.

Deidara gulped. Sasori was distinctly more intimidating this time, though he had not changed since their last meeting. He couldn’t quite place why. Perhaps it was the lighting on his doll-like face, or the creaking of the wood in the old, barren inn. Whatever it was, Sasori was still creepy. That would never change.

“... Hmm. Something about staying alive, hm?”

“Yes. Until you can get out.”

Deidara was almost speechless. This Sasori was adamant on this concept for some reason. If Sasori bothered to mention something more than once, it meant it was something he was running in his mind over and over again.

“The only way I can get out is if this organization dies out, hm!”

“You doubt this will happen?”

Sasori had a way of asking questions that put a lot of pressure on the other party. Deidara fidgeted.

“Well... They are really strong, Sasori.”

He was trying to address his old master without honorifics, since their relationship was now very different.

“Are they? 3 are dead. I have a feeling many more will fall.”

Sasori looked back at his core. Technically, it was his corpse. He died in that thing. His soul was kept there.

“Well... 2.”

He smirked at his own words. In a way, by coming to this time he cheated death. He escaped his own doomed path and replaced the dead version of himself here. He was free from... everything. For some reason, meeting Deidara expounded upon that feeling.

“Since coming here, my old duties and attachments meant nothing. It is very... liberating.”

Sasori cocked his head, now lost in thought. He was so tempted to pick up his new prize, but it would certainly kill him. So he resisted, and placed his hands behind his back.

“Though I suppose I had accidentally stumbled on a few new ones...”

Deidara smirked. This Sasori was definitely different from his old master. To openly admit he had new attachments was out of the question for the adult version of himself. Even expressing interest in Deidara’s fate was a step forward.

“Why are you trying to convince me to leave, hm?” Deidara asked, understanding that the teenager in front of him cared about his life.

“Think of it as payment for your assistance.”

“So no money, then?”

Sasori gave him a look. Deidara chuckled.

“That was a joke, hm. I figure you don’t have nearly enough to pay for that thing.”

“As you said, it is priceless, anyway.”

The blond smiled. He was smiling a lot, he realized. He felt like he hadn’t in a long time.

“... Do you need anything else, hm?”

Sasori thought on this. There was one last thing he really wanted to know, for sure. And this was his one opportunity to find out.

“... Am I different?”

Deidara watched curiously as Sasori looked back at him, a glimpse of something in his eyes... Something Deidara was not familiar with.

“... Yeah, definitely. I mean... You’re human.”

“... Do I... act human?”

Deidara observed him closely. The redhead averted his gaze, as if he did not want to be studied. But what he asked required it.

Deidara knew that Sasori tended to bury himself in denial, so it was incredible that this sort of thing managed to surface. Deidara knew that, despite his monotone affect, Sasori was vulnerable from asking that. He asked it because he was hoping he was different.

“Hm. You’re still stiff, but... Yeah, you’re more... hm.”

Deidara placed his finger to his lips, thinking of the best word for it. He finally sighed.

“It sounds like you are capable of making some friends for once, hm. So you have to be different.”

“Friends...”

Sasori trailed off, blinking. That word again.

“And you’re nicer.”

“Nicer?”

His tone was harsh.

“Well, compared to then. You’re still... uh... off putting.”

Sasori frowned. Did he even want to be more likable?

Deidara observed the redhead closely. He knew Sasori better than anyone. He could read his minuscule facial expressions without batting an eye. Sometimes he knew what Sasori was feeling before Sasori even knew. Sasori was the same way with him. Though they fought, they were in synch with each other most of the time. And despite the fact that this wasn’t technically the man he worked with, he could still read him.

He could see that Sasori was struggling.

“Does that Sakura girl like you?”

“She won’t leave me alone, if that’s what you mean,” Sasori grumbled. Deidara perked up at that. He found a foothold- practical evidence to convince Sasori of the truth. This guy always required a good case before settling on a decision.

“That means you’re different. You seem to care about her.”

Sasori stared blankly.

“...Is that what you wanted to know?” Deidara asked nervously.

Sasori, in fact, did not know. He wasn’t even sure what his motivation was to begin with.

“I would not have... before?”

Deidara shook his head.

“I don’t know if you were capable of caring for other people when I knew you, but you definitely pushed everyone away. It was like... you were afraid... to do anything else.”

Deidara did not know if he was out of line for saying that. Fortunately, Sasori made no outward sign to indicate so.

“I still am.”

That was the most honest thing Sasori had said to another person. Even more honest than everything he admitted to Sakura.

“... In reality, I think everyone’s afraid. But being alone isn’t worth it, hm.”

Deidara scratched the back of his neck nervously. He was never this touchy feely... Well, no one talked to him about this sort of thing, so...

And there was a reason for that. He wasn’t exactly in the kind of profession that encouraged such mush. The people he spent his time with did not care to nurture their emotional ties, nor did they present themselves in an open fashion to suggest so. Sasori above all.

But Deidara never had an issue with it. Not really. Though, as the years passed, it got harder and harder for him to say things like he just did.

After thinking on it, Deidara realized he hadn’t had a conversation like this since he left Iwagakure. And even before then.

But it was... nice.

“I see,” Sasori finally replied, pondering on Deidara’s words.

Deidara waited for him to say more. After about 30 seconds, he realized that was it. He shifted his weight, and Sasori was reminded that he was supposed to say something else.

“... Thank you for everything.”

Deidara felt an uncontrollable smile spread across his face. Sure enough, Sasori had looked pained when he said it, but that didn’t matter one bit.

“It’s... not a problem, hm.”

He couldn’t ask for anything from this guy. It was payment enough to see him again.

“If you want to find me, use this.”

Deidara pulled out a clay bird. Sasori raised a brow, finally getting a view of the kinjutsu he possessed. The mouths on his hands that were closed until this moment had spat out a perfectly sculpted figure. Like every other aspect of him, it was eye-catching, and... odd.

“It will activate when you put a message here, in its talons. And it will come straight to me.”

Sasori took it, and eyed it. So this was his art... It was pathetically simplistic, but he wasn’t going to judge him based on solely that.

He placed it into his cloak without a word. Deidara resisted a snort, impressed that he had not made a single retort about his work. He knew how he felt about it. Apparently this Sasori was capable of holding that sharp tongue of his.

With nothing else to cover, Deidara decided to make his way to the window, and prepared to hoist himself up. He then paused, finding one last thing to mention.

“... We plan to attack the Leaf at some point this year. Don’t get buried in the wreckage, hm.”

He didn’t want to say it, but he just had to. Sasori was the only person he truly liked in the Akatsuki. And he was a lot more pleasant now. He didn’t want to cause his death through lack of action.

“... That was unnecessary.”

“But I did it anyway, didn’t I?” Deidara grinned, a knowing look in his eye. “Don’t overshare this information, if you know what I mean, hm.”

“I don’t intend to.”

Deidara snorted. No matter how different Sasori was, he could never imagine him as some tattle tale goodie-goodie.

“Good. Well... See you around, Sasori.”

He gave him a small wave, and hopped off the window sill. Sasori did nothing, and watched him slip away into the night. He then sighed.

The Akatsuki were planning to attack the Leaf? Why them specifically?

‘_Ah, yes. Naruto Uzumaki.’ _

They were after Sakura’s teammate.

He walked back to his core, and placed his hands on the protective box. Finally, he had the missing piece. He could not wait to dissect it.

——

Sakura prepared to set off, wrapping up her essential nutrient balls. They may not have tasted the best, but they truly were uniquely packed with healing properties. Once she had packed them away, she sighed, and tried to shake off her anxiety. It was finally happening. They were going to hunt down Sasuke’s brother.

The thought had come up before, but due to its risk, it was quickly discarded. Sakura was always grateful to Lady Tsunade’s dedication to finding Sasuke. For someone of her stature, it would have been more than easy to sweep him under the rug. But she didn’t. Even though she didn’t know him well, she cared about him. Every single ninja who worked under her was of the utmost importance. But she cared about Naruto even more, and that was why she was hesitant to send him off to face off with yet another Akatsuki member.

Naruto fought her tooth and nail, always wanting to run off and do whatever it took to find Sasuke. He did not see how much Lady Tsunade butted heads with the elders, who wanted to lock him away forever, for his protection. Naruto was very much like his master, possibly due to traveling with him around the continent for years. And she was very much like hers.

A tap at her window jolted her. For some reason, hope swept through her, and she ran to the glass with Sasori in her thoughts. But he was not there.

Though Sasori was still running around unsupervised and not outside on her roof, there was something. It was a messenger bird. She opened her window, and reached out for the paper attached to its breast.

‘_Where did he get a bird?’ _she wondered._ ‘And one that came to my house?’ _

She needed to learn that Sasori was capable of anything, and made use out of those capabilities. She hurriedly opened the message, wanting to see if it really was Sasori who had sent it.

‘I am at my hideout. I am alive. - Sateki’

‘_He’s chatty...’_ Sakura thought, shaking her head. This could hardly count as a letter. It was 9 words, if she counted his signature. Then again, if she had received something long, she would wonder it if was really from him.

This was definitely from him. She couldn’t help but smile. He was such an awkward person. In all honesty, she couldn’t believe he had actually sent her anything. The fact that he did meant he intended to see her again. This comforted her. He had kept one promise, so he would likely keep the other- to return. This message also meant she was still on his mind, at least to an extent. She could picture him obsessing over whatever he was doing at the time, and forgetting other people existed entirely. Sasori seemed like the type to be focused to a fault.

Seeing that he used his false name entertained her. She knew it was simply in case the message was intercepted for whatever reason, but it was still funny. For some reason, she wished he had signed it with his real name.

Though she had seen his impeccable handwriting several times before, this was different. It was directly addressed to her. It was... personal.

Sakura then realized she was smiling. And she had been momentarily distracted. The smile left her lips as soon as it was acknowledged.

‘_Why aren’t you here right now...’_ she thought. If she knew this would happen, she wouldn’t have let him leave her. She needed all the support she could get. Not that he was the supportive type, but... his presence was undeniably...

She tried to think of the word.

‘_Anchoring_’ she decided. When she was with him, she had a purpose. And he was always the same. Annoying, certainly, but also stable. No matter what she threw at him, he just accepted it. Nothing fazed him really. And while that had its downsides, it also caused her to subconsciously rely on him.

It was incredible. That abandoned lot down the street caused her to depend upon a person who once caused her great suffering. And she didn’t mind it.

She may have lost Sasuke... for the time being. But she made new friends. She helped Sai. She helped Sasori. And she would always have Naruto.

‘_I’m not giving up,’_ she told herself. If someone like Sasori could change, then Sasuke had a chance. Naruto was right to hope. He was right to assume that Sasuke was still a good person.

She looked down at her old picture of Team 7, and allowed a bittersweet smile to form on her face. Her eyes glistened slightly as she remembered old times, back when the world was more simple. Back before evil people drove them apart.

She froze. It was easy to wholly blame Orochimaru. He was evil, like the devil himself in Sasuke’s ear. But...

She swallowed uncomfortably, facing something she had buried in the back of her mind. No- maybe it was never there before this moment. Perhaps the idea had only been planted after her recent trip to Sunagakure.

She already blamed herself plenty for what happened. That she somehow messed up, and that was why he left. But she never truly imagined what it must have been like for Sasuke. She couldn’t. She never lived out a speck of his reality. After witnessing the crushing emptiness of Sasori’s life, a crack had opened. For the first time, she saw what it was like to enter an empty house.

Naruto entered an empty room every single day. But she never really dwelled on it. She did not take the time to truly meditate on his situation.

And like Naruto said himself, his experience was different than Sasuke’s. Naruto never knew anything else. Sasuke had everything, and lost everything.

A brief, vivid vision of Sasori and Lady Chiyo’s empty house consumed her, and she felt as though the breath had been knocked out of her lungs. She could feel the grief in every particle of dust. The shadows from the white sheets whispered of regretful conversations. And... The family portrait. It gave her chills.

What if she came home one day, and her parents were dead? Murdered?

Sakura already knew it was not enough to sympathize. Empathy was required for compassion. She needed to imagine it, really stand in his shoes. But she simply didn’t know how to.

The reason her battle with Sasori a year ago haunted her was because she could not answer one question; what happened to him to make him that way? What could possibly make a person so empty, so unbelievably screwed up? The unknown scared her. If life could turn a person into a living ghost, only existing for vengeance for what was done to him, then was life worth living? How could she, who blissfully lived in a bubble, demand anything of Sasuke, or Sasori?

Sasuke never told her about himself, but Sasori did... well, after a lot of prodding and careful tiptoeing. And she learned a lot from him. If she could apply it to Sasuke, maybe she could truly understand him in the way Naruto did.

‘_If I can truly empathize with Sasuke... Maybe this time I can make a difference.’ _

This thought overtook her, and filled her with determination. Yes. If she had learned anything from Sasori, it was that she could dig deep within herself. She could do more. Until now, she felt as though she were incapable of taking the next step- a step that she was entirely unsure of. But now, she was certain.

She quickly closed her bag, and ran out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sakura is kind of slow when it comes to things like this. In this story, Sakura takes the time to study Sasori intensely from the very beginning. It is partially because she wants evidence that she is not housing a psychopathic murderer, and also because she wants to do something nice for Chiyo. And later on, because she knows Sasori is completely reliant on her. He has no one else. This brings out her responsible side. 
> 
> Becuase of these circumstances, Sakura accidentally became attached to him, and managed to spend a lot of time contemplating his life and why he is what he is. If she had met Sasori under different circumstances, she would probably struggle a lot more with empathy.
> 
> Talking to my friend Aprito:
> 
> Sakura with Sasori: He’s practically living in my closet. He’s relying on me!  
Naruto and Sasuke: What about us?  
Sakura: Idk, survive lol
> 
> And:
> 
> Sakura: Sasuke, why wont you come back?  
Sasuke: My family was murdered.  
Sakura: but I like the good feelings you give me.
> 
> So yeah, it’s chapter 34, and Sakura is like “I feel like I should try to empathize with Sasuke”  
On chapter 500, she will be like “I’m feeling crazy tonight, like maybe I should invite my best friend Naruto over for dinner, idk”
> 
> I love this basic lack of foresight in her, since it is realistic in a teenager, but I also wanted Kishi to have her learn how to empathize, especially with Naruto, over time. So I’m doing it here, in a fanfic! (Kishi did show progress with her during the Kazekage Rescue arc and especially when she helps Sai with his issues! Naruto did not like Sai, but Sakura saw that he was messed up, and worked him through the fact that he is a human being with an identity. It was very mature and kind, and I love that scene so much!)
> 
> As for the first scene, Sasori of course is also terrible with emotional things, and is asking a mercenary stuff like “Did I have feelings?” And the pyromaniac criminal is like “Uh, yeah bro. Totally, man!”  
And its funny cause I think Deidara would actually be pretty good at handling this sort of thing? Like, who else watched Naruto SD and realized Deidara has a soft side? I love him, and I could discuss him forever.
> 
> Also, thank you so much for your comments! They make my week! I will reply to them as soon as I finish uploading the next chapter! <3


	35. Ancient Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori delves into the secrets of his core, and bites off more than he can chew.

Sasori waited impatiently for the sample results to come in. Many hours earlier, he had returned to the cave, holding onto his old self. He was in a rush, wanting to delve into the invention he had once so carefully crafted.

After rummaging through dozens of boxes stored in the cave tunnels, he had found old equipment, as well as a generator; everything he needed to analyze the core. It took some effort to get it all up and running, but he knew his way around a science lab, and this was no different. And now, he had nothing to do but wait.

He paced back and forth, and eventually settled on staring more at the object of his obsession. It was kind of a wreck. But it was salvageable. As in, he could figure out what it was made of.

His thoughts were a messy swirl of questions and hypotheses. He never found a single note on how this was made, not even after rummaging through countless journals and designs. It was as though it had never existed. He had been through everything at this point, since he had returned.

(“_Sasori...”_)

The echoes of his nightmares rang through his mind. Why was he thinking of that now?

Sakura’s notes came to his mind, as well as his own- everything he knew so far.

The Sasori that Sakura fought simply stated that his chakra was contained inside this “Living Core of Flesh”, so that he would be capable of living in a puppet body. But in reality, this explained nothing. If it were just his chakra, he would be like his other puppets. Sasori was conscious, and maintained his sense of self, memories, and personality. And the ability to move on his own. Chakra without a control center was just chakra- it wasn’t a living being.

He required a control center. A brain.

Somehow, this was his brain, as well as his nervous system. And when the core attached to something, it released his chakra to fill that object.

The seals inside of his puppets prevented the chakra from seeping outside of the body with so much precision that he felt like his body had not changed at all. He had recorded that he could move around just as easily as he could in his original body. He had mastered the art of containing chakra in a set volume for his puppets, and in his particular case, to experience his sense of touch without alteration.

He had created multiple puppets in his likeness, as backups. He had used one of those backups in his battle with Granny Chiyo. These backups were not human puppets, merely wooden ones. But it did not matter.

When the core activated inside one of his puppets, organic matter appeared on it- he had eyes, and could speak as though he had a normal tongue. It was like he was half puppet, half man. And when the core was removed, the shell returned to its original state. This meant that the core somehow contained all of those things.

This was strange jutsu he was using.

Sasori picked up a tool and poked at the core to it onto its side. Root like appendages hung off of the cylinder, which were what attached it to whatever body he selected. The core was also filled with poison, as though it were his blood. He supposed it was to prevent anyone from touching it. It also meant that he had somehow artificially created organic matter that carried the poison as though it was meant to be there.

He did not know where he got the organic matter from. Did he simply use skin cells? No, it had to be more than that. This thing could sustain a life force, supposedly forever.

Forever... That was what truly confounded him. How could a person create something immortal from mortal cells?

And not only that, it somehow projected his essence onto a non living host. It literally made a puppet an extension of himself. He had plucked his soul out of his body and put it into this tiny cylinder. It was almost like he... sealed himself into it.

The closest thing to a seal like what he was imagining would be the jinchuriki seals. But the Tailed Beasts could not control the host’s body unless the host allowed it. There was still a disconnection between their consciousness and their ability to control the physical form they were contained in.

Though he had not sealed himself into a living person, it was evident that this core was self sustaining. It did not rely on any outside force to keep a person alive.

How did he get his hands on something like that, when no one else could?

Sasori stared at the small section he had cut off for analysis. The outside of the core was covered in the organic appendages, but the container itself was some sort of metal. The appendages were like vines, growing from within the center, like they forced their way out. The metal part was obviously of his own making. Whatever this organic material was, it was the source.

Sasori was not going to learn anything new from staring at it more. So he picked up a lantern, and headed to the back of the training room, where the equipment was found. He had not been through everything, and he was curious as to what else he had stored away.

When he jumped down through the hole in the ground, he searched for the boxes of analysis systems and medical instruments. They were dusty, as though they had not been opened in a while. He opened one, and pulled out a flow cytometer. In another, he found a gas chromatograph. It seemed that he had everything.

He looked further. Centrifuges, desiccators, jar testing equipment... And a large amount of surgery tools, even things that weren’t already out in his workshop. Countless supplies used by medical professionals and scientists. He supposed he came here whenever he wanted information on a corpse, or felt like creating something.

Sasori did not know what all he got up to in the 20 years he was here, but he did know that he had become quite the inventor. Apparently he stole some of this Orochimaru’s research as well. He would never waste information he stumbled upon.

As Sasori opened yet another one, something made him pause.

He heard something. Rocks collapsing. It was likely from a natural cause, but he intended to make sure.

So he headed further into the cave, lantern in hand. After a few minutes, he found the source of the sound. As he predicted, it was a shift that had caused it. Nothing out of the ordinary.

So why did he still feel on edge?

He peered down into the darkness, and found himself walking forward, slipping his body through the tight space that separated him from the massive pit in the earth. He looked over the edge, and furrowed his brows. Unlike last time, he felt compelled to continue. He had been through the rest of his research, and now had nothing else to do.

It then occurred to him that the Sasori of this timeline had certainly been down there, and possibly kept things at the bottom. While he had not bothered to search every inch of this place in his time, he knew he would eventually do so. Perhaps the information on the core was down there?

This was enough for Sasori. He promptly attached a chakra thread to the cave wall, and jumped. The lantern blew out, but he could easily relight it. He just needed to periodically bounce off of the edge, so he wasn’t completely free falling.

After almost 20 minutes of physical exertion, his feet hit the ground. He looked up. It was completely black. Unimpressed as always, Sasori casually felt for the lantern opening and relit the wick with a fire jutsu. The light revealed nothing other than the wall he was next to. The pit was incredibly large, and it would take a bit of a hike to reach the other side of. But Sasori was efficient, and had no intention of wasting a second of his time.

While most would feel apprehensive about walking headfirst through a sea of unexplored black, Sasori was never frightened of the dark. Nothing down there could be worse than him. He applied that logic to every place he went, to feed his ego and to remind himself that emotions were a detriment. He calmly stepped forward, and confidently headed further into the nothingness before starting another fire. He then flung it as far as he could in a random direction, and took note of every revealed groove in the cave sides. There was no opening.

Sasori repeated this process several times before his eyes picked up on a section of absolute darkness on his right. There was a gap. Remembering exactly where it was, he walked towards it with only the lantern’s light to guide him. After 10 minutes of walking, he felt a slight draft. He was in the mouth of a tunnel.

He did not know how far the tunnel went, and he did not want to accidentally set something other than rock ablaze, so he crept forward to study the walls.

His eyes widened.

This was... in his dream.

There were paintings... Old paintings, from centuries ago, at least. And they were all about the Shukaku.

‘_Why is this here?_’ he asked himself, trying to remain unnerved by the fact that he had visions of a place he had never been before. He found the picture that resonated with him the most. It was the picture depicting the Shukaku entering a child host.

He frowned at it. The customs of the Sand only went back about 80 years, when the village was formed. Clans from all over the continent, including his own, merged here to settle as a people to follow the initiative of Hashirama Senju. Before that, the Tailed Beasts were placed in whatever host could handle them. They were fought over by countless clans, since those who possessed them had the ultimate weapons of the world. They were supposedly created by The Sage of Six Paths, who had separated the 10 Tails into 9 sections. These 9 demons razed the earth, here and there, whenever they were freed from their seals. They had no particular domain until this century, when they were given to the military villages as a display of goodwill and divide of power. The Shukaku was the only one who stuck around in the desert, for obvious reasons.

Though the Shukaku was the Land of Wind, he was still surprised to find old references to it here.

He continued onward, following the wind. Eventually, the candle snuffed out from an unexpected gust, leaving Sasori in the darkness once more. He sighed, and moved to relight it. He wondered what was causing such impressive wind when he was so deep in the ground. Perhaps there was another entrance to his cave that he was unaware of. He was eager to find out.

When he relit the lantern, his heart leapt out of his chest. In one second, Sasori was more afraid than he ever had been before in his life.

Someone was down there with him. He could have sworn he saw something.

This was wrong. The air felt off, like...

Sasori took a second to pick up what it was, but then it clicked. It was chakra. Ominous, hateful chakra, seeping from whatever was at the other end of that tunnel.

He was not stupid. He assumed... it had something to do with the Shukaku. What else could cause such an evil presence? What else could these drawings imply?

If... If the Sasori of his timeline had found this place... he needed to go there too. He needed to know what this had to do with him. Why was seeing an entity in his nightmares. It had to be connected.

Sasori swallowed, and forced his body forward, against the wishes of every instinct he had. It was hard to move forward, almost, from the pressure the chakra emitted. He grimaced, and prepared himself to fight. If this was going to end like his dream, that thing... was going to attack him.

(“_You’re safe now._”)

He recalled the terror he felt when he bumped into that thing in his last dream. He never turned around to face it, but now he wished he did. At least then, it could not have touched him. Now, it could. And he did not know what it looked like.

What did it mean when it said he was safe now? The first time it had approached him, it was inside the mouth of his young self. He needed to know more about this...

By the time Sasori sensed he was at the edge of the unknown enclosure, his hands were shaking. Why was he so terrified? He had been on the brink of death countless times, but for some reason, the unknown clawed at his sanity. He ordered himself to keep it together. He was Sasori of the Red Sand. If anyone could handle what was in that room, it was him.

He braced himself, and felt along the edge until he found what he had assumed would be there. A torch. Relieved, he lit it, and then quickly spotted another one. He practically leapt to it, wanting to be out of the dark as soon as possible. He then braced himself, and turned around.

“What... is this?” he whispered in shock. It was a shrine of some kind. At least, that was what it looked like. Almost nothing was in there except a large, coffin-like box, and a few pieces of furniture. It was not nearly as intimidating as he had expected. But it was strange.

The room was a circle, and carved out to be that way. Someone had spent a lot of time down here to make this look nice. He immediately recognized a bookshelf stuffed with scrolls, and made a beeline for it while lighting the rest of the torches in the room. Whatever fear he had felt earlier was gone. There was no sign of what he thought he saw, and the ominous chakra was almost gone.

He reached up and pulled out a scroll to place on the table. It was very old based on the smell alone. And it was in a dialect he was unfamiliar with. He wished he had those kanji translators he and Sakura used when looking through the ancient maps of the Land of Fire. Despite his excellent memory, he had not spent enough time studying them to memorize it all. 

He dove through more of the scrolls. They were more of the same. In the second highest row, Sasori noted that some were distinctly less yellow. Those must have been his. He greedily scooped them up all at once and spilled them all over the table.

Sasori felt joy. He had found them. The notes on his core. They WERE down here. His eyes scoured over their contents as he held his breath. There were diagrams of it, drawn in his distinctive style. One scroll contained the physical design details, while another possessed scribbles on seals. The seals drawn were unfamiliar to him, other than one. The seal of the Shukaku.

Sasori grew confused. There was no way the Shukaku was sealed down here, though it may have been once. The Akatsuki had sucked it out of the jinchuriki- Gaara. But it was somehow tied to all of this, including his core.

Before Sasori had even approached the coffin-like box that was on the top of several steps, his theory on his core had been solidified. He had used something immortal to create his core. That was the only way he could have claimed he was everlasting with such confidence.

Did people seal away a section of the Shukaku’s chakra down here centuries ago?

He finally walked up the stairs and came face to face with the box. It was not the size of a human being- more like a child. The lid had many seals on it, which implied it was not meant to be opened.

Sasori was unsure of whether to proceed. The notes he had written contained the key to breaking the seals, but there was a concern. The adult version of himself could have been preventing something from getting out. Something that he couldn’t handle, especially knowing nothing as to its contents.

He placed a hand on the lid, and immediately felt a surge of that chakra again. This was definitely the source.

He slowly stepped away, and decided to go through the rest of the scrolls first. He was not a rash person, not when it mattered.

He tore through all of his papers, searching for clues. After reading for another half hour, he finally found it. And it was a surprise.

“An experiment...”

He looked back at the box.

“A kinjutsu...?”

How was that possible? This box merely contained a kinjutsu of some kind, and yet it reeked of the chakra of a Tailed Beast. He read swiftly, wanting an answer.

‘I have taken a section of it for personal use. If it functions as it should, I should be able to create an artificial body. One that never dies.’

A section? He had no idea what that meant, since he did not know what the kinjutsu looked like.

‘The kinjutsu appears to be sentient. Though I rarely dream, I have had visions of an entity that can only represent its consciousness. There have been documentations of sentient jutsu before, all created from vast experimentation.’

He remembered that Sakura had told him that Kakuzu, one of the fallen Akatsuki members, had sentient masks made of ominous chakra. She claimed her friend, a sensory type ninja, sensed that their chakra was different from his own. Which meant that those things were... alive.

And Kakuzu claimed he had battled Hashirama Senju, meaning he was old. Another man who had somehow undergone a successful experiment leading to immortality.

Sasori strained himself to remember more details. He pulled forth the memory of his conversation with Sakura, and ran through every second of it. Eventually, a word on the tip of his tongue came to him. Kinjutsu. Yes. Those sentient masks, his supposed immortality, the ability to use 5 hearts at once... They were all the result of a kinjutsu.

And what Sasori was looking at right now was just that.

‘_Why is this here?’ _

It was the first thing that came to his mind. Why would someone seal this sort of thing out in the desert?

His mind swirled with more questions. How long had this been in this cave? Who created it? And... how did it come into being?

The most important question Sasori had was now answered, however, it did not give him relief. This thing was made using chakra from the Shuukaku. But it wasn’t as straightforward as that. It was as though it has been... altered. Somehow made even more sickening.

The entity in his dreams was not the Shuukaku. It had transformed itself into something else. Like Kakuzu’s masks.

Kakuzu was all he could think of when it came to this. But there were other examples throughout history. Even Deidara’s kinjutsu was organic.

‘_I.. must have fused with it... That’s why I couldn’t die.’ _

Sasori had finally found answers, but he was unsure he liked them. He read more.

‘This kinjutsu appears to have been made with the goal of sensory capabilities and immense chakra storage in mind. I believe the sentience of it was an unintentional side effect of the experimentation, which is likely why it was deemed unusable.’

‘_But I used it_,’ Sasori thought to himself.

‘If I can seal myself into a container that is contaminated with this, I should be able to not only reap the intended benefits, but also live indefinitely.’

‘_I was crazy enough to do this?’ _

Had he become some mad scientist in the short years in between leaving Suna and becoming a puppet? Did Orochimaru rub off on him too much?

‘Update. The transfer was successful. Though it has only been a few hours, I maintain precise control of the limbs I provided for the Core. There do not seem to be any side effects. I believe I have eliminated any downside to the kinjutsu.’

‘_Yeah, cause I never needed to sleep again..._’ Sasori thought. He wondered why this kinjutsu communicated through dreams. But then he remembered that the Shukaku caused insomnia in its hosts. It was possible that this quirk had managed to manifest through the deformed being incidentally created through this experimentation.

It was gross. Whatever it looked like, it could not have been pretty.

One small thing picked at Sasori. Why did it speak to him through the inside of the child version of him? Why did it constantly tell him he was safe? It was like it was... luring him in with his deepest desires.

It was like... it wanted him to use it.

Sasori did not like that one bit.

He sighed, and rummaged through the rest of his notes.

‘I admit that I grow weary from the incessant thoughts that plague me. Though I no longer sleep, I desire it. If that bitch had not gotten in my way, I would perhaps still possess my original body. But it is pointless to reconsider. The Core gives me power I could have never dreamed of. I am capable of storing seemingly unlimited chakra, which is required for the manipulation of my puppet army. Fusing with it has allowed my form to cover whatever body I wish. The possibilities are endless. I continue to explore them, in hopes that the emptiness will subside.’

Out of everything this Sasori had written, this was the most emotional entry he had seen. And it had given him a clue. He had to have been referring to Chika. Somehow, her actions caused him to resort to becoming a puppet.

He wanted to know more. But nothing else was written on the subject.

Gotten in his way? He pondered on the concept. The notes he had found on Chika above him had mentioned that she “came to him,” which could only mean... that she had hunted him down, and followed him to this place.

He killed her here.

And for some reason, he was desperate enough to make the jump. Maybe killing her left him feeling empty. Maybe she had somehow tormented him, though he didn’t know if that were possible.

Whatever happened, he did it. He became a puppet. No- he became this... thing. Something that certainly wasn’t human.

Sasori had seen enough. He needed to get out of this room.

He rolled up all of what he could carry, and headed back up the side of the pit. He would need to make several trips, to carry all of those scrolls back up to his safe haven, where he could translate them in peace.

As he passed the analyzer, he remembered that he was awaiting the results. But it no longer mattered. He knew what the core was made of. And he did not feel like delving into it further.

He found himself searching for Sakura’s journal. He opened it, and was tempted to write down what he had just discovered. But he decided not to. He did not have the energy to record this at the moment. Part of him just wanted to tell her verbally. He... wanted to talk to her.

Sasori felt the need to sit down, and decided on crawling back into his cot. He wrapped the covers around himself, and stared at nothing.

Why did he feel so overwhelmed? The thing underneath him was sealed. It could not reach him. What he had seen was merely a hallucination- or that thing was influencing his mind in some way. 

He... wished he wasn’t alone. He wished Sakura was with him, to help him work through all of this mess. She was capable of researching it. Capable of helping him.

He pulled the photograph out from under his pillow and stared at it. She was waiting for him, back in Kohona. He could leave right now if he wanted to.

He cursed. He was not done with what he needed to do. He needed to train.

He was determined to improve his puppeteering skills before returning. Deidara had told him an attack would eventually be on its way, and he needed to be prepared. He also needed to prepare for a fight against anyone who wanted to throw him in a lab, or a prison.

“Granny... What would you say?” he asked, with his voice down to a whisper.

His grandma would tell him that he was an idiot.

And she would be right.

Sasori could now understand why second opinions were a good thing. He spent way too much time alone in this place. Why else would he play with an sentient kinjutsu he found in the ancient basement of a cave?

Apparently, it turned out as well as could be expected. The kinjutsu had not possessed him, or caused him trouble. He had taken whatever measures were needed to prevent disaster. But it did not change the fact that he discarded his own body to seal himself into a tube with whatever the hell those veins were made out of. He did that.

His thoughts went to his Uncle Ebizō.

(“_Don't you remember the legends of the desert caves, my boy?" _

_“They are folklore tales designed to frighten children.” _

_"Legends always form from a truth. It is best to accept that things are not in our control.") _

Except this thing was man made! It wasn’t supernatural, though it seemed like it was. Ninja a long time ago messed with something above their pay grade, and sealed it away in a cave. And whoever went near it got nightmares. Well, at least he did.

His uncle had mentioned the desert caves in an attempt to explain his time travel incident. And though Sasori was skeptical of Sakura’s proposition, he was now reconsidering. If something like this existed, why couldn’t a time travel seal?

He needed to research more on Orochimaru. If anyone knew about unnatural experimentation, it was him.

But there was no way he could just ask him. He would likely be killed. He was not unkillable, like his other self. Half the age, half the skills. And none of the knowledge.

He felt.. powerless.

He growled, and got up with the intention of starting his training then and there. He walked over to his backpack, and pulled out the scroll his uncle had given him. He would be needing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my head canon for Sasori’s core! I was worried it was stupid, but my brother liked it so I am confident again!  
If you guys did not know, I have a very detailed backstory on Kakuzu in my comic, and I have spent a lot of time researching what his life could have possibly been like. His kinjutsu is possibly the one that fascinates me the most in all of Naruto, due to its unique features. It is also very, very creepy! Love it! 
> 
> When looking into the Akatsuki’s jutsu, a lot of them are kind of like this. Sasori with an undying core that has wiggly vine things, Deidara with a sealed mouth thing inside him, Hidan and his supposed god who gives him zoodoo powers. And Orochimaru of course. He made himself into a giant snake with scales made of smaller snakes. This is all super weird stuff. Some of it is from folklore, and in the realm of Naruto, there are some references to the supernatural. 
> 
> My boyfriend pointed out to me that to ninja, anything made possible with chakra is actually natural, not supernatural. But there are still supposedly limitations. The Akatsuki kind of defy those limitations, especially Pain.
> 
> Sasori realizes that the source of his core is kind of disturbing. And feels powerless, because he feels like he can’t handle everything his adult self could. Like hunting down Orochimaru. And by now, as we see, his instinct when feeling alone is to turn to Sakura. It has become natural for him to rely on her when he is overwhelmed, or seeking answers. This is a big deal for him, because Sasori never wants second opinions, or seeks reassurance in his decisions. The fact that he knows he has someone else going through this with him is what is grounding him. 
> 
> And we will learn more about Chika! I had a lot of fun writing her, and I hope you enjoy her!


	36. Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura begins her hunt for Sasuke, and it does not go as she had hoped. (This is kind of a recap of like 10 episodes, but I wanted to include her viewpoint on what happens, since it is relevant to the plot. She doesn’t do a whole lot in this arc haha)

“If you don’t wipe off that solemn look on your face, you’ll scare off the boys.”

“What?” Sakura said with astonishment.

Why did she have to end up partnered with this one- Bisuke- out of all the ninja hounds? He was a tan-colored dog with dark circles around his eyes... and a big attitude, apparently. The other had not caused her trouble so far.

“The more you chase, the further they run away. You’re a female that keeps on pushing, aren’t you? Why don’t you try pulling away for a change?” Bisuke said.

‘_What a horrible dog!’ _

What prompted such audacity on something she had not even mentioned?

“What a thing to say!” Sakura scolded him. But as soon as her irritation came, it went, leaving her feeling downtrodden. The dog’s harsh words left a mark on her.

“Sasuke and I... aren’t like that...” she decided to admit. Maybe talking about it wouldn’t be so bad. After all, these were her temporary teammates, even if they were dogs...

“Hey, stop being so rude,” said Shiba, the white-haired dog. It seemed that this was not Bisuke’s first unsolicited critique on strangers’ situations.

“Humph,” the sassy dog replied, mostly ignoring the suggestion.

Sakura realized that while Bisuke was indeed rude, he was also right. She always chased Sasuke, and... he often seemed irritated by her affections. She knew that Sasuke cared for her- he had saved her many times without thinking. But that was a bond between comrades, between friends. That was all. And she...

“It’s just that I want to let Sasuke know... how I... how everyone feels. Everyone is waiting for Sasuke to return home.”

She held her breath.

“That’s all...”

Bisuke did not believe her. The two hounds could sense the teenage girl’s strife from the moment they began traveling with her. But she was so depressing to look at, the dog took pity on her.

“Fine. If pulling away doesn’t work, why don’t I try sniffing?”

He put his nose to the ground and immediately froze, catching Sakura’s attention.

“What’s the matter?!” she asked hurriedly, recognizing the shift in his stature.

“I caught a whiff of Sasuke Uchiha’s scent...”

“What?!”

She did not expect to discover a trail so easily. The hunting party had no idea where Sasuke was, and were running about entirely blind. The fact that this hound happened upon his scent was miraculous- or he was just that talented. Maybe he wasn’t so horrible after all.

The three proceeded forward, into the nearest town. It was a peaceful village on the outskirts of the Land of Fire. Sakura was glad they did not have to travel all the way across the continent and into other countries, where they would be looked upon suspiciously.

“Well?” Sakura asked solemnly.

“The smell is faint, but it’s steadily getting closer.”

After walking a few more moments, Shiba pulled on her cloak to prevent her from continuing forward.

“What are you doing? He’ll be on us before we find him!” Bisuke scolded. “We have to be cautious!”

They continued forward slowly.

“He’s near,” Bisuke commented.

“Sakura, do you see Sasuke around?” Shiba asked. Sakura frowned. She did not see him, or anyone who remotely resembled him. Surely he had not changed much since their meeting over a year earlier...

“This isn’t good, the smell is going farther away,” Shiba warned. Sakura began to sweat. How could this be? How could someone’s scent come and go like that? She was losing him again...

She said nothing, clenching her fists tightly. The ninja hounds could sense her growing desperation and attempted to comfort her.

“This can happen. We still know he was here recently.”

“Let’s retrace our steps.”

Sakura only nodded, unable to say anything. Terrible thoughts consumed her, and she attempted to force them back. They were only beginning their search, so why was she so quick to despair?

As they headed back to the outskirts of the village, something brilliant flashed, bathing the entire village in a blinding light. Sakura covered her eyes with her arm instinctively, and her heart skipped a beat.

“What is that?” Bisuke asked.

Sakura had that very question. It was oddly beautiful. It seemed to reach for the heavens, like Man seeking his purpose. It hovered for a solid minute, covering everything in pure white.

And then it slowly faded away.

Sakura somehow felt it was connected to Sasuke. That had to be some kind of jutsu... a big one. Perhaps something from a battle in the woods nearby?

The woods that no longer existed...

It was an explosion. The largest she had ever seen. It was...

It couldn’t have been. Deidara was dead... he had been dead for over a year!

But who else could have created something that huge?

Since Sasori had condescendingly explained to her that they never found a trace of Deidara’s body last year, the thought that he was alive had nagged at her. And this only proved it further.

They headed to the site in a hurry and met up with the other search party members. Shiba sniffed the ground once more on the battle site while everyone held their breath.

“I knew it! One of the other scents belongs to that fellow in town on whom I detected Sasuke’s scent.”

“Huh?”

“Looks like there are others traveling with Sasuke. He has a companion,” Kakashi said.

“Then, back there...”

“It’s probable that... Sasuke has formed his unit. One of the five other scents belongs to Deidara from the Akatsuki,” Kakashi said darkly.

Sakura gasped in surprise. Her hunch was correct. But... why would Sasuke fight an Akatsuki member? Did he seek him out to hunt down his brother?

“It seems he faked his own death to escape... The Akatsuki operate in two man cells, so there are three left. Sasuke is moving in a four man cell.”

“Who cares how many there are. Let’s get moving and trace Sasuke’s scent!” Naruto yelled with impatience.

“We can’t,” Pakkun said.

“Huh? Why not?” Naruto asked.

“The scent drops here,” Kakashi replied.

Was Sasuke...?

Fear consumed her.

No... That wasn’t possible...

“What does that mean?” Naruto asked. Sakura remained silent, unable to speak. The thought of Sasuke... no longer living...

She held back the stinging in her eyes, and bit her lip anxiously. Naruto looked just as unnerved, his eyes wide in anticipation.

“Usually, in a situation like this, either Sasuke was blasted to bits by the explosion, or Sasuke used the Transportation Technique to escape.” Yamato said.

She felt a twinge of hope. He could have made it...

“It’s probably the latter,” Kiba said after a moment of concentration. “I’ve found Sasuke.”

Relief swept through Sakura. She clutched her chest and willed her heart to slow. He was still alive...

He was still within reach.

——

“From his scent, I can tell he’s stopped moving. It seems he’s resting,” Kiba said.

“It’s our chance,” Kakashi said. Sakura grew determined. Now that they were on his tail once more, her depression had subsided. Naruto’s blind eagerness was rubbing off on her- No- It was her own eagerness. She wanted to see him again. She needed to truly make an effort this time. She needed him to understand.

They continued to run forward. Suddenly Kiba grew agitated.

“What is it Kiba?” Naruto asked

“Shoot! Sasuke is starting to move!”

“Let’s hurry! Sasuke is going after Itachi!” Naruto said, sweat forming on his brow.

“Hold it, something’s wrong! Sasuke’s scent is dispersing! Not only that, it’s scattering in all directions!”

“He’s onto us. Taking strategic action.”

“Onto us? But how?” Sakura asked.

“I don’t know what kind of power, but I’m guessing he has a skilled sensory type ninja on his side.”

Sakura wanted to sigh. Why was Sasuke so good at evading them?

“I’ll find him if I have to search through every blade of grass!” Naruto yelled. “With whatever means necessary!”

He promptly made an incredible amount of shadow clones. It always amazed her. They then split up, disappearing in all directions.

Time had passed, but they found nothing. Eventually, when they found Naruto again, he had a strange look on his face. She wondered what was on his mind- maybe he was doubting himself? But as usual, he put on a brave face, and they continued onward, despite the loss of Sasuke’s scent. They could not afford to give up.

——

Hours passed, and Naruto made more clones, his determination bolder than ever. Sakura had to rely on him- he was the only one who could do this sort of thing. The forest seemed so endless, and there were too few of them. As they split up once again, a feeling of appreciation for Naruto filled her.

She took a long look at him. He was always there. He was her rock. She could always rely on him when she needed him. He was truly a wonderful guy.

The feeling of her tenderness tempted her to tear up once more. Perhaps this entire situation was overwhelming her. She needed something- someone. And he was the one who promised he would bring Sasuke back to her. He was so selfless, while she was so...

“Found him!” Naruto suddenly announced. Sakura could feel her heart rate rising, her blood pumping. It wasn’t too late... They still had a chance!

They began to run once more, this time with purpose. Sakura swelled with excitement.

‘_We are going to do it this time, Naruto... And then you don’t have to worry about that promise anymore...’ _

With every step she took, the more confident she became. She was not the same person. She had changed in the past year, Sasuke would see... Everyone would. She would do anything to make him feel loved. He needed to come back to them. He needed to come back to his home, his friends... He needed to see how much they thought of him.

‘_You’re not alone..._’ she thought to herself, remembering Sasuke’s handsome face. Such a dark face...

‘_If Sasori can accept me, so can you..._’

Suddenly, a spot of orange came into view. A masked man had appeared, blocking their way. He was in an Akatsuki robe, catching everyone’s attention immediately. No one appeared to recognize him.

“Imagine running into the Hidden Leaf in a place like this,” he said. “Eight against one. Such bad timing!”

For some reason, Sakura felt like the man was being overly humble, as though his concern were fake.

“Nice to meet you,” he then said with a goofy tone. His voice was oddly childish, as though he were acting for the sake of drama. There was no way this was how he truly behaved...

Sakura did not care about him. They were so close to Sasuke...

Why was he here, right now?!

As Kakashi discussed a strategy, the masked man perked up.

“Oh dear... Am I being underestimated? By you guys?”

‘_Another weirdo,’_ Sakura thought. ‘_They keep getting between us and Sasuke over and over again!’ _

Suddenly, Naruto attacked him with a shadow close, rasengan in hand. But he went straight through him, as though he did not exist.

The man continued to taunt Naruto, and as usual, Naruto went head first for him, literally falling on top of himself after a swift kick from the Akatsuki member. He flew over their heads and landed in the lake behind them. Sakura noticed Hinata’s gaze straying from the target.

“Hinata, Naruto is fine. Do not take your eyes off the enemy,” Sakura told her, her tone more serious than most were used to. She had forgotten that other people weren’t accustomed to Naruto’s sturdiness.

Sakura studied the Akatsuki member closely. He was not one she had seen before, even in a photo. He called himself the newbie... A replacement for Hidan and Kakuzu? Or Sasori?

It was so strange to come face to face with another one, now that one she had battled was roaming around with her approval. She had almost forgotten that the Akatsuki were criminals, since she spent so much time hanging out with one of them.

She could not think of this guy now. There was no time for any of this!

“We don’t have time to waste on the likes of you!” Naruto exclaimed.

“He’s right,” Sakura agreed.

“That’s because we have to go after Sasuke,” Shino added.

The masked man started to stretch, commenting on how serious they were. He was incredibly taunting... Sakura wanted nothing more than to punch his lights out. It was almost like he was purposely wasting their time...

Naruto gave into his belittling and she had to calm him. He was shaking. It was up to her to be the solid one. She was the one who had to remain calm. She typically was...

They all attacked once more in an attempt to figure out the Akatsuki’s ability. It did not end well, with all of them simply passing through him. He dodged them all with ease. Sakura cursed. Even after everything, she was too slow! She couldn’t even get a hit on this guy?

They tried a more direct formation, using their finest ninjutsu against him. But nothing worked. He then announced that he was going to counter attack, and they prepared for the worst. But...

He only used his cloak to pretend to be a lizard. They were all... taken aback, to say in the least.

This guy was really a piece of work. There was no doubt about it. He was messing with them!

They had finally figured out for certain that he was indeed slipping through their attacks like a ghost. They proceeded to watch Shino attack him with his countless bugs. Surely that would do something...

‘_The insects are closing in... Its impressive how he can manipulate so many insects so easily’ Sakura thought. ‘Like how Sasori could manipulate so many puppets with only his one mind....’_

Shino was always useful. She had not worked with him much, but the Aburame clan was unique. Their ability was as creepy as it was effective.

Just then, it happened. The man disappeared, leaving the bugs swarming around nothing but air.

“Teleportation jutsu?” Sakura asked worriedly.

“No... It wasn’t teleportation...” Shino said.

“No way...” Sakura mumbled. “But if we accept the fact that he can erase his existence at will, then it follows that he can erase just part of his body as well. Which explains why a part of his body, which should have been hit by an external attack, disappeared. And to us, it would look like the attack went right through him.”

The Akatsuki were all so strange and supernatural. Where was the leader of the organization finding these people?

While this was weird, he wasn’t as terrifying as Sasori and Kakuzu at least...

She spoke too soon. Something was coming out of the branch the man was standing on. A... plant? A really creepy plant!

“What... is that?”

Now she was really sweating. Another one was not what they needed. And it was so... gross.

“We keep getting interference!” Naruto yelled.

The plant-like man ignored him, and delivered the message he came there for.

“Sasuke has won. Itachi Uchiha is dead.”

Everyone froze.

What...?

Sakura blinked.

So... they were actually just there to prevent them from finding Sasuke! So his battle wouldn’t be interrupted....?

“What?! I don’t believe it!” The masked man exclaimed in that childish voice of his.

“Just kidding,” he then added with a more serious tone. “It’s just as I expected.”

His voice had gotten distinctly lower, to the point where it sounded like a completely different person... For the first time, Sakura felt chills down her neck from his presence.

“S-Sasuke... killed... Itachi?” she managed to say.

“Sasuke’s down too, but... I wonder how he is?” the plant creature answered her. “He’s in pretty bad shape.”

Sakura’s face was that of pure shock and horror. She could only tremble, mouth agape as though she were going to speak. But she could not speak.

“I’ll take you on another time,” the masked man said, seemingly focused on Kakashi Sensei in particular.

“That’s... a sharingan...” Kakashi stuttered. While everyone was on edge before, they were even more so after this revelation. Sakura held her hand in front of her chest, sensing a pain in her sensei’s core. She could only see his back, but felt as though he were struggling with something she knew nothing about.

She then realized she knew little about Kakashi Sensei... She did not even know how he got his sharingan. She was once again noticing how oblivious she was to others... Was she so self-focused? Was she that unaware of her surroundings?

The plant creature burrowed back into the bark, and disappeared. The masked man held up his hand, his aura now completely that of a true Akatsuki member. It reminded her of Sasori’s when he had revealed his true form. Some unbridled insanity and menace... A lust for calamity.

“Later,” he said, completely disappearing behind his own hand until he had completely vanished from existence. Kakashi moved immediately.

“We must find Sasuke before they do!”

He leapt off, eager to find his missing student. Sakura finally saw a hint of her sensei’s desire to see Sasuke too. Even he was growing nervous.

Kakashi was good at hiding his emotions, unlike the rest of them. Both him and Yamato... It showed how young the rest of them were. Would she be like them one day? Did she want to be?

As they approached the battle site, the sky grew darker, the weather altering. It felt like a bad omen, and she gritted her teeth in fear of failure. He legs could not move fast enough...

“What is that?” Sakura asked, seeing strange black flames covering the forest.

“That is Itachi’s jutsu,” Naruto answered with confidence. They all stopped.

Yamato separated the earth, allowing them to pass. The world seemed to be covered in a sheet of darkness, the source being the site ahead. Rain soon fell, drenching them all. The water slipped down their waterproof cloaks, and soaked into their uncovered hair.

They stopped in the middle of a battle site. The ruins of a stone building... A giant Uchiha crest stood out against the grey, with a crack down its center. It must have belonged to the Uchiha clan...

‘_How... sad,_” she thought, wandering about to observe the wreckage.

“Where’s Sasuke?” Naruto asked impatiently.

“I do not detect any other chakra besides ours in this area,” Hinata confessed sadly. A lump formed in Sakura’s throat.

“No...”

“We were too late,” Kakashi said softly. Naruto bared his teeth.

“Naruto...” Sai said in pity.

Naruto placed his hands on the broken Uchiha crest in despair.

“Why... Why is it that I can never reach Sasuke?”

Sakura stood behind him, feeling the cold rain hitting her skin. It hid the puffiness of her eyes.

Yamato joined them, unaware of the situation.

“Kakashi...” he said.

Kakashi said nothing and only looked over at Naruto, who was crumbling against the stone.

“If there is even a faint scent that lingers from Sasuke...”

“Yeah... that’s right,” Naruto said. “No way we can give up after coming this far!”

Sakura nodded. Kakashi was right. They couldn’t give up so easily.

“We’ll see this through the end. Until there’s absolutely no trace of Sasuke’s scent,” Kakashi said.

And they did just that. They searched for another hour in the storm, willing for something to appear.

But it was over.

He was gone.

When they all met back up, they knew it was over by the expressions on everyone’s faces.

“We’ve done what we could...” Kakashi said. “Let’s go back to the Hidden Leaf.”

Naruto did his best not to lose it. Sakura could only stare at the ground in frustration. A great pain had settled into her heart, and it spread throughout every inch of her being. A flame that charred her beyond repair.

Sasuke had vanished- most likely in the hands of the enemy. 

She was too late.

——

Sakura stayed in bed all week. Her tears had dried long ago, and she felt like there were no more tears to give.

She was alone.

She closed her eyes, and awoke the next evening. She was sleeping excessive amounts, and she knew it needed to stop. But she simply had no reason to leave her room. What purpose was there...

There was no point. She had failed again.

How could her life turn out this way? Was she doomed to regret more and more as she aged?

Light from the hallway crept into her room as her door opened.

“Sakura... you should take a bath,” her mother said softly.

It was a simple task, but to her, it felt impossible.

“I don’t want to.”

“You’re taking a bath. You’ve been lying on that sheet for days. Do you want to break out from the grease?”

Sakura groaned, and pulled a pillow over her head. But the image of her pores clogging creeped into her mind, and after a few minutes, she couldn’t take it any longer.

She slowly got up, and crept down the hall, arms around her ribcage protectively. She shut the bathroom door behind her firmly, and didn’t bother to look in the mirror, knowing she wouldn’t like what she saw. She started the bath, and spaced out until it was full. She weakly peeled off her old T-shirt and PJ pants, and carefully got in.

She sighed. The water felt good. Her drowsiness had subsided some, and she managed to take a clear breath for the first time in what felt like years. She held her breath and immersed herself completely, her hair soaking it in inch by inch. And she pretended the world didn’t exist.

But still, he followed her there.

He always followed her, wherever she went.

The boy she saw this past year was not him. If couldn’t be. He was a falsity.

Otherwise...

He was no longer him.

Sakura was forced to come up for air, and she gasped. And she stared at the ceiling. She wished she could talk to someone... but she simply couldn’t.

She never could, not when it mattered.

(“_You talk a lot, but you don’t say what is important.”) _

She wondered how Sasori was doing. She worried about him often. Wondering if he was behaving himself... If he was lonely too.

Sai missed him quite a lot. He often asked her when he would be back.

But she couldn’t say. She didn’t know.

She grabbed the soap and scrubbed herself off absentmindedly, taking much longer than needed. Every movement felt like a struggle, as though the emptiness in her mind had manifested as a smog around her form, clogging her lungs. She knew her hair was greasy, and forced herself to wash it. She was once again grateful for its length. She had considered growing it out again multiple times, but it was too much of a hassle...

(“_I heard Sasuke likes girls with long hair!”) _

Sakura smiled slightly. What a silly thing the girls in her class clung to. Sasuke would have never admitted such a thing, and deep down, she knew it, but she was too desperate to care.

Memories of her year as Sasuke’s teammate flooded back into her mind and she was momentarily freed of her sorrow. But then the bridge came back to her... The moment in her life she regretted the most.

She was so useless!

“Why am I so worthless...” she whispered to herself, staring down at her hands. She grew entranced by the distortions in the water, and forgot where she was. Who she was.

If she wasn’t real, she couldn’t hurt. She could simply exist in this limbo, where time did not exist. She could pretend that she had not lost him.

‘_I wasted the time I had with him... And now, he is gone.’ _

Sakura sighed. She was starting to prune, so she forced herself to get out. She shivered, and grabbed for her bathrobe. She then held her breath, and turned to face herself.

There she was, haggard and wet, her pink hair flat against her head, dripping water onto the floor.

Her mother had already placed out her belongings. She picked up her brush, and ran it through her locks, never breaking eye contact with herself. She hated what she saw, but she didn’t back down. As she dried her hair and moisturized her skin, she hated herself less and less.

She was just a girl. Just a person.

But who was she? She used to be sure of herself, of what she stood for, what she was. Now, it was like she had no true face. She was nothing, and she was everything. She was uncertain of her identity now. She only knew that she was not what she wanted to be, and that she had wasted the gifts life had given her.

She hated herself.

She walked back out and immediately went back to her room, shutting the door. Her mother would have to be content with that for the day.

She did feel lighter, but only a little.

She decided it was late, and took a sleeping pill. She needed it.

As she passed by her window, she heard a light tap. She turned around, confused, and saw a familiar person knocking on the glass. She suddenly felt alive again.

“Sasori?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was interesting haha! It was a lot of work to write this all down, cause it was so many episodes wow!  
We got to see Naruto in his room depressed after he got back, but we never see anything from Sakura. She’s so cast aside *sigh*
> 
> Fortunately, her new best friend is back! Warning: heartwarming junk coming up hehe


	37. Pressing on a Bruise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura is glad Sasori is back. Part of her was worried she would never see him again. Or that he never really existed. But he is here in front of her once more, like he was always a part of her life. And she needs him- Is he capable of giving her the support she needs?

That deadpan face staring at her was Sasori, alright. She opened the window, and gawked. His hair was longer. She forgot how pretty he was. It was kind of ridiculous, actually.

“... You came back.”

“Yes. I figured you would be eager for my arrival.”

Sakura could only shake her head in astonishment at his audacity. His unearthly looks were countered by that snobbish attitude of his. And his impatience. And his temper. And his many other faults.

She gave him a small smile. She missed him.

“I’m assuming you just got here?”

“You assumed correctly.”

Sakura thought for a moment. Though she was exhausted both physically and emotionally, a surge of energy swept through her. He came to see her, so she should catch up with him.

“Hey, wait for me on the roof, alright? I’m gonna change.”

He decided against making a quip about her pink bathrobe, and only nodded. He then disappeared.

It was like he was a figment of her imagination. But he was real. She knew he would be on her roof, just as she had asked.

Sakura was too tired to realize how close they had gotten since their first meeting. And she didn’t know that she was his first stop. His familiarity was welcomed without question tonight.

She quickly got dressed into sweatpants and a tank top, jumped out her window, and crawled onto the roof next to her unlikely guest. He seemed oddly relaxed, for him.

“So, what adventures did the great Sasori undergo while I was away?” she yawned, determined to stay awake for him.

“I did what I said I would. I worked on my art and learned more on the village. I went through all of my research. Talked to my uncle.”

He felt no need to tell her about Deidara.

“Good. I’m glad you weren’t taken to a lab.”

Sasori nodded in agreement.

“It would have been a nuisance.”

“Knowing you, you probably would have managed to escape.”

“Probably.”

Sakura smiled once more, and Sasori picked up strange vibes from her. Her smile did not reach her eyes.

“What have you been doing?” Sasori asked.

“Wow, you have gotten polite since the last time I saw you,” Sakura chuckled. He never asked people how they were doing or any sort of question that welcomed light conversation. It seemed like the sort of thing he would deem as a pointless exercise.

“The usual. Missions. That sort of thing,” she answered.

Why was she lying? A part of her wished he would ask, but she knew she was foolish to hope that Sasori was capable of reading people whatsoever in that regard. Or that he would give enough of a damn to care.

She remembered the picture he drew of her. A small ember ignited in her cold chest.

“I... liked the picture you drew of me.”

“... So that’s where it was. Did you steal it?”

His question was not intended to come across as harsh, but Sakura took it that way.

“No, of course not! I think I accidentally stuffed it in my bag when I left, remember?”

The words came out differently than intended. She couldn’t believe how passive aggressive she sounded. Sasori, of course, was taken aback.

“You are as abrasive as always,” he mumbled.

Sakura fumed, unable to hide her turbulence.

“And you’re an asshole, like always!”

He blinked. She was reminding him of a rabid dog, foaming at the mouth. He wasn’t even annoyed by it, only surprised.

“You are behaving irrationally,” he concluded.

Sakura was dumbfounded by his callous deduction, as well as her own actions. Before she could stop it, tears welled in her eyes.

“How can you say that? Can’t you see that I’m...”

Her voice cracked, and Sasori was very much caught off guard from the sudden change in her demeanor.

He only stared at her, hesitant to assume anything. He had never seen her like this. She was always quick to burst, but it was always with anger or disappointment. And if she was sad, she took care to tone it down for him previously. He could always tell.

Sakura quickly wiped her eyes, and sighed, the sound coming out shaky.

“Sorry... I’m just...”

“What.”

“?”

“You’re what.”

His gaze was calm and unrelenting. She knew he had no clue as to what brought this on. She tried to push back her thoughts that explaining it to him would be pointless. Since this was happening, she may as well give him a shot.

She... had never really opened up about this. And now, she was going to try it with Sasori of all people.

“... A lot has happened while you were gone.”

Sasori only stared. She sighed, and thought carefully on how to explain her predicament.

“... My old teammate...”

“Sasuke...” he nodded. Now it was Sakura’s turn to be surprised.

“... Who told you about him?”

“Sai. A while ago.”

“Oh.”

Sai told him? She was curious as to the context. She wondered how long Sasori knew, and how much he knew. The thought that he was privy to her team’s personal drama was embarrassing for some reason. She didn’t know what his take on it was, but she continued on.

”We got news... shortly after I returned from Suna... that he had killed Orochimaru and left... We thought maybe...”

She choked up again. It was embarrassing, showing so much emotion to someone so devoid of it. But Sasori made no sign that he was uncomfortable with her pain. She pressed onward.

”We thought he would come back.”

Sasori furrowed his brows. It comforted her to know he was contemplating the subject deeply.

His next words had no bite to them, but they still rattled her.

”Why did you assume he would come back?”

Sakura gritted her teeth, a hot tear slipping from her eye. She could tell she wouldn’t be recovering her dignity any time soon.

”Because... we... I...”

She started the sentence over, finally mustering up the courage to say it.

“...Because I love him.”

Sasori did not move a single muscle.

”You love him.”

He repeated her words back to her. Sakura nodded.

”I always have... I... confessed to him on the bridge... just before he left. I couldn’t stop him. I couldn’t stop him then, and I couldn’t stop him this time either...”

Sasori said nothing, looking out at the village beneath them. Though he was silent, he had plenty of thoughts on the topic.

Love was a pointless thing... This was always apparent to him.

Before he allowed himself to judge her further, he forced himself to remember his parents. Even he sought it, as Sakura had pointed out to him several times. But wanting it didn’t change that it was illogical. And pointless...

Sakura wrapped her arms around her knees and frowned.

”Every single time we get news on him, I hope... But then... nothing.”

She sighed in despair.

”It’s like I keep pressing on a bruise... It will never go away. Every time I think of him, I’m reminded it’s there...”

He then remembered that she burdened herself with the problems of others’ because she felt it was her duty. It was a concept completely beyond him, but it did not change the fact that it partially explained how she ticked. Sakura did not care if it was pointless, or harmful even, to love. She almost sought to weigh herself down with emotional baggage.

Sakura took her time to collect her thoughts, knowing nothing of the rush of concepts whirling around in Sasori’s mind. His extended silence did not bother her. His mere presence was enough to encourage her to keep talking.

”I always think ‘It will be different this time.’ But it never is. He only gets farther away...”

She closed her eyes, remembering his cruel remarks to Naruto at Orochimaru’s hideout.

He wasn’t the same... Why couldn’t he have just been the same?

”All I ever wanted was to understand him... but he has always been out of my reach.”

”That’s impressive, considering how stubborn you are,” Sasori said, finally speaking up. Sakura smiled, and took a deep breath.

Sasori was being kind to her. This was going better than she could have hoped.

”It’s not like that... I’m different with him.”

He couldn’t imagine her being anything other than a stubborn bull.

”What do you mean?”

“I don’t know... I just... was always afraid he wouldn’t like me. So I pretended to be something I wasn’t...”

Sasori could grasp the concept of faking a personality. But he didn’t expect someone like her to be capable of pulling it off.

”It’s like, the harder I tried to get closer to him, the meaner he was,” she added, her expression forlorn. “I was weak with him. I never... stood up to him.”

Sasori‘s face twitched, revealing his feelings on this newfound information, but she did not catch onto it.

He then wondered how she could supposedly love someone she wasn’t close to. Wasn’t love supposed to be the understanding of one another? Not that he was the expert. In fact, he knew almost nothing at all on the subject. And yet, this set off alarms in him.

”It sounds like he didn’t want you.”

Sakura bit her lip, more tears threatening to surface. Those words were what she told herself constantly, and hearing them from another person left her precariously close to tipping over the edge.

“You... you don’t know that. You’re just saying that to hurt me!”

“...”

He didn’t expect her to lash out at him. He was just stating the obvious.

He then realized he was a fool to assume she would react using logic at this time.

”What evidence proves otherwise?” he asked, his haughty tone still in check. He did not ask her in admittance of a mistake on his part. He was certain he was in the right. But maybe explaining it would finally awaken her to her own naivety.

”... We grew up together. I know he liked being with us- with Naruto...”

She pursed her lips, her eyes burning.

“At first, Sasuke was in a dark place, but it got better after awhile... It got bad again when his brother showed up, but I didn’t know anything at the time. Ah, I’m so worthless...”

She covered her face with her palms, shaking her head. She hated how her voice quivered when she spoke, her throat tight.

”Because you couldn’t stop him?” Sasori asked without emotion.

”Yes...”

Sasori’s mind was swimming with concepts, most of them not fleshed out in the least. Since meeting the girl next to him, new thought processes have been forced into existence. She was a catalyst for many new things in his life. She forced him to accept truths he didn’t know he had buried. But he knew more on this topic than her.

“He didn’t want your help.”

Sakura froze. Where had she heard that before?

It took moments to place it, but she remembered. Lady Tsunade told her that...

“... Are you saying that... it’s not my fault, it’s his?”

Sasori seemed satisfied with that.

”Pretty much.”

”But how can you say that? How can anyone know for sure?”

Sasori considered her questions.

“He took the time to choose.”

That familiar blank expression of his had not left his face throughout their entire encounter, but for a few minuscule shifts here and there. Despite his overall appearance, he was invested in convincing her of his position. He did not know why that was, and he did not think on it.

Sakura knew that the guy next to her could probably relate to Sasuke more than almost anyone else in the village. Maybe that’s why he was being so harsh on him.

“... I understand why he left,” Sakura sighed. “What he went through... it’s unthinkable. I’m... assuming Sai told you.”

“His elder brother killed their entire clan, and he is the sole survivor,” Sasori stated indifferently.

“Yes... So... I just feel like he did want help but... he didn’t know how to ask for it.”

He was so unaccustomed to the pitiful tone in her voice. It was so unlike her, to be so admittedly pathetic.

“I didn’t do enough for him... I was too busy thinking about myself, and what I wanted from him... I wasn’t what he needed. And, after everything...”

She gestured to him.

“I finally felt like... maybe I could make a difference. But he didn’t want anything to do with us. We couldn’t find him...”

Her eyes brimmed with tears once more, and she wrapped her arms around her legs tightly.

“And I fear I am too late now.”

He did not understand the point of worrying about it so much.

”... Fear is pointless. It holds you back,” he replied coldly.

“Sasori, you- Ah...”

She was going to say something, but thought better of it. That response of his was grating on her nerves. As insensitive as expected.

But he did not leave her side this whole time. And he seemed engaged in her ramblings. Months ago, he would never do such a thing for her, or for anyone else.

“... Sasori, do you fear anything... at this moment?”

He didn’t know what this had to do with her issue, but he went ahead and obliged.

“Yes.”

She waited. He tended to take time with his responses to things that required introspection.

“I suppose this not working out would leave me in a bad situation.”

“This?” she asked.

“Yes. My current living arrangements and... connections.”

Sakura’s eyes softened. She wiped her eyes, sniffling. Her voice almost came out as a whimper.

“Do you... want my help?”

Why would she ask such a ridiculous question? What did that have to do with her teammate? And what did she mean by it?

He looked over at her, a seriousness in his expression. Those doe eyes of his stared at her keenly. He then averted his gaze, and sighed in annoyance. She was asking for reassurance again.

“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”

Admitting these things was becoming easier for him. Sakura’s smile made the discomfort worth the trouble.

“I’m glad... you’re here.”

He didn’t dare look at her.

“Happy you don’t have to kill me again?” he mumbled, trying to diffuse the weird feeling in his stomach.

“Well... so far, so good.”

Sakura laughed. It was the kind of laugh one could muster after sobbing. It was uniquely pained. He was distracting her from her predicament, at least.

“Sai missed you, you know,” she said, wanting to change the topic.

“Did he?”

“Yes. He doesn’t like living alone anymore, he said. I told him you would be back.”

Sasori looked up at the beautiful night sky. He gave away nothing, but inwardly smiled.

“He’s not troublesome.”

Sakura giggled, perking up a bit. Focusing on Sasori’s problems was always a good distraction from her own.

“Is that your way of saying you missed him too?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“Hm.”

Sakura furrowed her brows at him. Something about him was different. It was like he couldn’t decide on how he wanted to come across. He went back and forth, between kindness and callousness.

Neither of them said anything for a while. Eventually, Sakura grew embarrassed, remembering how much she cried in front of him.

“... About earlier... Sorry for springing that on you. I guess... I have been bottling it up.”

“I have seen worse.”

Sakura was surprised by that statement. She thought hard on what it could mean. Was he referring to the war?

She chose not to dig for answers, though she still had many questions for him.

“... Thanks for dealing with it. You didn’t have to.”

Sasori only grunted. She smiled, knowing he never knew how to respond to her compliments of his character.

She studied him, and he made a point to avoid looking in her direction. A feeling overtook her suddenly; a sensation of closeness she never felt with him before.

In that moment, Sakura got a strange urge to rest her head on his shoulder.

Instead, she curled around herself. She was nuts to seek emotional support from Sasori of the Red Sand.

“So, if you were me, what would you do?” she asked, wanting to forget what just happened inside her own mind.

“About your situation? I would forget him.”

“... What if you couldn’t,” she mumbled, knowing forgetting Sasuke was out of the question.

“Find him and kill him.”

Sakura groaned.

“Isn’t that... a little extreme?”

“You are asking an extreme person, remember?”

“But why kill him?” she asked incredulously.

“So he doesn’t bother me anymore.”

Sakura was stunned. He had just explained everything about himself. He... killed anyone who got in his way. And he killed those he loved. He made sure no one was left to bother him. It was what he wanted.

But it was also what destroyed him.

“Do you think I’m capable of killing him?” she whispered, horrified by the thought.

“Probably not.”

“So I’m screwed then,” she complained.

“The fact that you can’t kill makes you a terrible ninja, yes. But it means you value human life. It is intriguing.”

“Are you trying to say I should embrace my humanity?”

He said nothing. She wondered what he meant by the word ‘intriguing’, but was more invested in making a case for Sasuke. She wanted Sasori to think that Sasuke had a chance of redemption.

“Naruto isn’t giving up on him... He’s so strong in his beliefs. I don’t know how he does it.”

“Your teammate is an idiot.”

“Yes, but it’s still admirable, don’t you think?” she said with hope. He scoffed.

“You are both terrible ninja.”

Sakura laughed. Sasori wouldn’t let her know, but he was glad she wasn’t crying anymore. He watched her without moving a muscle, wondering why he cared about a trivial thing such as her emotional state.

“So you aren’t going to kill him,” he said. She shook her head with a smile, knowing he was messing with her.

“I think I’ll pass.”

“I see.”

Sasori had greatly improved her mood. For the first time, she noticed how clear the air smelled, how good the cool breeze felt on her skin, and how warm he felt beside her, with their arms almost touching. To an outsider, they were two friends enjoying the evening weather. And in a way, they were.

She felt like talking to him helped. But she knew her problems had not gone away. They were waiting for her everywhere she went.

“I don’t expect this to be fixed tonight... I’ve been trying to get over him for years now. I just feel... like I’m stuck in a rut, if that makes sense,” Sakura said in an attempt to explain her plight.

Sasori thought back to his life at home.

“I can imagine.”

“I want to move on though. Most of me does.”

It was true. If her feelings for Sasuke went away, she would be relieved of her burden. Sometimes she begged whatever was listening to take away her love for him. But it never went away. There was nothing to fill the void he once did.

And part of her clung to the blissful memories they shared back during better days. She knew she overplayed them in her mind, over and over again. And every time she did, they grew more distorted, more perfect- to the point where Sasuke was no longer himself. He was copied and pasted, each time more distorted, more appealing. An unachievable ideal.

“You will never move on if you show mercy on your weaknesses,” Sasori said.

So brutal. But she knew he was right. He usually was.

“How do I know which part of me is the weakness?” she asked.

It was a question she asked herself often. Was it right of her to forget Sasuke? Not just romantically, but as a friend. Was it better to face the possibility that he would remain her enemy forever?

Or was Naruto right to pour his forgiveness onto him endlessly? Should she follow his lead, and blindly continue forward in hopes that Sasuke will return to them as he once was?

“... I suppose you will eventually find out.”

Sasori wanted to give his automatic answer, which was of course, that forgiveness was a weakness. But her generosity and trust was why he was sitting beside her. He could not deny that because of her reckless faith in him, he felt alive for the first time in a almost a decade.

Her forgiveness was not pointless.

“I guess you’re right,” Sakura sighed. “I just wish I could care without feeling like this.”

“...”

He knew better than anyone that without pain, one could not feel happiness. He had dulled himself to his own emotions, including his own joy. And he thought he was fine that way. He would have continued to think that, if it weren’t for her. And Sasori still struggled greatly with opening himself up to experiencing emotion. He didn’t know if he would ever be quite like her, or if he even wanted to be. But...

“You know...” Sakura said, bringing his attention back to the present. She shifted herself to turn towards him more, and he glanced over at her expectantly. “I never expected to be talking to you about my problems.”

“... And I never expected to be in an alternate dimension where I’m old and dead.”

He replied so swiftly and with such wit. She laughed once again, a twinkle back in her eye.

Sasori didn’t mind her laugh. In fact, he rather enjoyed it. He found himself seeking it out.

“You’re... not so bad, Sasori.”

Something about her tone felt final. He narrowed his eyes. What was the implication of that?

When she saw his confusion, she did her best to reword it.

“What I mean is, it’s good that you’re back. I missed having you around.”

As expected, he looked way from her abruptly. She caught a twinge of a strange look on his face for a split second before he managed to cover it. She decided to compliment him more often from then on. He needed more positive feedback, even if it mortified him.

“Here, lie back with me. Let’s stargaze. It’s really beautiful out tonight.”

He could only nod in silence. He felt odd. He couldn’t help but feel some sort of decision had been made in her mind, but he had no idea what it was. He disliked that, of course, but something prevented him from asking.

He copied her as she laid back completely, her head resting against the roof shingles. She stretched her arms above her head and sighed in contentment. He could only fiddle his fingers, his hands resting on his stomach.

Neither of them knew what the future would bring for them. But tonight, time didn’t exist. It was just them, and they were ok with that.

And they watched the stars together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sasori doing his best!  
Sasori: I’m back, time to have a lighthearted time with Sakura  
Sakura: *a hot mess*  
Sasori: Ok! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, I wanted Sakura to have a conversation like this about Sasuke for years and never got one! So here it is, with the person who challenged her the most!


	38. Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori and Sakura enjoy relaxing on her roof. He gives her some good news to counteract the bad.

“What’s that one?”

“That’s Aries, The Ram,” Sasori replied with ease.

“Oh, I’m an Aries,” Sakura said with excitement.

“... You are very much like a ram,” he said. He knew little about zodiac nonsense, but his uncle had taught him star constellations and positions when he was young. Another hidden source of knowledge he possessed.

Sakura smacked him, and he did his best to smother a smug grin.

“Hey!”

“I never said it was an insult,” he offered.

“But it was.”

“Yes, it was.”

She fumed, and he ignored the death glare she was giving him. She so wanted to smack him again, but the twinkle in his eye stopped her. She could tell he was enjoying this.

Sakura did not expect Sasori to actually know something about space. But of course he did. He was... kind of a nerd, she realized.

“...What about those?” she asked, pointing to a cluster of stars next to the ones she picked out previously.

“Those are the Pleiades,” he answered calmly.

“And that one?”

She quickly pointed again at some random star that would undoubtably be assigned to some constellation. He could tell she was just challenging him at this point, to see if he really knew everything.

“That is part of Triangulum.”

“A triangle?”

“Yes,” Sasori said, lifting his arm to connect the dots.

“Oh, now I see it,” she exclaimed. “Wow, I should learn more about this. It’s kind of fun.”

Sasori was pleased that she enjoyed his interests. While Sakura would likely never see the joys of puppet-making, she could appreciate a good poison, and random scientific facts. She was interested in the caves too. In fact, Sakura was not hard to entertain in the least.

“I didn’t expect you to know this sort of thing,” she confessed.

“It can be useful while traveling,” he commented. “As a ninja, it is good to recognize your surroundings.”

“So technical. And here I thought you just liked looking at them.”

“It is a bonus.”

The two of them had inched closer to each other, to better see where their fingers were pointing at. Her chest felt light, forgetting her sorrow. For some reason, when all she could see was the open sky, she could pretend she wasn’t on earth. She could be anywhere.

Sasori briefly looked over at her, and immediately turned his face forward once more when he realized how close she was. He was considering something. After another moment of contemplation, he decided to go ahead and say it.

“... I... have a job.”

Sakura looked over at him, and grinned.

“Wait, really? The legal kind, I hope.”

Sasori nodded, choosing to ignore her quip. He had a reason for mentioning it, and didn’t want any distractions.

“The Kazekage-“

“You ran into him? And he didn’t recognize you?” she asked nervously.

“No. Don’t interrupt. Back to my point-“

He was so rude. She felt a mix of entertainment and offense fill her, and pushed them both down to listen.

“He commissioned me.”

Sasori then waited, and Sakura realized it was now ok to speak.

“As an artist?” she asked, dolling up her surprised tone for his benefit. She could tell that he was eager to tell her about this, since he went out of his way to bring it up.

“Yes. He... wants me to make a statue... in my grandmother’s honor.”

He had a hard time verbalizing it, but he felt relief that he had managed. He then watched Sakura‘s eyes widen.

Sakura was truly astonished. A strange noise escaped her throat, and she took a deep breath before trying to form her words.

“What?!”

Sasori blinked, slightly startled. He wasn’t expecting that level of a reaction from his job description.

“He asked you to... to sculpt Lady Chiyo?” Sakura asked, sitting up on her elbow to look down at him. Her eyes were wide with that tenderness he admired.

It was... the expression he wanted; he much preferred it to those she made earlier.

“Yes.”

Sakura made a ‘wow’ with her mouth, and then let out a surprised laugh. She pushed her bangs out of her face, shaking her head.

“That’s... crazy! How... how did that even work out like that?” she asked with another laugh.

She then looked back down at him. He was staring intently at her. She could have sworn he looked happy.

“It was a coincidence, I believe,” Sasori replied cooly with those half-lidded eyes of his. Sakura resisted the urge to hug him, and settled for grabbing him by the upper arms. She shook him with excitement, and he could feel his bones crying out for mercy from her iron grip, but he did not complain. Despite his sudden whiplash, he could see the grin on her face continue to spread as the concept settled in her mind.

Sakura practically squealed. Sasori was going to sculpt his grandmother??

“This is amazing!” she said, imagining the end product. “It’s...”

Suddenly, she teared up again, and Sasori opened his mouth, worried this news had somehow upset her. She saw his confusion, and she shook her hand. She then wiped her eyes, still smiling.

“I’m not upset... It’s just... This makes me so happy...”

Her voice was strained from the incredible tonic of emotions she was experiencing all at once. The thought of Sasori actually working as an artist was not something that had really occurred to her before. And the fact that Gaara cared enough to memorialize Lady Chiyo in itself meant a lot to her. Gaara really did care...

Sasori was pleased that the news had distracted her further from what was weighing on her mind, even though her excitement sometimes led to physical injury.

“Sasori, this is so exciting! It will be beautiful!”

“I have never worked with stone before,” he said quietly, simply taking in the crazed look in her green eyes.

“You’ll do great! If anyone should do it, it should be you! You’re an amazing artist!”

She was practically bouncing, completely sitting up now with her hands clasped together. She was complimenting his work again. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

“And Gaara didn’t know, but she’s... well, you know! She’s your grandmother!”

“Yes, she is,” Sasori said, remaining still with his hands resting on his stomach as though moving would freak her out further.

“And you said yes!” Sakura added, wanting to cry again. She was very fragile tonight, due to her waterworks earlier. Since they had poured out of her, it was easier than ever for them to return.

She pushed the tears back, and tried her best not to think on it too deeply. Every time she recalled Lady Chiyo, she felt grief. But for the first time, that sadness was overthrown by something positive.

When she got silent, Sasori wondered if she had a brain aneurysm. But then he realized that she was, undoubtedly, thinking about his grandmother.

“... I’m supposed to go back in the spring. I told them I was busy until then,” he offered, trying to settle her. She broke out of her reverie, and smiled once more as she crawled closer to him on her knees.

“And you’re getting payed?” she asked.

“40,000 ryo.”

“40-40,000 ryo?!” Sakura stuttered. “That’s...! That’s the rate for an A rank mission!”

The money really got her blood pumping. He wanted to laugh at her.

He had completed 29 A rank missions in total, as well as 10 S-rank ones. He made a fair amount for himself as a jounin in Sunagakure, despite their fair-weather economy. He was one of their top paid ninja at the time.

“I could buy so much dessert with that...” she mumbled, stars in her eyes.

“I’m glad to see that your priorities are straight,” he replied. She rolled her eyes.

“And you’ll have money again! You can stop mooching off of me!”

Sasori frowned at her. She giggled.

“That was a joke. I’m more than happy to feed you.”

“I found plenty at my hideout, remember? You are free of your burden.”

She leaned back down, resting her hand on her cheek as she faced him.

“You’re like an old miser. I bet you saved all of it.”

“That is the intellectual thing to do, yes,” he said, sighing. “I will pay you back.”

Sakura pursed her lips, not liking that one bit.

“No way. I wanted to do it. It will be enough of a reward to see your work finished,” she said, her voice softening at the end.

Sasori still intended to return what she had spent on him- he disliked owing favors. And he didn’t want her to realize he owed her anything. The more he thought on it, the more he remembered her doing for him. She was like a hurricane of affections. And aggression...

He sighed, and feigned defeat.

“... Very well.”

She smiled, showing off her teeth. He was close enough to take note of her good dental hygiene. In fact, he had never been this close to her during a conversation. It was like she was determined to test his sense of personal space.

But he did not mind it. Mostly because she smelled good.

“... I still can’t believe you got hired by the Kazekage to sculpt your grandmother,” Sakura mumbled, finally lying completely on her back. Sasori said nothing. He had said what he wanted to say.

“... Did you ever look at the stars with Lady Chiyo?” she suddenly asked with a yawn. As expected, she had decided to hound him on his personal life some more.

“... When I was young. My uncle was the one who really enjoyed it.”

“That’s so nice...” she said, staring up at the sky. She tried to remember which stars belonged to what constellation.

Sasori pressed his lips together into a thin line, being forced to recall more of the good times he had with his grandmother. There were more good memories than he remembered. Until recently, he had only bothered to count the bad ones.

“You’re gonna do such an amazing job,” she said in a hushed tone. She had finally calmed down.

“...”

The two settled, the conversation dying down to leave them in a comfortable silence. Neither of them wanted to move, or end the night.

Sasori had eventually lost track of time. He had not been this relaxed in... well. Ever. For once, he felt like his life wasn’t spiraling out of control. He had tied up loose ends at home, discovered all of his research, and honed new skills in the past few weeks. No one knew he existed, and nothing was expected of him: not really. He had been cooped up in Kohona for months before, but only now did it feel like a vacation to him. For once, he wasn’t bored, or inclined to seek control over everything.

He felt free. He would never want to admit it, but opening up to Sakura in Suna helped him. Things that silently ate at his soul no longer dominated his every thought. He wasn’t constantly dwelling on how to kill, or how to better carve into the dead.

For once, he could breathe.

He did not even mind lying around doing nothing on Sakura’s roof, which would normally be seen as a waste of time. Maybe it was simply because she told him to stay with her. She was so honest with what she wanted. He could never be so forthcoming with what he wanted. Not like her.

He recalled how she sounded as she sobbed in front of him. It was such a contrast to their lighthearted conversation moments ago. But it took effort to console her. Not that he actively attempted to...

Maybe he...

No, he did not worry. Sakura was fine. She was-

He looked over at her. She was fast asleep.

‘_I guess I shouldn't leave her on the roof...'_ he grumbled to himself. He then thought of what would happen, if people in the streets saw her passed out on a roof the next morning. It made him smile.

Despite the temptation to leave her, he leaned over and stared down at her with the intention of waking her. Even asleep, she looked... pained.

Sakura was really upset earlier. He himself had experienced many tragedies with people who were supposed to be close to him. But he did not react like she did. She cared so violently. It was in her tears, and in her voice. And it was all over her face...

He got lost in her sleeping face, contemplating many things. Like what he was doing back in Kohona. What he wanted.

Why did he come back?

He realized the amount of time he was watching her would be considered uncomfortable to most, so he sighed, and leaned away from her.

“Sakura, wake up."

If anything, she fell deeper into her dreams, mouth slightly agape.

“You are hopeless," he grumbled, not hesitating to flick her on the nose. She stirred, her face contorted in irritation.

‘Let me sleep..." she groaned, adjusting herself slightly. Soon, she was snoring.

“You are on the roof of your house," he muttered to her. She made no move. It was almost like she was drugged.

"Are you... on sleeping medication?" he asked, hoping the answer would be no. To his dismay, she nodded her head, eyes closed.

“I'm so tired, Sasori..." she whispered dejectedly, and reached out for him. Her hand found his shirt, and she gave it a tug. She then passed out once more.

Sasori had taken medication to sleep in the past. As it was, he barely slept 6 hours per night. But once in awhile, he couldn't rest a minute to save his life. A lot of ninja took it to help recover after missions, to ignore the pain from their wounds. Or to rest their minds from whatever they needed a break from.

The fact that she took something meant that she was putting herself out of her misery. And he had interrupted her by visiting her tonight.

“You want to stay on the roof," he said, half to himself.

"Take me... back..." she breathed. She tugged on his shirt once more.

Did she seriously want him to carry her?

“You are pathetic," he hissed, visibly annoyed. But he did as she asked, and scooped her up. She flopped like a fish, and he grabbed her arm to swing it over his shoulder.

"Help me, or I will dump you."

She groaned, but held on. He swiftly stood up and jumped down, using his chakra threads to swing through her open window with ease. As soon as he spotted her disheveled bed, he threw her. She landed, rather ungracefully, onto the sheets with a thud. And she was as still as a corpse. He studied her, surrounded by disarrayed sheets and pillows, and figured that was good enough for her.

As he turned around, ready to head home, she stirred.

“What, are you leaving already?" Sakura whined. She was mumbling her words in exhaustion with a loopy look in her eyes.

“What reason is there to stay? You sound drunk."

“I don't want to be alone," she whined, eyes still closed.

“You're not. Your parents are in the other room."

“You know what I mean!" she groaned. "Please, stay... I... want to ask you something."

Her words, despite being slurred, came out coherently.

“What do you want to know?" he asked, unimpressed.

“Who is Chika?"

That caught him off guard.

He assumed it was around 11 pm. A part of him wanted to go home and sleep. He had literally just arrived after a full day of traveling, and he was tired. But he simply could not help but entertain her prodding. He could never figure out why, when personal questions typically made him want to commit murder.

“... Are you sure you can even have a serious conversation right now?" he finally asked.

“Yes... I've just been wondering for so long... She was your teammate, but you never talked about her..."

He sighed, and ran his fingers through his hair. She asked questions at the worst times... He didn’t even know what brought this on. Did talking about his grandmother somehow cause her to dwell on the rest of his past?

"Sit," she slurred, patting the edge of her bed sloppily. He disliked how intimate that option was, and settled for leaning against the window sill. She frowned, but said nothing.

“Why did you ask about her?" he asked, crossing his arms. His gaze was solemn.

"... When I was told you took her... I wondered why.”

Was she waiting the entire month to harass him about things like this?

He remained silent for another minute. She was about to drift off to sleep once more, but then he spoke.

"She had a unique set of skills."

"Right... She had a kekkei genkai... A snow and ice user," she said sleepily. "That's the only reason?"

“Why wouldn't it be?"

Sakura yawned before she could reply.

"... Did you like her?"

Sasori hated it when young people used that word in a vague context.

"Meaning?"

“You know... Were you friends? Something more?"

Sasori stiffened at the thought of Chika in a romantic context.

“No."

“No to friends or more?" she asked.

“Both."

Sakura blinked, thinking.

“Oh... So you didn't like her?"

“No."

He offered nothing else. But Sakura always had more to say.

“... Do you know why the future you killed her?"

"..."

He did find a few notes related to Chika in his hideout. And he knew that he killed her in that very cave, according to his records. It was apparent that his hatred for her only grew after he defected. And he knew that because of the information her official file offered. It told him what she became.

“Chika was a rabid dog. She despised traitors."

"... Oh, so she went after you?"

“It is likely."

Sakura laughed. Sasori stared at her in confusion.

"She must have been really strong, if she thought she could kill you," she chuckled with a dazed gleam in her eye. Sasori rolled his eyes, but felt a smirk on his lips. Drugged Sakura was even more blunt than ever, and apparently quite humorous as well.

“She was. Not as strong as I was at that point, but we were an elite team for a reason,” he replied, remembering how well they worked together in battle. When they weren’t at each other’s throats, they made a deadly duo. Of course, Komushi was not on par with them, but he did have his own set of skills. And...

He put away his memories of his Sensei, the Third. In general, all of his memories left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“... Why did she hate you so much?"

“She always did. Since she was deprived of the worship she demanded of me."

‘_Is that his way of saying she was a drama queen?_' Sakura wondered.

“Chika was a psychopath,” Sasori stated calmly, recognizing her inquisitive expression.

Sakura widened her eyes. Out of all the possibilities, that was not one she had considered.

“You mean like y-“

“You will say nothing,” he growled, knowing what she was thinking by the way she opened her mouth. Of course, she ignored his demand, and continued with her original statement.

“But you became one too.”

He knew that.

“We aren’t talking about me. You asked about my teammate.”

Sakura wondered why he would call Chika that. Did he think she was worse than him?

Sasori had never heard Sakura call him that before. He understood the Sasori she knew was truly detached from humanity. A true monster. But hearing it still made his chest feel tight.

“She was... bad?” Sakura whispered.

“She would take great pleasure in breaking off your limbs after freezing them,” he said. “And then she would probably skewer you. It was a hobby of hers.”

Sakura gulped.

“... Wow. Was she... I mean. Did she have trouble expressing herself like you do?”

He was amazed by her audacity. She was so blunt with the way she referred to him. First, she said he was a psychopath, and now she was saying he was emotionally stunted. He let out a small sigh.

“No. She certainly didn’t.”

Sakura tried to put all of the pieces he gave her together.

“... So... a bully?"

“I was never bullied."

Sakura said nothing. She picked up on the fact that he assumed she meant Chika bullied him specifically.

And he was lying about it. When she looked into him after Lady Chiyo's passing, she found dirt from back even into the academy days. Ebizō distinctly said when he was young, he was quiet, but kind. And after his parents... he was a loner at school. He likely did it to himself, but she didn't doubt the other students abandoned him.

She knew, after seeing her file last month, that Chika and Sasori grew up together. Maybe Chika knew him before he became... what he was. Maybe she helped make him into what he was.

Suddenly, something he said to her that night in his hideout came to her mind.

(“_When the war started, I was already a pariah. I was untouchable in many ways.”) _

A pariah. The word created such a powerful image. Of course Sasori would never think he was bullied. But that didn’t mean people his age treated him with decency.

(“_I had heard people call me... Of The Red Sand. It wasn’t... a compliment.”) _

"What were you like in acadamy?" she whispered, collecting the covers to wrap herself up. As she made herself comfortable, Sasori couldn’t help but feel he was telling her a bedtime story. Why did she get so much entertainment out of his life?

“I did what was asked of me."

"... No friends?"

Sasori frowned, as if disgusted by the concept.

“Not needed."

Sakura was happy he was talking to her, but she wanted him to dive a little deeper.

"... Even before your parents died?"

Her voice was so, so soft, like butter. Her droopy eyes were clouded with fatigue, but a sharpness was still there, behind the blurriness. He prevented himself from staring at her too long.

“..."

Her question brought back even more unwanted memories.

"The word 'friend' is used too lightly in society," he grumbled, closing his eyes. She only waited for more. He sighed yet again. “Why are you asking?"

“Your uncle Ebizō said you were sweet... You were always quiet, even back then... But you were a good kid."

“He told you that?"

She nodded, and yawned. But she still looked determined to know more. Sasori rested his head against the window, and inwardly groaned at her unbridled curiosity and nosiness.

"I suppose... I could have been interpreted that way once."

“So what happened?" she asked.

“My parents died."

His tone was a bit more curt than before. She didn't want to make him upset; she knew she was asking him a lot of personal questions. It was amazing he wanted to answer them. But then again, Sasori rarely rejected her attempts to get to know him better these days.

"You're still sweet sometimes," she offered. He could tell by her expression that she wasn't messing with him.

“You have never described me that way."

"I still think it."

He felt a weird twist in his stomach from that. He didn't know what it was.

“You were such a cute kid..." she sighed, burying the side of her face in her pillow. "It's a shame."

“Are you implying that I'm ugly now?" he asked, confused and slightly aghast from her rudeness. She giggled.

“No, I meant it's a shame... that you felt you couldn't be sweet anymore. You are still pretty cute."

Sasori felt a heat in the tops of his ears. Sakura was only embarrassed for only a single, fleeting second, too sleepy to care.

“You are too tired to think clearly, so I will take my leave,” he mumbled, wishing he was buried alive. She did not seem to pick up on his embarrassment, only pouting at his announcement.

“Will... you still be here tomorrow?"

"... Yes."

It was a stupid question. He had told her he was coming to stay.

“Will you come see me again?"

He paused. What did she mean?

"I always visited you. I... had fun earlier, on the roof, I mean."

“When you were crying?" he asked, brow raised. She chucked a pillow at him.

"After that, you dope! I'm trying to tell you that you made me feel better. It was... nice.

“Sweet," she corrected herself, giving him a wide grin. The heat in his ears spread to his cheeks.

She was too familiar with him. His thoughts kept screaming that over and over again.

"So... you want me in your room again? It doesn't seem very appropriate."

She was amazed by the things that he thought were improper. She smiled.

“My parents have been wanting to redo dinner night with you. Why don't you have dinner with us?"

Another invitation to a social gathering. But he was actually glad that she offered. He was... hoping she would ask again.

“Sure."

Sakura could tell he was in a good mood. She stared at him intensely to commit the moment to memory. All of the attention was making him uncomfortable, and he shifted his weight awkwardly.

He looked so odd in her room, and she couldn’t place why. Of course, part of it was that Sasori looked out of place anywhere, him being from a different time and all. But it wasn’t that...

“Oh... that’s it,” she sleepily said to herself.

“What?” he asked, wondering if she was completely out of it.

“I’ve never had a boy in my room before,” she said, closing her eyes. She was so tired...

“... Are you implying something...?” he asked, genuinely unsure of her point, if she even had one.

“What do you mean?”

“A-... Never mind,” he said, thinking better of saying what was on his mind. She just needed to sleep.

When he made his move to leap out her window, she called to him again.

“Wait!”

“What?” he barked, annoyed.

“I want my pillow back.”

“The one you threw at me?”

“Yeah...”

She wasn’t even really awake at this point. He sighed, and bent over to pick up the decorative pillow that was pitifully lying on the floor. He then handed it to her.

She managed to open her eyes once more, and their eyes caught each other. She gave him an unfiltered smile that made him tense.

“Goodnight, Sasori...”

And just like that, she was passed out, pillow clutched tightly in her arms.

He never knew what to make of her. She certainly wasn’t ladylike... Even if she went out of her way to look put together, she always managed to ruin the illusion of elegance. There was an awkward bluntness to her... but he didn’t dislike it.

He then left, leaving her window open. Her curtains flowed with the night breeze, and Sakura slept soundly for the first time in days.

(Bonus: Chika design)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha, I know the zodiac is a canon thing in Naruto, which is funny to think about, cause that means the Greeks exist in the Naruto verse. But hey, random knights were in a movie, so who knows! 
> 
> Ok, so at this point Sasori has a crush on her. Can you tell by the “strange feeling in his stomach”? ;D  
But he of course would not recognize this. He is very slow.  
Also I would expect Sasori to like her pretty quickly, since she is the only connection he has and she’s a pretty girl.  
And Sakura is feeling attraction to him too, at this point, but is also unaware of it. Remember last chapter when she got a random urge to rest her head on his shoulder?
> 
> Eeee I’m so giddy now that I got to write some fluff. Hope you guys enjoyed this! I sure had fun writing it! There are so many little things I would love to draw from this chapter. Another is him pointing up at a star and their heads next to each other haha. Also her in a pile of blankets and pillows and him going “why do I feel like I’m telling her a bedtime story?”  
They are so cute <3 
> 
> Also my bio of Chika is not finalized, but it’s a start! I had already changed her outfit a bit since I made this sheet (i added a big bow in the back to make her fancy)
> 
> Ahhhh also I will answer all of your comments asap! I had a busy month but am free now to comment!


	39. True Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori dwells on Sakura’s place in his new life. Sai reveals something that could cause problems.

Sasori stared down at the sink, his mind foggy from the long hours of travel and socialization.

He sighed, and analyzed his face. He had shaved the day before and nothing new had surfaced, which pleased him. Facial hair made him look, in his own words, disgusting, due to lack of consistency- not that more facial hair would encourage a different response. Sasori strived to look like he was one of his works. Imperfections were to be eradicated.

He leaned forward to splash cool water onto his face, and let out a deep sigh. When he opened his eyes and studied his appearance, he decided he looked older.

He had been very busy during the past month, which was different from the one previous to it. It felt good to have something to do, but it was also nice to know he could finally sleep comfortably.

A noise outside caught his attention. Sai was home.

“Sateki, are you here?” he heard Sai ask with veiled glee. Sasori sighed once more, this time out of irritation, and wiped the remainder of the water on his skin with a dry towel.

“Yes,” he said simply, pushing his hair out of his eyes. It was time for a haircut. He walked out of the bathroom, and spotted Sai placing groceries down on the counter.

“I am happy you are back,” Sai said with a closed smile on his face that did not match the level of earnestness in his voice. Sasori looked away from him, and scoffed. He refused to reply to such a sentence.

Despite his lack of enthusiasm, Sai continued to beam, and talk with spirit.

“Sakura said you would be back soon! It has been lonely without you!”

Sasori hated how he could just blurt such things out. He was worse than Sakura...

“Hm,” he mumbled, walking to his room. He just wanted to sleep...

“Do you want anything?” Sai called, still brimming with joy.

“I am tired. Do not wake me,” Sasori grumbled, closing his door behind him. He was once again surrounded by silence.

He stared at the room he was given 3 months prior. It was not intended to be a bedroom- Sai’s art supplies coated the walls. But Sai had given him drawer space, and cleared the floor for him. He was very... accommodating.

Sasori relaxed his shoulders in relief. This was where he was most comfortable.

He pulled out his futon, and set it on the mats, almost sluggishly. He then collapsed onto the sheets, and buried himself under them. Not wanting to get up, he used a chakra thread to flip the light switch. It was now dark, and he could finally rest...

He thought on Sakura. He had not seen her in almost a month. She looked... not like herself.

But the longer he spoke to her, the more she came out of that exhaustion. He had never seen her look like that before. She was always bubbly, or flat out angry. If she was sad, she did her best to conceal it, for whatever reason. He assumed it was for his sake. But this was different... An air of melancholy enveloped her, like she was sitting in it for days. It didn’t suit her at all.

Sasori did not care much for this Sasuke Uchiha, but the negative feeling was minor. He did not bother with other peoples’ emotional baggage in an intimate way, because it did not interest him. He enjoyed having dirt on everyone he met, but he despised hearing it from the horse’s mouth. He was expected to show sympathy, something he felt incapable of giving. Until recently, that is.

Her blubbering didn’t appear to annoy him anymore. Perhaps it was because she had opened up to him in a way he was unfamiliar with. After all, Sakura never talked about her issues. Not that she really had any. She lived a spoiled life.

She obviously felt guilty for this Sasuke’s choices. Because of love? Preposterous. Did she attach herself to every living thing on this earth? Her empathy only caused her pain. In fact, she was creating problems by caring.

He felt differently about her than he did before their trip to Sunagakure. He had to face it. So much happened in those 3 days... And she was there with him for all of it. As usual, he told himself it was her problem that she cared, but he understood that he cared about her too. He understood that he cared when she voiced concern that he would reject her... And he realized he had not even thought of that as an option. Leaving Sakura was no longer feasible to him.

And he hated that, but being by himself, traveling... he found himself wishing to confide in her. Or to at least hear her opinions on shallow topics. After spending weeks training alone in that cave with that thing below him, seeing her innocent face brought him great relief.

She was comfortable to him, despite her pushy nature. She was as comfortable to him as this room.

He sighed, and adjusted his pillow as he turned to his side. He felt almost jarred by how upset she was. She never cried in front of him like that before... And he didn’t feel uncomfortable in the least by it. Sakura’s wide arrangement of emotions were becoming commonplace to him at this point. He was so used to her being beside him...

The memory of the feeling of her arms around him that night in Suna came to him and he shifted his weight uncomfortably. His mind took him to that moment often, especially after dark when he had nothing to distract himself with. His body suddenly felt warm, remembering how she consoled him.

(“_You are not broken.”_)

She took it upon herself to hold onto him then. He must have felt grateful for it. That was the only explanation for how he acted tonight.

When he left her, she looked happy again. He wasn’t used to having a positive effect on people. But she always made him feel like he was wanted.

He was glad he was back. He never thought he would view Kohona of all places as his sanctuary. But he was really warming up to the place. And the people...

Exhaustion finally overtook him, and he fell into a deep sleep.

——

When Sasori awoke, it was late. He had slept around 10 hours, which was a lot to him, but he felt rested nonetheless. He yawned and pushed his lengthy hair out of his face, enjoying the lack of sweat on his brow. It was cooler outside than usual- he always left his window cracked open, and the air blowing inside was refreshing. The sound of birds chirping had become background noise to him since he had lived in Kohona for many months, but after spending so much time away in the desert, it stood out again.

When he got up, the stretching of his spine earned several loud pops. Memories of the night before flooded in, and he felt flushed. Sakura had been overly complimentary.

(“_You are still pretty cute.”_)

What was he supposed to say so such a ridiculous statement??

He then remembered that he had forgotten to return her journal. When he went to her place, he had several reasons to see her, one of them simply being that he WANTED to see her. More than anything, that fact bothered the hell out of him. But his legs would not listen, and he still found himself outside her window.

When she burst like a balloon in front of him, he had completely forgotten about his original plans. He had hoped to tell her about his core. He had a lot to tell her in general. Only one of the events had been mentioned, and it made her cry even more.

Granted, he had brought that up because it would make her emotional. More of his strained attempts to console her. Because that was what he was doing. He could not deny that any longer.

He groaned. Last night was weird for him. He had never wasted so much time having conversation with someone just for the sake of it. And he never enjoyed talking as much as he did then.

Her reaction to his new job was more than he could have ever expected. Thinking of it gave him those strange pains in his stomach. He was experiencing them often.

He liked being around her.

She had asked him if he had any friends growing up. The answer was certainly no. Especially if these feelings were part of what it was like to have a friend. He never had a desire to seek people his age out, especially for their company. Komushi sought him out all the time, and made every attempt to be a friend. The thought now made Sasori grimace.

Komushi would have helped Sasori if he were still alive currently, no questions asked. Komushi would have done anything for him. Komushi... in a way, was a friend.

Sasori did not want to think on him any longer. He was desperately thirsty, and headed into the living room in search of a glass.

As he poured himself some water, he heard his roommate’s door open and close.

Sai was a friend, right? He did not mind Sai’s company. But he did not feel the same way around him as he did with Sakura. Perhaps it was because he was closer with her.

He ignored the sound of footsteps approaching him, and gulped down the entire glass with eagerness. As he wiped his mouth and turned the faucet to refill it, Sai spoke. What he said almost made Sasori jump.

“You’re actually him, aren’t you.”

Sasori froze, his mind calculating the most likely insinuation in Sai’s abrupt claim. He then slowly turned around.

Sai was standing in the middle of the room, with a serious look on his pale face. Despite this, his tone had not been harsh, merely decisive, and his stance was not threatening. Because of his demeanor, Sasori almost thought he had come to the wrong conclusion as to his meaning. But that theory was disproved immediately.

“You are Sasori of the Red Sand.”

Sasori said nothing, but his eyes narrowed as he instinctively sized him up. He had no idea what brought this on, but his only concern was what Sai’s plans were.

“You aren’t attacking,” Sasori noted.

While Sasori was growing increasingly more suspicious, Sai remained calm and unbothered. Still, his eyes gleamed with sobriety at the situation. He knew Sasori was considering his options, most of them unpleasant in nature.

“You have not changed from moments ago. Your name does not represent your character.”

Sasori lowered his guard, still perplexed. It was apparent that Sai only intended to talk.

“...How did you know?”

Sai then tilted his head slightly. “You just admitted it. I was not certain until just now.”

Sasori could not believe he fell for such an old trick. He was too distracted.

“After last night, I had gathered enough cause to confront you directly. I have been suspecting for awhile now.”

Sasori did not know what happened last night, but he assumed he would have time to ask everything that came to his mind.

“Why?”

“Sakura was immersed in books on time travel. She was also engrossed in Sunagakure history, and your clan in particular. Sakura may be an avid reader, but she does not invest in nonfiction without practical cause.”

Sasori snorted. Sakura certainly had an affinity for silly novels, but she was a good researcher as well.

“And you came to the conclusion that I’m Sasori himself.”

“You look like him, sound like him, and act like him. You have the same abilities as him. I had also collected a sample of your DNA, and it matches perfectly with that of Sasori of the Red Sand’s. Which all work with the clone theory, so I was satisfied with it for a time. But Sakura’s story was not concise. For example, your skill set and weaponry are too alike to the real Sasori.”

“... How do you know about my abilities?”

“I have seen the puppets you work on in your room. Some of them are the ones Kankurō from Sunagakure uses. And you used a chakra thread to turn off your light last night.”

“...”

Sasori disliked that. He was spying on him? And he didn’t notice?

Sai picked up on his unspoken questions, and Sasori watched as a black mouse crawled up his roommate’s arm. It rested on his shoulder.

“My jutsu allows me to make my drawings sentient.”

“I see.”

It was an interesting ability; he could not deny it.

He then realized he still did not know much about Sai. It wasn’t that he didn’t look into him. It was just that most of his papers were redacted, or missing altogether.

“I could still be a clone of Sasori,” Sasori said, wanting to know how he could distinguish them from each other.

“As I said, Sakura has been investing in time travel, which is... odd. I followed her, and discovered she was looking into a particular anomaly in that abandoned lot. I then remembered she said something once about finding you passed out there. At the time, I did not know what was really going on.”

“Still merely coincidence,” Sasori offered.

“She also talks to herself.”

“...”

Sasori figured Sai would eventually discover their secret. Sakura was not good with secrets.

“What do you plan to do now?” Sasori asked.

“Nothing,” Sai said, smiling. Sasori glared at him.

“You expect me to believe that?”

“Sakura brought you to me, and I promised I would look after you. As I have said, nothing has changed other than your name.”

“But... Sasori is a criminal.”

“Sasori is dead,” Sai simply stated. Sasori was confounded.

“Why are you... helping me?”

“You are my friend.”

Sasori shook his head, not believing what he was hearing.

“Sakura, I can understand, but you...” he started. “You are loyal to your village. You are of the Foundation.”

“I am a member of Team 7,” Sai explained calmly. “I am no longer part of the Foundation.”

So Sai really did undergo a complete metamorphosis. He was an entirely different person than he was a year ago, according to Sakura. Once a brainless puppet- now an individual with confidence in his own reasoning. How...

“I trust Sakura. She did not turn you in for a reason,” Sai concluded. Sasori furrowed his brows.

“And you... believe I’m from the past?”

“I do not know anything about the circumstances that brought you here. All I know is that if you intended to harm us, you would have by now. I don’t know why you and Sakura went to Sunagakure, but you returned. Your motivations are not those of the Sasori in my bingo book.”

“...”

Sasori leaned against the counter, amazed. Sai said nothing, and Sasori took it upon himself to fill in the blanks. At this point, the more Sai knew, the better, as to avoid future misunderstandings.

“Sakura did find me passed out in that lot the day before you met me. I was supposed to deliver a message to the 3rd Hokage when it happened. She picked up on the fact that I was not the Sasori she fought a year before... probably due to my skin. So, she stupidly took me in. She thinks she owes it to my grandmother.”

Sasori frowned, crossing his arms.

“You Leaf ninja are incredibly trusting.”

Sai surprisingly chuckled at that.

“Sakura is trusting. Naruto is too. The rest of us make up for it.”

Sasori sighed.

“... She said I couldn’t stay with her, so she thought of you, since you live alone and, according to her, we have things in common.”

“We do,” Sai said with a contained grin. “I was really glad she introduced us. You and Sakura have helped me a lot in the past few months.”

“Me?” Sasori asked. How did he help him? “

Because of you... I got accustomed to having someone else around all the time. It really was isolating without you here. I don’t like being alone anymore.”

Why was he so casual about admitting such things?

“You’re... very contradicting,” Sasori sighed.

“In what way?” Sai asked, cocking his head to the side.

“... You... seem logical. You aren’t like Sakura. Yet you knowingly place blind trust in others.”

“Now that I know who you really are, I can see why you are confused. It was simply a choice. I am very happy now. I think you are happy too.”

Sasori scoffed. Sai only continued to smile at him.

“You were different when I first met you. You are much more honest now,” Sai concluded.

Was he? He had changed? Deidara had told him so. Sakura said so as well.

“And Sakura wouldn’t stop talking about you the entire time you were gone. She missed you a lot. The fact that she hoped you would return was the biggest give away that her story was fake. If she were really your bodyguard, and returned you to Suna, it would be logical to assume she was taking you home to stay there.”

“... It is not safe for me there.”

“Yes, but for a very different reason than the one she gave me originally. Although, I do not really understand the secrecy. You are not wanted for any crime the way you are,” Sai replied.

“... You should know. I will likely be killed.”

“So you want to stay here.”

Sasori nodded.

“You Leaf ninja are soft. If I am captured, I will be treated better.”

Sai let out what could be considered a laugh.

“Hm. If my boss decided he didn’t like you alive, he would send one of us to kill you while you slept.”

Sasori smiled at his disturbing words. They did not match his expression. He really did hope to see this guy in battle sometime. He was unnerving, even when he meant well, with that stagnant, closed smile of his.

“I won’t be able to hide forever,” Sasori said, exhaling through his nose. “I think I can count on you and Sakura to defend me.”

Sai had a knowing gleam in his eye.

“You act as though that is the only reason you are here.”

“What if it is?”

“It isn’t. You are our friend.”

Sasori felt cornered, and very much disliked it.

“What if... I’m just using you?” Sasori pressed, wanting to put doubt in his roommate’s mind.

“You aren’t. I have analyzed you.”

The two stared at each other. Both of them knew Sasori was here for sentimental purposes.

Sai then walked over to his couch and sat down.

“You are very different than you were the last time I saw you. What happened?”

Sasori thought for a moment. Should he bother talking to this guy? He was much more likely to understand him than Sakura, and he had opened up to her more than anyone else. He decided to give Sai more information, and sat across from him.

“I stole from the archives.”

Sai only blinked nonchalantly. Sasori appreciated that reaction a lot more than Sakura’s when she found out.

“What did you take?”

“My belongings.”

Sai nodded understandably. Sasori adjusted himself so he was more comfortably settled into the couch, realizing nothing would faze this guy.

“I... saw my body.”

Sai thought for a moment, trying to imagine the situation. There was no doubt he was flipping through mental pages in some self help book he had memorized.

“Sakura thinks what you accomplished was genius. You know she studies your work often,” he finally said, slightly changing the subject.

“Yes, she gave me her notes,” Sasori said.

She thought that much on it? That... pleased him. But more than anything, Sasori was curious about Sai’s opinion of human puppets.

“You don’t sound disgusted by my work. Sakura finds it to be immoral.”

Sai shrugged.

“I was trained the way you were. But I do agree with Sakura that you should stick to something people can understand. It is easy to make enemies solely from such a practice.”

Enemies... What a rational point.

“You are one of the greatest ninja of our time,” Sai said, catching him off guard. “It is strange that we met under such unlikely circumstances.”

“I am not nearly as strong as I was. My human body has too many weaknesses,” Sasori stated, though flattered by his words.

“But you already fought in the war, right?”

The war again.

“Yes.”

“Then you are still famous.”

“More like infamous,” Sasori muttered under his breath.

“... You are ashamed of your kills.”

Sasori wasn’t sure. He didn’t have a problem with killing in battle. He never did. But...

“I disliked how others viewed me.”

Sai said nothing, pondering on his words.

“... Sakura said you were incapable of empathy.”

“I am.”

Sai blinked.

“Then why care of what others think?”

“To blend in,” Sasori said coldly.

“I thought we established that you came back because we are your friends.”

Such a blunt statement. Sai tended to go back and forth between calculating observations and cluelessness.

“...”

Sai was right. But Sasori’s throat had closed up, refusing to allow him to speak on attachments he never thought possible.

“You were like me. But even people like us can feel alone.”

“...”

Sasori uncomfortably tightened his muscles, only staring.

“Why did you go to Suna?” Sai asked, changing the subject as though he were interviewing him.

“I wanted to see everything for myself. I met with my great uncle as well...”

Uncle Ebizō entered his mind clearly. Recently, thoughts of him brought a positive association.

“What did you do afterwards? Sakura’s story was that you were working with other clones to overthrow those responsible for the lab you were created in,” Sai stated, visibly eager to hear the details.

“... You really believed that?”

“One of my old teammates is a clone. It happens.”

“Huh.”

Sasori then remembered his question.

“Sakura doesn’t know this, but after she left, I chased down my old partner-“

Sai’s eyes grew wide. It was the most extreme reaction he had seen from him all morning.

“What?” Sasori asked.

“... Do you mean Deidara?”

“Yes...?”

He didn’t understand why Sai was acting so strangely about this. He was growing impatient with his delayed explanation. After another moment, Sai finally picked a selection of words.

“When did you see him?”

“A few weeks ago. Why?”

Sai seemed unsure of what to say next.

“... We... When we were tracking Sasuke, his trail stopped at a point... We thought he had died, but later it turned out he made it... But...”

Sasori did not understand what this had to do with anything.

“Deidara was at the same site. We picked up his scent. It looked like... he killed himself in an explosion.”

Sasori blinked. He didn’t know... what to think.

“But I just saw him.”

He was stunned. Sai studied him, and a sadness grew in his dark eyes.

“... You were friends then.”

“No... I barely knew him,” Sasori replied, still shell-shocked by the news. “I...”

He blanked out completely. All that came to mind was Deidara’s lively disposition. He could still remember every detail of his encounter with him.

Sai waited, growing more and more stressed.

“Why did you track him down?” Sai finally asked.

Sasori was not about to bother diving into his motives.

“I just wanted to meet him...”

Sasori thought on deeply on their meeting. He had nothing against the guy... Deidara helped him out quite a lot. And he looked so relieved to see him.

Why didn’t he listen?

How could he do that?

Sai recognized that Sasori was upset. He had never seen him openly express it. Anger, sure, but not this. Knowing that this was Sasori of the Red Sand himself, he understood why he was so deadpan. Why he struggled with emotions. This man was famous for his cruelty.

“... Do you know it for a fact?” Sasori asked, looking back up at him. Despite his best efforts, there was hope in his brown eyes. Sai shook his head.

‘_This young Sasori is a completely different person from the man Sakura faced,’_ Sai realized.

“I’m sorry...”

Sasori hated those words. He was sorry? What for?

“Deidara was a member of the Akatsuki... He was your enemy. Why do you feel bad?” Sasori asked, irritated.

“... Well... Because you are sad.”

Sasori’s face formed back into its normal mask. Nothing would slip out.

“He is nothing to me.”

Sai tried to say more, but Sasori abruptly got up, and walked back to his room.

Sai understood that he needed some space. He was generally unbothered by blatant rudeness. Normally he would do nothing.

Still, he felt a desire to somehow assist him.

Sai gulped. The more he learned about emotions, the more he understood how little he knew. He worried he would somehow butcher the situation, and awkwardly wrung his hands together in thought. Countless books entered his mind, and he finally remembered something that could help.

He needed a second opinion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sasori obviously has a crush on her at this point, but he doesn’t even know it, so it doesn’t bother him to hear that she’s “in love” with someone else. Sasori is like “if it ain’t about me, it ain’t my problem” and honestly, he’s a king for that.
> 
> A lot of you were hoping things would change with Deidara... Let’s just say this IS a canon divergence fic, and from this point on, Sasori’s presence will be shifting some things around. Wait around and see what happens ;)
> 
> ——
> 
> Hi guys! Thank you so much for the wonderful comments and messages you have sent me this year! I have not lost passion for this project whatsoever. I stumbled upon a lot of unfortunate circumstances in my personal life, and I took a break from posting much after I received online hate. It was too much at the time, and it is still hard for me to be public online currently. My arm is still crippled since last November, so unfortunately, I can’t draw anything for this fic for awhile, but I can still write. I plan to finish this as soon as I can. I have had it all planned out since May. 
> 
> I want to seriously thank everyone who has supported me, and this fic. It has been so relaxing to write, and your messages mean more than you can know. I don’t think I can reply to all of the old unanswered ones, but I intend to reply to any new ones. Thank you so much for everything guys <3


	40. The Benefit of Attachments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori decides that having emotions isn’t worth the trouble. Sakura attempts to make a case for empathy, and force him to accept that they are friends once and for all.

A knock at his door alerted Sasori. He already knew who it was.

“Go away,” he grumbled.

“Sasori?” Sakura asked, her voice so tender it almost flustered him. “Can I come in?”

“No.”

He could hear her sigh.

“But I brought pretzel sticks...” she insisted. 

He growled, and opened the door using his chakra thread. She was holding the snack in front of her body like an offering. He could tell by her smile that Sai had told her he knew his real identity. 

“I figured you would be home, wallowing in self pity,” he griped. She only grew encouraged, and closed the door behind her. His puppets were everywhere. He was in the middle of painting a coat of something onto an arm.

“It was tempting, but there are other things to do.”

She sat down by him, and opened the cutesy box of pretzels. He eyed them.

“So... Sai told me he knows,” she sighed, crunching down on one of the sticks. She then offered him some, tilting the box towards him. He wanted to ignore them, but he was starving. As he carefully took a few, she thought he looked like a wild animal she was taming. 

“Yes. He was very unbothered,” Sasori said, looking over his paint job. He absentmindedly chewed on the pretzels, not wanting to think on it.

“... You seem upset.”

“Do I?”

“Yes. Do you want to talk about it?” she asked hopefully with a raised pitch to show harmlessness. 

“What’s there to say?” he grumbled, placing the arm carefully on the paper he had laid out to protect the floor. 

“Ugh, not this again,” she groaned, eating her pretzels in frustration. She noticed he was still eyeing the box, and handed it to him. 

“I brought more,” she said, pulling out a second box. Sasori took the snack and tried to eat respectfully. She did not need to know that he had eaten nothing all day. Although, maybe she already knew, and that was why she brought them as a bribe...

“Sai said you’ve been cooped up in here since you guys talked.”

“Yes.”

She waited for him to speak further, but he seemed to be completely ignoring her presence. She sighed.

“... Ok, fine, I confess. He told me about Deidara.”

Sasori paused his work, staring down at the ground. 

“You could have told me you visited him, you know. I wouldn’t have tattled.”

“... I know.”

She gave him a small smile. 

“... We don’t know what went down, but it was a nasty battle. I guess you were right about him faking his own death last year...”

Sasori aggressively chewed on multiple pretzels at once, avoiding her eyes. 

“Did he tell you anything about Sasuke?” she asked. 

“... No. I didn’t think he knew him. He did talk about his brother though. Apparently he disliked him.”

Sasori was answering her at least. She wanted to ask about Itachi Uchiha, but knew it was more important to help him with his neglected emotions first.

“... How did you even find him?”

“... Some of the genjutsus I cast in this time were still active. I found a few men who gave me information on the Akatsuki.”

“Whoa, they still worked?” Sakura asked, astounded. Sasori nodded. 

_‘I need to remember to get him to teach me genjutsu_...’ she thought to herself.

“... What was he like?”

Sasori was not expecting that question. 

“How do you mean?”

“Well... Did you get along? Was he happy to see you?”

Sasori stopped working, a twinge of expression on his otherwise porcelain face. 

“... He was fine.”

“What made you want to find him?” she asked gently. She knew he was upset because of Deidara’s death.

“...”

She sighed. He finally mumbled something.

“He was loyal to me over the organization.”

He picked up some sandpaper, and began to scrub away at more parts. Sakura watched him carefully. He was definitely angry. And it wasn’t directed at her. 

“... So he really cared about you then,” Sakura said, thinking on this. 

All she knew about the Akatsuki was that they were ruthless killers. Deidara was the one who captured Gaara... He was an arsonist. He killed more people than almost any other ninja currently alive. How could he have feelings?

She then realized she didn’t WANT the Akatsuki to have feelings. She hated them. They were horrible... Nothing she saw of them was even remotely close to kindness. Deidara goaded Naruto, he sat on Gaara’s body... He was evil!

“I guess he did,” Sasori muttered, not wanting to dwell on it. But he felt Sakura’s gaze on him, and sighed. 

“I told him to leave.”

“You mean... the Akatsuki?” she asked incredulously.

Sasori nodded.

“What did he say?” 

Sakura was dying to learn more. He tried to convince him to do something else with his life?

“He said the only way he could leave was if the Akatsuki died out,” Sasori said.

“So he wanted to leave?”

“Yes.”

Sasori looked almost pitiful, sitting on the floor with puppet bodies surrounding him like fake people. Well, in a way, they were fake people. She was impressed with the effort he apparently put into his conversation with his old partner. 

“... He was... extroverted.”

Sasori’s tone was robotic, as always, but his posture made him look drained. He was very different last night, when she was the one depressed. Now it was once again her job to support him.

“Really?” she asked, wanting more. 

“He was not what I expected. You said he was cruel.”

Sakura closed her gaping mouth. 

“Well... yeah. I mean, he was sitting on our friend’s corpse.”

“... That is nothing compared to what I did with corpses.”

Sakura raised her brows. He was almost... defensive of this guy!

“... What did you guys talk about?” she quizzed, growing more and more curious.

“I just asked him a few questions. He told me about myself. He said I’m different.”

“Different how?”  


“He deduced that because you won’t leave me alone, I was different. He made it sound like it was a good thing...”

Sakura actually smiled at that. This Deidara was strangely sounding like a... positive influence?

“You told him about me?” she asked. Her tone was softer than ever. He refused to look over at her. 

(“_Is she cute?”)_

Deidara was described as goading by the Leaf ninja, and they weren’t wrong. How did he let that punk get away with saying that sort of thing to him??

“... I told him you were the one who found me and took me in.”

“What did he say about that?”

“He said you drugged me.”

She laughed.

“What?”

“Apparently I was acting out of character.”

She smiled, and continued to chuckle, covering her mouth with her hand. He purposefully avoided staring.

“And he was supportive of... the new you?”

He shot her a look. 

“Yes...”

Sakura grew serious. He really was down in the dumps.

“Are you sad that he’s dead?”

“... He’s an idiot. It’s his fault he’s dead.”

He was insulting the dead again. He did that so often... His grandmother, Komushi... And he insulted her after he patched her up in the cave. She knew he was using insults to hide his feelings. 

“You said you tried to get him to leave...” she started.

“I told him not to kill himself,” Sasori interrupted.

Sakura drew back slightly, not expecting that. 

“Why would you say that?”

“He looked like he was thinking about it.”

Sasori continued to calmly fix up his puppet, but Sakura only stared. He gathered that from another person? HE picked up on someone’s feelings?

“... Did you talk about yourself at all?”

“If you mean I told him that I killed myself, the answer is yes.”

Sakura didn’t even recognize the young man in front of her. He... did that? 

How... thoughtful.

“... That’s why you’re upset. You couldn’t save him.”

“I am not upset,” he growled, almost ruining the detail work on a finger he was crafting. Sakura only stared at him. He finally gave up on his project, and looked over at her with irritation.

“Why would I care? I didn’t know him!”

“... But, you said he cared about you. It sounds like you felt... responsible for him.”

Sasori dejectedly looked back down at his work. He knew he felt that way. Even though he was younger... And he was the one out of his element. He wanted to...

“How could he just kill himself like that? For what? You said you don’t even know if they knew each other.”

He was finally lowering his mask. She sighed, and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“You did what you could. Remember what you said to me last night? You said... Sasuke took the time to choose. What Deidara did was his own choice.”

“... He didn’t have anyone.”

Sakura was always impressed with how well Sasori maintained his composure when talking about such emotional things... If she were him, she would have been choking up, or bawling by now... But visibly, he was only mildly downtrodden. To an untrained eye, he would seem almost heartless. But she knew what it took to get any reaction out of him at all. He was very upset about this. And it was... so unexpected for him to show interest in another person... A person other than her.

He really was different.

“How do you know?” Sakura finally quizzed, removing her hand. He blinked, and stared at the wall in front of him.

“The only kind of person who would join an organization like that is alone.” 

He looked over at her, and she was swept away by his stormy eyes. Those beautiful, brown doe eyes of his. She was able to see into him more easily with each passing day, and she wondered if that familiarity reflected upon him as well. 

“... You... empathized with him,” she said, almost at a whisper. Sasori frowned at that statement. 

“... You don’t know what it’s like,” he said, breaking their gaze. “How can you judge him.”

Sakura knew he misunderstood her tone, thinking she was disgusted with him for feeling for his old partner. But she was only blown away by how protective he was of a man he barely knew. Sasori wasn’t loyal to the Akatsuki. He only knew a little more about the organization than the rest of them. But he met this man, and immediately understood him. 

“Sasori, I’m not upset with you for this,” she said. “Actually, I’m... happy.”

He was now confused. 

“You did something... really kind. I do understand how it feels to try and fail. We don’t know why he did it... But I’m sure he thought of you.”

Sasori clenched his jaw. She took so many liberties... so many assumptions when she told him how he felt. But she was never wrong.

“... Do you have more of those?” he asked, pointing to her empty box of pretzels. She smiled, understanding he was at his limit.

“No, but we can make something. Sai is hungry too. Do you want to join us?”

“... I suppose.”

She wanted to touch his shoulder once again, but restrained herself. She didn’t touch people like this... Why did she feel the need to be so intimate with him? Was it because she formed a habit of it?

But she did it because it was healthy for him. Sai’s book said so, which settled her doubts. And right now, if she were him, she would like some reassurance...

She got up, and waited for him to wipe his hands on a towel before he stood. As soon as he did, she grabbed him and hugged him around the waist. It was sudden and he was not prepared for the assault, but then again, he never was. While he instinctively returned the embrace, his mind was filled with questions. 

She was hugging him again. While it only happened when he was having a crisis, for Sasori it was still a lot. He wondered if she was always so forward with her caring for others. 

“Do you hug your other friends like this?” Sasori asked, simply wondering.

“Uh... yes,” Sakura lied. She moved away from him, surprised by what he said. 

His question made her head spin. Why DID she show him so much affection? Yes, she made a conscious effort to do so, but she did not know what made it easier with him of all people. Perhaps it was how involved she was in his problems. Or that she had done it enough times to where it was becoming natural. 

Why didn’t she hug her friends more? They could probably use it. 

Sasori had unknowingly made her feel like crap. Again. 

“I’m sorry, does it make you uncomfortable?” she asked, worried he thought she was weird. As she had just recalled, she did not bestow affection on others much, so this was out of her comfort zone. If he didn’t even like it, it would embarrass her beyond the point of return. 

“No,” he replied bluntly. He then felt knots in his stomach from making such a statement. He wanted to backtrack but realized there was no good way of doing so. 

“Oh, good...” she said, relieved. “I don’t want you to think I’m creepy.”

Creepy? Sakura was incapable of such a thing. There was nothing creepy, or unnerving, about her giant green eyes and rosy cheeks, nor her perky attitude. 

“I have not once thought of you being creepy,” he said with a raise brow. “Annoying, certainly, but not creepy.”

‘ _ Coming from the expert on creepy, that means a lot,’ _ Sakura thought to herself, thinking better of saying that out loud. She did not want to ruin the moment, nor Sasori’s improved attitude after an hour of working on him. 

“Annoying?” she said with sarcasm. “How could you say such a thing- you have never said that before!”

He narrowed his eyes at her. He said that all the time- weekly even- and she knew that. She always reacted to it with anger, which was why he continued to say it.

“You are very calm,” he deduced. “I was expecting a stronger reaction.”

“So you just do it to make me angry after all. I knew it...” 

Sasori said nothing. 

“So, does... hugging you help... at all?” Sakura quizzed him, wanting to know if hugging really did benefit one’s mood. If so, she would make a mental note to do it for others in the future. 

Sasori was taken aback by her question, and did not know how to reply honestly without seeming like a fool. 

“It is fine,” he said simply.

“But does it make you feel better? It’s for scientific purposes,” she said earnestly. This put him more at ease. 

“Scientific purposes...?” 

“Yes! I’ll do it more if it helps!”

Sasori’s eyes widened. Do it more...? He remembered her arms wrapped around him, and felt his ears turn red. 

“I mean to everyone!” Sakura added, seeing his reaction. Now she was blushing as well. Why was he making her feel so anxious? Was he that horrified by her?

“I see...” he trailed off. He then grew silent. 

“So?” she insisted. He had forgotten the original purpose of her invasiveness. 

“... I thought you read in a book that it is benefical,” he muttered, avoiding a personal response. 

“Well, yeah...”

“Then it is probably a useful tool,” he said lowly, looking away from her with an irritated expression. Sakura realized that was his way of saying he liked it. He could never admit to such a vulnerable form of bonding having a positive effect on him. 

Sakura beamed.

“Good. I will... keep that in mind.” 

“That doesn’t mean I want you to hug me all the time,” he growled. She grinned at him. 

“All right.”

She then worried that she had harassed him too much. 

“Just so you know, I don’t do this on purpose. Make you uncomfortable, I mean.”

Sasori looked at her. 

“I thought you kept score.”

Sakura laughed. 

“No, I feel kind of bad when I harass you sometimes. Only sometimes though.”

Sasori frowned at her. She giggled at his expression. 

“You have no right to be offended,” she said. “You’re a real jerk sometimes, you know that?”

Of course he was. He relished in it. He strove to be an unbearable bastard, so people hated him and left him alone. Did she ever wonder why he spent all of his free time in a cave?

“I have been told that,” he said, remembering that Deidara had told him that as well. 

“But you can be sweet too, like I said.”

“You remember that conversation?” he asked incredulously. She was delirious when she had said that to him...

“Yes, mostly...”

That was not the worst thing she had called him that night. He did his best not to recall the rest of that conversation...

“I am not ‘ sweet ’,” he complained with a monotone. 

“Too late- I know you too well for you to convince me otherwise.”

He disliked that very much. Sasori could not help but deny something so mushy.

“When have I been such a thing?” he asked with irritation, demanding to hear her case.

“Well, when you saved my life for one. And when you told me you were going to spend time with your uncle... taking on that commission... And when you helped me last night! Oh, and don't forget that you made me breakfast after spending one night at my house, which you also cleaned, by the way!”

Sasori hated the list of evidence she had presented against him. None of those things sounded like him at all. But they were all real events that had occurred. 

"That was a lunch, since it was past noon... and I cleaned that dump for my own sake."

She only stared at him, daring him to challenge the rest of the incidents she mentioned. But he had no arguement against those. He continued to take in her words with distaste, and Sakura almost worried he would burst from the strain. 

“Is it bad to be sweet?” she asked him. She thought she was complimenting him!

“Kindness... is weakness.”

She inwardly sighed. 

“No it’s not. You know this.”

“Caring only causes problems,” he replied grumpily. “This was just proven yet again.”

Sakura froze. He just admitted that Deidara upset him. When Sasori admitted defeat, it was always indirectly. But it was still admittance. 

“You give up too easily,” she whined. 

“And you are too stubborn.”

He knew he was stubborn too. That was why he was so brittle, and hated any form of change in his actions or thinking. 

“But I like you when you’re kind!” she complained. She didn’t want him to lose his progress. “Don’t stop!”

Sasori’s face twisted into that of horror and embarrassment, like she had just tripped him in front of a group of laughing people. 

“So you’re just begging me for more attention,” he sighed.

“Damn right!”

He was not expecting her to tackle that so easily. 

“I love it when you aren’t an asshole!” she continued, wanting to praise him for good behavior. “It makes me want to be around you more.”

Sasori felt hot. The room temperature must have gone up. 

“Why do I want to encourage that?” he asked her. Sakura refused to be deterred by his deflecting comments. She had no idea where this was coming from, but Sasori's many moods came and went as easily as the tide, it seemed. And right now, he was determined to deny the obvious. 

“Because you like me too,” she pressed. “We’re friends. It’s a mutual thing. That’s how it works.”

She did not need to know that when he woke up that morning, he was thinking just that. 

"I never agreed that we were friends."

“Oh, you are so frustrating,” she growled, finally losing her patience. “Sasori, you gave me advice on my problems last night. It’s too late.”

He glared at her, and she glared right back at him. He tried to backslide so often... And he formally told her his intentions to do so as well! How could he be so difficult so effortlessly?!

She realized she had thought those words exactly many times before. But they always resonated with her, regardless of their repitition. 

“I can change my mind again," Sasori insisted with a callous tone.

“No, you can’t.”

“Why not.”

“Because, feelings don’t care about what your brain wants.”

Sasori said nothing. He knew that he was sentimental towards her- it had been acknowledged silently with Sai. But that did not mean he could handle verbally confirming it. 

“You ate my pretzel sticks!” she exclaimed with wide arms. 

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“You stuck around last night when you didn’t have to! You gave me pain medication and washed me off that night when you didn’t have to! And you came back, and you really didn’t have to do that!”

She started listing off things that made Sasori flush. 

“You were excited to tell me about your new job, cause you knew it would mean a lot to me. You talk to me!”

“I... know...” 

“You return my hugs...”

Now she looked away. He was rigid, his hands formed into fists, but nothing he did could distract him from her humiliating points. 

“You’re definitely my friend. I’m closer to you than anyone at this point!" she said frantically. 

This made Sasori confused. Sakura had endless amounts of people in her life. How could he matter that much?

“Sasori, I like spending time with you. You know, like a friend? And I know you feel the same way. Why else would you seek me out?”

She then did something that made him want to be struck by lighting so he would have a way out of this conversation. She pointed at her journal, which was on his floor. The picture she gave him was peaking out of the pages. 

“And you kept the picture of us.” 

Sakura was feeling deja vu and realized this was similar to that conversation with Sai in Orochimaru's hideout. She was giving Sasori evidence of his humanity. They both knew he was very different, but he did not want to fully admit it. He still clung to his old idealized version of himself. And she was having none of it. 

“...”

She was overwhelming him. She knew that. But it was essential to keep him on track. It needed to be said. She was never going to sacrifice someone’s chance at happiness by remaining silent ever again. 

“... Sai once felt the way you do right now, you know...” she sighed, trying to think of some way to calm him down. Sasori said nothing, but was obviously listening. 

“When I gave him his picture book back... he denied being a human being. He called himself... a nobody. But that wasn’t true! He kept that book. It meant he had feelings. He tried to deny that he had them, but everything was right there, in that book he kept. 

“It wasn’t easy for him to get to where he is now. But he didn’t give up, and he’s happy now.”

Sasori was still impressed that Sai was what he was. He knew about the specific training he had undergone. While Sasori purposefully discarded his emotions on his own, they were forcefully taken away from Sai. 

“But he didn’t fight it... not like this,” Sakura finished, gesturing to him. 

Sasori looked away from her, still mortified by all she had said. 

“Then again, you’re feistier than him too...” 

She then remembered Lady Chiyo and smiled bitterly. 

“You’re a lot like your grandmother, you know.” 

“How so?” he asked, interested in her assessment. He was not like her. He was nothing like her... 

“You both shut yourselves down. You thought everything was set in stone. And you are confrontational...” 

“Hmph.” 

She then thought for a moment, wanting to get a straight answer. 

“Do you... want me to be your friend?” 

Sasori gulped. She was asking him to be honest again. 

“...” 

“You told me in Suna that you were making an effort... Why are you backtracking?” 

She was not letting him escape. 

“I...” 

Sakura waited patiently. He knew she would wait forever. 

“I know you’re upset about Deidara... But that doesn’t mean it’s bad to have feelings... You... helped me a lot last night.”

“I did?” he blurted emotionlessly. 

“You know you did. You were kind of insensitive at points, but... then you distracted me. And you even carried me back to my room. Thank you for that. I would have been stuck on the roof otherwise.”

“I was considering leaving you there.”

She smiled. 

“That sounds like you.”

“Which me?”

“Both of them. I can’t imagine you ridding yourself of your obnoxious side.”

Sasori sighed. He couldn’t stand conversations like this. No one directly addressed this sort of thing with him his whole life. It was supposed to go unsaid. But Sakura did not get the memo. Just like that night in the cave, and the night in Suna.

“I told you... I... don’t have friends...”

Sakura furrowed her brows. Her conversation with him in her room was hazy, due to her extreme exhaustion. But she did not forget when he told her about his childhood.

“Even me?” she said. He glanced at her. 

“If I were... to have a friend... you wouldn’t...”

She waited. He felt like he was sweating. 

“If anyone were... it would be you... I suppose.”

He wanted to breathe in relief like he had just finished a marathon. 

“So we are friends?”

“... Yes!” he growled, wanting to cover her mouth to get her to shut up. She wanted to hug him again, but promised herself she wouldn’t. 

“And you admit that there are benefits to having a friend?”

She wasn’t done? 

“... Yes.”

“And to having feelings?”

“Benefits to having feelings?”

Sakura nodded.

“Like... getting to talk about silly things together. And knowing someone has your back, and that they like hearing about your interests... And feeling good around that person.”

She liked hearing about his interests? He kind of knew that, but her saying it outright really hit him. 

“... It is not... terrible.”

She wanted to congratulate him, but knew that would come across as condescending. But still, she was proud of him. 

“Good. Because I would feel really bad if I was the only one who liked hanging out.”

“...”

He was actually red in the face, the flush in his ears spreading down to his cheeks. He could never understand her boldness. Sakura was amazed by how pink he was turning.

“I...I’m really glad you came back,” she said, giving him a smile that was highly distracting. 

“... It is the best place for me to be.”

Sakura’s smile widened, deciding to take that to mean it was because of her and Sai. 

“And it’s a better place for me, now that you’re here.”

Sasori was ready to completely lose it, wanting to crash his head against a wall and end it already. 

“So... are you going to come out of your room now?”

It was finally over. He made it. 

“... I’m tired.” 

“But you haven’t eaten. You need to eat, so come eat with us.” 

“... But-“

“No buts! Come on.”

She grabbed him by the arm, and he knew he did not have a choice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is kind of divided into two halves, and we have just entered the second half. Congratulations to Sasori! He has made great progress, and now it is Sakura’s turn! 
> 
> Sakura hugging Sasori every time she can get away with it: It’s for scientific purposes.  
Sasori, enjoying it as much as she is: For the sake of science, I will endure this.


	41. The Core

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori is eager to tell Sakura about what he learned from his time alone in his hideout.

“Sai spent the past hour making dinner for us all. He should be almost done,” Sakura said, grabbing her unenthusiastic friend by the wrist.

Sasori was surprised. An hour? That was... extravagant.

“Why put so much effort into it?”

“You really are clueless. He did it for you. It’s his way of trying to make you feel better.” 

Sasori frowned. Sai was kind of blunt and, apparently, clueless like him. But like Sakura, he had no problem telling others about his feelings. Sai went out of his way for him often. He was excited he was living with him. 

Sasori’s question had been answered. Sai was definitely a friend. 

“So make sure you thank him, ok? It won’t kill you.” 

“How do you know? I may die.” 

Sakura opened her mouth, amazed. Was he joking, or just being overly dramatic? 

“You will not die.” 

“I am now confident I will.” 

“I will revive you.” 

“... I do not wish to be resuscitated.” 

“Too bad.” 

They stared at each other. As always, their banter flew off their tongues with ease. 

“Ok, let’s go. You like Sai’s cooking anyway.” 

He could not deny that Sai was good in the kitchen. Not as good as he was, but more than decent. Unlike the girl in front of him, who was a hopeless case. 

He let her pull him out of his room and down the short hall. When Sai saw him, his eyes lit up. 

“Oh, you’re joining us. I am glad.” 

Sasori mumbled to himself as he sat down. Sai smiled with satisfaction, and finished up the last touches on his meal. 

Sakura sat next to Sasori at the small table, and stared at him with those eyes of hers. He avoided her gaze, as to not be transfixed by them. 

“Ok, all ready!” Sai announced, placing everything down at the table. He had made stew from scratch. 

“Sai, where did you learn to cook like this? This is very fancy!” Sakura said. Sasori could tell she was impatient to start digging in. She ate like a horse when she was too hungry to care about appearances, which was most of the time. 

“I have been teaching myself,” Sai said with a smile. “It is a good hobby.” 

“Oh, maybe I should cook more,” she said thoughtfully.

“No!” the boys both exclaimed in unison. The snacks she forced them to try were bad enough. 

“Oh...” Sakura said, not expecting such a reaction from the two of them, especially Sasori. “Why not?” 

“Because... well...”

“Because you’re a terrible cook,” Sasori said, stone-faced. Sai looked at him in awe. How could he be so blunt with her? Didn’t she kill him when he talked like that? 

It was only recently that Sai had finally learned not to say such things. But still, even back then before he learned otherwise, Sai always feared her to an extent. Sasori did not. 

“Sasori, you’re such jerk!” she growled. Nothing pissed off Sakura more than comments about her cooking or her physical appearance. And both of the boys she was sitting with had been guilty of one of those things before.

‘_Here it comes..._’ Sai thought to himself. ‘_The dinner is ruined.’ _

Sakura was about to reach across the table to wring Sasori’s skinny little neck when she caught Sai’s forlorn expression, and then paused. She placed her hands back in her lap, and forced herself to calm down. Sasori smirked. He could get away with anything. 

“... Sai, tell me more about how you made this,” she said. Sai blinked in surprise, and then smiled. 

“Oh, well I got it out of this cookbook. It has a lot of good recipes in it!”

Sai continued to talk about the meal he prepared with excitement, and Sakura snuck a look at Sasori. He was staring at her. But it wasn’t a look she was expecting. His eyes were like they were the night before- soft. 

She saw them shift in recognition that she was observing him, now much less unguarded. But she smiled at him, and looked back at Sai to encourage her teammate further. 

As she made light conversation with his roommate, Sasori wondered how he got to where he was. He was sitting at a table with two people he talked to every day, eating a dinner one of them prepared with him in mind. They were two people who cared about him a lot. They were his friends. 

And he liked it. 

——

After dinner, Sasori decided it was a good time to talk about everything he was going to mention to Sakura the night before. Now that Sai was on board, it would be good to catch him up to speed.

“I discovered a lot in my hideout,” Sasori said. Sakura practically vibrated with anticipation.

“Like what? Did you bring me back anything??”

Sasori sighed. 

“The Core.” 

Sakura’s jaw dropped. Sai was mostly clueless, but knew what the core was. He was familiar with Sasori’s file, and had recently read it over again due to his suspicion of Sakura’s research. 

“You- you found it???” Sakura screeched. 

“Deidara had it.” 

“And he just... gave it to you???”

“It is mine,” he replied, as though it being his property meant someone like Deidara should care. 

“But... wait. So he took it from the battle site?” 

Sasori nodded. 

“And he just... saved it?” 

“Yes.” 

“And he gave it to you.” 

“Yes.” 

Sai was also impressed that Deidara, the arsonist, was willing to give him something so coveted without a fuss. He understood why the news earlier upset him. 

“Where is it??” she asked greedily. 

“It’s in my room. Calm down.” 

Sakura pouted, and slumped. 

“I also discovered how it was made.” 

Sakura perked up again.

“Really??”

“Yes...”

Sasori shifted uncomfortably. 

“It was made from a kinjutsu that was developed using some of the Shukaku’s chakra mixed with... something else. It was underneath my hideout.”

Sakura was not expecting that. 

“Huh?”

“It was similar to the one Kakuzu used.”

Sakura strained her memory. Kakuzu’s jutsu was very disturbing. 

“... Something like that was just sitting under where you slept?”

“Yes.” 

“You said it’s like Kakuzu’s... what do you mean by that?” 

“It is sentient.” 

Sakura’s eyes widened in horror. Sai was also blown away. 

“What do you mean, sentient?” she yelped. “Like it... has a mind of its own?”

‘ _ That is the meaning of sentient, yes,’ _ Sasori thought. He was just as shocked as her when he found out, so he decided not to pick on her.

“That’s how you were immortal...” Sakura said. “Do you have notes?”

“Yes, they are in your journal.”

Sasori knew she would want to consume everything inside that journal, so he sighed, and got up. He went to his room, and pulled out the box that contained the core, as well as the journal. 

“Here.”

He sat back down and watched her scramble to open the box. 

“Don’t touch it,” he commanded. She gave him a look, like the warning was not needed, and then took in the sight of Sasori’s old form. The one Chiyo stabbed through. 

“... It’s... exactly as I remember it.”

“The organic material coating it is from the kinjutsu.”

“... Wait. So if this is from sealing yourself with this stuff, does that mean... when you attach yourself to a puppet, it takes it over like a cloak?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, whenever your core was in a body, it altered it. Like you were a living being. Does that mean the core was loosening the seal to possess the body you assigned to it?”

He was stunned. He had not shown her anything yet, but she had already figured it out. 

“Precisely.”

Sai could see the astonishment in Sasori’s eyes, and smiled.

“Sakura is very smart,” Sai said. “Have you seen her at work yet?”

“I have not,” Sasori said. He was curious to see her in her element, healing the injured in the heat of battle and solving chemical conundrums. 

Sakura reached for their notes, and he handed them to her. She tore though the pages, speed reading. 

“Apparently, your experimentation worked out as intended but... this looked risky. That’s unlike you.”

Sasori hesitated, unsure of whether to share what had been bothering him the most. But he remembered his conversation with Sakura in his room earlier, and decided a second opinion could be useful. 

“There was something I had written on that... Chika was somehow tied to the reason I did it. She was the last-“

“Who is Chika?” Sai asked.

“An old teammate of mine,” Sasori answered.

“She was a psychopath,” Sakura added with an educational tone. 

“Oh, I see. You mean like Sas-“

“I believe I was talking,” Sasori growled, interrupting a comment that was certainly about him. The two teens looked at him expectantly, with their backs straight like they had been caught talking during class. 

“As I was saying, Chika was the last human puppet I made before becoming one myself.”

“You discovered this in your cave?” Sakura asked, shocked. Sasori nodded.

“Yes. For some reason, she influenced my final decision. But I cannot imagine why.”

“Huh... That is strange...” Sakura agreed. “Did you find anything else in there?”

“Of what sort?”

“Anything... out of place?”

Sasori thought of Iwae.

“A puppet of an old classmate of mine... did not have weapons inside.”

“Who?”

“A girl named Iwae. Several other classmates were there, but she was in a different room.”

“Uh, can you think of why?”

“No. I did not know her well.”

“Huh...”

How strange...

“So you don’t know why you decided to fuse with this?” Sai asked. Sakura’s attention went back to the current conversation. 

Sasori shook his head. 

“But you think Chika had something to do with it... Oh, that’s why last night, you said she hunted you down,” Sakura realized. 

Sai perked up at this.

“You guys met up last night?”

He did not seem offended, just intrigued. 

“Yeah...” Sakura admitted, feeling as though it was supposed to be a secret. 

“Oh, before you came in for the night. I was wondering why you were showering so late,” Sai said, turning towards his roommate. Sakura realized Sasori’s first stop was her house. 

Sasori had not even showered before visiting her? He didn’t smell bad, but he didn’t after reaching Suna either. He was one of those people with blessed genes.

He was... eager to see her. She did her best not to blush. So his resistance with her in that earlier conversation was bull crap, after all. 

“I wanted to share this information with her then, but she was having issues,” Sasori said calmly. 

“Hey!”

“What?” he grumbled. 

“Oh... never mind. Keep going,” Sakura huffed, wanting to hear more.

“Chika somehow tracked me to my hideout, and probably confronted me. I killed her. Shortly after, I made the transfer.”

Sakura thought deeply for a moment. 

“How would she track you without you knowing she was following you? You would have known.”

He was flattered by her faith in his abilities. 

“I must have... purposefully led her there.”

“To kill her.”

“I wanted to for a long time.”

“But why didn’t you kill her sooner, like the rest of your classmates?” Sakura asked. 

“Chika was strong. And I suppose I hated her enough to want to savor her.”

Sakura pursed her lips, wanting to get as many answers as possible.

“How old were you when you did this? Lady Chiyo said you had not aged at all when she saw you, but you look a little younger than you did a year ago.”

“I was 18. It took time to develop a perfect core.”

“Wow. This is so much information we did not know,” Sai commented. 

“And it will stay that way,” Sasori said, giving him a death glare. Sai only smiled. 

“I did not say otherwise. I was merely commenting on how many blanks this fills in.”

“And how many more blanks it gives us...” Sakura muttered. 

Sasori couldn’t agree more. The actions of his future self were not straightforward to him. The fact that something was holding him back from becoming a puppet... What was it? Why wait? 

“I still know nothing...” Sasori mumbled, disappointed with the results. Sakura felt bad for him.

“We may never know all the answers. And that’s ok...” she said softly. “You have a new life now.”

Sasori was strangely comforted by her words. 

Sai watched them interact closely. They were different. They were much more comfortable with each other than last month, before they departed for Sunagakure. It was like he accepted everything she said, like he had finally acknowledged their bond. 

“I... brought something I wrote... that I found in that room,” Sasori mumbled. 

Sakura wondered what he was referring to, and flipped through the rest of the journal. She found a worn out piece of paper stuffed in the back, and started to read from it. 

“‘I admit that I grow weary from the incessant thoughts that plague me. Though I no longer sleep, I desire it. If that...”

Sakura paused.

“...bitch had not gotten in my way, I would perhaps still possess my original body. But it is pointless to reconsider. The Core gives me power I could have never dreamed of. I am capable of storing seemingly unlimited chakra, which is required for the manipulation of my puppet army. Fusing with it has allowed my form to cover whatever body I wish. The possibilities are endless. I continue to explore them, in hopes that the emptiness will subside.’”

“I did not ask you to read that out loud,” Sasori complained. Sakura chuckled nervously. 

“Oh... Sorry.”

“But it explains everything,” Sai said. “Why you did it, how it happened, and what the core did.”

For Sai, this was like a puzzle to put together. He seemed to be enjoying the process more than the other two... most likely because he was the least effected by the events themselves. But his opinion was useful because of that fact.   


“If she had not gotten in your way... What do you think that means?” Sai asked. 

“I... don’t know,” Sasori said. 

“Did she... prevent you from doing something? Something that was keeping you from making the commitment to the core?” Sakura asked inquisitively with a furrowed brow.

“I don’t know what it would take for me to put it off...” Sasori said to himself. 

“Something that tied you to your humanity...” Sai continued, thinking. Sakura was surprised by how invested he was. She nodded, and an idea came to her, but for some reason, she immediately scrapped it, and directed her thoughts elsewhere. 

“You were living alone in a cave for years by that point. If that were me, I’d go crazy. I know you like solitude, but that’s... a lot,” Sakura said. 

Sasori said nothing. He was thinking the same thing as her. That he went crazy in the cave from the years of the lack of any external voice of reason. 

“Do you know if you joined the Akatsuki before or after you became a puppet?” Sakura asked. 

“I had joined the Akatsuki by then. I was 17 when I did that. A woman named Konan apparently sought me out.”

“Konan...” Sakura echoed, invested in that piece of information. “Do you know if she’s still in the organization??”

Sasori remembered what Deidara had told him, and reminded himself not to give anything too important away. He did not want Sakura blabbing about new information on the Akatsuki and giving away her source in the process. 

“I don’t know.”

Unlike Sakura, Sasori was an excellent liar. 

“You killed everyone you knew except your grandmother... Do you know why?” Sai suddenly asked, throwing Sasori off balance. Where did that come from? 

“... I’m not sure.” 

Sakura wanted to sigh, but held it in. Sasori could be so unbelievably slow with his own feelings. The reason was obvious. 

“You still love her,” she offered.

“I... hated her...” Sasori said, looking down at his hands, which were clasped together in his lap. 

“...”

Sakura wished she could help him more. More than anything, she just wished Chiyo was somehow alive, and they could talk. It was so hard for her to watch him struggle. 

“You loved her,” Sakura reminded him. “That is why you didn’t kill her.”

“But I wanted to in your battle against me...”

“Yeah, after 20 years of being apart. You did your best to become a real bastard in that time.”

“...” 

She was right. He did everything in his power to become a monster. 

“... Sai, why did you ask him that?” Sakura asked almost accusingly. Sai was oblivious to her tone. 

“He went out of his way to kill everyone he knew. But for some reason, killing this Chika was what caused him to let go of what he needed to to go through with his experiment. I was just curious as to his human attachments.” 

Sasori frowned, delving into this. It was so surreal to be talking about his future self’s personal issues in order to learn more about himself. 

“The kinjutsu... I said it is sentient....” he started. 

“Yes?” Sakura asked. 

“It gave me dreams.” 

Sakura gulped. 

“That’s so creepy... What do you mean exactly?” 

Sai was also very intrigued. 

“Every night I spent in the cave, I had realistic dreams about my past... and I think memories from my future self. I never saw my grandmother once. It was like she was too far behind me... I think when I was in the Akatsuki, I wanted to pretend she didn’t exist. But everyone else....”

Sakura wondered who all he dreamed of.

“The last night I stayed, I remember a hint of...” 

He struggled to remember it. 

“I saw Chika in my workshop... I remember I was working on an important puppet. I don’t remember who...”

Sakura still got the creeps from imagining him carving into people. 

“She interrupted me. And I got this feeling that I wasn’t surprised she was there.”

“And you think it was a memory?” 

Sasori nodded. 

“I kept having visions of a part of the cave I had never been to. When I followed where I went in my dreams, I ended up at the bottom of this pit. There was a room down there. It was carved out and made into some kind of shrine... or ritual room. That’s where the kinjutsu was.

“It led me there,” he then added. 

Sakura got goosebumps from hearing something like that. 

“That is straight out of a horror movie... I can’t believe you went down there.” 

Sasori didn’t want to admit that he himself was shocked the Sasori of this timeline went exploring down there without reason. The chakra emitting from that pit... 

“So it communicated with you through your dreams?” Sai asked. 

“Yes. It’s just a hypothesis, but it being made from the Shukaku may have something to do with that.”

“Right, Gaara never slept...” Sakura remembered. 

“None of the hosts do.” 

Sakura hated imagining it. How awful...

“How does one even invent something like that...” she murmured to herself. 

“I don’t know. It is very old,” Sasori answered. “And rotten. I think to create it, children were used...”

“How horrible!” Sakura breathed. “What... is this thing?”

“... I’m not sure. But the chakra coming from it prevented me from breaking the seals on it.”

The fact that someone like him would be wary of it... meant it was best buried and forgotten. 

“Darn... I really wanted to use this for medical research, but the source...” 

“I had eliminated all negative effects with my own research. It should be fine to use.”

Sakura was not so sure. She stared down at what used to be her enemy’s true form, and gulped. 

“Use it,” Sasori commanded. She was taken aback by his words. They stared at each other, and she realized he was officially handing it over to her. He was entrusting her with it.

“You... don’t want it?”

“I learned what I wanted from it. It serves me no other purpose.”

She blinked in surprise. 

“You... You’re trusting a Leaf ninja with your research?”

“I suppose I am.”

Sakura was honored. Giving her this was the highest form of respect she could receive from him. He wanted to see what she could do with it. He was telling her he had read her journal, and respected her work as a medical ninja. 

“... Thank you.”

Sasori turned his face away hastily, as though he were sticking his nose up at her. 

“Just don’t make me regret it.”

Sakura stared down at the gift, and wondered what to do with it. No matter what direction her research went with it, she knew one thing. 

She wouldn’t waste it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sakura gingerly holding up the box holding Sasori’s poison-ridden, sentient kinjutsu-filled corpse: ... Thanks!
> 
> Yeah, I have a whole story for canon Sasori. So many years we know nothing about. As we know, a lot of drama can happen in only one of those years! I find Sasori to be so fascinating, because he accomplished so much, and we only have a sneak peek into most of it. He’s so fun to write. I also like getting a chance to delve into Suna being messed up, and producing more little psychos like him. 
> 
> All of this is being said and Sai is just living for the emotional drama haha “oh please, tell me more”


End file.
